Chapter Four: Pursuit
Day one of the trial had gone terribly. Zell found sleeping to be impossible that night, too worked up at the thought of Seifer sitting alone in a prison cell waiting for yet another day of hell in the courtroom. The cycle was already exhausting and he wasn't quite sure how any of them were expected to make it through. Garden was under scrutiny by those who believed their school was the party truly responsible for everything that had happened, that Cid and his staff had bred the monster known as Seifer Almasy.
In an attempt to get away from all the pressure, Zell had taken the initiative to request a mission. Any mission, big or small. They hadn't been getting many of them in the post-war world, but he needed something and even something as simple as keeping goats on their proper lawn would be enough for him. His shoulders were slumped, eyebrows knitted together at the rejection. If anyone would understand him needing to get away, it was Squall, but he couldn't fight for it with Nida, Xu, and Quistis all hanging out in the office. Staring, judging.
"Squall, man, please, just... if you get anything, anything, give it to me, okay? I can't — I can't stay. I'm going crazy here."
Squall sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, turning to face the window and look over at the ocean. Running Garden was harder mobile. All the students wanted to explore and all their parents wanted them to be locked down, to have an address, to be available. Zell understood that Squall was already making the hard decisions, but he was also the one to go to when issues arose.
"There's nothing I can do," Squall spoke regretfully as he turned back to face Zell. "I'll let you know if something comes up. Sit tight until then. I'm sure Selphie would love some help with the party she's organizing, you could go and offer your help there."
Jaw clenching, Zell pulled his arm away from Quistis' hand when she reached out to apologize. His fingers curled and uncurled twice, eyes solidly connected to the floor. The last party they'd done at Garden was the night he passed his SeeD exam and he somehow let himself spend the night with Seifer. The last party he'd been to was the one they held at FH and the only reason he stayed all night was the fact that he was performing in it. For all the distraction it was, he still hadn't been able to stop thinking about Seifer or the war for a moment.
And now she was planning a party while their colleague was in the middle of a trial. It just didn't seem right to him, trying to celebrate knowing what was happening in Galbadia. Knowing that there was nothing any of them could do that wouldn't just cause more trouble. Knowing that no one cared about the orphan boy who had been taken advantage of by a powerful sorceress. Most importantly, knowing that everyone saw Seifer as guilty, no questions asked, and they hadn't been there to see any of it for themselves.
"Look, man, I get it. You're my superior now and that's seriously cool, but throwing a party together right now is... is—is just fuckin' rude. We just let Seifer leave on his own to go get his ass beat by the folks in Deling. There's nothing to be happy about right now. He's our friend, isn't he?"
That was no way to speak to Squall now that he was the commander. It was inappropriate to speak out of turn, but that had always been Zell. Hotheaded, ready to speak his mind. His anger only grew as Quistis stepped closer, an arm wrapped around him and a hand placed on either of his biceps, always meant to be comforting. There was no rhyme or reason for why their closeness made him so angry or uncomfortable, but he only tensed further having her there. She was supposed to be his teacher, not his girlfriend... right?
He shook his head and snaked out of her hold on him. Now wasn't a time to debate whether or not she was a viable option for a girlfriend. He'd come to seek a solution to his Seifer problem and wasn't about to leave with more problems than he'd had already. Nida looked almost afraid he'd only get angrier and Xu took a defensive position as if he were actively trying to start a fight. Even Quistis took the hint and stepped back, but no one dared to get in between the two men. There was no quick solution. Nothing that would matter in the long run.
"We'll keep an eye on the trial and if it doesn't go well for Seifer, we'll postpone the party. The live feed will run in the cafeteria and in the quad, so you're welcome to watch if you're curious. If Seifer's released, the party will be to welcome him home. Otherwise, we'll give it a week and let Selphie and the others have their fun. If you have any other concerns, talk to Xu or Quistis first. I'm sorry, but we can't stop our lives just because of one student."
Zell scoffed, defensively taking a fighting pose with one foot sliding back for balance. He hadn't noticed his own stance change until Squall reached for his gunblade. Zell groaned and forced himself to stand up straight again, though his nails dug painfully into his palms despite the low slump in his shoulders. To a point, he could understand. Most of their lives were completely unaffected by Seifer and Galbadia now that the war was over. The thing that drove him crazy was knowing that none of them had lives now that the sorceress had been defeated. Until Garden restructured, there was no point to what they were doing and the fact that no one would hire them only proved that.
"Seifer's gonna die an' you don't even care!"
If he hadn't already crossed the line, he certainly had now, but rather than face the music he quickly moved to the lift and took it down, leaving the command crew looking shocked alone on their podium. There wasn't enough time to care about it; he needed to get to the training center and punch something until he collapsed again. Anything to get his mind off of the real issue at hand.
Trouble came when he realized being in the training center only made him think of Seifer and his fate more. Just days prior, the man had saved his ass and he hadn't been thankful enough for it. Sighing, he dropped his fists and kicked a stone into the pond before leaving for the quad instead. It was a nice day to sit outside and watch more of the trial like everyone else. At least he could convince himself that other people cared as much as he did. They didn't, but he could pretend.
