A/N: Wow it's been a while hasn't it... Sorry!
Darkside
Chapter Four
Iruka took a deep breath as he followed the disgustingly perky nurse down the silent corridor, trying rather unsuccessfully to still the quaking stomach and stop himself from throwing up. When he had been with Kakashi, mere minutes prior, he had felt a lot more confident and secure about this whole situation. But now, alone, he just couldn't shake the feeling of foreboding worming its way through his heart.
Slowly the second set of double doors came into the view and the brunette released a breath he hadn't been aware of holding. It seemed as though a lifetime had passed Iruka by, although he knew it had only been a few moments. The nurse stepped in front of the doors, sickeningly sweet smile still affixed to her face.
"It's just through here Umino-san."
She turned back to the door and pushed the buzzer on the side panel, waiting patiently for a reply. After a few tense moments a voice crackled through the intercom.
"Yes?"
"Dr. Kageki, Umino-san is here for his appointment."
Iruka tried hard not to fidget but he couldn't shake his apprehension at what lay beyond those seemingly innocent doors. He had too much in his history and had spent far too much time with his silver-haired lover to know that appearances were certainly deceiving. His unease began to grow as the voice that had crackled through the intercom gave no answer and the nurse began to tap her foot in impatience. Huffing she crossed her arms across her chest, a pout pursing her lips.
"Honestly he always does this, I'm sure he gets a kick out of making people wait."
For some unknown reason this seemed to reassure the brunette. Maybe it was the fact that this was normal behavior for the psyche-nin or perhaps it was that the tardiness reminded him of Kakashi, either way he felt his stomach settle a little. A few more moments passed then finally a different buzzer sounded and the distinct click of a lock opening echoed down the corridor. The nurse beckoned Iruka forward and placed what the Chuunin assumed to be a reassuring hand on his shoulder.
"Go on in Umino-san, he's ready for you."
Come on Umino you can do this.
Iruka nodded briefly and pushed open the wooden door, pausing briefly before stepping through.
The room beyond was nothing like he had expected. The Chuunin had expected it to match the decor of the rest of the hospital; old, somewhat dingy but functional and Iruka found himself gaping in awe as he took in his surroundings. The room was a crisp cream color that seemed to soak up the light streaming in from the gigantic bay window and reflect it out into the room. It was sparsely furnished but the large bed like chairs that dominated the room appeared to be practical but comfortable, the leather worn but well maintained. Umber eyes scanned the rest of the room finally landing on the large mahogany desk directly opposite him, the rich dark wood seemingly out of place in the modern themed room.
Sat behind the desk was a man a little older than himself. He had chin length mousey-brown hair that was streaked with premature grey and a pair of intelligent hazel eyes peered out from behind a pair of wire rimmed glasses. He was classically handsome with a straight nose, high cheekbones and thin but well shaped lips and of course being a shinobi he was fit and in good shape. Made exceedingly obviously by the tight white shirt that was stretched across his torso.
For a few moments the doctor made no sign that he had even noticed the other shinobi enter but Iruka knew better, the man was a professional after all and the Chuunin knew he was being tested. Quietly but not stealthily Iruka approached the desk with what he hoped was a sincere smile and not the 'deer caught in headlights' look plastered across his face.
He waited patiently for the other man to finish what he was doing, standing to attention in front of the desk. Dr. Kageki still paid him no heed and continued to shuffle through his seemingly never ending pile of paperwork. Iruka felt himself bristle internally already beginning to hate this. He despised knowing that the man in front of him had the potential to make or break his ninja career, hell he could bring his entire life crashing down around him if he so chose. He was completely at the doctor's mercy but as unfair as it was he'd promised he'd try, even if the odds we stacked against him, even if he had to deal with this smug bastard's eccentricities. But there was a time and a place for such quirks and the brunette could feel the control on his temper begin to fray. He cleared his throat politely attempting to garner the man's attention.
Kageki looked up completely unperturbed by the noise, his hazel eyes twinkling mischief and an amused quirk gracing his lips. Iruka just about pushed down the urge to glare at the irritating man, settling for a deep frown instead. This only caused the psyche-nin to start laughing a slight smirk tugging at his lips.
"Good morning Umino-san, I hope you weren't waiting long."
The Chuunin raised an eyebrow and narrowed his eyes not bothering to answer the man, causing the other man to laugh harder. After a few minutes Iruka found he couldn't suppress the small smile fighting its way across his face. It appeared that the man's good humor was infectious.
"My apologies Umino-san, I feel that starting things off on a somewhat... Aggravating foot often lessens the tension more than someone trying to humor their patient."
Although annoyed Iruka had to begrudgingly admit the technique had worked, he'd been so caught up in his aggravation that the knot in his stomach had disappeared.
