Chapter 4 – One foot in front of the other

6:30am Monday morning

Bella

I could hear Charlie moving about downstairs. "Bella, it's time to get up." I had been awake for hours dreading having to get up. Charlie was hovering.

I grabbed my toiletry bag and took extra time in the shower before the water ran cold. The cold water helped put some color in my cheeks. I quickly toweled off and ran the blow dryer over my hair. Now that it was straightened, it didn't take nearly as long to get my hair into a presentable shape.

I pulled on the same cropped jeans I wore yesterday during Jasper's visit, but this time paired them with a brown paisley shirt and green cardigan. This was all part of Phil's retail therapy. Maybe he was right. Nothing was going to ease my pain, but I could put a happy face on. People were going to talk about me anyway, so I might as well neutralize some of their gossip by acting like I had my shit together.

I stopped in front of the mirror in the bathroom and dabbed on some lip gloss and brushed some rouge on my cheeks. I was colorless. Then I had a flashback of my grandmother in her coffin. Yikes! It probably didn't help that I'd lost several pounds in the last couple of weeks either. Not good.

"Okay, let's get the show on the road," I said, trying to psych myself up in the mirror.

Charlie was waiting for me when I came downstairs.

"I made some eggs, Bella. You want some? You don't have to eat the whole thing. Just take a few bites for your old man, Okay?"

"Sure, Dad."

"Are you ready, Bella?"

"No. But I don't have a choice, do I?"

"No, you don't."

"Thank you for covering for me with Renée. You know her. I expected to see a dozen emails from her everyday yelling at me. Thank you for telling her to back off. Thank you for respecting my need to work things out at my own pace."

"I'm here for you, Bells. I know I don't always give you what you need, but I'm trying."

"I know, Dad. Don't worry, okay? I'll make this right."

"I know you will."

"Dad, thanks for letting Jasper come to visit me. I know you put him in the same category as-" I paused. I couldn't say his name. "But he is really being a friend to me, like Jake. I need them both. Is that okay?"

"Bella, as long as you don't hide things from me, I'm not going to interfere. You know your own mind. I'm just here to remind you that I got your back. Okay, I'm going to leave now. Are you going to be okay driving to school?"

"Dad, don't you trust me?"

"Nope. But Jasper left me his cell phone number with a message to call him, if you got cold feet. I know that you don't want your old man driving you to school in a police cruiser, but maybe you might be more amenable to persuasion if you have a good looking kid dragging you to school."

"Dad," I said as I rolled my eyes. "I'll be fine. And you can call Jasper now, to let him know I'm on my way. You were going to do it anyway."

Jasper

I was sitting in my rented car a block away from the school, waiting for Bella. My phone rang and I was pleasantly surprised to see that it was Charlie.

"Good morning, Charlie, how can I help you?"

"Hi, Jasper. I just wanted to let you know that she actually got dressed and was heading out the door when I left. She should be at the school in 10 minutes."

"I'll be on the lookout. Don't worry. Good bye," I said before Charlie ended the call.

I parked the car just outside of the school parking lot so I wouldn't call any attention to myself before Bella arrived.

Bella's truck pulled into a parking slot close to the exit at 7:30. The lot was still empty so she could have parked closer to the school building. Was she still plotting an escape?

I pulled my car right alongside hers. She had her eyes closed and her head bent over the steering wheel, so she didn't notice me until I opened the door for her.

"Bella, you look smashing this morning." She did actually.

Bella jerked her head up, perhaps in reaction to the door opening or the sound of my voice. Either way, she flushed slightly, and got a little flustered.

"H-Hi Jasper. I didn't think I would see you so soon." Bella swallowed a breath.

"Is that a problem?" I asked a little challengingly.

Bella

I pulled my truck into an available spot. I shut off the ignition and buried my head on the steering wheel.

"I'm here. I don't want to be here. I want the world to stop so I can get off," I said softly, feeling the sting of unshed tears.

The waft of cool air coming into the car startled me. I looked up and Jasper's handsome face greeted me.

"H-Hi Jasper. I didn't think I would see you so soon." I swallowed a breath.

"Is that a problem?"

"No, of course not." I found myself thinking about the time, not quite a year ago, when Edward and I made our first entrance together as a couple one school morning. I could feel a single tear flowing from the corner of my right eye. I felt Jasper's cool hand brush the tear away before they reached my mouth.

"Come on, Bella, classes start in 15 minutes. You have AP history at 11 and I was thinking of dropping by. Maybe I can join you and your friends for lunch. What do you think?"

"I'm sure you'll give Jessica and Lauren something to talk about. So what exactly is the story I'm supposed to tell about why you're here?"

