Do you think the things people say in their sleep mean anything? As the midnight barber I've heard lots of things that people say in their sleep and I've always thought they didn't mean a thing….I mean what could "the satumas are trying to kill me" mean? But…I dunno….I know someone who knows about these kinds of things. He's a shaman so he is really wise and stuff but he couldn't tell me. He said I had to tell him exactly who said it and what they said so he could know what I was going on about and if I didn't tell him what I knew about what was going on how did I expect him to tell me what was really going on. But I didn't want to do that. I'm not sure why. It just seemed like I shouldn't. Maybe the things people say in their sleep shouldn't be shared like that. Like, maybe being the midnight barber is a sacred bond or something and I can't tell the secrets people tell me in their sleep, like a priest. He laughed when I said I was like a priest and said that the best he could do was say that it could mean something and it probably did mean something if the person had ever said it awake or if the person had ever acted like it when awake. At first I thought that was stupid advice. I mean if he'd said it when he was awake I'd already know what it meant wouldn't I? But that's the thing. It made me remember. He did say it once awake. At the time we were about to die so I guess I didn't take it seriously. I thought that it was just one of those things that you say, you know, when you're about to die. Like how everyone lies about people at their funeral and says how wonderful and beautiful they were when really they were a bastard with fuzzy, ratty hair. The other thing is I think I laughed. Maybe that was a mistake.

Anyway, that probably hasn't got a lot to do with the midnight barbering, except that if you do try out midnight barbering you'll probably hear lots of things that people say in their sleep and you'll get curious too.

I don't get the chance to cut animal's hair so much anymore, except the gorilla who lives with me that is. I used to cut animals hair all the time when I was a zookeeper. Back then I'd cut animal's hair more than people's. I really miss the zoo sometimes. So when the opportunity came to cut an animal's hair I took it. You see, I met this sweet poodle through a friend of a friend, you know how it is. Anyway this poodle her owner (the friend of my friend) didn't style her hair at all. That's just not right for a poodle. You see poodles are very particular about their looks. They're bred to be like that. You've got to feel sorry for them really they are so style conscious but they can't do the styling themselves- no thumbs, you see. They completely rely on their owners to have some style. Well, this poor little poodle, her owner had none. She was well depressed about it. So I snuck in and I gave her the proper little poodle hair cut. She was so happy. It was genius. The owner thought that she looked gorgeous too. I hear that he's going to get her properly groomed all the time now. He is a bit concerned about his security though. Apparently that's why he'd gotten the poodle, for security. Imagine that! This poor little poodle expected to lay down her life to protect this guy who can't even give her a nice hair cut. He didn't understand her needs at all. I think he gets it now.

The monkey therapy of Jazzy Bastard is still going well. No one can believe how happy and relaxed he is, his sales keep going up, and he's full of genius ideas. He's like, becoming a success or something. He's even listening to some of my styling advice. He still wears mostly various shades of beige which he insists on calling, "mushroom" and "nutmeg". But he's wearing clothes that are a bit more stylish and he's started to use product in his hair. I've given him some lessons in how to style it which is brilliant because now I can do more than just a basic wash and wear cut. I can't wait to cut his hair again. He is due for another hair cut in a week or so. I just need to figure out the right style for him, for the new him. He still listens to jazz all the time though. It seems I haven't cured him of that. But that's okay. Oh, and he is giving people proper eye-contact now! I think that's one of the reasons his sales are going up. It almost gave me a fright when he started looking directly into my eyes. But it is nice. I've noticed he does it all the time now, looks straight into my eyes. A couple of times I've noticed that he's looking at me and when I look up at him he doesn't look away. He just smiles at me. Maybe he's realised that I'm responsible for his transformation? Maybe he's wondering how I'm doing it?