Disclaimer - I don't own Inuyasha
Chapter 4
I tried to avoid Inuyasha as much as I could for the next two of weeks. Unfortunately, Kikyo's desire to be my new best friend made this task significantly harder. It seemed like Inuyasha was trying to give me space,—which I was thankful for—but he couldn't just refuse to participate in every single one of his fiance's hang out plans. She still believed that Inuyasha and I were BFFs who couldn't wait to spend time together, and she wanted to make him happy.
About a week after we started hanging out, Kikyo confessed to me that she thought Inuyasha wasn't asking me to hang out with him more often because he was afraid that she would become jealous or threatened by his best friend. I told her that he was just busy working, and that he wanted to give us time to bond, which I think just pushed her more towards trying to get me to spend time with Inuyasha. Thankfully, Inuyasha made himself as busy as he could at work.
I felt particularly bad when Inuyasha was forced to hang out with Kouga. After our walk I'd decided that the best way for us to move on was for me to try to make things work with Kouga. I liked him; he was fun to be around, handsome, and he really, really liked me. He made me feel good about myself. However, I hated the look on Inuyasha's face when he saw us together—and I hated myself even more for having kind of blurted out my feelings during our walk, just to shut him down—but I hoped that this way he would focus more on his fiance and on making things work for them. I wanted things to work out for him—I loved him.
Unlike Inuyasha, Kouga seemed to have had a really nice couple of weeks. Once he realized that our make out session wouldn't just be a one-time thing, he immediately changed his work schedule to spend as much time with me as he could. He acted shy and awkward when we were around other people, although an arm would always find a way around me, or a hand around my own. When we were alone, however, he was anything but shy. We still hadn't gone beyond second base—I had told him I wasn't ready—but while he thought it was because of the divorce, it was mainly because I knew I would be wishing he was someone else. Kouga had been very nice about it.
"You haven't slept with him yet?" Ayame asked, bold as always. She, Sango, Kikyo and I were having a girls night at my house. Discussing this kind of thing around Kikyo was not something I wanted to do, but Ayame did not know what had happened between Inuyasha and me, and thus had no reason to think it would be a problem. Just good, old girl talk.
"Nope." I purposely made my answer vague, hoping that Ayame would find the topic boring and move on.
"Why not? He's hot! I used to have a crush on him back in junior high." She replied, grinning at some memory. "I made out a few times."
"Look, I'm just not ready. It's too soon." I decided to use the divorce card.
"But don't you miss it? When was your last time, anyway? " Man, she is insistent.
"Sure, I miss it. But I am working on taking my time, you know, romance-wise. Being hasty didn't work out for me last time."
"I guess... but I still think sex would do you some good. I mean, look at Sango!" I hurrayed in my mind, her focus finally shifting. "She looks so relaxed, and her skin is sooo soft." Ayame theatrically caressed Sango's cheek, who slapped her hand away before throwing a pillow.
"I have to admit that my skin did get worse when I went on that week long trip." Sango replied.
"How often do you and Miroku... you know." Kikyo asked. She hadn't talked much since Ayame first started talking about her latest romantic adventure, and now she was fidgeting and barely looking up at us. "You don't have to answer, of course!"
"It's fine. Um... I guess at least four times a week. Sometimes it's a bit less, but then Miroku gets very weird and talkative... and so I often have to shut him up and the number goes up again." She took a sip of wine.
"Why do you ask? Ayame wondered.
"Well... It's just that... Inuyasha and I haven't... at all... in a while."
"How long has it been exactly?" Ayame asked.
"Since I got back from my trip, so... about two and a half weeks." I quickly glanced at Sango, who was looking in my direction. Kikyo continued. "I mean, I know that he has been busy working so he can get time off for the wedding. But before my trip we did it at least a once or twice a week..."
I would like it more if you didn't start sharing now. I really did not want to think about Inuyasha having sex with her. Or with anyone, for that matter.
"He is also probably stressed out about the wedding itself. Stress can seriously affect people's sex life." Ayame offered.
"Yes, that must be it." Sango added.
"Uh-huh." I nodded, once again wanting to move on. I took a gulp of wine.