"Well, to your close friends you can tell them the truth. I'm here for Homecoming week so I can check up on you and give you moral support. The others I don't give a damn about. Tell them whatever you wish."

"Sounds like a plan. Okay, showtime."

Even though Jasper and I had spent a lot of time together in the last 24 hours, we didn't really talk. I mean, I didn't know why he was here without Alice or the others. I didn't know if Edward even knew he was here. What I did know was that Jasper being here was helping me through this. I don't think I would have made it to school if I didn't know that Jasper was going to be there either waiting for me or dragging me by the hair to come to school.

I smoothed my already very smooth hair, clutched my books to my chest and slung my bag over my shoulder. I managed to walk to my first class without tripping. Mike and Angela greeted me. Thankfully, because class would start in a few minutes, they spared me the 20 questions and just patted me on the shoulder saying: "Later." The next three hours passed without too much difficulty, and I found that I could actually concentrate.

At 10:50am the bell rang. I had 10 minutes to get to my next class: AP US History. Thank God I managed to do the reading assignment for this class. The last thing I needed was for Jasper to think I'm a complete dolt in addition to being pathetic. Hmmn, today's class is about the Confederacy. I think Jasper fought in the Civil War. That should be interesting.

Miss Startzel began the class with an announcement:

"Now class, we have a few visiting alumni joining us today. I thought to spice things up a bit, we could have a mini debate about some of the themes raised in the reading assignment. I'm going to pass out some talking points. Those of you who wish to participate in the debate can huddle over in the corner for 5 minutes and organize your thoughts. I only need three people per team, but you can use the extras as your 'survivor line.'"

I instinctively slid in my seat hoping no one would notice me. I could feel Jasper's eyes on me. No way. No way was I going to do this.

Ben and Eric walked over to me. "No way," I kept whispering to myself.

"Bella," Ben said, "You're one of the best debaters I know. Even if you don't feel comfortable debating, maybe you sit with us and be our lifeline."

"Come on, Bella. You can't fool me; I know you did this reading. Let's whup some ass."

It was kind of funny to see king nerd, Eric, being full of swagger. Anyway, right, like I was going to argue in favor of the Confederacy. Granted, in my family there weren't any slaves.

All of a sudden I felt a jolt of confidence. I looked up at Jasper and he was smiling smugly.

I was going to look like a fool. But what the hell?

"Okay, but don't yell at me if I bring the team down."

The opposing side offered a very straightforward and self-righteous defense of the union position against the Confederacy. I thought the argument about Apartheid in South Africa and how force was necessary in order to bring some semblance of equality to the native South Africans was similar to what happened in the American Civil War.

Jasper was, of course, in his element asking pointed questions. I thought he would go easy on me because I was advocating on his side, the Confederacy, and besides, we're friends. But nothing doing. He was practically spoon feeding arguments to the opposing side.

I got volunteered to offer the concluding statement.

"Two sides, equally tainted with guilt and blame, battled each other for the soul of the nation. The North won the war, but I'm not so sure the South lost the battle for the hearts and minds of the nation. The North represented centralized corporate power. The South represented a less industrialized and perhaps more human version of the nation. The issue of slavery and the promise of emancipation was a lightning rod for the Civil War, but Southerners may be right about the war not being about slavery. The Union forces criticized the South for the unequal treatment of slaves and blacks, but the reality is that most white southerners lived their lives entwined with blacks of that time. In the North there was no shared experience with blacks.

"The Confederacy represented the last stand of individual men in the face of unrelenting central power."

Ms. Startzel wrapped up the debate.

"Thank you all for a fantastic debate. I'm sure our visitors learned a lot."

The bell rang shortly thereafter, but some of the students lingered to congratulate us for the lively debate.

"You rock, Bella baby. I knew you could do it, girl," Eric gushed.

Ben quickly gathered up his books and headed out the door. "Bella, meet you in the caf?"

"Yeah, I'm coming." I looked up and saw Jasper standing behind me.

Jasper had a queer expression on his face: a mixture of awe, surprise, pride and …affection?

"You're my kind of people, Isabella Swan."

"So are we rehearsing for a Hallmark card commercial?" I shot back, not feeling very comfortable with Jasper's attention.

"Ha." Jasper grabbed my books and took my hand and led me out of the classroom door and towards the cafeteria to meet my friends.

Forks Cafeteria

"Bella, I'll go through the line and get you some food. I have a visitor's pass, so the food is free. You want anything special?"

"Thanks, Jasper. Just a carton of milk, 2%, and a peanut butter sandwich, and an apple."

"Got it."

I didn't need to have peripheral vision to know everyone was staring at me waiting for an explanation on why Jasper, a graduate who was supposed to be at Cornell, was in the Forks High School cafeteria getting my lunch. Ben, God bless him, gave me some cover.

