Chapter Four

Disclaimer:

We don't own Nurarihyon no mago.


Rihan looked at Rikuo's determined expression, and decided he could grow to like him. He put his hand on Rikuo's shoulder and shut his eyes, starting the first phase needed to perform matoi. Breathing deeply, he soon settled into a trance-like state, in which his awareness of the outside world dimmed as he completely focused on Rikuo.

Once his trance had stabilized, he tried to draw Rikuo's fear into himself.

After a while, Rikuo felt an strange sensation spreading from where Rihan's hand was in contact with his shoulder. He shrugged the feeling off - it was probably a side effect of this matoi technique. After they stood there for another three minutes and nothing really happened, the youkai began to worry. Was it not working because he was 3/4 human? Maybe it only worked with full youkai...

Suddenly Rikuo twitched in pain. It felt like a needle had been inserted into his shoulder right under Rihan's palm. To his shock, the twinge of pain quickly transformed into outright agony and spread like a fire through his entire body. The youkai screamed. It felt like he was being torn apart -

Nurarihyon stared as his grandson began shrieking and shuddering in what seemed to be excruciating pain. Rikuo's skin began to dissolve into smoke, which was then sucked into Rihan's body. Rikuo transformed back into his day form, still screaming and thrashing about wildly. 'Damn! I should never have let Rikuo close to this guy!' Nurarihyon thought furiously, as he ran forwards to try and separate the two. But before he could reach them, Rikuo jerked convulsively, sucked in a gasp of air and collapsed unconscious to the floor with a dull thud.

xxxxxx

When Rikuo came to, his body felt extremely light and an incessant buzzing was echoing in his head. Ignoring the queer sensations, he hesitantly rose to his feet and flicked his eyes nervously back and forth. The place was completely dark and silent - he felt ill at ease, as if he'd been robbed of his senses. Unexpectedly, light flared up from nowhere and dimly illuminated his surroundings. The youkai noticed, with a jolt of surprise, that he was standing on the surface of a huge, dark body of water. Fleeting glimpses of images flickered across the lake's surface, but always disappeared before he could focus on them. What was this place? He'd never been anywhere like it, but yet… it felt strangely familiar, like the place where he contacted his human side. It was different though; this place was darker, more refined.

The youkai frowned uncertainly and slowly began to walk. He didn't know where he was going, but moving was better than staying where he was. Almost imperceptibly he felt the air grow lighter, less oppressive. Taking this as a good sign he continued to move forwards. After a time, a small island with a sakura tree came into view. Rikuo could see a shadowy figure sitting near the tree's roots but he was too far away to see its features.

As he neared the island, the figure raised its head and looked at him. The youkai could see now that it was a man, wearing a green yukata, like Rihan's - it couldn't be Rihan, though; he was missing his characteristic protruding hair…

Rikuo felt disappointed. It seemed like this man wasn't his dad after all, just an impostor. He was probably reverting back into his true form…

"Who are you?" Rikuo asked curtly, stopping a few meters away from the man.

"I'm Nura Rihan," came the amused reply. "Do I really look that different?"

"You're obviously not Rihan," he said skeptically, ignoring his question.

Rihan sighed. "Oh, not this impostor crap again…" he muttered under his breath.

"My hair is different, 'cause I'm in my human form right now." The hanyou said a bit louder, looking Rikuo in the eyes and wishing he would drop his suspicions. "Although my handsome face is still the same." he couldn't resist adding.

Rikuo snorted in amusement at the last comment, though his expression remained guarded.

Rihan grimaced. It hadn't worked - not that he really thought it would. He was practiced at reading other people's expressions, so the youkai's distrust was obvious. And since matoi couldn't be performed if they didn't trust each other… he'd have to try hard to convince him. Oh joy.

"Alright, so you're here to perform matoi…" Rihan began then waited for Rikuo's nod before continuing,"but that's not possible unless we trust each other." The youkai was now looking at him in annoyance, "That's not gonna happen." he said firmly. Did he waste so much time convincing his grandfather for nothing?

