Chapter 4

That was it Jen had laid herself bare, her body and her feelings. Now there was nothing to hide behind, she had told Tilly and herself exactly what her heart was feeling, she had actually admitted it. At that precise moment Jen knew she would rather die than lose this feeling she had, and knowing that it was felt back was enough to enlighten her entire being. Tilly had sat up dropping her knees allowing Jen to lay her head on Tilly's legs, almost suffering with her outburst, she had been holding in the information she had wished wasn't true for the five weeks, it had been hell. The pair stayed in that position for minutes, Tilly just ran her fingers soothingly through Jens hair and tried to calm her down. If truth be told Tilly welcomed the silence at that point, she was so overwhelmed and moved by Jens outburst, it hit her core.

"I think we should get changed and go out, lets have some fun" Jen was now back, her mind had had a weight lifted off it and she was ready to show Tilly that not everything associated with love was pain. "Ok, lets go" Tilly smiled this was the first time that they could go out in public together as what they were, rather than meeting at isolated locations or quick stares before having to retract their eyes and look like they were nothing more than student and teacher. Tilly jumped off the bed and threw open her bag chucking on a t-shirt and shorts and her daps, Jen stood up and straightened herself off and grabbed her bag and they both made their way to the door and out into the hotels corridor. Tilly joked it looked like a scene from 'The Shining' and Jen poked and tickled her, both playfully enjoying each other.

They exited from the foyer and walked out by Hyde Park, "What do you want to do?" Tilly asked, "Well the National Art gallery is only down there but it doesn't open till 12, so maybe the aquarium or London eye? " Jen acted as though she wasn't sure but she had looked it up online and as per her life she had planned a route. They walked to the destination taking in the sights of the attractions around them and each others faces as they experienced this with each other. Tilly reached for Jens hand, running her thumb across the back of Jens hand until she opened up for her, Jen didn't mind, she didn't even have the cautious dread plaguing her mind she had completely opened up for Tilly and she knew she had no reason to hide, no one here knew them. Hand in hand they walked through London smiling and chatting about random things.

They came to the aquarium and Jen paid for their admittance, they walked around looking at the fish and marine animals, both pointing and calling each other over to see what the other found. Tilly joked how she wanted a seahorse and an alligator, Jen laughed along she forgot that Tilly was only sixteen.

They got to the shark tank and there was a crowd, this was normal at feeding time. Spectators loved to watch as sharks ripped fish head apart, the brutal truth they fortunately never had to witness in their usual habitats. Everyone rushed forward, and for the unlucky people in the front they would be squashed against the glass. Tilly became aware that Jen was leant against her and breathed a deep breath moving her body, her back raising slightly, she would never get used to this. Jen could feel the shift and placed a hand on the front of Tilly's hip steadying her, this however was not helping Tilly control herself, she could feel Jens breath on her neck and it was making her sigh "Relax babe" Jen whispered into Tilly's ear and gently nipped the top of her lobe with her teeth. People around them were totally unaware of the two women's involvement with each other and non of them even cared. "Your not helping when you do things like that Jen, stop it I cant move" Jen could feel how tense Tilly was, her chest was heaving and Jen could not help but watch the teenagers breasts raising with each deep breath in, Tilly was trying to control her breathing all the while Jen kept hold of her, tight, not letting her go "Don't ignore it, feel it, I'm not letting go, I'm not going to let you lose this moment". Tilly breathed out the nervousness of it all and enjoyed how close the two were, Jen never loosened her hold, she never stopped her hands crossed over Tillys stomach, and she kept her head right behind Tilly's, her mouth close to her ear, whispering sweet nothings into it, as the aquarium cleared and re filled with new on lookers and then cleared again.

Tilly turned she must have been focusing on the same sharks eight times around the tank to control herself, Jen said to savour the moment but if she allowed herself to focus on it too much she would have slammed Jen up against the glass or fainted. "The things you do to me" she said poking Jen in the arm, she was not mad but maybe embarrassed about the way she felt she childishly reacted to the situation. "You do them right back babe, you ok?" Jen asked knowing sheepishly she had made the teenager uncomfortable. "Yeah just never been so uneasy in public before, plus I think you were more turned on than me" Tilly added cheekily and pushed Jen gently "Too fricken right babe" Jen replied honestly and stepped forward again towards Tilly making her back right up to the glass, Jen placed a hand either side of her head. "Uneasy now ?" she mocked but she was totally serious, Tilly could do nothing but nod slightly, she wanted Jen to kiss her, more than anything. How can love stop you on your feet, make the world stand still, minutes can go by staring into your lovers eyes and it can feel like hours. Jen leaned in eyes open the entire time she wanted to watch Tilly's eyes change as she kissed her, she wanted to draw the energy from them. She kissed her, and after a few moments her eyes shut and allowed the kiss to be as magical as it felt.

