Interwebs! How are you today? I would like to thank Jimxi and ToriLynn88 for following this story. HERE are your virtual cookies, I hope they're magically delicious. I wanna thank my lil sister again for Beta-ing this chapter.

I don't own Middle Earth, or the residents of ME. I do own Vash and her back story. I don't own the song, either. Or anything else that you recognize.

Now, read on!


I wake up at dawn, like usual. I stand up and look to the floor.

"The floor is coved in Dwarves…" I whisper to myself. I try to find openings of floor between them to step. I eventually make my way through to the entryway, where I had put my gear last night. When I finish putting it all on, I head out the door. Outside, sitting on the steps, is a certain old ass dwarf. I gotta complement him on his handwriting though, that contract was fucking magnificent.

"Morning," I say, stretching my arms and arching my back. That hobbit hole is beautiful, but fucking tiny. Balin turns his head in my direction and nods at me.

"Good mornin' lass," He says with a smile. I smile back and take a seat next to him.

"So, you were all talking about me last night, what was the overall reaction?" I question.

"To tell you the truth, most of the older Dwarves were against having a woman with us. But the younger ones were all for having the legendary Vash Swiftblade with us," He says. I give a small laugh.

"I have to say, that's very practical of you all. But I have been living in the wild for the greater part of my life," I tell him, trying not to freak out on the old dude, they were being practical.

"Well, no offence meant lass, but you look like you haven't even seen 25 summers yet." I snort.

"Oh, I saw 25 summers a long, long while Master Dwarf," I tell him, amusement thickening my voice.

"Just Balin, lass," He tells me.

"Then you can call me Vash," I say with a smile, which he returns.

"Well Vash, are the stories true?" He asks curiously. I shrug.

"Well, name something I've supposedly done, and I'll tell you if it's true or not," I say. We talk for a while and I got to admit, he's a cool down to Earth dude. I see where the sun is and I excuse myself.

I walk outside Bilbo's gate, and whistle loudly. Truthfully, before I came to Middle Earth, I couldn't whistle worth shit. But, being away from the internet has given me a lot of time to accomplish things. Now I can successfully impersonate a lot of animal calls and shit. You gotta know that stuff apparently, that's what I've been told. I've actually whistled the one song the dwarves do in snow white while chopping wood once. Lowest point in my life right there.

My midnight black mare canters down the path to me. I named her Luna. I've had her for a while, gotten quite attached.

"Luna," I coo to her when she gets to me. "Did you terrorise the Hobbits without me?" I ask, and she snorts at me. "Well, I thought I made you promise not to do that
without me?" She snorts again. "True, you are a horse, but it sounded sort of affirmative?" another snort. "Well, never mind. Let's get you ready, shall we?"


I'm finished with Luna, so I head inside for some breakfast. When I make it into the dining room, the whole place is overflowing with Dwarves feasting on their breakfast.

"Having a party without me? Wow boys, I'm wounded," I clutch my hand to my heart. It makes Fili, Kili, Ori and Bofur laugh and a few others crack a smile. Dwalin, Gloin, Oin (pretty sure he couldn't hear me), and Thorin shut up immediately and go back to their food. I raise my eyebrows at them and then smirk. I fill a plate for myself, walk past the place Fili and Kili made for me, and proceed to sit right in the middle of the group of pissed off people.

"So, Dwalin, nice weather we're having, aye?" I ask innocently, I hear Fili and Kili laughing. Dwalin just replies with a grunt, I hum. "Someone woke up on the wrong side of the floor this morning." More snickering.

"Don't talk to me, woman," Dwalin growls. I raise one eyebrow at him.

"So, being a 'woman'," I make air quotes around the word. "Implies I am an adult. Therefore I can take care of myself; which makes my wellbeing my own responsibility. So don't mistake me for a child, Master Dwarf, and I will show you the same courtesy." I pause to let that sink in. "And, correct me if I'm wrong, but being a part of a company means you have each other's backs. No matter their gender. I hope you remember that when I save your ass from the danger we'll eventually run into." I stand and grab my plate. "Now, if you will excuse me gentlemen, I have some Hobbits to terrorize." I grin and walk out, plate in hand, after I swiped Thorin's flagon of course. I take a swig, ale, nice drink for the early morning. I guess they just drink all day so that they'll be drunk by night time? Dwarves, I'll never understand 'em.

I go outside and sit on the bench Bilbo was sitting on when Gandalf talked to him yesterday morning. I started humming one of my favourite songs when I was done with my breakfast.

