"That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another...." – Charlie Brown
Chapter 4 – A Road Less Travelled
After I pulled myself together I passed the day trying to keep myself busy. I worked my self ragged doing things like changing the linens, doing laundry and paying bills. I kept my mind busy by making lists of things I wanted to do and shopping lists of things I wanted to buy. I had no idea how long I'd been at it until I came downstairs and noticed the sun was setting and it was raining again.
There was a knock on the door and I opened it to find Jasper standing under the awning holding up bags of take out. "Hey darlin'," he smiled, "Maria sent us dinner."
"Hey." I said as I stood back to let him enter and took the bags of food into the kitchen.
"Rose and Bella get home ok?" He asked as he gave me a peck on the cheek and started opening the containers of food. I nodded and sat on the counter watching him use his fingers to taste one of the dishes. "Mmmm, wanna taste?"
I shook my head.
"Did you eat already?"
I shook my head again, "I'm not hungry." I moved my leg so he could get a fork from the drawer I was sitting above and he watched me from the corner of his eye as he stood at the counter and ate. Again, I was amazed at how easily he had integrated into my home and my life. "You wanna beer or something?" I asked as I hopped down off the counter.
"Sure, please." I felt him watching me as I crossed the room.
I grabbed a beer and tried to twist the cap off, but it didn't turn, instead I cut the palm of my hand on the sharp metal cap. "Shit!" I hissed as I slammed the bottle down on the counter and ran upstairs to my bathroom.
I was running my hand under cold water as I heard him call from outside the open door. "Y'all right Ali?"
I scowled as I looked towards the door, but I couldn't see him, he was trying to give me some privacy. He was a very courteous guy and why that pissed me off, I'll never know. "I'm fine." I snapped.
"Ooo, that's not good." He hissed.
I narrowed my eyes and pressed my lips together. "What's not good?"
"You said you were fine, everyone knows when a chick says she's fine it's never a good thing."
A chick? I mouthed the words to myself in the mirror and shook my head as I heaved a big sigh.
"Uh oh, that's even worse… The dreaded sigh."
I chuckled softly and hung my head, trying to wipe the smile off my face as he finally stuck his head around the corner.
"I knew I could get a giggle out of you if I was patient enough." He said as he came to stand beside me. "Lemme see what'cha did." He held out his hand for mine and I placed my wet hand in his, palm up.
There was a little piece of skin torn up where the cap dug into my hand. It was minor, but I guess it was just the thing to top off my less than stellar day. "It's nothing." I mumbled.
"Naw… it's sometimes the smallest stone that causes the avalanche." He brought my hand up to his lips and kissed my palm.
I felt a tear fall from my eye, "How come you always say exactly what I'm thinking?"
"Do I?" He kissed it again. I nodded and another tear rolled down my cheek.
I pressed my lips together nodding absently. I took my hand back and smoothed the skin down with my finger. I was concentrating on keeping my tears in check, I'd only known the guy four days and I didn't need to be blubbering in front of him. I turned to find the tissue box, but he stopped me from moving away.
"Alice, it's ok to be upset."
"I know that." I said curtly and I shook off his hand. I used the back of my hand to roughly brush away the tears caught in my lashes and managed to get a hold of myself. "I'm fine really." I said, looking him in the eyes.
He raised his eyebrows and looked at me for a few seconds, studying me. Then he cocked his head to one side as he moved aside so I could leave the room.
I went to the windows in my bedroom and stood, just staring out. He didn't say anything, touch me or even make a sound, but I knew he was standing not too far behind me.
"I just miss them already." I said softly. "Before they came here, this place didn't seem so quiet and I didn't feel lonely." I lapsed into silence and he kept his, I continued to stare out the window.
"Sorry." I finally whispered as I broke the silence. I looked over my shoulder to see him smile sweetly at me and I could tell from the look in his eyes I was forgiven.
"Nothing to be sorry for." He placed his hands on either side of my face and tilted my head up so he could kiss my forehead. "Come on," He took me by the hand and led me downstairs to the front door and handed me my jacket.
"Where are we going?" I asked, as I watched him gather up the food and put it in the fridge. I put on my raincoat and slipped my bare feet into my boots.
"My place." He paused as he put on his shoes. "I hear tell that misery loves company and well, I happen to know where there are two more fairly miserable people." He handed me my bag and pointed to my keys on the desk.
