"I would give anything for some food," I said.
"Anything?" said Davy with a glint in his eye.
"What?" I said still trying to get over the shock of him appearing out of nowhere.
"If you're willing to join my crew for 100 years of loyal service, you will never go hungry again," said Davy, "Think about it."
Three nanoseconds passed.
"OK!" I said.
At that moment, Jack stumbled on deck. He had a sea cucumber trying to breed with his left ear.
"Don't do it!" he shouted, "You don't eat, they torture you and it's full-on heavy labour!"
"Meh," I said as I jumped aboard, "What's the worse it can do?"
Jack looked me dead in the eye, "There's no rum!" he said darkly, "I'M DYING INSIDE!"
I looked at Davy who was giving a look that meant "Well?"
"What job do I get cap'n?" I asked.
"Good girl," he said, "I've had my eye on you. I have a special job for you."
I was kinda worried but then I realised that there wasn't a job that I've had that I didn't like so far. But then I realised that I've never had a job before.
"Follow me," said Davy as he limped into his cabin, "The rest of you, back to... whatever it was you were doing."
I followed Davy and I heard Jack as he was descending below deck wailing about rum and something to do with smelly eggs.
"What's my job?" I asked.
"You're a very clever lady," he said, "I've always thought that?"
"Who you calling 'lady'?" I demanded.
He laughed and lit his pipe. He took a few puffs and then looked at me. The smoke billowed around him and he turned and headed for a stool at the other end of the room. He sat down and faced a huge organ. He invited me to come closer with his smoking tentacles. I gingerly walked forward.
"I have a job for you which involves knowing a lot about people and, more importantly, about me." he said after a while.
I perched on a nearby table and looked around the room and at the awesome instrument that filled the room. I tried to look interested in his choice of conversation (that I had brought up but was getting bored of) but it was difficult.
"Have you heard the story of my heart?" he asked.
I reluctantly said "No," because I knew the answer would be a long and boring one. It was.
He told me about his love in minutely boring detail, then of chest and the key and then how Jack stole it, turned out not to have it, and how he was now under siege of the East India Trading company.
"So what do you want me to do about it?" I asked.
"I want you to help me," he said "to be able to feel emotions and to live without a heart."
"That's a tough one," I said, "I mean, really difficult. I'm short. Are you sure I'm up for it?"
He stood up suddenly and gripped my arms with his claws. I stood back scared.
"If anyone can do it, it's you," he said, "I believe in you."
A moment passed and he loosened his grip and sat back on his stool. He took a few puffs of his pipe. I blinked and perched back on the table. Another moment passed. He tested a few of the notes on the organ. A longer, more-awkward moment passed.
"Well?" he said impatiently.
"Well, what?" I said.
"Are you going to accept the job?" he said.
"Yeah" I said, "I thought we'd already established that."
"WHAT?" he shouted.
"What?" I said, "You don't want me?"
I paused a while to think about how wrong that just sounded.
"For... the ... job," I added.
"Yes..." he said.
There was another annoying long and awkward silence.
"I'm going," I said to throw the metaphorical sledgehammer at the metaphorical ice. I headed for the door.
"Going where?" he said, "You're stuck here for 100 years!"
"Fresh air," I said as I walked out on deck.
I stood on the deck for a while. Davy limped out and hobbled up the stairs to the top deck.
"DOWN WE GO!" he commanded.
The crew on deck grinned and held onto the side rails. I did the same thinking something funny was about to happen and I had to brace myself. But then the ship started to dip and I got really scared. We descended to the depths.
"MOMMY!" I screamed, "HELP ME!"
Realising how stupid that comment was because:
1) my mother wasn't there and
2) even if she was, she'd be in the hammock with a member of the crew already (but not Jack, probably Bootstrap) and would not even contemplate coming near to me unless it was to hit me over the head with a plank of rather heavy wood.
So I screamed "DADDY! HELP ME!"
Realising that my father was for once in his life sober and therefore lifeless and limp, this cry for help was futile.
Realising this, I realised that there was nobody on this Earth who I could turn to so I cried "GOD! HELP ME!"
This didn't seem to work as we carried on descending to the depths. However, I could breathe and I realised that from then on I was undead. Cool, eh?
