Hardly Knowing the Reasons Why

There was much activity brewing within the Opera Populaire. Two days had passed since the fateful encounter at the graveyard, and Erik had not been able to speak to Christine in that time period. Those two days, though such a short period of time, stirred a longing within the Phantom; stirred an ever present need to be near his Angel of light. She was not far from his thoughts at any given moment. Still, the current explosion of activity had been enough to keep Erik's attention focused. Raoul DeChagny had not taken their duel in the graveyard lightly. Indeed, he now classified the Phantom as a significant threat to both himself, and to Christine Daae's freedom. The Vicomte had demanded an immediate audience with the managers of the Opera Populaire, which he had used to convince them just how much the Phantom needed to be dealt with. Erik had been present for that meeting, albeit unseen. It was with a touch of pride that the Phantom took note of the harried way DeChagny spoke, and of the nervous way he kept shifting his gaze to the shadows, just in case the Phantom was lurking there. The boy may have defeated Erik in their duel, but he was no fool. He knew that this opera house was the Phantom's domain, and he could only guess how far the Phantom's reach into the shadows extended.

DeChagny had obviously put a lot of thought into the "Phantom problem". The boy had calmly explained to the managers that Erik was no more than a man, and as such, he could and must be killed. He was, after all, a murderer who was threatening both the patron of the Opera Populaire, and it's most promising rising star, Christine. Unfortunately, the boy also realized it would be nearly impossible to track Erik within the confines of the Opera House itself, so he had devised a plan he was certain would draw the Phantom into the open, into danger. He insisted that by performing 'Don Juan Triumphant', they would ensure his presence within a specific area. Raoul planned to station police around the stage, protecting Christine from any danger from the Phantom, as well as around the box seating and backstage. The Phantom must be present to see his work performed, and Raoul planned to be ready for his arrival.

Thinking again about the scene he had witnessed between Raoul and the managers the day before, Erik sneered. A dark look settled over the visible half of his features, and he crossed his arms over his chest. Erik was perched upon a shadowed rafter hanging over the stage, quietly observing preparations for his opera. He felt he did owe the DeCagny boy a grudging amount of credit; he was persistent. He perceived the Phantom as a threat, (rightly so) and felt that death would be the only thing to halt him. Raoul's devotion to maintaining his hold on Christine was also admirable, and for that, Erik could not begrudge the boy. Christine had captivated some part of DeChagny, and even if Erik doubted the boy had enough depth of character to truly appreciate her light, he could not blame him for fighting so hard to keep her.

The darkness of Erik's look lifted somewhat as he reviewed his own plan for opening night. Raoul's idea was certainly not bad, but it would not work out the way the Vicomte hoped. The Phantom of the Opera would again appear before the Opera Populaire, but this time, he would be performing the piece he had written for himself and for his Angel. Piangi would be easy enough to silence; Erik did not anticipate any trouble in knocking the singer out. And Christine… Christine had agreed to perform, of course. He had not been present while she had begun rehearsals, so he could not yet guess what she thought of his work. She must know it was written for her and her alone, but did she understand that only he could sing with her on that stage? Did she understand that performing the opera that night would demonstrate her willingness to truly belong to him?

No one would interfere with the Opera once it had begun, if he appeared on stage as a performer. It was doubtful the authorities would know who he was, and the other participants on stage would have enough fear of the Opera Ghost to keep them in their roles. It was possible DeChagny would identify him and attempt to instruct the authorities to take action, but Erik doubted they would attempt to kill him while performing on stage. At worst, they would storm the stage to apprehend him, but Erik was far too familiar with the workings of the opera house to be caught in such a way. If needed, he could create a distraction that would surpass the most detailed planning of the Vicomte. Erik's misty eyes drifted up to the grand chandelier that dominated the arched ceiling. A smile tugged at the corner of his lips. Indeed, he could create havoc that would elevate the Phantom's status from a rumored myth to legendary.