We stepped out of the freight elevator and he opened the door to the apartment. We left our shoes and boots at the door and I followed him down the hallway. I must admit, I wasn't at all prepared for what I saw. The hall opened up to a huge loft and it was spectacular. The floors were the original wide plank boards sanded smooth and polished. The outside walls were old worn bricks and the evenly spaced windows were wide and practically floor to ceiling. As my eyes were drawn upwards, I noticed the ceiling was open to the ductwork and must still be at least twenty feet high.
"God Jasper, this is beautiful." I said in awe. He squeezed my hand and smiled.
As we walked past the open concept kitchen and dining area I gawked at the double sided gas fireplace dividing the dining room from the living room. There was a wide leather sectional sofa, two chairs and a padded leather bench they were using as a coffee table. I was stunned, it was amazing. So far, the only indication that three single guys lived here was the massive big screen TV and the complicated mess of electronic components surrounding it.
I looked at the boys; Edward sat on the couch with his head down, absently peeling the label off a beer bottle and Emmett sat on the floor slouching against the couch with his head back and his eyes closed. Both were clearly and indisputably miserable.
Jasper cleared his throat loudly and they both looked up. "I brought someone else to join the pity fest," he said as he took my jacket.
I sat between them, Emmett wrapped his arm around my shin and leaned his head against my knee and Edward reached up to rub my back soothingly. "Oh boy," I sighed, "we are pathetic." We just sat there for what seemed like hours, chatting occasionally until Edward eventually left when Bella called. I got to say hi briefly, but then he took the phone and went to his room. I looked around to see where Jasper had gone to and saw him over in the kitchen. I pried my leg away from Emmett and went to see what he was doing.
"Hey darlin'…" He said as I pulled myself into one of the bar stools at the counter, "How ya feeling?"
"I'm better I think," I said chuckling, "was I really that bad?" I looked back to Emmett still sitting on the floor.
"Well not quite, but you were still pretty sad. Want some tea?" I nodded and he poured me a cup.
"So tell me about this place, how long have you lived here?" I took a sip.
He leaned down and rested his arms on the counter, crossing his hands in front of him. "We bought this place about four years ago."
"You own it? Is it a condo?"
"No actually, we own the building. There are four floors; the main floor is going to be retail space, right now we have plans for five units. This floor is Edwards, next one up is Emmett and the top floor is mine. Our plan is to get the first floor finished and rented out so the income will pay the mortgage, taxes and utilities as well as fund the renovations we have to do on the next two lofts."
"Wow, great plan." I was very impressed, "You guys did all the work on this place?" I looked around again, admiring all the beautiful fixtures.
"Sort of… we did all the demo and construction. Emmett's family is in the business so we had experience on our side there. Edward has some electrical skills and I've done a bit of carpentry so we do what work we can, and we've accumulated quite a DIY library for the stuff we had to study up on." He paused and looked proud. "The decor is all Edwards mom Esme; she's a professional at interior design."
"She's very good. I should use her for my place."
"Your place looks pretty finished to me."
"All that came with the rental. If I decide to stay and buy it, I'll need to start from scratch."
He looked perplexed, "So you might not be here permanently?"
I shrugged, "I'm here at least till September."
"Where would you go if you didn't stay?
Just then there was a knock on the door, Jasper turned to the living room and called to Emmett, "Em, your pizza's here!"
I briefly saw something flying through the air and land with a thunk, it skidded along the smooth floor to come to a stop just by my feet. I stooped to pick it up, it was Emmett's wallet. I giggled and handed it over to Jasper who smirked, shaking his head. He paid the guy and brought the pizzas to the counter and offered me some, then took the rest over to Emmett.
"Show me your loft?" I asked.
He smiled as his eyes lit up, "Sure, come on."
We stopped long enough to get our shoes on and open the elevator gate. We hadn't said a word to one another, but he was leaning against the wall opposite from me in the large freight elevator, clearly amused by something.
"What?" I giggled self consciously.
"You look cute." He laughed, tilting his head and biting his lip.
I felt my face blush hot, wondering what's so cute and I looked down at myself, blushing even hotter when I realized what I was wearing. I'd left the house in such a state that I didn't realize I was wearing a pair of my little satin sleep shorts and a tank top, which in its self wasn't too bad since I was covered and they weren't exactly indecent. But I was also wearing hot pink rain boots that came almost to my knees. I moved one foot and put my heel to the ground waggling my toe back and forth. "Yeah, quite the fashion statement huh?"
"I like it; it's a good look on you." He pushed off from his side of the elevator and leaned like he was going to make his way over to me. I shot my hand out, gesturing for him to stop and he paused only briefly, giving me an 'I don't think so' look and he continued to slowly cross the elevator.