"Oh, he's here for Homecoming," Ben explained to the small group of friends at the table. "He did an awesome job moderating our debate in our AP history class."

"So where's Alice, Bella?" Angela asked politely. Thank God, she didn't mention "his" name.

"I don't know that I'm in a position to say much about that. But what I can say is that he's being a great friend right now, and I wouldn't have been able to walk out of the door and come to school today, if he didn't help me."

Everyone including me was floored by the candor of what I said. There was a short pause while everyone registered what I said and what I didn't say. I didn't need to look at Jasper to know that he heard every word of what I had said. I think he threw some relaxation vibes our way and immediately the tone shifted and my table companions started giggling and jabbering on about their plans for Homecoming weekend.

"Thanks, Jasper," I said as he handed me the tray of food and sat next to me. I smiled. He ordered the same thing I did plus added a bag of chips. Interesting.

"So Jasper," Angela asked, "are you staying for all Homecoming events including the dance on Saturday?"

Jasper grabbed the bag of chips and plucked a chip, brought it to his mouth, and answered.

"Absolutely. This is reading week for us, so I figured I would check in on my little buddy Bella" (he gave me a light fist jab that really hurt and had me rubbing my arm) "and see what she is up to."

It was positively surreal watching quiet Jasper holding court with human teenagers. Hell, I never saw him do it with vampires. He was very hypnotic. Different from dazzling. It was more like glamoring on True Blood. He could make you believe black was white.

Before I had a chance to reply, Jessica was all over me.

"Well, Bella, you gotta come to the game and then maybe we could go out afterwards and shoot some pool. And then for the dance, I was thinking we could all just go as a group. I heard the band is a retro band, and it will be casual attire."

A dance, people, music, pretending to have fun… Lord please, kill me now. I could feel the surge of confidence Jasper was projecting onto me. I looked at him. "No way," I thought. The dude actually wants to hang out with us. He must be out of his mind.

I looked at my companions, and gave a token lackluster response. "Well, um sure."

Jasper pulled out one of the Homecoming fliers from his pocket and laid it out on the table.

"So, the game starts at 7:30. Let's meet at 7 in the lobby so we can find seats together. And we can play it by ear what we do afterwards. We can decide then how we will rendezvous for the dance Saturday night. Hey, Bella, do you think your dad might want to come to the game?" Jasper was grinning wolfishly.

In truth I didn't know Jasper well. But what happened to Jasper I thought I knew?

I think everyone was in agreement with the plan, until Jasper mentioned Charlie. I leaned over to Jasper and lightly jabbed his shoulder and said, "Ha, ha, funny."

Somehow that little exchange lifted everyone's mood. Jasper programmed everyone's phone number into his phone (not sure what he was planning to do with those numbers), and we settled back and let Jessica, Mike and Eric babble on. Mike at one point asked when I would be going back to work.

"I haven't yet spoken to your mom, Mike, but I guess next week is as good a time as any, if she'll have me."

"No worries, Bella. I'll put in a good word for you."

"Thanks, Mike."

"Bella, by the way, tomorrow is open mike night at Upstage in Port Townsend. Angie and some other folks were thinking of heading out there after 6. Maybe you and Jasper might be interested? No commitments. Just show up if you want. We can grab a bite to eat afterwards," Ben offered.

Before I responded either way the bell rang and everyone picked up their books and started heading out.

Ben smiled shyly as he looked over his shoulder. "Later, Bella. Later, Jasper."

When everyone had left the table, Jasper turned to me with a smile.

"You survived, Bella."

"Barely. So, Jasper, are you and I going to have a little talk where you explain what the hell is going on?"

"All in due time, my young and impatient Isabella Marie Swan."

"Okay, knock it off, Jasper. I hate having my full name called. It only means trouble."

"Good to know. So, I think I'm done hovering today. You're safe. Will you call me later today to tell me how your day went?"

We made plans. Before I had a chance to ask for his phone number he basically disappeared. Which is what I needed to do or else I would be late for my next class.

When I approached my truck at the end of the day, I opened the door and found a small bouquet of wild flowers and a note.

One day at a time. The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.

Jasper

It looked like he had collected the flowers himself. They smelled wonderful.

Jasper

"Bella, would you like to go for a walk with me after school lets out?"

Bella's friends had just left the cafeteria. Bella would have to leave also if she didn't want to be late for her next class.

She looked at me in genuine surprise.

"Where were you thinking of going?" Bella suppressed her momentary fear – of me, of my intentions, I wasn't sure which.

"Okay," She said softly.

"I'll meet you back at your house at 3, all right?"

Bella nodded as she picked up her books and managed to race to her next class in time.

