*We've held it back so long because this was the hardest chapter to write. But it was worth the wait, trust us. Read and see!*

Chapter Three

Spoiler: "Leave me alone", I warned further, "turn around and go. Just leave me alone."

"I know how you're feeling", he said sadly, and I heard strain in his voice.

"You can't possibly know how I feel!" I shouted at him. "You messed me up, dude, fucked me up terribly. Now I can't even do my job. I can't even think properly."

"I'm sorry!" he shouted at me, and as I turned on him to argue back, he rubbed his hands on his face roughly then made a frustrated sound that I never imagined Gibbs to ever make. He sounded weak as I was and terribly anguished too. "This is killing me!" he admitted without looking at me. "I just want you…out of my mind too. I want what I feel for you to stop! You think I want this? You think I called this on myself? Me of all people…" and he moved his hands away and threw them up, looked at me with tear soaked eyes and half laughed. "I swear to God, you drive me crazy. If this doesn't stop, if you don't stop it...Shannon, Kelly, Troy…I'll be so happy to see them."

oOoOoOo

(DiNozzo)

As soon as I threw open the door and went out to go after him, a gush of cold wind whipped around me and slammed the door shut with a bang. The sound ran like a gunshot through the quiet street, and I hoped that it didn't stir many people from what they were doing. If I did, then they'd look out and honestly believe that Freddy was chasing Jason or something.

I could see him in front of me as I went after him, his dark coat flapping around his ankles. He appeared like a dark magician running through the night, away from a taunting crowd. Yet I remained like a dog at his heels, angry and ready to confront him.

This was no easy fete you mark my words on it. I was like fuming. My insides were fuming so much that I felt sweat drain down my back and my neck as I chased him. And suddenly, this reminded me of when I had chased him back in Baltimore. Only thing different was that we were both running and…well there were many things different about these two situations: forget I mentioned that they're similar.

Anyway, he jogged like two blocks away from the store and dashed into an alleyway. I mean, I had this weird delusional thought that I could have pulled out my gun and shouted 'stop running' but this wasn't a suspect. It was…Gibbs. Shit, I could shoot him with how pissed I was at him. The man had fucked me up! Sorry for the language but when I get so mad at people I can get mean.

See first thing was that I was fed up with working for a man with so many secrets. He expected me to trust him with my life, wanted me to always have his back and believe in his ass and yet he hid all these shit from me.

Like Stan, Troy…for Pete's sakes, all this stuff about him being gay and all that. I mean, thinking back on it now, there were times when I wondered what was his damn problem. The divorces, ignorance, silence: how could I have even trusted someone like that? I was doubting myself now, talking shit when I knew that I shouldn't be thinking that way.

"Stop!" I said through gritted teeth, my chest heaving as I ran.

Pacing myself, I quickened my pace and closed the distance between us. When I was just a foot away, reaching out a shaky hand, I grabbed a fistful of the back of his coat and pulled him. We were in a deserted alleyway now, scattered with weeds of grass and a big garbage bin the size of a washing machine. But I got little time to register my surroundings since I grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pushed him back against the red clay brick wall.

"Give me one reason why", I said through gritted teeth, searching his blue eyes, "one reason why I should trust you again, Gibbs."

Blue eyes stared back at me, stressed eyes, eyes curtained and distant. He was blocking me out.

"I'm…your…boss", he said breathless, and I could feel his heart racing in his chest, his breathing heavy against my face. "Whether you like it or not, you work for me."

"You lied to me", I said angrily, "lied to your team: Ziva, McGee, Abby. We depend on you, Gibbs. We depend on you to do our jobs. You gonna keep hiding stuff from us…me? In case you haven't noticed, I'm your Senior Agent here. Hell if I need answers."

Of course he had nothing to say to that. He remained silent, his eyes level with mine. I wasn't thinking straight, no pun intended, and I couldn't even gather my thoughts together. For some reason, I couldn't say what I had to say because there was nothing I could really say to him. Or maybe I couldn't remember. Maybe it was because he was so close to me, in this dark alleyway with no one around…

"You gonna let me go?" he asked quietly.

"So you don't care about us", I stated dumbfounded and pissed. "You don't care about what we think or do or how we feel about you."

"Look who's talking about caring about other people's feelings", he said and scoffed. "You gonna stand there and talk to me about caring about people."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, confused. "You got something to say? Because right now with the mood I'm in, you better have answers."

"Oh I don't know", and he shrugged then glared at me, "you went behind my back, pried information out of my father about me, my personal life although I told ya not to do that!"

"I had to get answers!" I exclaimed, eyes wide. "It's all in doing my job!"

"Doing your job involves going around your boss for answers?" he asked plainly, his eyes flashing with anger. "Since when do you go behind my back to do your own thing?"

"Since you refused to give me answers", I said without skipping a beat.

"You went to him", and he glanced away from me, "him of all people. You know my relationship with him, know how things are between us and yet you just felt the need to use him to get what you wanted."

"He told me the truth", I said pointedly. "You never once tried to."

"Can't you just stop being such an asshole for a while and try to imagine what this is like for me?" he asked heatedly. "This is my life you're messing with here, my personal life. This case is about me. Put yourself in my place."

"I can't do that", I said plainly not missing a beat. "I'm not the boss here. Any case that involves me, I tell you all about it. Thought that was the relationship we had, what I worked for. I thought that if you had a problem you'd come to me, especially involving the case. Not to hide it. I mean, I'd understand if you hid it from them but from me?" I glared at him. "And last time I checked, I'm not the gay one here – "

"Tony, you – "

He stopped, taking in my words, what I had said last to him. I saw his eyes move from suggesting to confused, something passed behind them and then he blinked at me. And although I knew he deserved it, something inside me made me feel entirely mean to have said that to him. It wasn't fair but neither was what he had done to me.

"That's low, Anthony", he said, eyes shadowed. "Just had to say it, get it out, and make me feel like shit. Had to bring it in and involve it in this."

"Someone had to remind you", I said without thinking. It was one of those stupid DiNozzo moments where I just figured that I had to say something to not appear as if I wasn't thinking. And then stupid stuff would start coming out my mouth and I'd have to force myself to quit whilst I was behind.

"And you had to be that person."

And he took a step sideways, diverted his eyes from me then wiped his face. I saw fatigue and wariness, and wanted to let him go. Somehow I just couldn't. I couldn't stand there and allow him to walk away because…and I thought about it, played the idea around in my head…because I didn't want to have him leave just like that. I needed him to finish something, but I hadn't the slightest idea what it was.

As soon as he turned away from me and started to step away, I made a totally wrong move to grab his arm and hold him right there in front of me. His reflex was to swipe his arm away, turning to glare at me.