'Ouch. He sure is blunt.' Rihan thought. "That's why I'm going to show you some of my memories." When the Nurarihyon-look-alike just stared at him, Rihan realised Rikuo had no idea what he was talking about. "Ah, whoops…I forgot to tell you that we're in my mind right now." Rihan said sheepishly. Rikuo's eyes showed a flash of understanding - so that's where he was - then became even more guarded. The impostor would be able to do whatever he wanted to him in here!

Rihan walked over to the edge of the island and knelt by the water. "Tell me when you're ready." he said as Rikuo took a moment to decide. When he nodded and walked over, Rihan smiled slightly. 'Alright, we're finally getting somewhere!' He proceeded to dip his right hand into the water, while concentrating on it. Soon, a faint image began to appear around his hand.

Rikuo leaned forward to try and see what it was showing. "Oi, hang on, you're doing it wrong!" Rihan called, stopping the youkai in his tracks. "It's still not finished solidifying," he said ignoring Rikuo's annoyed expression, and then motioned towards a spot in the lake a few meters away from him. "You're also gonna have to submerge yourself over there in order to experience it properly."

Rikuo squinted suspiciously at him - was he planning to suffocate him once he'd gone in? But since this was the only way to find out whether the man was an impostor or not, he had no choice but to comply. The youkai warily took a deep breath and submerged himself completely.

It was pitch black under the water - he lost all sense of direction. It was as if his senses had been stripped away and he was suspended helplessly in nothingness. He started to panic, and was berating himself for following the impostor's instruction when he felt an odd sucking sensation and colors began to scintillate around him. They grew and blurred into a whirl around him, dizzyingly fast and almost sickening. As they slowed Rikuo began to pick up snatches of sound, and finally his vision settled onto a familiar scene - the main gate of the Nura house.

xxxxxx

'This must be the memory,' Rikuo thought, feeling relieved and slightly hopeful; maybe that man had been telling the truth. He noticed then that the strands of hair falling in his eyes were not white, as his hair was, but jet-black, and he was wearing a distinctive green striped yukata… 'I'm in dad's body,' The youkai realized wonderingly. Suddenly his body began to move forwards of its own accord. 'Huh!' Rikuo struggled to control it, but to no avail. After a brief phase in which he puzzled over this, he eventually thought, 'Well… since this is a memory… I probably can't do anything.'

He - Rihan - walked through the large gate of the main house and into the building, heading for the garden at its center. He walked quickly, not wishing to speak to anyone, so the household youkai barely had time to glance at him in bewilderment before he was gone. Then as he and Rihan turned a corner, they bumped into Kubinashi, who was carrying a load of laundry.

"Sorry," he heard himself say with Rihan's voice, in an attempt to avoid conversation. Rihan's disorganized thoughts spun around in his head, the most recurring one being misery about the recent disappearance of Yamabuki. He pushed past, vaguely noting Kubinashi's disbelieving expression but pushing it to the back of his mind.

They reached the sakura tree and sighed, taking in its familiar appearance. He had left the house to try and find somewhere quiet to think, but nowhere he went could match the tranquility of the sakura tree. He gazed into its branches but was interrupted by an increasingly loud clamor from behind him. Reluctantly he turned and saw a growing crowd of youkai standing there, staring at him as if he were a ghost. He felt a twinge of annoyance; what were they looking at?