Bella

Mike Newton had walked over to my desk and perched himself on the edge. He was laughing at something Tyler was saying, but his eyes were fixed on me. It had been a long time since I had seen that look on his face.

"So Bella, are you coming tonight to the night cap party?"

"What?" I looked at my watch. It was 2:33. Jasper would be waiting for me in half an hour. As I packed up my books, Mike made no move to get off my desk.

"Tyler, Eric, Conor, and I are meeting at the beach at Fort Worden. It starts at 7:30. My dad's a member of the sailing association and he was able to get us in for a nighttime beach party. It's not going to be wild. We'll maybe bring some guitars and other instruments and build a fire and jam. It should be over by 9:30. Come. You'll have fun."

"I don't know, Mike."

"Do you have other plans, with Jasper?"

My face went red. I don't why. It's not as if I was doing anything wrong. Jasper was my friend. But Mike's tone was dripping with accusation.

"Mike," I said sternly. I was already making my way to the door. "I know what you're thinking, but it's not like that. We're friends, like in the old fashioned sense of the word."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Then come tonight. You'll have fun. Ben and Angie are coming too."

For a brief moment, I thought about Charlie. He was being very tolerant of Jasper's sudden reappearance, but I knew he was just as eager as Mike to see Jasper disappear. He probably thought Jasper was campaigning to reunite me with the Cullens if not Edward. I suppose in some way, he wasn't totally off base.

"I'll think about it. But I have to run now. Later."

Mike caught up to me and kissed me on the cheek. "Think about it, okay?"

Jasper was sitting on the front steps when I arrived. His face betrayed no emotion, but my heart was galloping. I was flustered and had difficulty opening the door with my key.

"May I?" Jasper turned the key and opened the door for me.

"Thank you," I said, walking in first and depositing my bags and coat in the hallway.

"Will you wait here? I just need to excuse myself for a moment. I'll be right down."

I tripped on the first step going up, but made it the rest of the way without incident. I used the bathroom then stared at my hands for a while watching the water pour over them.

When I came downstairs, Jasper was in the exact same position I had left him in.

"You're not any more calm, Bella. Are you afraid to walk with me alone?"

I let out a big breath, and then smiled.

"No, Jasper. I'm not afraid to be alone with you. Though I suppose given our history you should ask why I'm not nervous."

"Then what's wrong?"

Honestly, looking at Jasper's concerned expression, I was at a loss to explain why.

"Let's go for a walk, Jasper. I think I need it. Where did you want to go?"

"I was thinking actually of the woods behind your house, if you don't mind."

"Oh, Jasper, I– I don't know if that is such a good idea."

"Yes, Bella. I think it's time. It's part of the therapy I've orchestrated for you."

"You know, Edward, well, he once warned me not to go into the woods alone – that there were more dangerous things than him in there."

"Did he now? Well, you won't be alone. I'll be with you and I won't let anything or anyone hurt you. Do you trust me?"

I took stock of Jasper's handsome face and earnest expression. He was trying so hard to be my friend. I didn't know how he was managing to not give in to his weakness and his bloodlust. But however he was doing it, it was working. Several scenarios of my cutting, bruising and scraping myself floated through my mind. Jasper needed my trust, like I needed his support.

I nodded. "Yes." I went to the kitchen and grabbed one of the many first aid kits I had lying around the house. I handed it to him. "Just in case."

He winked at me. I smiled.

I opened the back door and Jasper followed, locking the door behind us.

The sun was peeking through the overcast sky as we crossed the yard and approached the woods. Jasper held out his hand to me. "Ready?"

"Ready," I said taking a deep breath and letting it out as I stepped into the forest.

Jasper

Any remaining trace of Edward in these woods had long been washed away these past two weeks. I did pick up faint traces of Bella, though: remnants of her clothing, strands of hair.

"This is where E…he left me. He stood over there." Bella was pointing to a spot 400 feet from where we entered. It was another mile to the spot where we, the Quileute man and I, found Bella crumpled into a heap on the ground.

"How can you be so sure?" I asked. To my knowledge Bella did not have refined tracking skills. And she was so distraught that night, what could she possibly remember?

"As soon as he left I fell against a tree, breaking off a branch, and started pulling at the bark of the tree."

Bella walked us over to a spruce tree and pointed to scratch marks and thinning bark.

That would account for some of the blood I smelled when I found her, I thought. I examined Bella's hand, which I was still holding, and checked the other. Sure enough there were healing scabs on her knuckles.

We walked to the spot where I found her. The Quileute's scent had not been entirely eliminated and I could detect strands of his hair.

"Bella, this is where you were found. Do you remember anything?"

"I don't know how I got there or how long I was there. But I do remember hearing your voice. I remember or maybe I felt how much you and Sam Uley hated each other. I felt awful that two people who had come to help me hated each other as much you two did."