"Don't do it", he warned silently, his voice threatening. "Already messed up anyway. You disobeyed orders, did your own thing, played with my feelings, what I do, hell, who I am to you. Pissed me off! I'd hate to shoot you."

Feeling bitter bile rise up behind my tongue, heart beginning to painfully race and head becoming heated, I grabbed him by his shirt and shoved him hard against the wall. But it was Gibbs. He shoved me back hard and grabbed unto my upper arms, eyes hard on me. I grabbed back at him, and we used our frantic hands to tug at each other, my breathing increasing rapidly. But it was me who pulled my gun out of my shoulder holster. Rage blinded my eyes after him telling me, accusing me of messing up when it was all in the interest of saving his ass.

In an instant I had it jammed up, pointed into his heaving chest as my eyes remained level with his.

"You'd…never", he breathed against my face, his hot breath caressing my face and neck, something travelled down my spine. "Put it away."

"Don't test me", I whispered angrily. "I do my job, I work for you…" and I felt my lungs contract, energy being pulled from me, I couldn't breathe properly with him this close. "And you're quick to jump and tell me that I screwed up."

"You did…" he offered staring into my eyes, and I felt his hand on mine, the one with the gun. I suddenly felt reassurance and comfort, understanding and truce. He was testing me now, watching my emotions and assessing my thoughts.

"I'm never gonna please you", I said slowly, hurt and sad. "I'm never good enough in anything I do for you."

As quick as I blinked, in a heartbeat he pulled the gun from my grasp and grabbed me by my shoulders. Turning me around, Gibbs had my back against the wall now, one palm against my chest and the gun in the other. The contact his hand made on my chest, the very spot where it was rested, I felt my heart quiver. I was so shocked with his move that I lost my breath, especially when he moved up against me. He was so close that I could feel his chest against mine, the rapid pounding of his heart, his breathe against my face. And I could feel him hard between my legs, that definite bulge in his pants pressing against mine as he held me against the wall.

What did I feel? I honestly felt confused.

It was as if I was in a life or death situation right there and then because adrenaline kicked in. I immediately felt a rush, demanding of me to either forcefully move away or do the inevitable. The last option wasn't quite clear: it was blurred and uncertainty hung in the air on that one. But what I was feeling wasn't normal. It wasn't as if I understood it at all, yet I knew it wasn't threatening. I wanted more even though I was confused. Some part of me burnt up, like a light flickering across the hall whilst all the others remained off.

"You've never disappointed me, DiNozzo", he said as his eyes searched mine. I wished I knew what he was thinking but I didn't.

"I'm never good…" I was watching his move, "…enough…"

He moved in close and I froze up, felt my insides freeze over as our firm hips met each other's, his holding mine in place. And then he dropped the gun, released his grasp and threw it about a foot away. It fell with a thud to the ground and as it did, something at the back of my mind told me that if Gibbs was thinking clearly, he would have never dropped a loaded gun. But the weird part of it was that it wasn't loaded. I hadn't loaded it. The cartridges still were in my pocket. He couldn't have known that easy could he?

But he never did give me enough time to contemplate on his move because he had his hands on my shoulders, and where his fingers rested on my shirt, my skin burnt up. I couldn't actually believe that I was allowing him to go through with this. Everything was happening so slow and I couldn't think. Millions of thoughts were racing through my head like was he going to kill me? Or was he going to bite me like a vampire? Was he gonna tell me something, whisper in my ear?

The familiar smell of Old Spice and soap captured me right there and then. My head began to grow dizzy and my knees weak. This was pure shit. What was he doing to me? I had other guy friends who used Old Spice, even held guys up this close before and I never felt this way. What was I feeling? This was different, like major different because his body was sending out a vibe that interfered with my mundane thinking. Imagine I couldn't even speak. And speaking was like my hobby dude.

With his eyes on mine, his left hand found its way slowly up my heated neck, and as he used his thumb to caress me slowly, he studied me. There was pain in his eyes, deep pain and anguish that I couldn't understand nor could I process.

At the moment I thought of it as strange, that he was doing what he was and he appeared as if he was…afraid and cautious. I couldn't help it though, because although I fought it, my eyes closed just as his thumb massaged right below my earlobe and I leant back. A soft thrill that if strong enough drive me up the wall travelled down my spine. And my skin prickled. I began to feel heated, myself opening up to his touch, that part of me beginning to harden making my pants grow tight and uncomfortable. And I began to sweat. As my head met the wall, I bit in a moan and tried to move myself away from him, trying to gather my strength to push him away.

"Don't…" I whispered, inhaling deeply. Every time I tried to move, my front, tight, me hard and throbbing rubbed against the front of his pants, and I could only feel him straining from within.

"I want you, Tony", he said, and now I knew what I was seeing in his eyes. I didn't like it at all. I didn't want him to make me feel what he was feeling. I thought of Ziva and morality, silly things that shouldn't have even affected me like my father's harsh words hammering around in my skull demanding that I stop acting like a foolish boy.

No…

"No", I said firmly, and I pushed him off of me, feeling shaky and drained. "Don't do this. Don't…do this, Gibbs. I can't…we can't do this. It's not right. I mean", and I ran my fingers through my hair, became frantic, "Rule 12…your rule. We…" and I gestured between us, "this isn't right. Just stop it. Stop it now. I don't know what this is but it's not normal."

He was watching me and I tried to stare back at him but I couldn't. Instead, I moved away from him. Stooping down, I picked up my gun with shaky hands and slipped it back into my holster, eyes not meeting his. I needed to get away from here. This wasn't normal to me. I needed space, time to think and register what had just happened.

"You're different", he tried with me. I stood up, angry.

"Don't push that one at me."

"You are", he said calmly, studying me, his eyes calm and reassuring, begging me to understand him. Those blue eyes, so calm and kind all of a sudden, a change from the usual Gibbs' glare. It was as if he wanted me to move in again, to feel what he was feeling.

"Don't do that", I pleaded with him, looking away.

"Don't do what?"

"Don't…" and I lifted my hands to my face, ran my fingers through my hair, "don't look at me like that, Gibbs. Don't treat me like this, don't feel this way for me because –"

"I can't!" he confessed, cutting me off. I turned to look at him, my eyes searching his now. "I can't make it stop." I didn't understand.

"What?"

"So you think this happened at the spur of the moment?" he asked of me, his eyes tearing up now. "You think that this is something to control? Can't you see how I'm losing control here?" and he was shaky, his eyes frantic, vulnerable. I was afraid. "I love…you."

"I bet that's how you got them to fall for you", I said coldly now. "Bet it was a one spark thing then when you were done, you divorced them and oh…" I acted surprised when he began to step towards me, his eyes showing an angry glint, daring me to continue, "…you don't intimidate me, Gibbs. All those divorces, bet you just couldn't help it."

"My divorces…" he said coming towards me, and I kept stepping back, "wasn't my fault, couldn't help it. Wasn't right for me, didn't feel right."