"Now, Mr. Almasy, are we to believe you were not in control, in spite of your history of violence as a student? How should we believe attacking the president was the last act performed at your own discretion?"
Zell swore to himself, taking a seat in the back showing no concern at the possibility he'd fall off. Maybe then his guilt could die with him. There weren't many good talking points when it came to Seifer: he couldn't lead, or control his emotions, or be a decent human being for even five seconds. That meant the prosecution had plenty of ammo to bring him down, but he'd be able to take at least a few shots...
"That's correct. After my idiot training partner announced that we were from Garden, I pulled the president to the back and was greeted by the sorceress. She talked me into following her and then... I don't know. I did everything she asked without question."
"So you admit that you willingly followed her?"
"I don't know. There was kind of a lot going on, I don't remember exactly what I was thinking."
"Let the record show that Mr. Almasy claimed he did go with the sorceress before she allegedly took control of his mind."
Zell's chest tightened. Things seemed to just get worse by the minute. It was a miracle that, with all of their training, none of it was preparation for this. There was no SeeD class telling what to do if you got caught by the opposing government, if you had to be blamed for something. It wasn't fair to throw a kid up there and expect it to go well... But Seifer wasn't a kid anymore. He was almost nineteen, almost too old to become a SeeD. No, their childhoods were long over. The nights of laughing and drinking without a care in the world were over.
Eyes focused on the screen, everything somehow faded out into black.
"Yo! S'up, Squall? Heh, we're both SeeDs now. Pretty cool, huh?" Zell reached out for a handshake. "Put it there, man." An awkward moment passed as Squall took a sip of his drink, obviously ignoring the smaller boy in front of him. Recovering from the disappointment, Zell put a hand on either hip and shook his head, lowering it a bit. "Hah, even as a SeeD you're still the same. Well, I guess some things never change. See ya!"
He had run off with a salute, physically bumping into Selphie on his way across the dance floor.
"Oh... Hey, Zell. Wanna join the Garden Festival committee and..."
Fumbling to regain both his balance and composure, Zell spat out his words.
"Sorry! I... ahh... Just remembered something. G-Gotta go. Bye!"
And he moved on like a tornado, not stopping until he tripped in the doorway. Looking up, he groaned and reluctantly pushed himself back on his feet. Standing before him was one Seifer Almasy, always fashionably late to the party. It was nice to see the smirk on his face hadn't been washed off in light of his utter humiliation after the exam. But he'd deserved it with how he led his squad into battles they had no business being in.
"I'm surprised you showed up. Isn't it kind of embarrassing that everyone in your squad graduated... except for you?"
Seifer rolled his eyes, but didn't really show any other interest or amount of care. Truth be told, he wouldn't have shown up if it wasn't for his meeting with Rinoa. Standing in a room full of people with a title he wasn't allowed to have wasn't exactly his idea of a fun night, but he kept up the facade. None of them needed to see how affected by it he was and they didn't need to know how much he actually cared.
"Isn't it kind of embarrassing that I have a girl in there waiting for me and all you have is leftover food in your dorm and your own hand?"
Furious, Zell's mouth opened, but was left standing alone in defeat. A moment's delay put him behind Seifer but didn't stop him from following the man, though he stood on the edge of the dance floor and watched as he ended up with a beautiful girl he'd never seen before. How did Seifer know her and did she even go to Garden? The sight of it all made Zell feel sick.
He'd retreated to the cafeteria to eat his stress away and it had been going great until Seifer showed up and immediately started yelling at him for being out after curfew. It wasn't the right thing to do, sneaking into the cafeteria and making his own food in the middle of the night, but it was what he needed. Seifer coming in only made him angrier. All the frustrations he'd swallowed came back up like a bad burrito.
"You're out after hours too, asshole! Mind your own damn business."
"Oh, shh, Chicken-wuss. Don't be such a baby. I'll play nice for a minute if you can."
Zell doubted that, but the gap between them was closing slowly with every step Seifer stumbled. Zell found himself sitting on a table, another offense to the code of conduct, and hands were on either side of him with Seifer's face only inches from his own. It was obvious that Seifer had had a few too many glasses of champagne, likely in trying to ignore his failures once again.
"You're drunk, man. You should go to your dorm before you do something stupid and get yourself in more trouble."
"Not that drunk," Seifer whispered with a small shrug and then he leaned in.
Zell felt the other man's lips on his and let his eyes close, one hand coming up to grip Seifer's shoulder for support. The kiss went on for a minute until Seifer parted his lips enough to run his tongue along the gap between Zell's own lips. Immediately snapping his eyes open, Zell kneed the taller man in the groin and jumped from the table, ready to storm out. He only stopped once he'd put a few yards between them and even then he was on high alert.
"What the fuck, Chickie?"
Breathing hard, Zell looked on with wide eyes at how much pain Seifer seemed to be in. The man was hunched over and coughing, an arm pressed to his stomach as if to balance himself. 'What the fuck' indeed. There had been nothing wrong with the kiss, except that it came out of nowhere and Seifer was drunk and Zell didn't even like the other man in any way. They were enemies and had never given any indication of becoming anything else.