Kubinashi pushed his way through the throng, pulling an extremely short, wizened old man with him. He was talking animatedly and pointing, a worried expression on his face. He met the old man's scrutinizing gaze uneasily. 'Who is he? Some new youkai who joined the clan while I was absent…?' Rikuo heard the word "impostor" being whispered through the crowd, and felt his face twist into a frown. 'Impostor? What are they talking about?' came Rihan's confused thoughts. The suspicious murmuring escalated and the youkai clustered closer to him, forcing him to take instinctive steps back until he was pressed against the trunk of the sakura tree. As Rihan became more aware of his situation, noticing unfamiliar youkai mixed into the horde surrounding him, his confusion grew and swamped Rikuo under a barrage of endless, answerless questions.

xxxxxx

Rihan reached into the water and grabbed Rikuo's arm, hauling him out of the water and breaking the illusion. The youkai dazedly pulled himself up onto the island, noticing that he wasn't wet at all from his immersion into the lake. He shook his head to clear it and turned to face his father, who was looking at him.

"So...do you believe me yet?"

Rikuo took a moment to ponder his father's question. Did he believe him? He was sure what he had experienced was the truth - it was impossible to lie in one's own mind - and Rihan really did think and act like his dad would…but there remained one problem which he could not ignore, why didn't he know him?

He couldn't accept this man as his dad until he knew why.

He answered the man with another question: "Why don't you know me?"

Rihan was taken by surprise and found himself unable to answer. Rikuo took the silence the wrong way and made an annoyed noise. "You expect me to believe you when you're not willing to answer?"

Rihan shrugged helplessly in response. "It's not that I don't want to answer," he said, after he'd recovered, "it's that I can't answer… 'cause I don't know."

The youkai, seeing from his expression that the man was telling the truth, stayed quiet as he tried to come up with a solution.

"Hey, I'm going to show you some of my memories." Rikuo said when an idea formed in his mind. Perhaps seeing his memories of the events would in turn jog Rihan's own memories, and the answer would come to him.

"Sure." Rihan said indifferently as they exchanged positions. 'I hope he'll drop his suspicions soon though, this is getting old.'

"Oi…How do you project your memories?" Rikuo asked, once he realized he had no clue how Rihan had done it. The hanyou smirked at him in amusement, receiving an annoyed look. "It's easy - just think of the memory really strongly while staring at the water. Everything else will happen naturally."

Rikuo nodded. He supposed it was a little like the way he communicated with his human self. The youkai thought of an early memory between him and his father and willed it to merge with the water. It shimmered as colors started to flicker through it - he'd succeeded.

Rihan gave him a thumbs up then submerged himself into the water, as Rikuo had done earlier.

xxxxxx

When the swirl of colors had settled and he could hear once again, Rihan found himself being held against someone's chest. He couldn't see anything except green…occasionally broken up by dark brown lines; the person must have been holding him very close. He could suspect who the person was because of that familiar fabric - and somehow, for a reason he didn't know, he found himself wishing that he was right. A wave of affection rolled through him as Rikuo's hands rose and grabbed at the person's arms with small, chubby hands. Rihan smiled softly to himself; it seemed Rikuo was still a small child in this memory.

He felt himself tug at the arm, seeking more attention. The person holding him quietly chuckled then gently lifted them up so he was looking into their eyes. They were amber and loving, belonging to a handsome face framed with dark hair.

Rihan froze. It was …himself…who was looking tenderly at the small child."Rikuo," the other him breathed warmly, gently caressing his hair.

Was this the child that Otome couldn't provide him with?

A strong hand grasped his own and pulled him out of the endearing memory. The older Rikuo, who looked so much like Nurarihyon, was gazing at him with an unreadable look. Rihan found it hard to believe that the cute little boy from the memory could be the same person as this cold young man.

"So …is it true? Am I really…?" Rihan breathed in wonder. The words 'your dad' rang unsaid in both their minds.

Rikuo's expression softened. "…I think so," he said. He really wanted to believe that this man was his dad. "Do you want to see more memories?"

Rihan nodded eagerly.

xxxxxx

Rikuo had shown Rihan many memories of his childhood. They were bright and cheerful, full of warmth and affection. At first they had lightened Rihan's heart and flooded him with happiness… but then he began to feel a deep longing. If he really was the same Rihan, then why wasn't anything coming back? Why didn't these memories bring back any thoughts or emotions? Even as he experienced them in the first person…he felt detached, like the events they showed didn't belong to him…like he was watching someone else's life.