"Oh right, and what made you break the commitment?" I asked stopping because the alleyway had come to a dead end. I was against a wrought iron gate now, hopeless. "You tied the knot, married those women, were you running? Running from Shannon and what happened? What made you so closed up and cold?"

"You", he said coming up to me. I was shocked, so shocked that I didn't know what to say.

(Gibbs)

I had lost all control over myself and didn't know what the hell to do about it. It kept coming at me, one after the other and I thought to myself, 'why not get it all out now since I had already done more than enough? So I continued, closing in on him with the truth that he needed to know.

Heavens only knew when I'd get another chance to tell him how I felt about him. And I wanted it to be now. It wasn't the right moment but I had to say it or else I'd break down and have some kinda mental shock.

He was right there in front of me, he kept coming at me with questions and brazen statements, taunting and teasing me. If he only knew what he was triggering inside of me, what he was pressuring me to think about him. I wanted to do more than caress him right there and then. Geese, being so close to him, feeling him against me, feeling his hardness within his pants…I wanted to taste him, tilt his head sideways and run my teeth over his bare skin.

I wanted to use my hands on him, unzip his pants and run my bare fingers over him, watching his green eyes become distant as my fingers massaged him. If he only knew how long I had envisioned those desires, moments of need within me.

He could try to hide it but I knew he wanted me, I could see it in his eyes, the way he responded when I touched him. I could sense that he was attracted to me, to my touch and how I felt against him. And even though I wanted to rush things, to force him to know how and what I felt, I didn't want to hurt him. I only wanted him to know what I wanted from him, how I ached to touch and be close to him.

"Me?" he asked looking confused.

"Should have never come after me in Baltimore", I said. "It's all your fault."

"This is too much", he said, and even though he tried to hide it, I could see him lose control inside.

"Walk away or stay", I said calmly.

"Fuck you", he said menacingly and glared at me. "Hell you're at liberty to give me options."

"Your choice."

"Oh don't go placing the ball in my court all of a sudden!" he demanded angrily, "making me look as if I did what you did."

"What did I do?" I asked confused.

"What did you do?" he scoffed, threw up his hands and stared in disbelief at me. "I don't believe this!"

"I told you the truth!" I said heatedly, "you wanted to know it, that's what you wanted."

"Alright", and he sighed. "I've made my choice. "I'm walking away. And to hell with you and this…thing. I'm not a child where you can play with my feelings and expect me to forget it." He moved away from me. And he began to walk away. I watched him go.

"I'm not gonna play your game", he muttered as he walked. And just as I went after him, the first drizzle from the thunderstorm exposed itself.

I grabbed his right arm and stopped him. When he turned back, I pulled him towards me and passionately closed the distance between us. When my lips met his, I caressed them using mine, moving mine across his slowly with desire. But he didn't welcome my kiss. Hot tears burnt behind my eyelids as it started to rain just when I wrapped my arm around his waist, my right hand caressing his face. Using my fingers, I played them against his bare cheek, feeling him shiver as the cold rain pelted down upon us wetting him and me completely.

And I pushed him against the brick wall, using both my hands to steady his face as I took control. As his hands lay limp at his sides, I took his bottom lip between my teeth and sucked on it, then tilted his head back as my tongue found the right side of his face. It was then that he moaned, trembled against me and tugged at me as I trailed my tongue across his skin, tasting him…his aftershave. Balling his fists into my shirt, he tried to push me away but I kept kissing him deep, long and hard. And then he pulled me towards him, opening his mouth as he caved in. I tasted him for the first time and couldn't catch my breath, feeling for his tongue as mad desire burnt within me.

But just as he was about to give in, thunder rolled above us and he froze. I did too, suddenly coming to my senses as to what I had done, what I had led myself to do. I felt like an ass, an out of control maniac who couldn't control himself.

Using all my energy, I moved away from him and watched him against the wall, his eyes confused and lost. I had done enough damage. And then the anger in his eyes were returning as I stood there and watched him through the rain. He was waiting to see what I'd do, what I'd say, what sorry excuse I'd come up with.

"Gibbs…" he began but I had already started to walk away. And when I reached the head of the alleyway and turned to head back, not only rain soaked my face, hot tears did.

Xxxx

The following day I avoided him.

I avoided his eyes, avoided looking at him, talking to him. It was so damn painful for me. I couldn't even talk to dad properly without having him check my face over and over again. Of course I had a terrible night, actually did shed tears, something I hadn't done in a long while. And just to wake up and have my eyes red, face feeling numb and hands shaky, I didn't want to go out, didn't want to do anything that damn day.

"You just had to spill it", I said to Jackson, eyes furious. "Had to come out and be the one to tell the tale."

"I didn't have a choice", he said calmly. "Your kids needed answers. I had to give them some."

"You could have told them you didn't know anything, told them you knew nothing", I said pacing the floor, trying to walk off the stress, pain in my heart. "Now Abby knows, and…" I couldn't say his name.

"Leroy, for just one damn second can you get your head out of the clouds and realize that they have to know this?" he stared at me. "They want to help. I want to help –"

"I don't need your help!" I exclaimed angrily at him. "I'm not a kid anymore. That little screwed over teenager that always had problems, and never could understand things. I'm an adult now."

"You sure as hell ain't behaving like one", he said sternly, his eyes furious. I suddenly felt like that same teenager again, ready for a tongue wagging and a serious punishment. "The more you hide behind that stupid barrier that you've put up, the harder you're going to make your life for you. You need to lighten up more, like your agent…Anthony. He's such a nice guy. Reminds me of how charming you could have been if you hadn't allowed yourself to become this cold."

"I'm cold?" I asked furiously. "You're calling me cold? Just because I can keep my emotions in check?"

"You're just like your mother", he said avoiding my eyes, picking up a box, "always hid her feelings, bottled them up and then when she couldn't hide them anymore, she'd explode."

"Don't bring mom in this", I said in a low voice, laced with anger.

"You're gonna explode, Jethro, mark my words."

"Better hope it ain't on you", I said looking out the window. People walked by, a lady, a red hair toddler.

"All I'm saying is that you should tell them things. Let them know how you feel because like it or not, they're the closest thing you got as family where you live now." He started to pack cans of corn on the shelf. "Since you hate me already, it will be easier for you to trust them."

I sighed, felt a tug at my heart. "Don't hate you", I said calmly.

"Oh ho?" he asked turning to face me. "And all these years you've stayed away."

I'd had enough, needed to tell him what I really wanted to. "I stayed away? You were the one who said that you hated that part of me!" I said angrily. "You said if ya can't get rid of it then curse our relationship." And I watched him remember. "Telling them last night how you didn't have a problem with it? How come you didn't tell them what you did to me, said to me when you found out I was in love with Troy…a guy…my best friend?"