Well there's a river that runs through Glasgow
And makes her but it breaks her and takes her into the parks
And her current just like my blood flows
Down from the hills, round aching bones to my restless heart

Well I would swim but the river is so wide
And I'm scared I won't make it to the other side
Well God knows I've failed but He knows that I've tried
I long for something that's safe and warm
But all I have is all that is gone
I'm as helpless and as hopeless as a feather on the Clyde

Well on one side all the lights glow
And the folks know and the kids go where the music and the drinking starts
On the other side where no cars go
Up to the hills that stand alone like my restless heart

Well I would swim but the river is so wide
And I'm scared I won't make it to the other side
Well God knows I've failed but He knows that I've tried
I long for something that's safe and warm
But all I have is all that is gone
I'm as helpless and as hopeless as a feather on the Clyde

Well the sun sets late in Glasgow
And the daylight and the city part
And I think of you in Glasgow
Cos you're all that's safe, you're all that's warm in my restless heart

~Feather on the Clyde- Passenger~

"That was beautiful," I hear whispered beside me. I look to my left and see Ori. I smile at the timid little Dwarf.

"Thank you," I say sincerely. "I haven't sung in front of any one in many a year." Ori shuffles his feet nervously. My smile widens.

"I just, um," he clears his throat. "I just wanted to say that that was a nice, um, good speech you, uh, spoke." I chuckle a little.

"Everyone heard that, ay?" I ask and he nods.

"Yes," He says. "Fili and Kili were very amused." I laugh outright then.

"Ah, yes, I bet they were. So, Ori, what brings you out here? I don't imagine your brothers will be very happy with you, talking to the girl who pissed off Dwalin." I question.

"Well, we're packing up our stuff, but no one was going to get you, after you said those things to Dwalin, so, um, I thought I should," He says uncertainly. I smile at him, trying to relax him a bit.

"So," I start amusement thick in my voice. "You were braver then all those battle hardened warriors huh?" He blushes while I chuckle a bit. "Well Ori, shall we." I stand and grab the plate and flagon. Right when we walk in, they get snatched out of my hands. I smile when I see the Dwarves working together seamlessly, cleaning Bilbo's house. I see Fili and Kili standing a few feet away from me and walk over to them. I throw my right arm over Fili's shoulder and my left over Kili's. They look up in surprise, I just smirk at them.

"We almost ready to roll out, boys?" they look at me weird. "Roll… Like a wheel…"

"Oh…" They say, but are still giving me weird looks. I roll my eye at them. Finally, Fili answers the question.

"Well, after we're done cleaning Mr. Baggins home, we will back up our belongings and… Roll out…" I snort when he says it like that. "I imagine you have a horse?" I look at him weird and nod my head, he grins at me. "You're going to ride with me and Kili." I roll my eye at him; detach myself from the Durin brothers and go to find the rest of my things.


We're all on the road; I just got done placing my bet on Bilbo coming. The pissed off people (for no good reason, I might add) have been kinda avoiding me. Very middle school of them. Gandalf has been shooting me amused looks… Fucking Wizard. Fili and Kili have been… Amusing to say the least. I can blame knowing everyone's name on them now. Bofur and Bombur have the funniest stories, like ever. Bifur kinda just sits there, its not like I could understand him anyway. Ori asks me millions of questions and writes down whatever I tell him. Dori and Nori are nice. Balin and I shared a friendly nod cause he's riding up in the front with his brother and Thorin. By the way, I don't know what happened to our friendly neighborhood brooding dwarf, I thought we were cool after our little pow-wow thing. I think Dwalin poisoned him against me… Fucker. And I thought Dwalin was supposed to be cool or something… Fucker. I don't blame Gloin. He had to leave his wife and kid to go on a suicide mission, and now he thinks he's being held back by having a woman in the company. And I bet he's poisoned his brother against me… Fucker.

"Wait!" I hear very faintly, so I stop Luna and turn my torso. Everyone, Gandalf excluded, looks at me oddly. Ha, I got better hearing then Dwarves.

"Wait! Wait!" Everyone stops their mounts now as Bilbo runs up the path behind us. "I signed it!" He says and hands the contract to Balin. The Dwarf takes the contract with inspects it with a pocket glass. He smiles down at the Hobbit.

"Everything appears to be in order. Welcome, Mister Baggins, to the Company of Thorin Oakenshield," Balin says. The Dwarves cheer, but Thorin looks unimpressed. I just smile and nod at the little Hobbit.

"Give him a pony," Thorin grumbles.

"No, no, no, that won't be necessary, I'm sure I can keep up on foot. I-I-I've done my fair share of walking holidays, you know. I even got as far a Frogmorton once- WAGH!" Bilbo's speech is cut off as Fili and Kili, riding alongside him, pick him up from behind and put him on a pony. Bilbo looks terrified, riding atop the pony. The pony neighs and tosses its head, making Bilbo look hilariously uncomfortable.

"Come on Nori, pay up!" Oin calls out. Nori tosses a pouch of money to the half deaf Dwarf. More pouches of money come flying in different directions to different Dwarves. One gets tossed in my direction and I deftly catch it, with a smirk. I can tell the future, bitches, don't bet against me. Bilbo and Gandalf talk until Bilbo sneezes, and he realizes that he forgot his handkerchief.