There was a wolf whistle behind them from a group of teenage lads, Jen smiled at them and grabbed Tilly's hand and they ran deeper into the aquarium to the reptile section laughing. They walked past children with their parents, dragging on their hands to move faster, there was teenagers laughing at certain animals, it was all so surreal that these two could keep walking hand in hand with no body judging them or asking them how wrong it was. They made the most of the dark in the reptile section, lovingly touching each others face or arms, Jen had a thing for always keeping a hand at the base of Tilly's back, as though guiding her where she wanted to go, Tilly didn't mind she looked at it as Jen being older and being protective, and she did enjoy the touch. She would often stop so Jen would bump into her and shed a laugh at the intimacy when Jen would tickle her as punishment. They exited the main door and got immediately struck by the sun, it was a scorching day and neither were more glad that they wore summer clothes.

They queued for the London eye for twenty minutes, it was a quiet day so they managed to get a booth alone. The eye itself takes thirty minutes to go around, Tilly had not revealed in all the excitement that she was scared of heights and claustrophobic, she began walking around the booth scanning for a way if needed to she could get out, Jen gently tapped the chair ushering her to sit but she ignored it she was panicking. "What's up, are you ok?" Jen worried she didn't know what was happening, Tilly was sweating "I don't like heights and I don't like small spaces" she stuttered and walked back to the chair pacing around. "Ah babe I didn't know, why did you agree, um… I can use the emergency phone, Tilly, TILLY" Jen stood up and grabbed the girls arms and shook her, "Look at me, breath, in, out, breath, your ok" Tilly began to relax but not enough she thought she was going to faint, she sat on the chair and stared straight ahead, breathing as instructed in and out like she was in labour, Jen was kneeling in front of her, her hands on her legs breathing with her, helping her through, Jen herself was panicked she had never seen the teenager so scared before. Tilly cried for the entire thirty minutes and ran through the doors when they opened into the welcoming fresh air, Jen followed both of their bags in tow. She stood rubbing the girls back as Tilly caught her breath and Jen looked out over the Thames.

They walked for an hour roaming London, allowing Tilly to free her head and get rid of the sick feeling, she never even thought about freaking out about the height, she was too excited from the aquarium. They made their way back to Hyde Park and sat on the grass shoes off and chilling for a while. "You ok babe" Jen asked feeling guilty for causing Tilly this angst. "Yeah sorry I didn't think, I have always disliked heights, silly me" , she felt guilt also for ruining something Jen had arranged for them. They laid back and enjoyed the sun, held each others hand, Tilly bringing Jens hand onto her stomach, she needed it more she was drained after the day and the sun was not helping, it was making her sleepy.

Jen woke up abruptly to a dog licking her face she jumped shooing the dog away in shock and chuckled to herself. Tilly was asleep next to her, her face bright red from sunburn, Jen noticed herself that her arms were pink but she was not as fare as Tilly. She woke her and they agreed to go to the hotel to cool off, Tilly was burnt and it hurt.

They got into the room, and Tilly took off her top and stood in her bra and pants looking in the mirror, she could see her burnt arms, chest and face, her white skin shining bright where the sun had missed. Jen came over and began to gently blow on the girls burnt areas "I've started a bath running, get in, it will stop it burning babe" she walked Tilly to the bathroom and left her to undress, this wasn't the time to be touching the girl. Tilly slid into the bath gasping as the pain seared through her skin, she shrieked and Jen came running in seeking to help the teenager as much as she could. Tilly wanted to cross her arms across her naked chest to try and hold onto some dignity but they hurt to much, she sat arms suspended in front of her letting the hot water take account. Jen began cupping water and releasing it onto Tillys neck and shoulders, the teenager letting out little cries as she did "I'm sorry babes, shut your eyes and tilt your head back ok" Tilly did as instructed and let the teacher throw water onto her face repeatedly until the pain was beginning to dull. She sat thinking how this day, this date could actually become worse, this isn't sexy at all.

