Disclaimer: I do not own in any way the CW TV show Arrow or any of the characters. Some of the ideas in this chapter I have gotten from other TV shows like NCIS and NCIS Los Angeles.
Every day was a struggle for Felicity. Even after her conversation with Oliver the other night, she still felt like she was sinking or what was left of her. She still had a light inside of her but a big part of it had been extinguished. How to keep that flicker burning was the only thing motivating her to get up in the morning.
Felicity awoke to find Oliver gone and a note left on the kitchen counter.
Be back later tonight,
Oliver
After reading the note, Felicity made a decision to just go about the day as normal and what do normal people do, first thing in the morning, make breakfast. But before she could start her normal day a knock at the front door startled her. On instinct Felicity reached for the small of her back, for the gun that had served as her crutch for safety for so long. Realizing that it was not there anymore and that she didn't need it, she let out a deep breath and headed to the door with caution and relaxed as soon as she looked in the peep hole.
"Roy, this is a surprise. What are you doing here?" Felicity asked as she put on the brightest fake smile that she could muster.
"I was in the neighborhood," Roy simply said.
Felicity cocked her head to the side in disbelief.
"Ok, yeah that isn't exactly true but seeing though Oliver doesn't need me until tonight I thought that I would come and see you and I don't know, catch up maybe…but if you're busy that's totally fine, we can catch up some other time."
Felicity waited a beat before letting out a soft, genuine chuckle.
"What?" Roy asked.
"Nothing, it's just that you seem a little nervous."
"Because you're different."
Felicity's eyes widened slightly at Roy's frankness as his closed shut from embarrassment.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to come out like that, what I meant was…"
"Honestly Roy, don't worry about it, you're right I am different but deep down I'm still just Felicity and nothing not even six months away can ever change that."
Roy smiled at that and replied with a simple nod.
"Do you feel like getting some breakfast?"
"You read my mind." Felicity replied as she grabbed her coat and followed Roy out.
They settled on a little café for breakfast where they ate their food in silence. After they finished Felicity gaze was out the window, a million miles away until Roy broke the silence with a question that had been brewing ever since their first encounter since Felicity's return.
"Who taught you how to fight?"
Felicity's head snapped to attention as her brows furrowed together.
"Felicity, I wasn't just nervous this morning because you seem different. Most of it was because before Diggle and Oliver's reunion with you at the police station, we already had our own, however brief it was. The way you attacked me wasn't just the self-defense that Diggle was teaching you before you left; it was complex, well crafted." Roy paused trying to get a read on Felicity's reaction and then finished with, "trained even,"
While Felicity was trying to form the words for a response she had a flashback.
Flashback- Africa, small village
"You want to learn how to fight?" The elder of the village asked.
"When Tookmen comes for me, I want to be ready."
"I see deep innocence in you my child, a light that burns brightly. But I fear that this innocence will diminish and your light will slowly fade the minute you strike your first hit on your opponent. You need to be ready for that loss, so I will ask you again, you want to learn how to fight?"
Felicity closed her eyes seeing her innocent self behind her computer screen at Queen Consolidated.
"Yes."
The elder smiled briefly, "Then let us begin."
End of flashback.
"I was taught by an African elder in the village where I escaped to."
"Felicity, you were gone for six months, the kind of skills that you have takes years of training to master, just look at Oliver."
"I can't speak for Oliver and what he went through, I can only speak for myself. I had nothing but time when I was there and only had two options, wait for Tookmen to find me or train hard so that I could be ready for when he did. It wasn't easy. I trained hour after hour, with little rest and little sleep, forced to do things that I didn't want to do but that would make me stronger. If there had been any other way I would have taken it, but there wasn't."
Just like that her wall was crumbling and the emotion was gone.
"You look like you need to hit something."
Felicity just looked away and closed her eyes in irritation.
Roy, however was steely determined, "So let's go hit something."