"Bella, how much do you know about Sam Uley, or the Quileutes for that matter?"

"Jasper, I have known the Quileutes all of my life. My dad, Billy Black, and Harry Clearwater, why, they're more like brothers than friends. But I didn't know anything about the legend of the wolves and the Cold Ones until I met, well you know. Jake told me the story about the Cold Ones and then I put two and two together and figured out that you were all vampires. Funny, Sam was the one who said your family wasn't allowed to come to First Beach at LaPush. That was my first clue that there was bad history between your two families. That's too bad. You're all good people."

Whatever that's supposed to mean, I thought dismissing Bella's comment for its sheer predictable naiveté.

"Anyway, Jake is my personal hero. He is the one who rebuilt my truck and taught me how to drive it. And he's just a baby."

"For heaven sake Bella, you're going to sing the praises of a child who holds a dilapidated truck together with duct tape and Elmer's glue? I happen to know, for a fact, your father could afford to give you a decent car. I never understood how the chief of police could allow his only daughter to be seen in such a poor excuse for a vehicle," I said snidely.

"You're such a snob, Jasper," Bella protested in mock defiance. "I'll have you know, I haven't had to bring in the truck for a single repair and it's like 30 years old. If I had to fool around and fine tune the truck the way Emmett and Rosalie are constantly hovering over their cars, I'd be bankrupt and Charlie too. Anyway, love me, love my truck. We're a package."

I shook my head in exasperation. Bella enjoyed the light banter between us.

"It will never cease to amaze me how after everything you have been through, you can still believe in happy shining people holding hands."

"You're quoting R.E.M.? For someone who has graduated from high school and college about 50 times you're about as clued in as my dad."

"Hey, show some respect for your elders, thank you."

We were still standing and still holding hands. Bella wasn't quite as anxious as she was before we left.

"Jasper, how are you doing it? I mean, even before you know, you always stayed far away from me. Why? Why is it different now?"

I released her hand and climbed a glacier rock a few feet away. I turned to look at her. At the moment, it wasn't her youth, or her radiant complexion, or her thick dark hair loosening from its ponytail, or her slender but curvaceous body that caught my attention. Rather, it was her pure heart. In truth, that is what I most admired about her. I had no answer to offer, for I had no idea myself how I was managing. The only thing I could think of is that I disappointed her once, and the Jasper Whitlock of old, the one who existed before the change, railed at the assault to his code of honor. His indignation was more powerful than the bloodlust of the vampire warlord.

"I don't rightly know, Bella. I'm feeding a lot just to be safe, but it's an effort. I don't ever let my guard down."

Bella approached the rock which I was now standing on. She reached out her hand gesturing me to stand again next to her.

In an instant I was at her side. She took my hand and placed her other hand over it.

"You have always been my friend, and I took you for granted. I was so wrapped up in my happy romance. I'm sorry."

"You've gone mental, Bella. Some friend I have been to you. I have messed things up for you big time."

"No, you haven't. You have never lied to me. And you haven't quit on me."

We looked at each other. I had never really experienced friendship, at least not like this. I had killed another to protect this woman, and she wasn't even my mate or a member of my coven. She was completely other. Yet, I knew I would stop at nothing to protect her, to help her if she needed. I had been feeling so ambivalent about returning to Forks, about leaving Alice. But right here, right now I felt vindicated. I felt redeemed. What a strange feeling.

I released my hand from Bella's grasp and brought my hand up to brush her cheek lightly.

"Bella, when you arrived, you were troubled about something. What was it?"

"Oh."

Bella was blushing, but for the life of me I couldn't imagine what it was she could possibly feel embarrassed about.

"Well, the reason I was a little late getting home was because Mike was making a major pitch to get me to go to a beach party in Port Townsend tonight."

"That sounds like a wonderful idea. It's all part of the therapy to get you out in the world, living, not moping and squandering away your youth and your beauty."

"Jasper, you're showing your age."

"Sorry."

"Yes, well, I don't know. I think Mike wants me to go so he can have a shot at well, you know, going out with me or something."

"Bella, Mike has never made a secret of his feelings for you, even when you were with Edward. He's right to take advantage of the absence of his rival. Are you afraid Mike will force himself on you?"

"No, no. Nothing like that. It's just that I don't feel that way about him. I never did. I'm okay with being with friends. I just can't handle the boyfriend, girlfriend thing right now. It's too much."

"Hmmn. Well, I don't mind coming with you if that would ease your mind."

Ease her mind? What about me? Could I spend an evening with a group of teenagers with only a frail human to rein me in? And yet the idea of not accompanying Bella at this moment seemed like a terrible idea – for me.

