"What was last night about?" Merlin burst into his room early the next morning. "You did well if your plan was to upset Gwen."
"I'm sure you cheered her up. Go spend the day with her." Arthur knew he was being petulant but frankly, he didn't feel like being the bigger person at the moment. He pushed the papers around his table in an attempt to look busy, hoping Merlin would leave and leave Arthur alone.
Of course Merlin didn't.
Leaning against the wardrobe, Merlin crossed his arms with a huff. "I thought dinner would be a great opportunity for you to rebuild your relationship with her and you do this?"
"Maybe I don't want to rebuild the relationship."
"Stop being such a prat! You love Gwen. You've always loved Gwen." Merlin was practically shouting at him now. "And you're giving up? You've barely even tried."
"She's in love with you, Merlin." Really, how did Merlin ever live so long?
Merlin stared open-mouthed at him.
"You're such a fool Merlin. She's smiling at you, cooking your favourite chicken dish, blushing when you look at her. She's in love with you." Each word he said seemed to cut a new wound into his heart.
"I don't love her that way," a still stunned Merlin muttered.
Arthur sighed. "That's not the point. I don't know what the point is. The council is a pain. Gwen is in love with you. Morgana is still out there plotting against us. Resources are low. I don't know what to do anymore."
Merlin was blissfully silent for a brief moment. Then he spoke again. "I don't think the solution is to give up on Gwen."
"What if she never truly loved me?"
"Is this about Lancelot?" Concern crossed Merlin's face.
Slouched at the edge of his bed, Arthur buried his face in his hands. "One day before we were to be married, she was kissing him in the middle of the night. She said she couldn't help herself. What was I supposed to make of that?" He had never discussed his with anyone before, not even Gwen, not when he realised that it upset her. They were very good at avoiding difficult topics.
"Why propose again if you had doubts?" Merlin was pacing now, his expression troubled.
"Because I can't lose her. I don't know what I would do without her in my life. And I thought that with Lancelot gone and knowing she cared about me at least, we could make a life together. But now." He sighed, remembering how coy she had been with Merlin. "Now, I don't know anymore."
"You really are a clotpole." Merlin ducked the flying pillow easily. "You love her and you are just going to give up? You two survived your father, countless princesses, kidnappings and even Lancelot and you are going to give up now?"
There was truth in Merlin's words, but Arthur was feeling far too sorry for himself to acknowledge it. "What do you think I should do then?"
"Court her. Make her love you again. She did once. She will again. And don't give me that nonsense about Lancelot. She said it was a mistake. You know Gwen. She never lies. If she didn't love you, she would have told you. You've made your share of mistakes too."
"What if she doesn't fall for me this time?" And he supposed that was the crux of the matter. If he didn't try, he couldn't fail.
"Then at least you would have tried. It's better than wondering."
Sometimes he forgot how wise Merlin could be. Not that he'd admit it out loud. "You're right."
"I usually am." A grin slowly spread on Merlin's face and Arthur chucked another pillow at him. Never a good idea to let him become too big-headed.
Court duties took up more of his time and with the visit of Lord Cheswick soon, Arthur found himself too busy to spend any time with Gwen, something that was very frustrating but also a relief.
Frankly, Arthur had no idea how to court Gwen. The first time round, there really wasn't any actual courtship that took place. One moment she was simply Morgana's handmaiden, someone he barely paid attention to then the next she was all he could think of. But everything was so complicated, he was so nervous, uncertain and she was quite reticent that for a while nothing happened. Nothing big anyway. There were many small moments though, moments that he still treasured greatly. More importantly, most of these moments were unplanned - their first kiss, even their second kiss, the big rescue, the short impromptu chats, the hugs - none of it were planned. There had been no formal dates, he never really bought her anything or wrote her any poetry and for most part, their relationship was never made public.
It seemed like this time round, things were going to be different and it wasn't going to be easy. He just hoped it didn't take him another 5 years.
Still, he knew that flowers were a good starting point, so he'd instructed Merlin to get some.