"You wanted me to tell them the truth about that? Thought you said to not tell them everything –"

"Well you sure as hell said little!" I declared, anger boiling over. "You threw my ass out of your house when I wasn't even out of high school yet, signed me up to become a Marine, threatened to tell my friends about Troy and I –"

"I was furious then but not now I know better", he said and appeared frustrated. "Jethro, I was still trying to handle you, trying to be a good parent, trying to deal with your mother's death. When you told me that you were…had feelings for Troy, I thought you were trying to rebel on me. You always used to, mouthing me back, the lot –"

"So you signed me up", I said straight up. "Signed me up so that you could get me out of your life. You know, when I left here, the only thing I was thankful to you for was that I was heading into what you forced me in with Troy as well. I never wanted to see your face again. You hauled my ass off away from here without even giving me a second chance, trying to do your job and be a father –"

"I did my best with you!" he said angrily. "Don't tell me that I wasn't a good father."

"You weren't!" I said. "You messed my life up! I went in there, became a Marine, away from Shannon."

"I wanted you to clear your head. I didn't know he was going in with you too", Jackson admitted. "If I had known, I wouldn't have sent you off."

"Well you did", I said calmly now. "But you know what, I'm glad I did become a Marine, taught me how to look out for people close to me, protect them, never give up on them, respect them, their feelings and –"

"Well there you go", he said now, moving to unpack a box of canned corns. "It did you some good. You've gotten over that part of you, and now you're okay. No point stressing over the past. You learnt from all of that. Now you can move on."

I wished he was right. I wished that I could.

"Can't", I said softly, eyes on the door.

He sighed. "Troy's gone", he said softly as well, "he's at peace, son. He'd want you to be at peace too."

I thought about my old best friend and bit my lips, wishing it had been different between us these recent years. "Not him."

"What?" he asked and even though I was backing him, I knew he had turned to look at me, his eyes squinted. "Who then?"

I didn't answer him. I just needed to wait a bit more. I could actually hear his mind working as he stood there thinking. And even though I was this grown man, now, like I still was anticipating the scolding. It was as if I was young again sitting right there and I was telling him about how I felt about Troy. Now it was someone else, I was older…things sometimes could never change.

"Good God, Leroy", he said behind me. There was the shuffling of feet, his feet and then he was standing beside me. "You don't mean…"

"Don't say his name", I begged, and squeezed my eyes shut. I lifted my hands to my eyes, rubbed them and sighed. I wanted to cry again, but I couldn't because that wasn't me. "I'm messed up dad", I said sadly, "something's wrong with me. It never went away."

Resting his hand on my shoulder, he pulled a chair and sat down. I couldn't look at him. All I wanted was for time to rewind, for me to have just not done what I did with Anthony last night and for all these feelings to go away. My heart ached and I wished someone could know how I was feeling, the pain I was going through. I felt hopeless, as if I was alone and this wasn't normal.

"Nothing's wrong with you, son", he said softly and squeezed my shoulder. "Nothing's wrong with loving someone."

"But this someone is a man", I said almost childishly, not in my voice. I didn't feel strong. I felt terrible. "Why does it have to be a man?"

"But the divorces, previous marriages?"

"It's never been about them", I confessed. "Thought I could hide from it, hide what I was feeling, I can't anymore. I had to let them go. The only person I wanted to hurt was myself."

"You mean you've loved Anthony all these years?" he asked in disbelief. "Is that what you're trying to tell me?"

I remained silent, waiting on him to register the answer.

"Jesus, Leroy. All these years? Don't you know when to let go?"

"And you make it sound as if it's that easy", I declared.

"Have you ever told him how you feel about him?" he asked quietly, observing me. "I know it's hard but at least you can tell him."

I sighed. "Tried…but", and I looked up, my eyes wet and hands shaky, "just pushed him away more."

"If it makes you feel better", he said now taking my hand and rubbing it gently, "that boy, Anthony, anybody would have to be a fool to not even love you. You're a wonderful person."

I looked at him and scoffed. "Coming from you who called me cold only a few minutes ago."

"Always want to tease you, get you going", he confessed smiling. "Truth is, you're a good son, Leroy. All these years I understood what I did, I understood how you were hurt about what I did. Never expected to see you again. But you came back. And because you did, you just proved to me that you're a wonderful person. Never did give up on me, you never give up on anyone. You got feelings, and Anthony loves you, you know that. He may not love you as you love him, but damn he has so much respect for you!"

"Thanks, dad", I said and dried my eyes, breathed in. "That helped a lot."

"Oh stop being sarcastic", he said getting up.

"I mean it!" I said to him.

He went around the counter and took up the coffee mug, picked up two cups from below. "Coffee?"

Nodding at him, I avoided his eyes and picked up my reading glasses, then the papers. Scanning the front page, I noticed that the media was having a frenzy over the passing of some Bill. No interest to me right then. What interested me was the person that now pushed open the store door, and walked in accompanied by Ziva.

She had been whispering to him frantically, but as her eyes met mine, she stopped and smiled.

"Good morning, Gibbs."

"Morning, Ziva."

"Beautiful!" my father exclaimed coming from behind the counter, a smile on his face. "Good morning!"

As the two of them embraced, Tony lingered by the store door. I could feel his eyes on me but I didn't look up.

"Abby, McGee…?" I inquired after.

"On their way", Ziva said softly as she hugged Jackson. "The thunderstorm made us all sleep in a little too long this morning. Although I do not think Tony slept at all." And she turned to look at him, a mocking smile on her face.

"Couldn't sleep", he said. I froze when I heard his voice and for the first time in a long while, my mind hung on his every word, the sound of his voice, a little too shaky and not as strong as it usually was. I wanted to look up at him, to gaze into his eyes and seek out some sort of reassurance after last night. But I didn't dare do it.

"Yes, that storm swept by here with such vengeance", Jackson said frowning around. "Was afraid it would blow the roof off!"

Coffee was passed around, everyone took time to wake up and wait until McGee and Abby arrived. I was thankful that Ziva chose to sit on a chair beside me around the table whilst Anthony took to standing. If I could have had it my way though, I would have wanted him to sit beside me, just in silence. He didn't have to say a word, but just to know that he chose the chair next to me to sit. That would have reassured me that he cared.

But no such move was made.

Instead, Abby who walked in with McGee declared the obvious, not even noticing that I was there. "We're screwed on this case, since Gibbs is involved. I mean, lookie here, this is one hell of a love disaster. Other than the fact that Gibbs loved the dead guy, we can't go any further from –" she saw me and stopped, her mouth agape.

"What? I don't understand." That was McGee, appearing confused, his eyes resting on me.

"Neither do I", Ziva said blankly. She turned to look at me and frowned, her brown eyes studying mine, trying to read me. I diverted my eyes and looked at my father.