The sound of Christine's voice chimed in Erik's ears, pulling him away from his darker thoughts. He glanced down and located his angel speaking with Meg as the pair entered the stage.

"It is such a strange opera, Christine," Meg was speaking in an uncertain voice. "I have only reviewed the dancing outlines for the first act, and I know that mother strongly disapproves of the movements we are to enact. She insists that it is shockingly inappropriate, and has been quietly criticizing them since rehearsal began." Erik smirked at Meg's words. Madam Giry's disapproval came as no surprise, and yet her devotion to her position obliged her to direct the movements as Erik had written. She would stay true to his work, he knew.

"I know it is strange," Christine responded distantly. "And so much more than strange. This opera resonates so strongly of him, that I can scarcely rehearse without…"

"Without what?" An intruding voice interrupted Christine's train of thought, and Erik felt anger sizzle inside him. Raoul had been lurking about onstage lately, convinced that because he was the Opera Populaire's patron and he had concocted a plan against Erik's life, that he had the right to roam about and oversee all aspects of production. Erik held little doubts that the boy was also attempting to stay as close to Christine as possible at all times, to prevent any further encounters with the Phantom.

"Oh, hello Vicomte," Meg bobbed her head politely, and Erik watched as Christine visibly stiffened. Raoul vaguely acknowledged Meg's presence by returning her head nod, and the ballerina uncomfortably backed away to allow Raoul and Christine to speak alone.

"Without what, Christine?" Raoul's voice was soft with concern, and he reached out to touch Christine's face. Erik felt his breath catch as he resisted the urge to leap down and pull his angel away. "My love, are you frightened? I can't imagine what it must be like for you, rehearsing and preparing to perform in his work." Christine did not draw away from him, although she did raise her dark eyes to meet his.

"What have I to be frightened of, Raoul?" Christine's voice sounded strained. He leaned closer, confusion briefly flitting across his features.

"You said yourself the Phantom frightens you, my darling." Raoul spoke with compassion, and Erik felt his possessive anger rising with each passing moment. "Now you are performing, rehearsing his work, knowing that somewhere, he may be watching you still. You have tried so long to convince me how frightening he is, and I only regret I did not understand your warnings sooner. I don't know how I can apologize to you, Christine." She held his gaze for a long moment, then slowly shook her head.

"I did try to convince you, but you wouldn't understand until you saw him yourself," she said quietly. "And yes, I was indeed frightened then. I was overwhelmed and confused, and also shocked that he was capable of murder. The Phantom of the Opera is a terrifying man, secretive and dangerous. And yet, I do not fear this performance. I again have the chance to perform on the stage that I love, and I know that no harm will come to me during the show. Think of it Raoul – do you honestly believe he would allow something to disrupt his masterpiece being performed? Frightened? No. I am not frightened of what he may do." Her eyes flicked back up to meet Raoul's sharply, and her voice tightened. "However, I dislike what you are planning to turn the performance into. I feel as though I am being used as bait."

"What else can be done, love?" Raoul's tone was pleading. "I have done all I can to ensure your safety, and if we can capture the Phantom on opening night, it will do just that. He will not let us be, just as you have said. If we are ever to be together in peace, this must be dealt with and put behind us."

"You are asking me to knowingly betray a man I've known since childhood. You are asking me to betray the man who has helped me to realize one of my dearest dreams. I understand that he is dangerous, I understand he has killed and that is inexcusable. I understand…" her voice trailed off, and Erik strained to hear her words to no avail. He felt his heart sinking in a whirl of confusion and regret. Had he known killing Buquet would cause such a disturbance in his angel, he never would have done it.

"I am sorry, Christine." Raoul pulled her into an embrace that she did not shy away from. "I am so sorry I did not believe you before, and I am sorry you must be faced with this now. But you must realize it is not you who are betraying him. He betrayed you, by leading you to believe he was something he isn't, and by taking such drastic steps to control you, to hold you to him. Those are not the actions of someone who truly cares for you – those are the actions of someone who is obsessive, of someone who is fighting for his own happiness above yours. I know it pains you, but this is the only way to be free of him."