"Jasper, that's the other part of my problem. Mike suggested that there might be something going on between the two of us."

Her temperature went up a fraction of a degree. Her face was red again.

"Well, I reckon if I were him, I might wonder too. But, you know, I don't rightly give a shit what Mike thinks or suggests. What's important is what you want. If you would like to go to this party and you enjoy my company as your friend, then that's all that matters. You can't live your life trying to please everybody. Learn to trust yourself, Bella."

"Jasper, I'm not a party person. You know that about me. But I'd like to spend some time with friends. I'm learning how to be a social person, thanks to you. But I have to go slow. So if your offer still stands, then I say let's do it."

"Well, all right, then."

In truth I too looked forward to hanging out on a beach with others. I was beginning to enjoy my high school charade.

We walked quickly back to the house. Bella called her father to let him know she would be leaving to join friends at Port Townsend. I thought for a moment she would lie to her father, and not tell him I would be with her. But before she ended the call she told him.

"Bella, I don't know that I want you driving home alone from Port Townsend. Can't you get a ride with your friends?"

"Dad, don't worry. Jasper will take me and bring me back. I think I should be home by 10 or so."

"I don't know Bella. It's a school night."

"Dad, I won't be alone. I'll be in a group. And besides, you have Jasper's number if you start to worry or you want to check up on me."

"Honey, I trust you. Have a good time. And be safe."

"I will, Dad. Thanks. Bye."

Bella ended the call and looked up at me with a hint, the barest glimmer of excitement.

"Okay, let me make a quick sandwich and then we can go."

I followed Bella to the kitchen and watched her make a peanut butter and honey sandwich. She ate it quickly following it up with a glass of milk. She grabbed an apple and then followed me out of the house locking the door behind her.

It was just after 7 when we arrived at the entrance of Fort Worden State Park. The park office was closed, but we noticed the Marine Science Center was open. Bella got out of the car and I followed her inside. They had a list and checked off Bella's name. I looked at her questioningly. She shrugged. They looked at us and didn't bother to ask why I wasn't on the list. I guess I looked upstanding enough.

We drove to the beach following the signs and parked in the lot. Mike greeted Bella warmly. He ignored me until Bella started explaining.

"Oh Mike, I hope you don't mind that Jasper came with me. My dad didn't want me to drive out here alone, and I didn't want to bother you."

Bella was an exceptionally poor liar. I mean really. She was a disgrace to her fellow teenagers.

Mike was, I thought, pretty gracious. He lost no time in offering Bella a tour of the lighthouse. I already knew the history of Fort Worden. Established in the late 1890's, it was built initially to guard the nautical entrance to Puget Sound. It was the first line of a fortification system designed to prevent a hostile fleet from reaching such targets as the Bremerton Naval Yard and the cities of Seattle, Tacoma and Everett.

I was curious to see what kind of tour guide he was. If I were in his shoes, I thought, I would find any excuse to hold her hand or wrap my arms around her waist to guide her up the long narrow staircase. The fact that she was improbably clumsy would justify my forwardness. Plus, she didn't have a lot of stamina. She would be ripe for a stolen kiss at the height of the lighthouse overlooking a deserted beach at night. How romantic for a couple of provincial highschoolers.

Mike was more romantically and sexually experienced than Bella. Of course I knew because what else are you going to do when you're a 165 year old vampire surrounded by hormonal and horny teenagers? You eavesdrop on their gossip. What I didn't overhear myself, Emmett and Alice and occasionally Edward were all too eager to fill me in. None of it mattered to me back then. But that was then. I began to regret my overly solicitous comments regarding Mike. It was not a good idea for Bella to be alone with him, especially in a tiny lighthouse.

"Mike, do you mind if I tag along? I have visited Fort Flagler and Fort Casey, but not Fort Worden. I'm a bit of a military history buff."

Mike shot me an angry glare before he said "Yes." He was a little intimidated by me, otherwise, I have no doubt he would have taken me aside and said plainly: "Fuck off, Jasper."

I sensed the relief and gratitude from Bella, which was all the encouragement I needed.

I did keep a respectful distance behind Mike and Bella, which he used to his advantage. He used all of the maneuvers I outlined in my head to get close to Bella. The confines of the structure were such that Bella was stuck with Mike's attentions, and there was little I could do to intervene short of switching places with Mike.

Once at the top, I didn't interfere when Mike wrapped his arm around Bella's shoulder to guide her attention to the telescope to observe the moon rising over the ocean. I could tell Bella enjoyed the view. Mike was clearly enjoying a view that had nothing to do with nautical navigational devices.

And then I felt it. That little spark of desire from Mike. Bella was, well, I don't rightly know how she was feeling at the moment. But I couldn't stand the thought of him putting his lips anywhere near Bella. Hell, I didn't even bother rationalizing that she was still grieving over Edward. I just didn't want Mike's lips anywhere near her.