"So... how is Inuyasha in the sac? I have always wondered. I also had a bit of a crush on him a few years back." Ayame smirked and winked at Kikyo, whose face flushed. Meanwhile, the wine in my mouth took a wrong turn and I started coughing.
"Excuse me." I stood up and run to the bathroom.
I quickly cleaned myself up, hoping that the large wine stain on my shirt would not be permanent. I found a shirt hanging behind the door and put it on, letting the dirty one soak in the sink. Once the wine crisis had been averted, my mind wandered back to the conversation that I'd run away from, and I found myself staring at my reflection in the mirror. I closed my eyes, trying to get out the image of Inuyasha and Kikyo together. Don't let it bother you Kagome. You want them to be together, right?
The back pocket of my jeans vibrated, startling me. I grabbed my cell, well aware of who it would be, but sadly hoping it would be someone else.
'Hey Kags! I miss you. Are you free? Kiss. -Kouga.'
"Maybe I should sleep with him..." I muttered to myself. I did not lie before; I did miss sex. But I didn't want to find myself picturing Inuyasha. I liked Kouga as a boyfriend—or whatever he was—and he had been a friend of mine for many years. It would not be fair to him.
'Girls night tonight. See you tomorrow? -Kags.'
'Can't wait! Love. -Kouga.'
Love? That's new... I should really figure out this relationship before he gets hurt. I put the phone back in my pocket and got out of the bathroom, making my way towards the bedroom.
"Are we going to sleep?" I'd noticed that the girls were putting on their pajamas. I caught Kikyo's eye for a brief second and smiled at her, but she quickly turned away, as if embarrassed. That was weird.
"We wanted to start the movie, and figured it would be better to get ready for bed now." Sango offered. I nodded and put on my favorite set of pajamas, a silky pink tank top and matching shorts. I got the movie ready and put the laptop on a table opposite to the bed. Ayame and Kikyo had brought sleeping bags, which they had placed by the foot of the bed so they could lean their backs against it to watch the movie. I snuggled inside the bed covers with Sango next to me. The movie started playing.
"Ayame brought up Inuyasha's crush on you while you where in the bathroom." Sango whispered to me.
"What?!" I exclaimed a bit too loudly.
"Are you okay up there?" Ayame asked.
"Just peachy!" Sango replied quickly, then went back to whispering. "Chill it Kags. Ayame didn't tell her that he still has a crush on you. She doesn't know that. To her it was just an interesting fact from the past."
"Are you sure?"
"Definitely." She paused and looked down at our friends, making sure they weren't listening. "You should have seen Kikyo's face."
"Was she upset?"
"She was shocked. I guess she never shared her mom's paranoia. I'm surprised she wasn't warned, considering how afraid her mom is that you are going to ruin her and her daughter's future."
We were quiet for a few minutes. Sango seemed to have focused on the movie, while I was mulling over all this new information.
"Do you think she'll ask Inuyasha about it?" I finally asked.
"Probably. I know I would."
"I would too..."
"We will notice if she does, I think."
And noticed we did. The next day neither Kikyo nor Inuyasha showed up at the tavern, where the whole gang had planned to meet. The day after that was the same. No calls or messages from Kikyo, which was weird for her. Since she'd begun her mission to become my friend she'd contacted me at least once a day. I was worried that Inuyasha had told her about our kiss and that she'd told him that he could not see me again. If they had broken up Inuyasha would have come see me, right?
Another two days passed before I finally saw him again.
It was night time and I was having trouble falling asleep. I turned over to look at the alarm clock for what must have been the twentieth time. I groaned when I saw it was almost 4 am. I need to stop thinking about him.
But the universe had a different idea.
Tap, tap, tap... I put my arms around my head, trying to muffle the noise.
Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap... What the hell is that? I sat up on the bed and tried to pinpoint the source of the tapping. It was coming from the window. It must be a tree branch.
Tap, tap, tap, tap... Ugh. I got up and walked towards the window, annoyed and ready to snap the offending tree branch in half. I pulled the curtain away and jumped back when, instead of a lonely branch. I saw Inuyasha sitting on the window sill, one of his feet pushed against the tree to help him balance. Memories of him and me sneaking out years ago flooded my mind momentarily.