Going through petitions from his people wasn't his favourite thing to do but it had to be done. Farmers were asking for rations to make up for the crops destroyed in the battle. Merchants were asking to pay less taxes and many citizens were appealing for their homes and their businesses to come first on the list of repairs. Tired of trying to please as many people as possible and yet not overstretch his kingdom's resources and his knights, Arthur sighed and tossed the paper on the table. He allowed his mind to wander to Gwen and he wondered what she was doing and where she was.
Merlin tumbled into his room, his arms full of roses of varying hues.
"Here you go. The castle gardens wholly moved into your room."
"This is barely a fraction of the garden. Do you think Gwen will like them?"
"All girls like flowers right?" Merlin placed the flowers in a vase on Arthur's table, arranged them a little before stepping back to admire his handiwork. Arthur frowned at it. There was something wrong but he couldn't put his finger on it. "Isn't the first step to make your intentions known though?"
"Where did you get that from?"
"I may not be royalty but I do know how things work." Then he flushed and muttered. "Also, there was a book in the library on courtship."
That piqued Arthur's interest. A book would be most useful and he made a mental note to grab it later. He might have been through courting lessons during his training as a prince but he had never taken them seriously. As far as he knew then, his father would find him a wife and that would be that.
"Make my intentions known? Wouldn't the flowers do that?" This was turning out to be as complicated as he feared.
"Well, I think you're suppose to tell her first before plying her with flowers, poetry and presents. Do you think I could be around when you get to the poetry reciting bit of the courtship?"
"You know what my intentions are? They are to make you muck out the stables if you don't leave right now."
"See, you're not bad at declaring intentions," quipped Merlin as he slipped out of the door.
Intentions indeed. Arthur dragged his hand through his hair as he stared at the roses. There really were a lot of them and he suspected that presenting them all to Gwen would intimidate her more than flatter her. He sighed. He should get that book Merlin mentioned.
In fact, he thought, as he stood up, why not get the book now?
That perhaps wasn't the best idea when turning the corner, he slammed into Guinevere. The basket in her hands fell to the ground.
"Ah!"
"Oh!"
"My lord!"
"Guinevere!"
On the floor, the laundry was strewn all over. Gwen immediately bent down to pick them up. It only seemed right that he help. He couldn't say for sure if it was an accident, but his hands brushed hers, causing her to catch her breath and pull away quickly. For some reason, the resulting blush on her cheeks emboldened him.
"I have something to tell you."
"Oh?" She stared up at him, her gorgeous brown eyes probing his.
"Yes. The thing is, well, I have plans."
Confusion crossed her face but she said nothing.
"I have plans that involve you actually." This wasn't going as smoothly as he had hoped. Actually, with the way she was staring at him, a mix of confusion and wariness, it might actually be going quite badly. "They actually involve me courting you."
"What?" The laundry fell from her hands again. "Did you just say you want to court me?"
"Yes. I just thought you should know." Silence. "Umm because that is my intention. Yes." He knew he was babbling but Gwen was staring at him, opened-mouth and he wasn't quite sure what to do.
"I'm just a maidservant." The confusion was still in her eyes and she spoke slowly and cautiously. "Surely there are eligible princesses somewhere?"
"Well, I like you and you're never just a maidservant. Not to me. Speaking of which, why are you at work?"
"I couldn't sit at home the whole day doing nothing. It wasn't like my memory was returning while I did nothing." The laundry was all picked up and Gwen made to leave. She started to curtsy and he grabbed her elbow to stop her.
"Don't. There's no need for you curtsy. The same way you don't have to call me by my titles."
She bit her lower lip and again, he wanted to kiss her. "Why me? I'm nothing special."
"You are special. To me. You're the bravest, wisest, kindest person I know. And -" He stopped. For some reason, he couldn't bring himself to talk about the past they no longer shared. He cupped her chin gently and smiled at her. Then, without thinking, he brushed a light kiss across her lips.
She stepped slowly away from him, a nervousness in her eyes. "I need to go."
With a sinking heart, he watched as she walked away from him. That didn't go quite as well as he had hoped.
He really should get his hands on that book. Perhaps that wasn't how one went about declaring their intentions.