"I understand Kageki-sama." Iruka's voice was stiff.
"Please there is no need to be so formal Umino-san, just call me Yuma-san."
Iruka felt himself flush slightly at the charming smile on the psyche-nin's face but he wasn't falling for the friendly act. He knew it was just a ploy to help him lower his guard but Iruka was no fool and he wouldn't give up his secrets that easily, no matter what he had promised. He would not fall for his manipulation techniques, he was a teacher of small children he'd seen every kind of manipulation possible.
"Hmm... It appears that the pleasant approach doesn't work either. Well now the formalities are over we can get down to business if you'd like to take a seat Umino-san."
There was an icy look in the brown eyes.
"I'd rather stand."
From behind the desk the older man shrugged nonchalantly, his demeanor changing completely as he slipped into work mode.
"As you wish, but don't blame me when you get a concussion from falling over when the jutsu hits you."
"Jutsu?"
"Hokage-sama explained your situation to me and it appears that the root of your problem is in the past and that is where we are going to start. The jutsu I am going to use will allow me to see your memories whilst allowing you to re-live them. Therefore you will be able to give me your honest feelings."
Iruka felt himself pale slightly he didn't want to re-live his memories! It had been bad enough living through most of it the first time. Growling lowly the brunette subconsciously shifted into a defensive stance his whole body tensing in preparation to either fight or take flight.
Kageki watched his reactions carefully, mentally taking notes and analyzing his client's behavior. He was somewhat confused at the overly defensive nature, from all the information he'd received it appeared that Umino appeared to the public to be a fairly laid back and calm individual. But this didn't coincide with the reports he'd received from Morino-sama and the Hokage, he'd seen the destruction the man had wrought when he broke.
Just how long had this been building up? And just how talented was the man before him at keeping it concealed for so long?
It was all an interesting conundrum and one Kageki was keen to unravel.
"Sit down Umino-san."
Iruka still looked defiant and remained rooted to the spot, still very distrusting of the other man. The psyche-nin just sighed and with a movement so fast the Chuunin barely saw it Kageki was stood in front of Iruka, pale hand pressed against his forehead.
"Don't say I didn't warn you..."
The brunette felt a brief flicker of chakra against his forehead before the whole world sank into darkness.
Iruka awoke to the sound of wood rapping on wood and blearily blinked his eyes open.
"Umino Iruka wake up this instant you insolent brat!"
There was a displacement of air and a sharp pain erupted through his knuckles. Years of ingrained shinobi training meant he didn't cry out but he heard a whimper escape his mouth and a garbled slur of mental speech that didn't belong to him but at the same time sounded exactly like him.
'Ah so that's what Kageki meant, I'm in here with myself... Marvelous.'
The Chuunin watched as his eight year old self darted up blowing on his knuckles where the ruler had struck, much to his classmates riotous amusement and felt himself wince at his stupidity.
"Gozen-Sensei what was that for!" The shrill voice of his younger counterpart rent the air.
The gruff looking man scowled and folded his arms across his chest, dark eyes clearly not amused at the outburst.
"You are meant to be a shinobi in training, show some self discipline! There are people out there dying so you have the opportunity to learn in relative safety and this is how you repay them..."
'I know...No need to be so mean about it, stupid Sensei.'
The petulant voice of the young Iruka echoed around in his older counterparts brain and made the Chuunin want to bang his head against the nearest hard surface. Honestly he couldn't believe he'd been such a brat. Actually that was a lie he knew he'd been a brat, it was just a strange sensation actually seeing what a brat you were.
The youngster pouted and glared at his teacher before plopping his head back down on the desk. Gozen-Sensei clenched his fist around the ruler in anger and strode to the front of the class and suddenly the elder Iruka remembered what day this was.
It was the day he had first met Mizuki.
It was the day he had gotten his scar.
The teacher spun around to face his class a diabolical smile etched across his scarred features, his twisted mind concocting a nasty and fitting punishment for the obnoxious class clown.
"Right class we were meant to be doing weapons training this week but due to Umino-san's obviously lack of discipline and respect it has been postponed until further notice. Instead we will be doing drills and brushing up on your chakra theory."
The entire class groaned and shouts of 'not fair sensei' rang through the room. Gozen-Sensei just smirked and shrugged at his mutinous students.
"Don't blame me class, I'm not the one who messed up."
Thirty sets of eyes immediately zoned in on the young Iruka and inside his mind his older self could feel the panic emerging. The small brunette shrank in on himself trying to make himself seem as small and innocuous as possible but it was already too late, the damage had been done. He could feel his classmate's spite and anger and in their multi-hued eyes the thirst for swift, uncompromising vengeance.