Maybe that was all he was, an intruder. This kind and tender Rihan who played so happily with his child was not him. These loving memories belonged to a stranger and the child belonged to another him. They were bittersweet, showing him a future which he could no longer have. He wished now, more than ever, that Otome hadn't been so impatient…the happiness they could've had… Rihan started choking. Warm wet droplets began running down his cheeks…he was crying.

Rikuo noticed the other's tears, but did not comment. He wanted to comfort him…but he didn't feel capable of making any shows of affection, so he just looked at him awkwardly.

The youkai really wished he was in his day form right now, he'd be able to properly comfort his dad then without dying of embarrassment.

When Rihan calmed down, he turned towards Rikuo with still puffy eyes, "…Who was your mother?"

"She's a human," Rikuo answered in a low voice, "her name is Wakana."

Rihan nodded slowly. It was as he'd thought, Rikuo didn't belong to Otome.

"..Can you tell me about her?" the hanyou asked softly. He wanted to know more about this new woman, whom his other self had managed to love.

Rikuo gave him a small smile. "I'll do better than that." he said. "You can watch all of my memories."

xxxxxx

Rihan had calmed himself. Although he had originally only wanted to know about Wakana, watching his possible son growing and maturing throughout his memories had made him feel like he was really his father. He'd asked Rikuo to project his memories while holding hands with him, so that Rihan could view them from the third person, while still feeling Rikuo's emotions. Through these memories he had gotten to know Rikuo intimately and, even if this wasn't his child, had started to love him.

He'd also found himself able to take the first steps needed to reconcile himself with the loss of his wife. Rikuo wasn't Otome's son and his other self had loved another woman. Their happiness showed him clearly that he could find happiness himself, even without his wife.

"…I skipped a very important memory." Rikuo eventually said.

Rihan turned towards him, but didn't say anything. He knew from the memories that Rikuo would continue if he wanted to.

"…it's very painful" the youkai said quietly, "but it's incredibly important that you watch it."

Rihan looked at him in silence for a long time…"Why?"

Rikuo became pained…"I don't really want to say." he said after a pause. "It's also best if you experience this from my point of view."

Rihan looked at him a little longer before nodding.

He walked to the lake and submerged himself in its dark waters, feeling uneasy.

xxxxxx

This time, the colors which assaulted him were darker, and it took much longer for the scene to stabilize. It was a dark and misty night in the back garden of the Nura house, and Rihan had entered a four-year-old Rikuo's body.

Rikuo, despite the eerie scenery, was feeling excited. He was going to show dad and onee-san the beautiful place he'd found!

'…Onee-san?' Rihan had been startled by Rikuo's excitement, but the curious word hadn't escaped him. Did he have another child?

But Rikuo did not reply - this was a memory after all, so it was impossible to interact with him.

They ran forwards, through the otherworldly mist, towards a bed of flowers. 'Kerria,' Rihan thought as he felt a sharp pang of grief pierce his heart. Kerria - the flower his wife had represented. But this was no time to think about her, so he turned his attention back to his surroundings. They slowed down when they didn't spot the tall form of Rikuo's father. 'Where have dad and onee-san gone?' came Rikuo's confused thoughts, as he scanned the garden.

A sudden noise grabbed their attention. They headed towards it, walking around the bewitching bush of yellow flowers. There was his dad -

Rikuo stopped in confusion. There was a long, bloodied sword piercing Rihan's motionless body through his chest, blood dripping from its end. "Dad…?" the small child asked in confusion and wariness. Rihan turned his head painfully to look at his son with dimming eyes, blood trickling out of his mouth. The Rihan in Rikuo's body was chilled by the sight. "Rikuo…" his father managed to cough out in a loving yet alarmed tone...before a high-pitched scream of pure agony engulfed the scene.