"Sit, all of you", Jackson said, trying to smile. "We've had a…what do you call it…break…yes, we've had a break on the case. There is some new information that needs to be shared with you all."

"I'll sit this one out. I already know more than I'm supposed to anyway", Tony said firmly and turned to leave. As he pulled the door open, Jackson's eyes met mine and I breathed in.

I got up.

"No", Abby said turning to look at me. "Stay, Gibbs, I'll go after him. He's just confused. I'll go talk to him."

When she had left, I told Ziva and McGee what was my relation to the victim with the aid of my dad who seemed supported. If it wasn't for his presence, it would have been harder for me. He lightened the mood.

Ziva was the first to take my hand up. Smiling at me, she squeezed it. "I know this is hard for you. We are in this together, Gibbs. Do not feel bad about it. I of all people understand secrets and when the time is right, it must be told. We will do our best to help you with this case."

"Same here", McGee said straightening up. He tried to appear calm but I knew that he was tense. "But we have no leads. The only thing we have is a burnt phone, no prints, no murder weapon."

"Dead end", Ziva declared. "We are stuck, in other words. And it is not your fault", she said looking at me, appearing confronted. "We are still searching through Troy's belongings from his room, running contacts."

"Abby believes that it would be best if she and I were to return to NCIS because she has to do some more tests using the equipment in her lab." I turned to look at McGee and sighed.

"Go", I said quietly.

"Maybe we can pick up more from what we gathered in Troy's room."

"And maybe you can get more out of that phone…SIM…thing", Ziva said knitting her eyebrows. "Tony and I can try to find contacts Troy still kept in Stillwater and ask them questions. And you, Gibbs", she turned to look at me, "you can rest yourself for a while, let us work this. If we need help, we will tell you."

I didn't have the energy to complain although she and I both knew I'd never agree with that. Sitting there, I rested my head on my hand and closed my eyes. A dull throb of a migraine was creeping up on me. I felt frustrated and uneasy.

(DiNozzo)

We had no leads, we had no damn evidence, no fingerprints, no murder weapon, a useless phone and no foreign body fluids found on…Troy.

And I was pissed. Terribly. See the thing was, if he had just stayed a while longer to talk to me about last night, that would have been better. It would've been better than him walking away and leaving me like a sorry fuck standing there. I mean, what was he thinking? One moment he was arguing with me, accusing me of not doing my job, not being a good agent, then he kissed me, long and deep, and just when I gave in, he walked away. Talk about fucking up someone's feelings.

I felt like shit, like a beaten rug that someone had taken their spite out on. I felt terrible and worst of all; a dull migraine was creeping up my temples and along my neck. Everything ached because I couldn't sleep last night. Yeah, whilst he was probably snoring his ass off, I stayed awake trying to sort out my feelings, trying to redefine who I am and what I wanted now.

There was Ziva and now there was him. But should I even consider him? I had no feelings for him, or at least I thought I didn't. When he had kissed me last night, at first I felt the need to resist, to fight back. But then my body responded differently than I intended it to. I was thinking it wasn't what I wanted yet I felt the need for him to continue. Weird huh? I mean, I'm a straight guy, had been for years now. Well since I was born. And to have him take me like that…It's like he moved aside some barrier of some sort and exposed a whole new area within me, within my brain that I never processed before nor attempted to process.

I mean yeah I once and awhile I thought about him and his salt and pepper hair, those blue eyes and what sort of physique he had under that shirt. But I'd never actually imagined more…Let's not go there for now.

Anyway, Ziva and I went around Stillwater that morning, going through contacts in Troy's phonebook as we did. And by the time lunch time came around and we were headed back to the store, we hadn't found out anything useful.

This one guy kept being a jackass about it, telling on my nerves.

"You got any Budlight?" he asked, his beady eyes fixed on me.

"No", I said firmly, the migraine taking its toll on my nerves, "we don't have any Budlight. Now tell us if you have any idea who could have killed Troy Stephens."

He diverted his eyes from me and fixed them on Ziva. A toothless grin appeared on his face as he studied her. "Don't know nothing."

"You don't know anything or you don't want to tell us?"

"Don't know nothing", he repeated, and flicked his tongue out at Ziva. I turned to observe a confused expression on her face.

"Look, this is a waste of time", and I grabbed her by the right arm, then began to pull her away because the last thing I needed was a fight between her and a junkie.

"Jack Rabbit Bruce Willis", I heard him say as we walked away and I shook my head in disgust. The man was long gone in sanity. In fact, I didn't even know how much he had left.

But this one lady: Maggie Tippet, that had been in the same class as Gibbs and Troy had a lot to offer to help us.

It was fortunate for us to find her sitting under an umbrella outside a dreary looking café almost near lunchtime. She had the look of a cougar but the ease of a gentle lady, the kind you saw in those British films that wore the gowns, displayed authority. Ziva hated her air of modesty that she carried, but I loved how she smiled, addressed me whenever she talked.

"Oh yes, dear Leroy", she noted, studying Ziva with haughty eyes. "You know, young lady, back in my days, we could have never worn our hair down like that."

"Troy Stephens…" I suggested, although I would have loved to hear what Ziva had to say to her. "You remember him?"

"Dear God, yes!" she exclaimed, her green eyes lighting up. "He was in the same class as Leroy and I, lived down that dreadful dirt road going –"

"West…I know", I said holding my notepad in my hand, pen poised. "We were there already."

"And you didn't find him?" she asked confused. "Why he always stays there whenever he's not traveling. I don't know where he could have…" I left her to ponder on that, her eyes seeking out something in the distance. "He often went to Washington D.C but ever so recently, maybe about last month, there was a bit of talk going around that Jack Willis seeking out revenge –"

"Wait…" Ziva said cutting her off, "that name", and she turned to me, "we've heard that name before."

I suddenly remembered. "Bill Tolls said something along those lines."

"Oh dear Billy", she said frowning, "he's terribly gone now in the head. He must have mentioned Jack Rabbit Bruce Willis to you didn't he?"

I nodded.

"That was Jack's call name around here, although Bruce Willis came out way after he got that one." And she laughed. "Yes, there was a talk about Jack wanting to find Troy to talk business."

"About…?" I asked fishing. She shrugged.

"Who knows about what? For all I can tell you, when we were in high school together, Jack always hated both Lee and Troy, mostly because he was jealous of Lee having the upper hand in fighting, rebelling, plus Lee had won Troy over with both his heart and trust. Quite a romantic story it was around here, except that most people didn't take well to it. Even Lee's father who signed him up to join the Marines just after he left high school."

I was the confused one now. "Wait, just a sec, Maggie, you're talking about Gibbs here? His father did that? Signed him up?"