Raoul DeChagny's words cut into Erik's soul with the sharpness of truth. His anger was stilled as he slowly realized the boy had just voiced the very same insecurities that had been growing in the back of the Phantom's mind for some time now. Obsessive. Self-focused. Wishing to have Christine to himself, despite any consequences she may face. He could not deny these accusations.

"And whose happiness do you seek?" Christine's voice trembled lightly as she withdrew from the embrace.

"Ours," Raoul replied with certainty. "I seek happiness for both of us. I am pained to see your discomfort in this horrible mess, Christine, and I am doing what I can to relieve you of it. Once the Phantom has been removed from our lives, we may move forward, into the light you asked me to give you. After this, you will never be forced to perform on this stage again. We may go anywhere you wish, and you could pursue your career if you like, but this Opera Populaire may be left behind us."

"Never perform here again?" Christine was clearly startled by this idea.

"Surely you wouldn't want to remain here!" Raoul was incredulous at her surprise. "With all these bad memories, the only way to truly move on with our life together is to put this behind us. Trust me to lead you, darling. Once we are wed, I can provide anything you wish, so you won't have to perform at all if you don't want to."

"I cannot stop singing," Christine spoke strongly. "It would be impossible for me to abandon this music thriving in my heart."

"Of course not," Raoul smiled and spoke lightly, not understanding quite how serious Christine was.

"And as for completely abandoning this place that has been my home for so long…"

"Excuse me Monsieur," Madam Giry's strong voice interrupted Christine's train of thought. She stood behind Christine, fixing Raoul with her intense gaze. Erik watched Christine closely, startled to see that she was lightly fingering the plain gold band on her left hand.

"Madame Giry," Raoul greeted politely, nodding his head.

"It is past time for Christine to begin her rehearsals for the day," Madame Giry placed a hand on Christine's shoulder. "Forgive my interruption, but you may speak with her later. You are free to remain and observe activities here of course, but I'm afraid I can't allow you to be detaining rehearsals any longer."

"Of course, Madame," Raoul turned his gaze to Christine for a lingering moment before bowing to both of them and moving on.

Watching Madame Giry lead Christine away as well, Erik also withdrew. His thoughts and emotions were racing, moving too fast for him to make much sense of how he was feeling. The only way for him to return to a state of normalcy would be for him to work through the chaos in his heart through music. Erik returned to his lair, his dark home, and forced his thoughts into his organ, creating music that reflected his chaos.

By the time reality again crept into Erik's soul and his music came to a halt, night had fallen. Erik had lost himself in his composition again, and he felt much better for it. He had been faced with a significant question: what was he doing to put Christine's happiness before his own? He had finally reasoned out that question by recognizing that he wished to help her pursue her talents, to thrive on the music he knew she adored. Yes, he wished for nothing but to be near her, and yes, he was obsessive. But she had certainly not pushed him away completely.

She was still wearing his ring.

Christine felt a draw to him that she could not deny. Yes, she had questioned this draw by the appearance of Raoul DeCagny, and yet she still wore the ring Erik had given her. That simple action promised that she wanted to be with Erik instead of the Vicomte, did it not? Erik's confidence swelled as Meg's words from several nights back echoed through his mind. Even her best friend had told him not to give up hope on Christine, for she was convinced that Erik would be the better choice for Christine's happiness.

She was still wearing his ring.

This knowledge more than any other fought back any insecurities threatening Erik's heart. However, the doubts in his mind were a little too insistent to be ignored completely. It was time for him to speak with Christine, and ask her what it was she was feeling, and ask her what she wanted. Why was she still wearing his ring? This question was humming through Erik's mind as he rose from his organ, and made his way to the world above his lair. Christine had been faced with some difficult soul searching as well, he was certain, and the chances of her being in the chapel were high. He would speak to her there.