"I said it already, you're drunk and you should go home."
His voice wavered, as if he only half believed that was what he wanted. The feeling of the kiss lingered and left his lips feeling empty, but the distance between them was supposed to be for the best. Seifer had just proven he was incapable of staying in line, being a good man, and this night was supposed to be special for Zell. A night to celebrate the man he'd become and give his family something to be proud of. There was a time and a place for experimentation and this wasn't it.
"You..." Seifer began, pushing himself up and taking a few steps towards Zell, "were enjoying the kiss. Don't end it like this."
Zell watched Seifer get closer and knew he should have walked away, ran through the halls screaming bloody murder just so he didn't have to be alone with his bully. All he wanted was a single moment alone in his dorm room to think about this and figure out what he wanted, but Seifer had a point. He was enjoying the kiss and there was something captivating about the taller man's eyes and how blue they were.
"I have to go find Squall and show him his new dorm. We're being moved to the singles since we're SeeDs now."
"Let me stay with you."
The space between the boys disappeared again and Seifer took Zell's hand in his own, taking another half-step forward and leaning down to press a kiss to the shorter man's shoulder. Zell's eyes closed and he allowed himself to fall against Seifer's chest, though only momentarily. Stepping away, he cleared his throat and shoved both hands in his pockets.
"You're such an asshole," but it was followed by a quiet "come on, hurry up" that meant yes.
They walked the halls hand-in-hand sneaking around corners to get Seifer into Zell's room undetected and as soon as he'd laid down, Zell left to wait for Squall. By the time he got back, Seifer was asleep so he'd curled up beside the taller man and followed suit, only to wake up alone like every other day, disappointed.
While the feeling of a hit to the should registered, it took Zell a few moments of blinking to finally snap back into reality. Everyone was gone and he'd been left there on the bench with his elbows on his knees, neck hurting from the stiffness of sitting still so long. The sun was almost entirely down and from what he could tell the trial stream was long over. He took a moment to clear his throat.
"Sorry, d'you need something from me?"
Selphie grinned, jumping mid-clap. He didn't entirely understand why, but then again that was Selphie for you. The exact opposite of Seifer: happy, cheerful, optimistic, caring. Having a crush on her, even with her being with Irvine, would have been easier than dealing with whatever these residual feelings for Seifer were. Part of him thought maybe it was just a lack of closure. The day after graduation, Zell left with Selphie and Squall for Timber, so he and Seifer had never had time to talk about what happened before everything went to hell.
And sure, they had had the last month to do so, but it was hardly important in the grand scheme of things. With the months that had pass during the war, Zell was sure it was hopeless anyway. He'd been sure he was caught up on something that only happened because Seifer had been drinking, but then holding the man's hand and laying with him outside Balamb had felt so natural and there was no way Seifer hadn't felt the same...
"Squall told me you might want to help with the party! I'd love to have you take a look at my plans so far!"
"Hyne, no!" The outburst had been unintentional and left Selphie looking scared and sad. "Look, I already told Squall I think it's stupid. We shouldn't be celebrating when our friend is on trial for a war we made. All of us. Together."
"You don't even like Seifer! He would have killed you in this war if he'd had the chance. We need to be grateful that Squall protected us. All of us!"
It was then that he realized to other people this party wouldn't be one to welcome Seifer home, but to be glad he was gone. And sure he'd been a pain in the ass and a terrible student, but it all felt somehow extreme. Especially coming from one of the orphanage gang. Like it or not, Seifer was one of them and Zell couldn't just leave him behind like that. They were all mixed up in this together and if one of them was going down, he shouldn't go alone.
Realizing then that he needed to do something more than sit at home and watch the trial, unable to do anything about the result, he shot up on his feet and pushed pass Selphie without listening to another word. It took a minute to scale all the steps, but without a thought he was gliding across the Garden to the parking lot where he hijacked a car and took off for Balamb. There was one more train he could take to Deling City, but he needed to hurry if he was going to make it on time.
Making a hectic stop in front of the gas station, Zell threw the keys to the man at the counter and sprinted down the road, nearly falling on his ass trying to make the corner. The attendant had been hesitant to let him in the station, but finally took Zell's money and let him on the train, which felt empty and he cringed. That must have been how Seifer felt when he left the other day: alone.
Looking through the window did nothing but show him the ocean. The underwater bridge was definitely worth having and it cut the travel time, surprisingly, but there was nothing interesting to do on train rides. The first stop was to Timber, and he stayed put until the got to the Deling City station. It was two in the morning and he reluctantly checked into the hotel. Even there it was awkward to exist alone, months of living with his group having left him comfortable with others' gazes. Now it was silent and there was nothing to guarantee he woke up.
He set the alarm on the clock beside him, but just laid there, unable to sleep. There were too many questions. He needed to know how he truly felt about Seifer, why he'd been so willing to drop everything and come here, if he needed to be prepared for a court martial when he got home. Disappearing was a serious offense and he'd done it for a boy he had spent his entire life hating. It didn't make any sense.
By the time his alarm went off, he hadn't slept at all, but a determined Zell jumped up and put on his game face. It was too late to change his mind about all this.
End Chapter Four