Jen disappeared for twenty minutes allowing Tilly to soak and calm down, she returned with a carrier bag. She emptied it out onto the bed, Tilly had to smirk she had brought 6 different types of after sun and lotion and was reading the backs of them to see which one was the best. It was cute this little act of care. Tilly came over and propped herself onto the edge of the bed in her towel, she didn't know how she was going to get changed and the idea of putting her bra straps on top of the sun burn made her wince. Jen was like a doctor she walked in front of Tilly and gently pushed her backwards to lay down, she squirted a healthy amount of lotion onto her palm and began with Tilly's arm and worked her way up blowing to try and cool the teenager down, she could feel the warmth radiating from where she was stood. She worked her way up to the her shoulders and using as little force as she could massaged some into Tilly's face she traced the freckles along her nose that had come out the same time as the sun. Tilly shivered with the pain but also as she could feel Jens fingertips all over her body, she knew it was not a moment to become turned on but this woman had a way of making her feel excited at all times. Jen emptied more lotion onto her hands and began rubbing it into Tilly's chest, undoing the towel and bringing to down to Tilly's stomach. Although Tilly knew she was not burnt on the actual breast she did not stop Jen from making sure that area was covered, she covered it well until Jen could feel it becoming inappropriate.

Jen washed her hands and resumed to the bed, dropping a few ice cubes into two glasses and pouring them both a drink, "Here babe, drink it, it will take the edge off" Jen smiled and passed Tilly a glass of something iced, she drank it, she welcomed the condensation dripping off the glass and ran it along her skin, she was no longer stinging but she was very hot. The breeze coming from the open window cooled her a little making her a little more comfortable.

"Nice date aye, one to remember?" Tilly gave Jen a weak but sorry fuelled smile. "Ha, definitely different but still one to top the rest, but then I think it depends on who your with" she winked back at Tilly forcing a involuntary smile upon the teenagers face. "You don't have to lie, this isn't the ideal dream date is it" Tilly replied knowing that if she wasn't so sore she would be trying to charm the teacher. "Depends on your take on dreams Tilly, if you knew what it was like to dream my dreams, you will be happy to know you fulfilled them when you kissed me and let me hold you. I have been so scared to touch you incase you broke into tiny pieces, you are perfect and the thought of touching you sends shivers down my spine. Believe me when I say this is all about who I'm sharing the date with" she touched Tilly's arm and the teenager knew she was being genuinely sincere, she was moved again. Normally when Jen spoke it would fascinate Tilly she was mesmerised by the teachers voice and it was something she missed when she didn't hear it, but Jen spoke like her art, so expressively and so deep that she could do nothing but listen and believe every word. Tilly laid back down and allowed the drink and heat to take affect, she drifted, her eyes fighting to keep staring at Jen, she saw the brunettes smile as she went and knew she was going to be in her dreams.

Jen felt helpless she couldn't do anything except watch the teenager wriggle in her sleep, she thanked god she didn't have sun stroke, that would have been awful. She lovingly dipped her fingers into her glass and dabbed the scorched areas of Tilly's skin, blowing on the areas trying to make her as comfortable as possible, all the while Tilly slept unknowing how much the teacher needed to care for her.

For so many nights Jen was left to her own mind, desperate and shaken, her arms couldn't hold her loneliness much more. Then this girl ran into her life, knocking her off her feet. She left her breathless and Jen couldn't understand why or how but all she knew was she was not only fighting back her demons when she was Tilly she was constantly fighting for the deep breath, the one that gave her the strength to stand. Tilly had given her light and hope, she had given her heart some flight, stopped her being broken and lost. Jen had come to the conclusion she would never be happy with someone, the light must have been shining brighter somewhere else, some place she had never thought to let in. She had it now and she held onto it, like a firefly she smothered her love for the teenager never letting it lose its light.

Tilly slept with her arms wide open almost offering Jen to jump into them, she laid simply next to her and held her hand, from the moment they connected Jen thought could she if she had to, actually leave this girl. She never stood a chance.

The day was nearing its end and as the evening closed in Jen could feel her eyes closing, she could still feel the warmth of Tilly's hand in hers and she could only sigh as the heat made its way to her heart.