"Erik," a familiar voice hissed at him before he could ascend the winding steps leading up to the isolated chapel. He stiffened and turned to face the only person who could anticipate and detect his movements within the opera house, and stepped partially into the light.

"Madame Giry," he replied in a cold tone.

"I must speak with you," the woman stepped up to him, completely unaffected by his intimidating presence. "Please come with me." Erik narrowed his eyes in momentary displeasure. He did not wish to be delayed in speaking with Christine. Madame Giry saw his expression and sighed as she turned away. "Christine has not arrived in the chapel yet, and was speaking with the Vicomte moments ago when I left her. I am fairly certain, however, that you will be able to find her here later. Now, please come with me." With that, the ballet mistress walked down the hallway, heading towards her own small room. Erik followed her at a distance and in shadow; remaining silent and unseen by anyone they passed by. Once they had reached the safety of Madame Giry's bedroom, she locked the door behind her strange guest.

"What is it?" Erik spoke impatiently, and leaned against the wall as he crossed his arms over his chest. Madame Giry took a seat at the chair in front of her plain vanity, and met his intense gaze with one of her own.

"You spoke with Meg recently," she did not phrase it as a question, so Erik felt no need to verify the statement with a response. "You have never revealed yourself to her before. I am aware that she has attempted to trespass into your domain in the past, but I still do not understand why you showed yourself to her."

"Does it upset you?" Erik responded with a challenging tone. "I did not frighten her too badly. So what is the problem?" Madame Giry's eyes flashed with anger, and she raised a hand to her head as though to sooth an approaching headache.

"Are you truly that blind?" she replied in exasperation. "You must have seen Meg's intense fascination with you over the years."

"And?" Erik was losing his patience. "Speak plainly, Madame."

"I fear that Meg's interest in you goes farther than simple curiosity," she responded sharply. "She loves Christine as a sister, but she has always been somewhat jealous that you have chosen Christine and not her. Your appearance at the Masquerade was the first time Meg was actually able to see you, and her feelings towards you have been growing. Last night was unacceptable, for now I fear that she is growing depressed at her interest in someone Christine may have feelings for." Erik remained silent for a moment, surprise clearly registering on the visible portion of his face.

"She told me to pursue Christine," he replied at last, the coldness evaporating from his tone. "I most certainly did not get the impression that…"

"That she might be falling in love with you?" Madame Giry did not attempt to hide the anger in her voice. "Erik, I have allowed you to do what you wish in regards to Christine, who I have raised as my own. But I will not allow you to claim the hearts of both my daughters!" Erik was silent for a moment, and closed his eyes in thought.

"I was not aware of the situation," he spoke softly. "And now that I am, what would you have me do?" He opened his misty eyes to meet those of his oldest friend. He had never intended to hurt Meg, even indirectly. He had certainly never considered that her fascination with him went deeper than simple curiosity, and the knowledge that it might unsettled him deeply.

"Speak to Christine," she replied. "The poor child is utterly confused by your actions of late, and is wrestling with her own feelings for you. She believes it would be foolish to turn down Raoul's offer of marriage and walk away from a life of comfort and love. However, her attachment to you runs deep, and she is loathe to abandon it. If you love her, tell her so. Tell her what you would offer her if she chooses you over the Vicomte. Give her something to hold onto when she struggles to imagine a future with you. If you wish to marry that girl, tell her so, don't simply give her a ring and walk away. If you are clear about your intentions for Christine, it will hurt Meg, but she can accept it. It will also give Christine some peace of mind, and help her make a choice. You cannot be mysterious and ambiguous when it comes to love, Opera Ghost. It has only caused Christine more pain and confusion than anything else."

Erik felt his heart tighten at the stinging words. He did not doubt Madame Giry, but he certainly didn't realize that he had caused such a dilemma for his beloved.

"Very well," Erik sighed. "I shall speak with her, and be quite direct."