"No, wait, wait, wait. Stop! We have to turn around!" He yells. The entire Company comes to a halt, and the Dwarves start objecting and asking what the problem is.

"What on earth is the matter?" Gandalf asks the distressed Hobbit.

"He probably forgot his handkerchief," I whisper jokingly to the Durin brothers, which causes them to snicker.

"I forgot my handkerchief," He says like it's the end of the world. Which makes Fili and Kili laugh outright. I roll my eyes and snort. Bofur, trying to nice, tears off part of his
clothes and throws it to the distressed Hobbit.

"Here! Use this!" He calls. Bilbo catches it, and looks at the dirty piece of cloth in disgust. We all laugh at the domesticated Hobbit.

"Move out!" Thorin calls, so we do.

"… Home is now behind you; the world is ahead." I catch the end of Gandalf's pep talk to Bilbo over Fili and Kili talking my ears off. It reminds me of the song Pippin sang for Denethor, so I start humming that.


We are far out into the Lone-lands by the time we made our first camp. We had stayed all the nights before in inns for as long as we could, but there are none this far out in the wild. It was late at night, and Fili and Kili were on watch. I was supposed to be next, but I woke up early. I see Bilbo get up and walk over to Myrtle, his pony, and give her an apple. I smile at the adorable gesture of the Hobbit. We hear some Orcs screeching in the night. I leisurely look to were the noise came from and then look back to the Hobbit. Bilbo runs over to us, shivering in his adorable waistcoat.

"What was that?" He asks, shaking. I remember this part, and I don't want to be a part of it. I stand up, and walk over to the edge of the cliff were camping on.

"Orcs," Kili puts simply. Thorin awoke hearing the word. He looks to me, and I shake my head at him. I motion over to his nephews with my head.

"Orcs?" Bilbo asks, voice shaking even more than before. The boys nod their heads solemnly.

"Throat-cutters, they'll be dozens of them out there. The lowlands are crawling with them," Fili explains.

"They strike in the wee small hours; when everyone's asleep. Quick and quiet; no screams, just lots of blood." Kili finishes. I narrow my good eye at them while Bilbo looks away in fright. Fili and Kili look at each other and begin laughing. Thorin, pissed as all hell, stands up and faces them.

"You think that's funny?" He growls. "You think a night raid by Orcs is a joke?" The brothers quickly sober and shake their heads.

"We didn't mean anything by it," Kili defends.

"No, you didn't. You know nothing of the world." Thorin walks to the edge, right next to where I'm sitting. He looks out over the valley.

"You realize it's a good thing they know so little of the cruelty of this world? They need to hold onto their innocence while they still have it," I tell him. He promptly ignores me.

"What did you mean when you said you had lost everything?" He asks me instead. I give him a sarcastic smile.

"I meant exactly as I said, Master Dwarf," I say, if a bit condescendingly. As he crouches down next to me, I turn my head to stare him in the eyes.

"What have you to lose, girl?" He asks angrily. I know he isn't angry at me; just the shit life has dealt him. But that doesn't stop me from getting pissed off at his questioning how much my life was worth.

"When I say everything, I mean everything," I look him dead in the eye and glare so hard, any lower man would flinch. "I lost my friends. I lost my job. I lost my home. I lost my family. Do you know how many siblings I had, Thorin?"

"No," He answers. I raise my eyebrows.

"I had 6," I barely whisper, turning my head away to look over the cliff. "There were 7 of us in total, Thorin. 2 boys 5 girls altogether. We can do math, can't we?" I ask condescendingly. "4 sisters, 2 brothers. I can barely remember their names…" All the anger leaves my body, only self-loathing remains. "I can't even fucking remember their names." I clear my throat quickly, a little embarrassed that I let my walls slip, and look over to Thorin. "I had a good life, and then it ended. And every day I try to move on. I have a new life now, but I still hold my old life in my heart, because if it wasn't for my life before, I would be nothing now. Everything you go through moulds you into the person you are now. It's just up to you weather it's in a good way or not." I stand up and start my way back to the group.

"Which is it for you? Good or bad?" He asks me, and I pause.

"I ask myself that question every day," I answer, and keep walking. When I'm almost back to my spot, I catch the end of Balin's speech.

"-is the one who I could follow. There is one I could call king." I sit down on my bedroll. Thorin turns back to the group. Bilbo and the Dwarves are all standing in awe and reverence, and facing the would-be-King under the Mountain. Thorin walks between them towards the fire.

"But the pale Orc? What happened to him?" Bilbo breaks the silence.

"He slunk back into the hole whence he came. That filth died of his wounds long ago," Thorin answers. Balin and Gandalf share a glance while I just stare straight at the Maia
with a narrowed eye.


