"Glad to see you, Mr. Paris- I've stabilized the Captain for now, but I'll be needing your help shortly." He pulled Tom over to the side away from where she sat propped up talking with Chakotay. She looked weak and even from across the room Tom could tell that the commander was frightened for her.
"What is it?" Tom asked quickly, eyes darting from the Doctor to her and back. "She was shaking as she left the party-"
"Grayle's Disorder," he answered quietly.
"How long?" Tom felt his throat go dry.
"I don't know- but it's been escalating very quickly over the last few days. She's been fighting it for three weeks, but it can't be long now," he explained.
"Treatment?" Tom asked helplessly.
"Experimental, all of it. I've been working on a treatment constantly since I first made the diagnosis, but I have no way of knowing…"
"My God," muttered Tom, realization dawning upon him. "Then what?"
"Unless some miracle happens soon, she's not going to make it. I can't say when."
Tom just nodded and kept silent.
"Right now the best we can do is make her as comfortable as possible; I haven't got any idea what kind of arrangements will be made, and the Commander won't leave Sickbay."
"I'll do my best," Tom assured him hoarsely, turning to go over towards his two commanding officers.
"Captain. Commander. Mind if I join you?" he began awkwardly.
"Go right ahead," she said wanly, and gave a small smile.
She sat on the edge of the biobed, feet dangling, and looking quite out of place in the Sickbay. Chakotay stood at her side silently, a look of unmistakable worry on his face. Tom couldn't read her face.
"The Doctor just briefed me on your condition. I'm so sorry, Captain," Tom told her heartfeltedly. "I'll keep this short- I know how hard it must be right now. The Doctor has temporarily stopped the muscular dysfunction, but it won't last more than a few hours at most. When this happens we might have to stabilize you on the biobed as a safety precaution, so you don't seize and hit your head." Tom paused and looked each of them in the eyes, sorrow written plainly there.
"Is she going to make it?" Chakotay asked him abruptly.
Tom looked at her, and she averted her eyes downward, then looked back at Tom for a moment.
"Tom," she said at last, "I need a minute alone with Chakotay."
He nodded.
"I'll be back in a few minutes," he said. As he left she turned back to Chakotay and took on e of his hands in hers. The silence was tangible.
"Chakotay," she began softly, with control, "When I'm gone I want you to go into my quarters. The pictures, logs, letters, and paintings and the blue vase I want to be saved for my family. They won't take up much space, and the rest can be recycled for replicators. Tuvok-"
"Kathryn," he interrupted, clearly upset, "the Doctor is working on a treatment. You've got a chance- I won't let you die. We can fight this! Kathryn Janeway never gives up on a fight, remember?" he urged her vehemently.
"Chakotay, you may be right about the Doctor finding something helpful, but unless he finds something very quickly I won't be Kathryn Janeway anymore," she looked up at him with tears behind her eyes. "I don't want to live as a semi-sentient woman in a coma. I'm not going to survive this, Chakotay."
He pulled her to him and held her, barely able to hold off his own watering eyes. "I know," he admitted almost inaudibly. Her chin rested on his shoulder, one arm behind his neck. He clutched her as if she were drowning, not twisting himself to speak.
"One more favor, Chakotay," she asked minutes later.
"Of course."
"Notify Tuvok; he's on the bridge, and I'd like to see him before they put me under."
"Of course, Kathryn. Don't worry about a thing now- I'll take care of it." He stroked her hair with one hand.
"I don't think I ever told you how much your friendship means to me," she told him. "You have always been there for me- even when I didn't want it. Thank you." He could hear the tremor in her voice. "You forgave whether I asked or didn't ask for forgiveness."
"You're my closest friend, Kathryn. You don't have to thank me for anything, or apologize for anything before- I already know," he reassured her.
"I always thought I would have time," she confided sadly, "I always thought I had time to do the important things in life before- well, before I found myself in Sickbay. Finding out I'm not going to make it back with the people who are most important to me." She blinked back the tears that had begun to collect on Chakotay's shoulder.
"I don't want to lose you, Kathryn," he said quietly. "I love you. I always have."
"Well, we're a fine pair," she said, smiling briefly at the irony. "I love you too. I don't want to die."
Tom Paris had been finished with his analysis for a matter of minutes, but he waited discreetly on the other side of sickbay to give them a little privacy. He couldn't hear what was being said, but he still had a pretty good idea of what it might be.
Tuvok wasted no time in coming down to sickbay as soon as the Commander hailed him. By the end of the shift, the alarming news of the Captain being beamed to sickbay had spread all over the ship, and not one reassurance of any kind had come with it. Some of the senior staff members began to stop by sickbay, only to be ushered out by the Doctor after giving quick condolences. Only Chakotay and Tuvok were allowed to stay more than a few minutes, and Tom with the Doctor, and they never left her side. Everything seemed to go by so quickly, B'Elanna, Harry, Seven, Neelix, and the other crewmembers close to her were in a state of shock. Before Kathryn lost consciousness, the last thing she was were their faces. Chakotay's hand gripped hers, as her breathing became ragged and unstable, and Tuvok's eyes never left hers. Finally, the Doctor pressed a hypospray to her neck and tapped at the console.
"I am making progress with the DNA sample donations and with the nanoprobes, and I may be able to figure out some kind of cure- but in 36 hours the damage will be to extensive to repair in her neural pathways and brain stem," he paused. "I don't know what arrangements the Captain requested."
"You've got 36 hours to work on it, then," Chakotay ordered, ignoring his last sentence. Tuvok looked at him with one eyebrow raised but said nothing.
"Very well. I can't promise anything at all," he responded earnestly, "But I'm doing everything I can to save her. What we need is a miracle."
Chakotay nodded, thinking to himself that Kathryn had always been the one to pull seeming miracles out of her sleeve and save the ship at the same time- he wanted to talk to her and ask her advice.
"Notify us both of any progress," requested Tuvok. Doctor nodded, and went back to work. Chakotay and Tuvok stood over their friend, each communicating with her in his own way.
"Before the Doctor had to sedate her," began Chakotay carefully, "you called Kathryn by her given name. I had never heard you call anyone by their given name before."
"On Vulcan we use formal titles as signs of respect, even with close friends and colleagues. When one addresses someone outside of their family by their forename, it is a symbol of great friendship." Chakotay nodded in understanding, and Tuvok went of. "If Kathryn Janeway does not survive this disease, I will have lost an irreplaceable friend."
"So will I," Chakotay agreed gravely.
They exited Sickbay together, and Tuvok spoke.
"You told the Doctor that Captain Janeway's wishes were to be kept alive in hopes of finding a cure for thirty six hours while on life support," he stated, not asking what they both knew he was saying.
"I know she doesn't want to live on life support, but I couldn't let her die so easily. Not if we have a chance to save her in the next 36 hours. What would you have done?"
"I respect the Captain's wishes, and I know that she does not want to be kept alive in this manner. However, as long as we have a chance to save her, I cannot help but agree that we should take that chance."
Chakotay smiled at him. "It I didn't know that you don't display emotions, I'd say that you are as worried as I am."
"Vulcans do not worry; we do not dissemble, either. Yet both things I have done for Kathryn Janeway."
Tuvok kept on walking, as if he hadn't said anything profound. Chakotay paused a second, taken aback, then resumed his pace thoughtfully behind him.
The End (maybe)
