It's been a week at Pasteur's and I can honestly say I haven't hated it. Even the science teacher who stormed out on my first day wasn't that bad, once I got over the jibes at my hair. His daughter had been in and out of hospital a lot recently and he was stressing out, he explained the next lesson when he apologised to the class. This was a new one for me: I'd never had teachers admit they were wrong before. After this, Jack even emphasised that he wasn't trying to start anything. I was blown away by the level of maturity.

Of course my first weekend threatened to ruin that.

"SeanSeanSeanSean!" Called a voice outside my bedroom door. Jack.

"Who?" I shouted back, mostly to piss him off, but also because I had only just come back from the shower.

"You, you fat prick!" He called back, opening the door to me in only my pants. He found this hilarious. I didn't appreciate the joke, especially when I turned round to get a hoodie and he said: "I've seen worse" in reference to my arse.

A wakeup call from your classmates is different to your mum. There are no pleasantries, hell, the last time mum told me to wake up Jay I just put my armpit over his face. And we have the same DNA, so a little exposure isn't so bad, I suppose.

I made Jack sit with his hands over his eyes while I finished dressing, barely bothering to be annoyed by him singing "we don't have to take our clothes off to have a good time" repeatedly. Because he didn't know the rest of the song or it was even more annoying, I don't know.

When I was wearing skinny jeans, a band shirt, hoodie and a desert scarf, I let him drag me to breakfast. As we were queuing, Ian spotted me and asked me how my week had gone.

Before I could reply, Jack volunteered "great, he's wearing purple pants, aren't you Seany".

Ian went red, actually red. We must have matched. "How does that girlfriend put up with you Jack?" he asked. I t was rhetorical of course, and he stopped Jack from what was probably a grotesque answer with one commanding finger. Jack skipped off with his breakfast, literally. "That boy," Ian sighed, "so really, how are you finding the school?" I nodded and gave a general yes. "Honestly."

"...I want to hate it. I want to hate you. I want to feel like I'm being punished." I said in a small voice.

"But you don't, right?" he confirmed. I shook my head. "That's how a lot of our students feel, I think. They want the constant reprimands, to be boxed in. Once you stop seeing yourself as a failure, it gets better," he looked me directly in the eyes, grabbing my hand across the table, "I Promise."

I nodded weakly, biting my lip. "I don't deserve this."

"You're worth more than you realise," he said kindly. I blushed and looked down at our intertwined hands.

"Why are you so kind to me?" I asked, with genuine curiosity.

"Because I like you," he said as if it were really that simple. I raised my eyebrows, signalling him to elaborate. "I'm not like this with everybody. You're a good kid; you don't deserve what you got. I feel for you. I know how it feels to be alienated and I think you got that a lot, probably because you're such a prick... Plus you're cute."

I blushed harder, trying to not let my mind consider what he meant by that last bit."What about Jack?" I asked, the jokes between them were verging on inappropriate, even from the perspective of a teenage boy.

He laughed "He's my cousin. That's probably why he gets away with so much and being so god damn cocky all the time. He should have been ugly, that kid. He has the personality for winning people over."

"I don't know..." I trailed off.

He caught the gist laughing at the implication. "I thought he had a manly chin?"

His question had of course been rhetorical, but as we finished eating breakfast quietly, my mind was whirring. Yes I had said something to that effect. On the phone. To Jessica. Alone. How much had she said to Ian when they briefly talked on my phone? Please nothing incriminating, I hoped. Still, I made a mental note to call her and demand what the fuck she did actually say.

There ain't no rest for the wicked, though and I must be evil. I was brushing my teeth having escaped the slight tension (at least on my side if not mutual) of the dining hall. I couldn't even accomplish this before Jack was back at my door, this time with Alice and Elise.

"We're going into Ponty' town," the latter told me, "there's some people you need to meet." I smiled at her, reflecting on Ian's words, she really was a saint putting up with Jack all the time.

We left then, after signing out, the school surprising me yet again with the freedom we had. It was a fair walk into the town centre, but we chatted mindlessly. It was freezing, even for Wales. Luckily the huddled arrangement of linked arms provided some shelter from the elements. Jack moaned the entire way there about the weather.

"Oh shut up, England can't be much better," Alice moaned, interrupting his rant with a sudden burst of patriotism.

Thankfully it did ease up after that. We walked up to a grassy area where two boys were sat on a bench, close together. Alice introduced me to the small boy with ridiculous hedgehog hair, although he did have something cute about him. He was standing partially behind his taller friend, who had scruffy hair, sticking out in every direction apart from his straightened fringe. He seemed the leader of the two, like a big brother although they obviously weren't related. He was wearing an Incubus shirt. He smiled crookedly, "Josh." He said patting me on the back like this wasn't out first meeting. "And Maximillion"

The hedgehog stepped out more, objecting to the nickname. "Max," he asserts with a surprisingly gravelly voice for his childish face, "hell yeah." Josh shakes his head. I decide not to ask, it's probably some in joke I won't get anyway. We sort of awkwardly bash fists, unsure completely of the social protocol.

Everyone else had sat down on the bench watching me. Elise and Jack snuggled together, Alice and Josh then Max sits down next to him and it's full. "Bloody great," I complain, felling a little like a third wheel.

Josh just sighs, pulling me down on his lap and whispers "stop being so awkward." After that I did, because if the guy I've only just met has already noticed, then it must be bad. I turned side on and gave him a grin. I hit it off with Josh straight away after that. We comfortably talked about everything and nothing. My thoughts were completely off a certain painfully trendy nineteen year old who may or may not think I'm cute.

It got to about lunch time before we left the park, we'd moved from the bench to a tree, watching spoilt children demand to be pushed on the swings. Screams of "Mummy" drifted over every once in a while.

Jessica rings me that evening as I'm lying on my narrow bunk, feet pushed against the bars on the underside of empty top bed. The early setting sunlight is pouring through the window, illuminating the swirling dust. I run my arm through it, watching mindlessly. She says that she's missing me and school sucks. I give noises of sympathy in the right places, not wanting to interrupt, but genuine enough. I feel guilty, I tell her, leaving her behind and not hating it here. She says that Ian's right and I shouldn't beat myself up. This brings me to him knowing what I think about everybody. She laughs, promising she said nothing and reassuring me that he would have lost interest in me already if anything he did hear about himself was off-putting. She's right, I realise with a sigh of relief. She says that Jay is pretending not to miss me, but my mum told her he's taken to doing his homework sat on my bed. I smile at that and then she tells me to phone my mum.

I do, after we've hung up, moving position and hearing my joints click. "Mum," I start when she lets me get more than a few words in edgeways, "I don't hate you."

"I know, sweetie... But thank you for saying that." She praises warmly. I blink against the building fluid in my eyes.

Sniff "I miss you."

"I miss you too! It's always hard being away from my baby, but this is good for you."

I let her patronise me in that motherly way. I take it like teenage boys do only very rarely. And then I spill my guts to her, tears falling over now. I hadn't had time to really think about it, or hadn't let myself, butI miss home. She promises I can come home next Sunday.

I feel low after talking to my mum. I knock on Alice's room and she lets me in with a smile. We don't share many words; just lay side by side, listening to some internet radio station in the background.

I'm well looked after.