"Why yes", she said. "After the whole town found out about the two gay lovers, they didn't take well to it. Lee's father wanted to set things straight, wanted to place a firm hand down on things so he sent him off to become a Marine. And that was when Troy did the same too. He joined up. If you ask me now, I'd think that was what sparked the fury inside Jack back then. To see them both go off like that, he was furious."

A van rolled by, someone could be heard quarreling from within, and a lady raised her voice, then a man's voice ensued.

"Where is Jack Willis now?" Ziva asked.

Maggie began to consider it. "I have no idea. He left for Washington last week. I know because I heard. When people leave here or enter, everyone knows about it. So he tells Jimmy the barber that he's leaving to go settle business in D.C, get things right, make some moves on someone. And then is when I heard from my sister that Troy was in D.C too. I knew for long that Lee was residing there and as soon as I heard the destinations of these two, I knew it couldn't be good."

"Well it wasn't", I said softly, my eyes on the notepad as I scribbled most of what she had told us. "Someone killed Troy on Friday night in D.C."

"Oh my God", she said with her eyes wide, wringing her hands. "He did it! He sought out Troy!"

"We can't jump to conclusions just yet", I said firmly, "we need evidence and well we got possible motive but –"

"You need evidence?" she asked now, appearing flabbergasted. I was preparing myself to lecture her on the importance of evidence in a case. "Will a recorded threat from a cell phone suffice?"

I was intrigued. "What sort of threat?"

She was now pawing around in her red handbag, her eyes wild. "Oh I don't know, last two weeks it was the local church fair here. We had a terrible fight between the two of them there. And because my husband is a police officer here, I know when to record when I hear a threat. I have here", and she supplied her cellphone to me, "Jack confronting Troy on him being gay, how he was fed up of Troy worshipping Lee. And then he said how he'd kill Troy instead of have him seek out Lee again and fornicate once more."

I was flabbergasted as she was earlier and so was Ziva. Taking the cellphone, I bagged it and thanked her, promised that I'd stay in touch with her.

"Just tell Lee that I'd love to see him", she said smiling sweetly, all the airiness gone. "Tell him that Maggie would love to hear from him after all these years."

Of course we had to go through the phonebook still. But I didn't forget to video conference with McGee and Abby who were working from D.C to tell them run a background on Jack Willis, find him in other words. When the link was made, what came up on the screen was out of a weirdly lovey dovey love story.

Abby had her cheek pressed against McLover's and she was whispering something in his ear. I was about to jolt them to their senses when Ziva nudged me, signaling to not interrupt a little while longer.

Then we did hit the jackpot. Placing her palm on one side of his face, she turned her face, eyes closed and their lips met softly. As I watched McLucky's eyes close when her lips met hers, my cheeks burnt up terribly and I absentmindedly found my hand twitching to reach up and press my fingertips to the place where Gibbs had used his thumb to caress my neck. And suddenly I could remember the way he kissed me, how he felt, his lips, his tongue entering my mouth passionately, him biting my lower lip almost to gently.

"Awww", Ziva purred as she watched them kiss for a good couple seconds. "HOW SWEET!"

They both jumped apart, their eyes wide and focused in our direction.

"It wasn't what you thought it was!" Abby's defense was, and she laughed nervously. "I um, I was just…"

"McLucky you are a lucky guy after all", I said forcing myself to smile and forget those…thoughts about Gibbs. Geese, it was even hard to think his name. "No problem with what I saw. Is it to you, Ziva?" I said turning to look at her.

"Oh no, no way!" she said smiling. "It is about time!"

McGee's face had become pink. "What do you want, Tony?" Obviously he was pissed because I had interrupted them.

"Hey, you can go back to kissing Abby when you're done with us here. I just want you to check out this guy, Jack Willis."

'Friend or enemy?" Abby asked getting serious now.

"Enemy, more like. Do that and get his location, where he is…"

"Got it", Abby said already beginning to type. "Call you as soon as we find something."

"Now you can go back to kissing her, McPink", I continued, smiling wickedly. "You can go back to –" McGee broke the link and shut us off. I turned to Ziva frowning. "How rude." She smiled and pinched my cheek.

"Something is on your mind, has been ever since that night when we got the call from Gibbs to go to the crime scene", she noted, linking her arm through mine as we walked back to the store.

"Not now", I said looking about, noticing that others were noticing us as well. "I'll tell you later…in bed."

"Oh now that is reassuring", she said smiling. "Something to look forward to, yes?"

"Yes indeed", I said calmly and pulled her closer. Her hair smelt like strawberries and soap. And I had to lean in to kiss her on her forehead. "You smell…yummy, tempting…"

She lifted a finger and wagged it at me, "oh no, we are on duty now."

"You make it sound as if we're patrol or something", I said frowning.

"If Gibbs finds out, he is going to kill us, Tony."

Before all this I kinda believed that he wouldn't have gone hard on me if I had told him about Ziva and me. But now? He'd kill me yeah.

"He will, indeed", I said softly. I was now dreading going back to the store and hoped that he wasn't there still. But even though I didn't want to see him, I felt that I needed to. I wanted to.

We had a small snack at a restaurant about a corner away from Jackson's store. She had macaroni and cheese with chips of onions and lettuce whilst I had a beer and a hamburger.

"Let us start the conversation now", she suggested, lifting a forkful of macaroni to her mouth, her eyes on me. "Less talk tonight and more time for action."

"Oh I see you're planning this all out all too well", I said smiling at her and I reached over and pinched her nose.

"So what is it, Tony?"

As she waited, I frowned, felt my chest tighten and wondered if I could really tell her the truth. I had to, I felt I had an obligation to and I didn't have a choice. I couldn't lie to her, to Ziva. I had her back and she always had mine.

"This is awkward", I said avoiding her eyes. As I picked up a pickle from my plate, I laughed nervously. "It's…"

She waited.

"Come on", and she took hold of my hand, eyes on me. "You can tell me. What is it?"

"You know by now that Gibbs is er…" and I played with my paper napkin, "not straight." I figured that I shouldn't just jump to conclusions and assume that he was plain gay.

"Yes, I know that"', she said and frowned. "It bothers you? He is still the same Gibbs. No matter if he loves men as well. Are you afraid that he will…" and she trailed a path along my arm with her fingers, "…attack you?"

"That's it", I said watching her fingers and not her. "But he didn't attack me, or was it attack? He –"

"He made a move on you?" she asked and laughed. "Don't joke about it."

I remained silent.

"Wow!" she said, eyes wide. "When?"

"Well, last night whilst you and McGee were probably sleeping and in dream land, Jackson told us more about Gibbs and Troy. And then Gibbs walked in, stalked off, I went to follow him because I was mad at him for…I was so angry with him for hiding the truth from us, Ziva. I couldn't control myself. I went after him with a heated head…"

"And…" she urged on, waiting. "I understand how you would feel, Tony. But everyone has their secrets. Gibbs has a lot apparently. I have grown to accept him like that."