I had four seconds before his face would reach the corner of her mouth.

"So Mike, when was this built?"

"What?" Mike jerked his head away immediately. The spell was broken. "Oh, I think they started building this in 1897. It was named after some Admiral, John Worden."

I winced at the irreverence to the Admiral's title. His full title was Rear Admiral John L. Worden.

"When did it become a state park?"

"In 1955." Mike knew more than I gave him credit for. He at least had done a cursory Google search and remembered what he read – not that there was a whole lot to say about this particular lighthouse, anyway.

The questions and answers dampened Mike's ardor for the moment. He led the way back down, still holding onto Bella, but this time he wasn't trying to score any points. He acknowledged defeat, for this round at least.

There was a table of light refreshments set up. Bella helped herself to some pretzels and a virgin pina colada. A huge bonfire was being built. Angela greeted Bella warmly and said hello to me. She was surprised, but genuinely pleased to see me with Bella. While they chatted, I made polite conversation with Jessica and Lauren asking them about school. Torture. After a while everyone approached the roaring fire and sat down. Ben brought out his guitar. Someone brought bongos. Another had a flute. There was even a violin.

The musical tastes of the impromptu band ranged from folk to jazz standards to power rock ballads. For the purposes of getting people to sing, the musicians toned down their music and focused on simple chords. Ben sometimes would let me play the guitar while he sang. He had a nice voice, but his playing was better than his singing. Tyler and Eric rapped some lyrics they made up. Not bad. Mike told us entertaining stories. There was one in particular about Bella singing. I tuned out on the rest of the story. The only information I was interested in was that Bella sang.

"Bella, why don't you sing a song for us?" I urged.

"Yeah, Bella. Why don't you sing? You have a nice voice. Even though my mom reamed you out for it, she still thought you had a nice voice," Mike teased her gently.

It was night time. No one saw Bella's blush, except me, thanks to my vampire night vision.

I started strumming different melodies to see if I could entice her. Nothing doing. She was furious with me. I almost thought she would storm off. Maybe she would have if she had driven herself. In any case she refused to look at me. Maybe she thought if she ignored me, I would stop insisting.

I handed the guitar back to Ben. "Take over for a bit."

While Ben covered some John Mayer songs from the Continuum album, I quickly downloaded the lyrics to "Baby It's Cold Outside" onto my IPhone.

I created a table and signaled her part versus my part. I wanted to sing a duet with Bella. I leaned over and showed her the display screen.

"No," she said resolutely.

"Bella, come on. It'll be fun. Even if you mess up, it'll still be fun."

Angela pleaded my case.

"Bella, everyone loves the song. You don't even have to sing it. You can speak the words and let Jasper make a fool of himself singing. He's got the hardest part."

I found Angela's comment amusing. I smiled at her.

"Come on, Bella," Mike encouraged.

Bella was really afraid. Granted, some people really do suffer from stage fright. She had it in spades. Bella hated being the center of attention. I might as well have thrown her into the bonfire. So I reached out and squeezed her hand. "Trust me," I said. "It will be all right. I promise."

That was enough apparently to make her relent.

I let Bella spend a few minutes studying the words. Angela was right. All Bella had to do was just speak the words and not sing even. I would do the harmony. Any mistakes would just add to the spontaneity of the performance.

"Ready?" I asked Bella when she looked up from the screen. She nodded. Her nerves were wound tightly.

Ben handed me the guitar. "Okay, Bella and I are going to do a duet for y'all. I'm just going to strum a little to give Bella some courage. Don't say anything and just smile."

Everyone cheered.

I counted, "1-2-3. You're on, Bella."

"I really can't stay," Bella spoke this haltingly

"But baby it's cold outside," I sang with a pronounced Texan twang.

"I've got to go away-" Bella stammered.

"But baby it's cold outside," I sang confidently with the Texan twang.

"This evening has been," Bella spoke the first few lines and then started to sing.

"Been hoping that you'd drop in." My voice overlapped with hers as she sang her next line. Bella was starting to sing with more confidence, adding expression to her words. We were finally finding our rhythm. When Bella sang about her father pacing the floor, everyone laughed, imagining Chief Swan. I was adding more sultry pleading to my voice, playing the part of the man trying to get a not too reluctant date to stay longer.

Bella was slowly enjoying herself. She was smiling back at Angela even through comments about the lyrics, and the laughter when someone shouted "What are records?" when I sang my line.

We continued singing as the group laughed, catcalled, and whooped. When I sang about moving in closer, I distinctly heard Mike mutter "Back off, college boy," and could barely keep a straight face. Bella was feeling the lyrics, and I was feeling her growing confidence in the song and her growing pleasure at my company.