I snorted, "Yeah sure, it's your fault for letting me go out like this." I moved along the wall away from him but when I eventually hit the corner he lunged, trapping me between his arms as he placed them on either side of me.
"Ok… I take full responsibility." He bent to me with an evil little grin, his warm, full lips touched mine and I sighed.
This time the elevator opened into a large open space, Jasper threw a switch and overhead lights came on, illuminating everything. It was completely open, the floor had been swept and debris was piled up against one wall, close to the elevator. The windows were dusty and some of them had been blacked out or covered by boards where I guessed they were broken. There was a huge work table in the centre of the room with art supplies and papers strewn about.
"It's huge." I said, my voice echoing. "Jasper this is a fantastic space." I said in awe. I stopped at the table and glanced down, the papers were actually detailed drawings of what he visualized for his loft. I loved what he'd done. He'd split the rooms up instead of having them along one wall. There were two smaller bedrooms split by a bathroom suite across from where the kitchen was, a third slightly larger bedroom was to be at the front of the building. Jasper's plans didn't show the elevator being closed off like it was downstairs instead it opened directly into the space.
I pointed to the drawing and Jasper looked down, "Yeah, up here the windows are too beautiful to be put out in a hallway. I figured this would be a great guest suite and over here…" He pointed to the opposite side, "Would make a great studio and office. It's bright and the view is fantastic." I nodded and smiled as I picked up another drawing.
This one showed the far corner planned out to be a huge master suite, with double stained glass French doors and it detailed a staircase along the back wall. I raised my head to look and sure enough there was a metal stairway leading up to the ceiling. "Where does that go?"
"The roof," he sorted through the drawings and pulled out another one and placed it in my hands, it showed the roof fenced in by an intricate wrought iron railing. Jasper was pointing and talking about his plans and I was enthralled by his excitement. "I figured it would be a great place for a hot tub and a place to relax in the sun during the day. And over there..." He looked up and pointed to another set of industrial stairs about midway down the wall just to our right. "That stairway will be close to the kitchen, so above it could be an outdoor patio for a barbequing so we could dine alfresco."
"This is really beautiful Jasper."
"Yeah it is. I love it."
"When are you going to start working on it?"
He shrugged, "Maybe sometime in the next year or two. Once we get the retail space filled it should all start to come together."
I watched him as he sorted through his drawings and spread them out on the table before him. He looked so proud and happy. It dawned on me; he also seemed confident and certain of his future. Something I was not. "Well, whenever you get it done, it's going to be wonderful." I said with sincerity.
"Yeah, I'm looking forward to it." Then he looked up at me. He cleared a spot on the table, picked me up and sat me on the edge. I winced as his hand pressed on my hip where the tattoo was.
"Oh sorry, is it hurting?" He winced with me.
I shook my head, "No not really, just when I bump it or sometimes when I bend down."
"Can I see?"
I rolled over to my left hip, jutting my right out and he carefully pulled the waistband of my shorts down while I held them in the front. I looked too, as well as I could as he inspected the work.
"It's healing very well and the lines are really crisp, he did a great job." I smiled as he kissed one of the stars, then another and another very gently. He pulled my shorts back up, stood between my legs and butted my nose with his. I reached up to put my hands around his neck, burying my fingers in his hair at the back of his neck.
"It's getting late."
He nodded slowly, "You want me to take you home or do you wanna stay here?" The way he was kissing and nipping at my neck made me shiver.
"Are you trying to sway my decision?"
"I might be." He said as he licked up to my ear, I moaned and bit my lip. "Hang on," and he motioned for me to wrap my legs around his waist and he carried me to the elevator, his hands firmly cupping my ass, "Hit the lights baby."
"I think I'd better go home." I gasped, trying desperately to control my breathing.
"No, stay please… I'll behave, I promise." I giggled, but nodded my head. I was tired and didn't have much fight left in me.
I wandered around Jasper's bedroom taking in the various aspects of his personality. It wasn't what I had expected either. He had a few guitars resting on stands in a corner next to an old wooden bench. His bed was just a box spring and mattress on the floor heaped with large white pillows and a fluffy down comforter. Behind it, where a headboard would go, was a collection of gothic style peaked window frames and various stained glass windows just propped up against the wall. "These are beautiful."
He looked up from what he was doing to see what I was talking about. "Yeah, I've been collecting them for ages."