They arrived at the foundry and were facing each other on the mats.
"Where are Oliver and Diggle?" Felicity asked while looking around.
"They're following a lead in the city."
"I don't think this is a very good idea." Felicity said apprehensively.
"Before Africa, I assume the way you dealt with your emotions and problems was to hack into something but now I assume that wouldn't do the trick. Spar with me and if at any point you don't want to go on, we can stop."
Felicity nodded, taking off her jacket.
Both Roy and Felicity got into their fighting stances and it was then that Roy struck first, not hesitating which was good because Felicity blocked his attack and struck twice as hard.
"What the hell is going on here?"
Felicity ignored Oliver's voice and took advantage of Roy who instantly froze, kicking his feet from underneath him and then flipping herself from her back onto her feet. Roy groaned in pain as Felicity realized how this situation was beginning to look and all she could feel was that she didn't need whatever Oliver was about to dish out.
Roy found his way back to his feet, seeing the situation unfold before him. Felicity had her head down, Oliver was in shock, simply staring at Felicity while Diggle had the same look on his face that he had when he saw Barry Allen's super speed in Central City.
"This is getting ridiculous, could one of you please say something." Roy said as looked between the three of them.
"Are we or are not a team?" Oliver asked Roy.
Roy replied with a confused look.
"Why the hell are you training Felicity behind my back?"
"I wasn't training Felicity, we were just sparring."
"That's not what it looked like to me."
"And what did it look like to you Oliver?" Roy asked as his annoyance level was rising.
Oliver opened his mouth to reply when Felicity spoke up.
"Enough,"
Oliver and Roy's gaze instantly fell on her with Diggle prepared to step in when he needed to.
"Roy's not lying, he wasn't training me, we went to breakfast and he asked who taught me how to fight. I told him and I got upset so he offered to spar with me to make me feel better and it did."
"What does this mean then Felicity? Do you want to join us again but instead of my computer hacker, you want to be my sidekick vigilante?"
Felicity's lips parted in shock while Diggle stood in front of Oliver with his hand on his chest as he said, "That's enough Oliver, back away."
"No Diggle, we need this." Felicity replied as she stepped forward towards Oliver who stood defiantly.
"If you think that I want to be like you Oliver then you are sadly mistaken. You are slowly letting the Arrow take over your humanity, it is slowly eating away at you Oliver because you refuse to try and just be Oliver Queen. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm the same Felicity Smoak that left six months ago because I'm not. The man who taught me how to fight told me that once I started to make the choices I had to make, my innocence would slowly diminish and he was right, however I still feel like Felicity Smoak and I'll be damned if I'm going to let her fade away by becoming like you."
Felicity was now just a foot away from Oliver, stealing away his defiance with every word she said but now it was Oliver's turn.
"I love you, Felicity. No matter how much you say that you have changed, I still see the woman I fell in love with and because of that I would never want you to become like me. I'm sorry for what I said but if anyone understands what you are going through, it's me. I made a choice to be like this, to only be the Arrow and I have to live with it. I just don't want to see you go down the same path."
"I hope you don't really mean that. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be the Arrow anymore because that is who you are, a man willing to put other's needs before his own, that is the man I fell in love with and I truly hope that one day you will be able to realise that you are Oliver Queen, a hero that deserves a life outside of the Arrow, a chance to be happy. I promised myself that if I got back I would move forward with my life because life really is precious and I'm done wasting it here on a future that may or may never happen. I love you Oliver Queen but I am not the woman you fell in love with."
With fresh tears in his eyes he replied with the sadness he felt, "Don't do this Felicity, please."
"Do what?" Diggle asked annoyed that they were beginning to say things without actually saying them.
Tears spilled down Felicity's cheeks as she walked past Oliver and turned around so that she was facing the three of them with Oliver at the centre.
"I don't think I can survive if I stay here. I'm sorry." And as if in slow motion Felicity left leaving the three of them behind.