"Thank you," Madame Giry nodded to him, relief in her face. "I know this is difficult for you as well, my friend."

"Goodnight," was Erik's only response, as he turned and left her room. A thousand thoughts cascaded through his mind, and he fought to push them all aside. He wanted to marry Christine. But what could he offer her as a future? This question was foremost in his mind as Erik returned to the chapel, taking his usual place in a hollow behind one wall. There was a brick missing, which enabled him to see into the chapel without being seen. Christine was already there, kneeling in her usual position before a small array of flickering candles. As though sensing his presence, Christine looked up into the flames as Erik entered. To his surprise, she lifted her angelic voice in song, for him.

Angel of Music
Please stay with me
Come to me strange Angel

Erik drew in a sharp breath. She indeed knew he was there. After a moment's hesitation, he answered her song softly.

Christine
Christine…

Sudden courage came upon Erik as he looked at Christine's candlelit face. Yes, he could speak to her here, safe behind a wall and hidden from view. But she deserved something more solid than that. Silently, Erik drifted away from his hiding place, circling to the stairs and the doorway leading directly to the chapel. He would not leave Christine to be speaking with a disembodied voice. He was no angel- he was simply Erik, after all. Erik silently entered the chapel to find that Christine had bowed her head.

Angel I seek you
Please protect me
Stay by my side
Guide me

Slowly, Erik moved inside the chapel, and he sank to his knees behind his angel. She gasped in shock as he wrapped his arms around her from behind, holding her precious warmth close to him.

Christine…

He called her name softly as he held her locked in his embrace. She leaned her head back against his shoulder and closed her eyes, her breathing growing deeper.

"You are wearing my ring, Christine," he spoke gently into her ear, and he felt the strength draining from her small form as she nearly went limp in his arms.

"Yes," she answered weakly. Erik watched as she fingered it once more, feeling all his insecurity melting away in the warmth of this moment.

"I want you to be with me," he said at last, ignoring the nervousness beginning to squirm in his stomach. "I want you to be mine alone, always." He wondered dimly if she could feel his heart hammering in his chest. "After all, my dear, it is a wedding ring."

Author's Note: -Revised 10/16/07-

Review replies:

Elphie89: Thank you so much for your kind reviews thus far. Oddly enough, I started out absolutely hating Raoul's character, but I've changed my position quite a bit since then. Reading the book by Leroux helped with that I suppose. I don't think he's quite as one sided as he seems, and I kind of like him. However, my love for the Phantom far surpasses my sympathy for Raoul's character… )

Phantomphorever: Thank you for your reviews! Yes, this story does indeed emphasize on the conflict Christine is feeling for her attraction to the Phantom. He's done some pretty horrible things, and it's hard to overlook that. It's not going to be easy for her to just pretend he's normal and perfect. However, he's worth fighting for!

Venomlover: Thank you for your reviews! I am trying quite hard to provide depth to the character's thoughts and motivations, and to keep things somewhat realistic. I'm glad you liked what I did with Meg – her character fascinates me to some degree, so I have to keep her in the story.

Lady Moon Dragon: I appreciate the kind reviews! There are several places in the story where I just paused and thought… what if things went differently? The graveyard scene was one of those that perplexed me the most, which is how this story was born.

Paola A.: Thank you so much for your review! As I had mentioned, I'm attempting to re-write this story (which is several years old) to improve my writing style. I am glad you are enjoying it so far, and I hope you like what happens next. )

Katherine Silverhair: I'm so happy you've stopped in to read this story and leave a comment for me. I was just browsing through your profile the other day, and was delighted to realize you're a fan of Harry Potter as well. (I didn't realize that before, since I've only recently been drawn into loving the story of HP). I will be happily reading through your works in my spare time, have little doubt. I'm sure you'll be seeing more reviews from me soon. )

PhanPhicPhantastic, Chaos Babe, lady wen, Cookie222, Allie, Genevive Lee: Thank you all for your reviews, and I do hope you continue to read and enjoy this story.