"But it hasn't bothered me like this before", I said, finally realizing it. "This case, how he's been behaving about it…"

"So when did he make a move on you?" she asked, obviously eager to know about that part. I could have skipped it.

"Last night, when I went after him. The dude got all emotional on me, and then confessed that he…" I breathed in and out, "that he's had feelings for me ever since Baltimore. And he kissed me…I mean, I was so confused, I didn't know what he was thinking and what to do –"

"He kissed you?" she asked, "like on the lips? Or on your cheek? Wait, oh no, no…" and she stopped, appeared taken aback, "since Baltimore?"

I nodded and took up my hamburger, bit into it, shrugged. "Weird huh? Talk about him being mysterious."

"But this kiss, and these feelings he has for you", she said shaking her head, "maybe he felt the need to maybe kiss you and then find a way to get over it?" I wished it was that easy.

"I think so", I lied. "He did that and walked away."

"You must be angry and confused indeed", she noted. "Maybe you should talk to him about it –"

"No, nuh uh", I said shaking my head furiously, "no way. He walked, when he could have stayed and talked about it. I'm not going there again with him."

"So you are just going to let it stew between you two until it is forgotten of?"

I nodded then shrugged. "I'm not going to talk to him, if that's what you're asking me to. I got enough on my mind right now, you, my job…"

"But you need to talk to him, Tony!" she demanded. "You need to tell him that you are not gay and you do not feel the same way for him."

I remained silent on that one.

"Well?" she inquired after, "you do not have feelings for him, do you?"

"What can I say, Ziva?" I asked looking at her, frustrated. "I'm still thinking about what happened. But I've never gone there with a guy, never thought about him that way. He just confused my head so much that I'm so disoriented right now. I can't think straight, can't face him, I feel so angry at him –"

"Don't…" she said and caressed my right cheek. "He's Gibbs, he's been in your life for such a long time. You cannot let one situation upset your entire friendship like this. You both trust each other with your lives. I know you really care for him. Do not let your anger get the most of you. Things happen to people all the time that we may not like. But sometimes we need to realize that we need to make tough decisions, to hurt people and to hurt ourselves. Whatever happens, I will understand."

"Don't suggest that", I begged, looking at her. If it was one thing Ziva was, was that she was understanding, never judgmental or prejudice. She was open minded and focused, loving and thoughtful. "I don't have feelings for him."

"I am just telling you this", she said taking my hand and squeezing it, "if it comes down to you leaving me, I will understand. Hiding this from Gibbs so far has been tiresome already. And he will find out soon enough. If we cannot be together then I still have you as a best friend. But for now…" she trailed off and smiled wickedly at me.

"I should be devastated at you suggesting a break up with me", I said smiling back, "but that look…I just can't ignore that look. It means only one thing."

"Later", she said and winked at me. "I'll meet you back at the Guest House."

"No!" I said getting up, taking hold of her arm. "You gotta come with me to tell…him about what we found out about Jack."

"No", she said and smiled. "That is for you to do. You are the senior field agent. Besides, I really need to freshen up."

"Don't do this to me, Ziva", I begged. "Don't make me talk to him."

"That is why I'm doing this", she said frowning at me. "Tony, you need to talk to him. You cannot work with him this way. It is hard but it needs to be done. Go ahead. If he asks about me, tell him I am going to be there in an hour. That will be…" and she looked at her watch, "6 o'clock."

"Don't go…"

"I shall be seeing you in an hour!" she said and began to walk off.

"Shit", I muttered.

When I pushed the store door open, only Jackson was there behind the counter. Immediately he stopped what he was doing.

"Anthony!" he said, "any luck?"

"If you're referring to the case, yeah, we got a lead. Other than that, this day sucks", I looked around. "Where's Gibbs?"

"What lead?"

I spun around and found him behind me, a box in hand. He had been behind there all the while. Damn him. I diverted my eyes quickly, afraid of what would pass between us and I walked to the table.

"Ziva and I went through…Troy's phonebook", I said, finding it hard to talk because my throat ached. "We talked to most of them, found out nothing until we talked to a Maggie –"

"Tippet?" he asked and from the corner of my eye, I noticed that he had put the box down. "She still around?"

"Yeah –"

"Course she is, Leroy", Jackson said. "Still lives right here in Stillwater. After her husband died, she moved back here, maybe to get rid of the memories but they always come back to haunt ya. Got two nice daughters now, almost adults now. I was meaning to tell you to go check her out –"

"Tony, what did you find?" he asked cutting off his father. I quickly looked at him and wished I hadn't. As soon as I did, every single memory of last night came rushing back to me. And I guessed that I blinked several times too many because he was studying me now. But then his eyes were wet, his face lined with fatigue, and his eyes sad. I couldn't take it.

"I…can't do this", I said weakly and diverted my eyes from his. Stepping back, I took hold of a chair and tried to steady myself. And then I shook my head. I turned and went to the door, pulled it open then walked out.

"DiNozzo…"

I continued to walk. I couldn't breathe right. My chest was closing up and I felt so weak. Walking around the store front, I went around, threw the garage door open and went inside. I prayed to God that he wouldn't come after me, would realize that I needed space and I couldn't face him right then. But it was Gibbs. He did come after me.

"Tony", he said coming in and closing the door behind him. I couldn't see the expression on his face because I wasn't watching.

"Gibbs, leave me alone."

"We need to talk."

"We don't need to talk about anything." And I raked my fingers through my sweat soaked hair, groaned. I began to pace the floor.

"Last night –"

"I don't want to talk about that!" I said furiously at him, glaring at him now. "Don't you get it? You've done enough, man. You've…just made it so hard. I can't do this."

"Not asking you to do anything", he said, "please –"

"What do you want from me? Leave me alone", I warned further, "turn around and go. Just leave me alone."

"I know how you're feeling", he said sadly, and I heard strain in his voice.

"You can't possibly know how I feel!" I shouted at him. "You messed me up, dude, fucked me up terribly. Now I can't even do my job. I can't even think properly."

"I'm sorry!" he shouted at me, and as I turned on him to argue back, he rubbed his hands on his face roughly then made a frustrated sound that I never imagined Gibbs to ever make. He sounded weak as I was and terribly anguished too. "This is killing me", he admitted without looking at me. "I just want you…out of my mind too. I want what I feel for you to stop. You think I want this? You think I called this on myself? Me of all people…" and he moved his hands away and threw them up, looked at me with tear soaked eyes and half laughed. "I swear to God, you drive me crazy. If this doesn't stop, if you don't stop it...Shannon, Kelly, Troy…I'll be so happy to see them."

And with that, he turned around, and on his way out, he took hold of a box on the work table then pulled it off the surface. It went crashing to the floor. And when he walked out, I went after him.