I looked around some more, he had sketches and paintings pinned up on the walls and a large antique desk strewn with more papers. Against the window as a drafting table, obviously where he sat to work, I walked over to see what was on the board. It was another drawing of me. I was sitting in the window seat at my house with my knees drawn up and my arms wrapped around them, my chin resting on my knee caps. I was staring straight ahead out towards the ocean. It was lovely, but I looked so sad.
"Do I always look that sad?" I asked surprised by what I saw in my eyes in the drawing.
He shook his head, "No, but you always look that beautiful." I smirked at his smooth reply.
I climbed into his bed when he held the duvet up for me and he got in beside me. "Jasper, will you tell me about yourself?"
"What do you want to know?" He asked as he snuggled up to me, wrapping me in his arms.
I shrugged slightly, "You know everything about me. Tell me about who you are."
"I don't know everything about you, yet. But ask me anything, I'll tell you."
"You said you've been on your own since you were sixteen, how come?"
"My mom passed away and my dad was so broken up he just couldn't function. He needed time to grieve in his own way."
Having lost my own family when I was young I understood grief, but… "You were just a kid, didn't you need to be taken care of?"
"I was pretty self sufficient."
"What did you do?"
"I finished school, worked, drew…" He paused, "Then when I graduated I left Texas, I figured New York was where I needed to be for my art."
"What about your dad, did you ever see him again?"
He nodded, "Yeah we talk all the time. He's fine now. It took him a few years to pull his shit together, but he did. He's the reason I was able to become a teacher." I turned so I could see his face, he looked at me. "He asked me if there was anything he could do for me, to make up for him checking out. I told him I wanted to become a teacher so he gave me what I needed."
"How long did you stay in New York? Weren't you ever lonely?" He chuckled as my questions came out two at a time. My curiosity was peaked, the more I found out about him the more the more I wanted to know.
"I didn't stay in New York long at all, I actually moved around a lot. Eventually though, I ended up in Chicago, that's where I met Edward and Emmett then we pretty much stuck together from then on. And yes I did get lonely from time to time."
I opened my mouth to ask another question, but Jasper placed his hand over my mouth, I looked up. He had propped himself up and was staring down at me. "You said you only have your place leased until September…" He paused, it wasn't quite a question, but I nodded to answer anyway. "If… you decide not to stay, where will you go?" I shrugged.
He lowered his voice until it was only a whisper, "Alice, I know you're looking for something… I know it's barely been four days but… if I can help you find what you're looking for I'd be very happy if you stayed." We just looked into each other's eyes, each trying to decipher what the other was thinking. He removed his hand from my mouth, but made a shushing motion as he lay his head back down. It was obvious he didn't want to discuss this now when he said, "Good night Ali."
I lay awake thinking about what he'd just said. About the things Rosie, Bella and I had discussed while they were here and about my own thoughts, things I'd been pushing away since my life had been turned upside down so many months ago.
I hadn't moved for hours, I just laid there thinking and listening to him breath beside me when I noticed it was getting a light outside. I slid out from under his arm, let myself out of the apartment and drove myself home.
The one thought my mind kept coming back to was one of the last things he'd said, 'it's barely been four days', which in its self had me reeling. Four days and here I was all flummoxed because a good looking guy was showing me some attention. A good looking, younger guy, I corrected myself. What the hell was I doing? I couldn't even have a fling like a normal person. Instead I had this guy looking three months into the future after only knowing me for four days and we hadn't even had sex yet.
I caught my reflection in the rearview mirror and scowled. Here I was feeling all emotional because although I wanted to have sex with him, and boy did I want to have sex with him, I wouldn't let myself because technically I was still married. Married to a man who was seemingly having all kinds of sex with god knows how many people; something just didn't seem right about this situation. I snorted feeling slightly hysterical.
I pulled into my driveway, turned off the car and just sat there thinking. I left Seattle to start over, get some perspective and look for happiness. So far all I've done is party with my friends, drink copious amounts of Tequila, get a tattoo, and fall in lust with a completely gorgeous, young, beach boy, surfer, cowboy; who, it seemed, was looking for a relationship with me.
Jesus, I wonder what road this is… F for Fucked up?
A/N – Sorry for the delay… It was a long weekend here in rainy, wet and totally soggy Ontario (Canada) so I completely lost track of time.
Thanks again to Robs for being my beta…I love you bb.
Also, thanks to everyone who's added me to their favorites and/or reviewed. You have to know, I get totally excited when I get a review…it's very exciting ~ yay!