"Are you going to open the window or just let me fall?" He said, his voice muffled by a summer breeze and the window. I had frozen in place, shocked by his sudden appearance. Finally, after blinking a few times, I proceeded to unlock and open the window.
Inuyasha came into the room awkwardly, tripping and almost falling to the floor. He was not this tall the last time he came through my window. I had to cover my mouth when a chuckle came out.
Inuyasha looked at me. He had composed himself and was lightly brushing off bark and leaves from his black jeans and blue hoodie.
"Yeah... I hadn't done that in a while." He smiled at me. Then his eyes drifted down and I remembered that I was wearing my fairly revealing pink, silk pajamas. I crossed my arms to try to cover myself somewhat.
"What are you doing here? I thought the earth had swallowed you."
"Kikyo has been... difficult these past few days."
"What happened?" I shifted my feet nervously.
"She doesn't want me to see you anymore." And there it is. He had told her about the kiss.
"Why?" I tried to sound shocked, but I don't think it worked.
"You know why, don't you?"
"I just know that Ayame told her you used to have a crush on me."
"Yeah."
Wait. He didn't... no. He must have...
"Did you tell her that you kissed me?"
"No."
"So... she doesn't want you to see me anymore because you used to like me?"
"She told her mom first."
"Oh. I guess it makes sense then." I rolled my eyes. Of course that woman has something to do with this. I looked back at him. He was looking at me intently, as if trying to read my mind. I looked down, feeling flustered. "Based on this late night visit, should I assume that you are going to grant Kikyo her wish?"
"I could never do that." He said quickly.
"So what are you going to do?"
"I'm trying to bring her around. Get her away from her mother."
I nodded. "Well, thanks for clearing that up for me. I won't think of calling a rescue team next time you disappear." I looked up and smiled, trying to lighten the mood—at least for my sake. His gaze was still locked on me, and I found that I couldn't look away. He started walking towards me at an agonizingly slow pace.
"What are you doing?" I took a step back, and then another, but Inuyasha kept coming and eventually had me pinned against the wall.
With his arms pushed against the wall on each side of my head, Inuyasha just looked down at me. My hands had found their way to his chest, but I hadn't even noticed myself pushing him away. I still held his gaze. Damn those amber eyes!
"Inuyasha, seriously... if you don't stop this now I'm..."
"I'm trying really hard to control myself. You have no idea... I just need..." His hands wandered down and surrounded my midsection in a gentle, yet passionate, embrace. I could feel him nuzzling my neck.
I don't know what caused it. It could have been the happy childhood memories that were resurfacing as I took in his familiar smell; maybe it was how safe I felt in his embrace; or maybe how each and every thing around us felt right. Whatever it was, all of my convictions fell apart at that instant—everything that I had been telling myself for the past few weeks was, all of a sudden, meaningless.
"I want to be with you."
Inuyasha lifted his head and looked at me with a quizzical look on his face. "What?"
"Forget what I said before! Just... be with me."
"Kagome, please—" I stood on my tiptoes, grabbing his face with my hands and kissing him with everything I had.
He kissed me back and I felt him hug me tighter for a few seconds... before suddenly releasing me and pushing himself away from me.
"I can't—I'm sorry." He turned away towards the window, his back to me.
Now I was truly confused. "But... you said that you would leave her for me."
"Things have changed. I'm sor—"
"No!" He took an awkward step back, startled by my outburst. "Don't you dare do this again! You can't keep teasing me and then walking away. It's not fair!"
"Kago—" He was looking out the window now, his head down and his hands in his pockets, his eyes focused on something trivial.
"What the hell happened? You were so willing to give Kikyo up two weeks ago."
"The circumstances have changed."
"Get out." I whispered. My hands were closed tightly in fists; I was very angry.
"Kags..."
"Get out now!" He looked up at me, a frown and a sad look on his face. I looked at him straight in the eyes, challenging him, dreading the thought of him making more excuses for not wanting to be with me, while at the same time hoping he would do it so that I could hit, yell, scream... anything to let out my pent up frustration.
Inuyasha turned back toward the window and climbed out, not a word said.
You know me so well Inuyasha...
I tried to hold it all in, to no avail. Tears fell and sobs made it hard to breathe. I collapsed to my knees and covered my wet face with my shaking hands.
Damn you.