"Don't say that", I said walking behind him.

He stopped and turned to look at me, "what?"

"Don't say you wanna out yourself. It never solves anything."

"Coming from someone who wants me out of their life right about now", he said lowly, "coming from the one person who I've trusted more than anyone for all these years and who now finds it hard to even look at me."

"Don't you understand what this is like for me?" I asked dumbfounded.

"And you understand what it's like for me?" he asked staring at me, waiting, "you put yourself in my shoes and you can't even begin to imagine how the hell I feel and what I'm thinking right now. So don't you stand there and believe that you're the only one affected by this here."

I looked at him and didn't answer.

"Unbelievable."

"Fuck you", I said in a clipped tone.

"You wish", he said angrily.

I was left speechless as he turned around. And I let him go.

Xxx

When Ziva came back at 6, she found me moping at the table in the store. Gibbs was talking to McGee and Abby via video link about Jack Willis. I couldn't care less. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't think clearly. And of course, Gibbs stayed clear from me. Even when we were around each other, he moved away from me as if I was threatening enough. And I did the same.

We didn't talk to each other that night, nor did we look in each other's direction. And I really meant it there. I totally avoided him. If someone addressed us both, I'd remain silent and so would he. Then the other person would think better of it and move on.

But when it was time for us to leave and quit it for the night, he really pushed me over the edge. As we were leaving, Ziva said good night to everyone and I said goodnight to Jackson alone.

"Tomorrow, let's hope we find this Jack Willis man", Ziva said in closing. "Let's get this case closed."

"At least someone has their head on", Gibbs muttered. Immediately the blood rushed into my head.

Waiting until Jackson and Ziva had walked a little way off, I turned back and shoved Gibbs hard against the wall. Caught by surprise, he remained where he was shocked.

"You're just pushing it Gibbs", I said through my teeth, "just pushing it and you're pushing me hard. The next time you throw any hint as to me not doing my job correctly, I swear I'm gonna fuck you up real bad because if it's one thing I hate is people telling me I'm not doing something when I'm putting everything, every damn second into it. I'm trying to solve this case for you, and you have no consideration for it, for what I'm doing."

He tried to shove me away from him but I shoved back harder. He was weak and didn't manage to push me away.

"You're cold, Gibbs, really cold and inconsiderate. You're heartless, ignorant, self-conceited and fucked up. You don't know the other side of me so don't push it. I've known you for years, dealt with you for years, and if you think you can just mess with my head and make me feel like a fool, then you're wrong."

I released him and moved away.

"What is wrong with you?" he asked staring at me dumbfounded.

"I want you out of my head, out of my personal life", I said plainly. And I noticed that Ziva and Jackson had stopped, were now heading our way once more.

"What you two arguing over?" Jackson asked as he came up. I took one hard look at Gibbs, and allowed Ziva to pull me away.

(Gibbs)

Heartless,

Ignorant,

Self-conceited…

Was I all of that just for loving him? Was I?

I was sitting on a stool all by myself at a bar on Main Street that night, not drinking, not talking. I had taken my gun out of the holster and had rested it on the table before me a while ago. That was when I had been contemplating on what to do.

I felt like shit, run over and fucked.

To make it harder for me, I now understood what it was like to feel 'emo' and depressed, suicidal and fatigued. Drinking my problems away never solved anything in the past so the glass of Bourbon remained untouched on the table before me.

This was how it felt, I guess, to Troy when he had told me he loved me and I had confronted him about it, called him names, told him he needed help when I wasn't any different from him.

Tony hated me now. I couldn't think. I mean, what would you do if you were me? Try to talk to him again, leave him alone?

If I left him alone, I'd just fall into a deeper state of depression. I'd call a taxi and go back home to D.C. But I needed to do one thing first before I even thought about leaving here. I needed to make sure Jack hadn't left town or else I'd just be disappointing Troy too.

Was that what I had done, disappointed DiNozzo? Yeah. I had.

With the way I was feeling, I could unload an entire magazine into someone right about then. I could probably get in the car and drive it into a wall. But I remained where I was, for almost four hours after he had called me those names and demanded that I get out of his life.

And when my hand found itself on the gun, my right hand, I sprang up. Taking it up, without thinking, I shoved it back into the holster and walked out the door. I didn't stop, I didn't look back, I didn't think about it, and I didn't even care what was going to happen.

Up the stairs I went, and along the corridor and when I got to the door, I knocked on it. No one answered so I felt impatient.

God knows that if I had forced myself to walk away, I don't know if things would have changed. But I turned the knob and went in.

I expected to find him on the bed, sitting there, or maybe not there at all. But I was wrong.

He was moving above her, naked and wet, his body convulsing as he shoved himself into her. And when I heard Ziva call out his name, I felt sick to my stomach. On another day, I would have wondered if it was another woman, if I would have felt any different. But I hardly thought it would have been different. Using his hands, he ran them through her wet hair and threw his head back as he spent himself inside of her, moaning loudly and yelping out loud.

But my presence didn't go unnoticed because Ziva looked my way and her eyes grew wide. Pushing him off of her, she gasped and clutched for the sheets. And when he caught himself, he looked to my direction, dumbfounded, eyes wide.

I made sure I looked at him, made him see exactly what I was feeling as I stood there and tears came to my eyes. I found myself crying, not usual for the person I was. But he had pushed me now. He had pushed me too far and I wasn't ever going to forget this.

I thought all the while that they were having separate rooms. But this…

"I see…" I said softly.

"Gibbs", he said hurrying to put on his pants, to come and try to explain. But I was already turning the handle, already stepping out the room.

"Gibbs!" he shouted after me, but I found myself running away instead of being Gibbs and staying behind.

And when I was sure that he wasn't behind me anymore, I fell to the ground on my knees, hands on my face, and I cried miserably.

A/N – (Chad) Angst much? Wow! What a chapter! Did we blow you away with this one? Or you were bored out of your shoes and stockings? I tell you, if it is one thing that I love about writing as Tony is that in this story, I got to really expose the angry side of him. Plus, I got to take DiNozzo out of the usual NCIS charmer you know and force him into this situation where he HAS to be OOC! Review please!

(Abby) – Really emotional for me to write Gibbs into this plot. It was so painful for me to place him into this situation where he has an angry Tony and a heart full of pain and confusion. And to end it off like that, that just killed it didn't it? You now HAVE to stick with us and come back for more. Trust me, it is going to go haywire from there. We know that many of you didn't want a kiss this early but it had to be done. We needed time to give you tension and anger and so on. Not to keep this long, but please review and let us know that we at least wowed you! Writing this wasn't easy for me.

TELL US IF YOU DID SHED TEARS, CURSED, CLAWED YOUR KEYBOARD OUT….We'd love to hear!