The small child, already extremely uneasy from his dad's strange tone of voice, snapped his head up towards the source of the sound.

There, holding the sword which was piercing Rihan's body, was a small, black haired girl.

'Otome-' Rihan thought. A tidal wave of deep pain and sorrow crashed through him and drowned him ruthlessly. The little girl's face, a perfect copy of his wife's, brought forth all the pain he'd managed to keep at bay for the past week. It ripped open a raw and fresh wound without the slightest speck of mercy. The small progress he'd made with the help of Rikuo's previous memories evaporated instantly.

Rihan clutched at his chest, coughing and choking. He felt himself temporarily merge with the memory Rihan as their bodies overlapped - excruciatingly unbearable fire seared through him where the sword pierced his chest and a deep dark fog of emotional pain ate at his mind.

He screamed in anguish.

xxxxxx

Above the water, Rikuo, who had been projecting his memory with an emotionless face, gasped in pain as the sudden rush of agony reached him. His memory started wavering, the pieces burning away as Rihan's pain enveloped everything.

The clear, smooth water started rippling. Waves crashed against the small island and wind ripped at the branches of the sakura tree. The youkai did all he could to stay standing as this powerful storm tore past him, whipping at his clothes and skin.

With the wind came memory fragments which struck him with mind-blowing force. He doubled over with each hit.

A white letter and a flower. Sharp, stinging pain - she was never coming back. The graceful smile of a beautiful dark-haired woman. A name.

Yamabuki Otome.

But the images were nothing compared to the emotions which accompanied them. All-encompassing, unimaginable feelings of sorrow enveloped his whole being, while blistering pain, heavy with depression, consumed his heart.

Then abruptly, just as Rikuo was about to suffocate under the intensity of the emotional barrage, everything stopped and the storm subsided. The youkai drew in a sharp breath in relief. He moved his arms away from his face and warily opened one eye, unknowingly imitating one of his dad's habits.

The island was completely ravaged; the sakura tree had lost almost a quarter of its branches, and there were twigs, leaves, random bits of rock and some more stuff he couldn't recognize strewn all over the ground.

When Rikuo didn't see his dad on the island, he immediately rushed to the water's edge and urgently scanned the water. He became extremely alarmed when he noticed a dark blur in the shape of Rihan's body several feet under the dark water. Without a second thought, the youkai immediately dived into the lake.

This time the water pressed in around him, weighting him down in an imitation of the pain Rihan must still have been unconsciously releasing throughout it.

He swam determinedly through the total darkness, battling through the dense water, and going forwards restlessly despite only having a vague idea of where the hanyou was.

After a long struggle in which he had nearly been crushed several times, he finally reached his father's body. Rihan had his eyes closed and did not seem to be breathing.

'No! Not again!' Rikuo thought anxiously as he swam forward to his father's body. He wrapped his arms around him and swam quickly for the surface, fighting against the water pressing down on them. The youkai finally broke the surface of the lake, and dragged his father up onto the island. Tensely, he reached out his hand and pressed against his father's neck, and waited…

Thump…thump.

Rikuo exhaled in relief. He didn't know what he would have done if his dad didn't have a heartbeat. All of a sudden he realized how foolish he'd been - how could his father have died inside his own mind?


Authors' Notes

Stars-chan: Amazing isn't it - two early updates in a week! However next week I'm going on a school trip so no chance of any surprise updates.

Allen: ...Of course there is a chance of a surprise update, stars-chan, I can post the chapter up too.

Stars-chan: Alright, so there's a chance of a surprise update XD

Aaanyway, thank you for voting in our poll and giving us reviews! :D

Allen: You'll find out what the result was soon through the story :)

Now for some boring stuff that you might like to know:

This was originally chapters 4 and 5 but we decided to merge them since it flowed better that way. Chapters from now on are going to be longer - approximately 3000 words each.

We're also going to change the character listing on the fic, since Night Rikuo will play a bigger role than his day counterpart.

R&R please :D