"So, Vash," I hear from my right. I look over only to see Fili, who I raise my eyebrows at.

"So, Fili," I shoot back to the blonde heir of Durin. He gives me a mischievous smirk, which is screaming bad news. I literally can hear the Bad News Bears growling at me. Well, maybe not, but still.

"We were wondering," Kili says from my left, and I look to him.

"Always a bad thing when it comes to you two," I say, leaning back so I can see them both. They ignore my comment. What's with the line of Durin and ignoring my good advice? Bastards.

"Can you actually use your weapons-" Fili starts.

"Or are they just for show?" Kili finishes the question.

"You think they call me Vash Swiftblade just for kicks?" I ask, standing. "Cause I can beat your asses, quickly." I draw my blades, dual swords, it's like you cut a two hander in half.

"We know you can talk, Vash, but can you fight?" Fili asks, making me laugh. After we get into an open clearing, we face each other preparing to fight. I swing my blades in circles, circling with my wrists. I cross them in front of me individually, loosening my joints.

"Are you trying to intimidate me Fili?" I swear that dwarf is thicker than his uncle, I'm literally a legend. "I have height, age, and experience on my side, Dwarf. I have single-handedly killed legions of Orcs. I think your brother and you together could last a few minutes, but someone doesn't always have your back on the field on battle."

"What would you know of that?" Questioning my battle knowledge? Bitch. "How old are you anyway? 12?" My age too? Fucker.

"How old am I? Fili, Fili, Fili. How rude are you, asking a woman's age? Are all the line of Durin as rude as you and your uncle? I'm surprised you line has lasted this long." Fili growls at me, oh mentioning his family pisses him off I guess. He charges at me with the sword in his right, so I block with my left. I immediately lunge with my right, trying to take him off guard, but he holds me off with his left. We're at an impasse, he's holding me at bay, and I him. I give him a changeling smirk which he replies to with a wink. We both pull our weapons out of the others grasp. By now we're surrounded by a group of chattering Dwarves, a scared Hobbit, and an amused Maia. I swear that Istar thinks everything I do is hilarious.

"That all you got, Dwarf?" I ask, and then grin when he growls again.

"Well, woman, you never answered my question, so I don't feel especially compelled to answer yours." I raise an eyebrow at him. This Dwarf is very insistent on knowing my age. Must be a bet or something.

"Why are you so bent on knowing my age?" I growl. We've been circling each other for a while now. He smirks and lunges for the opening on my left hip. But, unknown to him, I planned for that. I rotate my left wrist, swinging my sword in a downward arc to catch his before he can hit me. The move surprises him and while he's distracted, I lunge for an opening on him. I hit him the same way he tried to hit me, but I only let it nick his skin so it'll bleed a bit. We keep on lightly sparring, well, it's light for me. I think he may be out of breath a bit.

"Well, why won't you tell be your age, woman? You can't be that old, 26?" I snort.

"I haven't been that young in about 60 years," I actually stunned them into silence. Well, shit. Ha-ha, this is gonna be awkward to explain. That just opened me up to questions I don't know how to answer. Fucking Fili.

"86 years old then? I would say you've aged well… but…" I give a little amused, disbelieving laugh. We exchange more blows, but I'm getting tired of this. It's very tedious.

"I'm bored," I state. I use both my swords to knock his down to his sides, and do a full flip over the Dwarf. I spin, kick out his knees, and cross my blades over his throat. His breath is coming out in pants, even I'm breathing heavier than usual. I look up into Kili's wide surprised eyes and give him a grin. He, and everyone else have eyes as big as an anime character. Well, everyone except Gandalf. "I hope you bet on me, otherwise I'll be mightily disappointed."

"Uh. Sorry Vash, he's my brother" Kili says, a weak argument if you ask me. I purse my lips in disappointment and look to Mithrandir.

"You?" I ask.

"Of course I bet on you, child, I wanted to win," I smile at the Maia. "Now, if you would kindly release the Dwarf." I look at him surprised, then down to Fili.

"Oh…" I say, pull my swords away from his neck and sheath them. "Sorry Fee, can't win 'em all." I pat his back; I walk through the circle to Gandalf. The Istar is collecting his winnings, and gives me half of the profit. Together we walk back to the fire.


Well, how'd you like it? Did you think it was good, bad, weird? Tell me!

I gotta ask, do ya'll want me to write, like, flashbacks from when she was still on our world or when she was transported to ME? Like where she went and how she reacted to being transported to ME? And where she was? Or how she met Gandy? Or Elrond? Or Galadriel? Or other important people? And, if I'm gonna do that, should I just start another story and put those stories in as one/two-shots? or should I put them in this story, as flashback thingys? Please review and tell me your thoughts, just a simple yeah would suffice.

Please, also, review, follow and favorite! It would be awesome!

-JenniFromTheBak