Our song continued growing in seductive tones, and I had to remember to reign in my own projective emotions when I sang about her delicious lips. I almost stuttered in the song. When had I ever thought of Bella's lips as delicious? When Bella sang about there being talk tomorrow, or at least plenty implied, Angela yelled, "Damn straight!" and Ben just chuckled.

We finished the song with gusto. I only noticed then that I was holding Bella's arms, and she was staring at me. There was a beat as our eyes connected, and then we smiled and bowed. Everyone applauded and dog whistled. "Go Bella!" I agreed. I thought we did a great job without practicing.

"Encore, encore," everyone yelled.

"Oh no," Bella said. I looked at her and saw that she was only half-heartedly protesting. She had really enjoyed herself.

I started strumming the opening of a song from Bella's playlist from her 1960's Euro lounge selections, "To Sir With Love."

The violinist recognized the song and began to accompany me. We played the intro twice.

For a moment I thought I might have to do the intro a third time or maybe sing alone, but she came in on time. I changed the key quickly to accommodate her alto voice.

The time has come/For closing books and long last looks must end,
And as I leave/I know that I am leaving my best friend,
A friend who taught me right from wrong/And weak from strong,
That's a lot to learn/What, what can I give you in return?

I harmonized with Bella on the refrain and the chorus. She got a little emotional towards the end and I cheated by bolstering her courage so she could finish singing. Bella was thanking me for coming back and helping her. Her gratitude was so heartfelt.

If you wanted the moon I would try to make a start,
But I, would rather you let me give my heart/To Sir, with Love

But this song struck a chord for me too. When the song was first recorded in the 1960's I was in the early stages of my life with Alice. And now that I was sure my time with Alice was at an end, Alice was my sir. She taught me right from wrong. She taught me how to live as a man first and vampire second.

We got a round of applause from everyone. Bella hid her face and didn't want to acknowledge anyone. Fortunately, her friends understood, and I passed the guitar back to Ben. I needed a break and so did Bella.

I stood up and held out my hand to Bella. She accepted it and let me pull her up. We took a walk along the beach. We didn't hold hands or talk. We were in view of the others so no one could credibly accuse us of doing anything "inappropriate." But our body language showed that we were close.

It was nine when we rejoined the group. Some people were already starting to leave. Bella and I stayed for a few minutes then announced our departure. Bella went up to Mike and thanked him, kissing him on his cheek. Mike and I were both surprised. I think she was trying to make peace with Mike and reassure him that she valued his friendship. She really did.

We drove to her house in silence. Bella was pensive. I couldn't get a clear read on her emotions. But I was also grateful that she blunted her emotions. It gave me space to think about what lay ahead for me in terms of my future.

It was 9:45 when I pulled up across the street from her house. I didn't offer to open the door for her or escort her to the door. She didn't want me to do that.

"Still up for the game tomorrow night?" I asked, not sure if she would chicken out in the end.

She nodded. Then she leaned over and brushed my cheeks with her warm lips and drew back quickly.

"Thank you."

There was so much love in her eyes, but somehow she was managing to rein in her emotions.

I projected my thanks back to her and said in a very low tone, "You're welcome." She seemed to hear it or at least feel it.

With my eyes I followed her as she got out of the car and walked to her door. She waved before going in and shutting the door behind her.

I drove away quickly, knowing Charlie would check to make sure I actually left. Of course I went back after a while and watched Bella get ready for bed. She was restless. Again, I couldn't get a clear fix on what she was feeling. But the main emotions that I could sense from her were vulnerability, weariness and gratitude. And of course no matter how much she reined in her feelings, she could never hide the ache she felt for Edward.

And the realization that she wasn't buoyed by the excitement of having pleasantly spent an evening with friends, singing and flirting and being young and enjoying life broke my old unbeating heart.

Bella checked her email messages as she prepared for bed and dispatched a quick message to her mother, Renée, reassuring her for the 100th time, that she, Bella, was doing better, and that she didn't want to go back to Arizona or Florida to finish out her senior year.

The last thing she did before getting into bed was to text Jacob to let him know that she was tied up most of the weekend (her date with Jasper, remember?), but maybe they could talk about hanging out and doing something fun on Sunday.

Life was slowly becoming bearable, sometimes even enjoyable at different moments. She offered up a small prayer to no one in particular. A prayer of thanks that she found good friends to support her and help her get through this dark period.

"I'm not all the way through this dark tunnel, but at least now I see glimmers of light."

"Good night, sweetheart," Jasper called out as she finally switched off her lights.

And with that she yawned and fell asleep. Jasper took off in the direction of the Hoh rainforest where he stayed until sunrise.