'I am so dead.'
The young child thought mournfully despair curling in his stomach and the older, wiser Iruka could find no words of comfort to offer himself already knowing how this day would end. The rest of the day dragged by alternating between mind-numbing class work and grueling, some would say barbaric physical drills. When the last bell of the day sounded the young brunette was physically and mentally exhausted having been a whipping post for the students and their Sensei alike.
"Bring in the packs Umino and then you can leave."
Iruka wanted to scream in frustration and pain at his teacher's cruel order knowing what it was, he'd heard his father talking about it once... Beasting was it? The older Umino winced as his younger self came to the realization, knowing that no person, never mind a child should have to go through such punishment.
Growling the child began to calculate the enormity of his task, the packs weighed about half as much as he did and there were over thirty of them. It was going to take him forever to haul in every single one. Cursing up a mental storm that actually made his older self both blush and feel a little proud the younger Iruka set about his work unaware that something horrible was about to happen.
In the shadows of the training field silent figures began to gather waiting patiently for the right moment to strike.
The pre-Genin had moved about half of the packs when he collapsed for the first time small limbs shaking from exertion.
'I'll never do this.' He thought hopelessly attempting and failing to stand.
There was a rustle of leaves and before Iruka knew it he was surrounded by most of his male classmates, all of them looking murderous. A lanky streak of piss that went by the name of Kamon stepped forward a snarl like smirk on his face.
"Tch... Falling asleep on the job you lazy little bastard."
Iruka tried to stand, hell even moving would have been a blessing at this point but found his body totally unresponsive.
"M'sorry... Didn't mean..."
"Not good enough! Sensei went easy on you but now it's our turn! GET HIM!" Kamon screamed with malicious joy.
The next few moments seemed to flow by like syrup, slow moving and almost solid. The small brunette found himself pinned to the dry rough ground, the faces of his classmates hovering above him. A rough foul tasting cloth was shoved in his mouth to prevent him from crying for help and a hand held over to prevent him from spitting it back out. Iruka tried to thrash against his captors but it was a futile exercise, he was far too exhausted to fight against even one of them never mind a whole gang.
Beside him a few of the other boys had gathered together a small pile of rocks and were carefully stuffing them into a bundle of small sacks. Testing the weight Kamon nodded and smiled perversely, hefting one of the sacks over his shoulder. To Iruka's other side the boys were prepping a thick blanket, for what use the brunette didn't know but he could surmise it didn't bode well for him.
The seconds moved by slowly feeling more like hours to the trapped youngster and it seemed that even those gathered were beginning to become impatient. Finally Kamon seemed to be satisfied and nodded to his fellows, tossing the sacks to the gang and motioning to the boys with the blanket.
They moved with ruthless efficiency. The rough heavy blanket was stretched tightly across Iruka's small frame trapping him in place and the boys had lined up beside him swinging the sacks from side to side.
"Remember, don't leave any visible marks."
The attack was swift and brutal, even though the rocks were padded by several layers of cloth they still hurt as they rained down on the brunette's chest and abdomen. The older Iruka stoically watched the whole 'punishment' through tear filled eyes, his ninja training allowing him to block out the pain. He could feel every blow his younger self experienced, every scream of pain reverberated through his mind and he found himself being nauseated by the ordeal.
The beating continued for several more minutes until a kunai whizzed through the air and thunked into the ground, mere millimeters from Iruka's head. Twenty pairs of eyes shot upwards and turned on the newcomer.
"Hey Mizu-kun so glad you could finally make it." Kamon taunted his voice full of cruel laughter.
"Let him go Kamon, this isn't how a real shinobi should act."
The other boy frowned and folded his arms across his chest, clearly not impressed by the demand.
"Why should I? He's just a smart-mouthed runt who deserves everything he gets!"
The boy referred to as 'Mizu-kun' raised a grey brow in question before firmly repeating his command.
"Let him go now Kamon or do I have to make you?"
Whether the other boy realized he was outclassed or perhaps it was the intimidating presence the grey haired boy radiated Iruka didn't know but Kamon backed away a cowered look in his eyes.
"Don't think you've won Mizuki. I'll be back... This isn't over!"
Taking the hint from their leader the rest of the boys backed away and soon there was no one left in the clearing but Iruka and the grey-haired youngster.
The elder Iruka winced as he saw the smirk on the older boys face, knowing that his younger, naive self was mistaking it for compassion.
It couldn't have been further from the truth.
In the years to come Iruka would see that smirk many times and watch how it would become slowly more crazed and twisted. It meant that Mizuki was plotting something nasty and that didn't bode well for the young brunette.
The grey-haired boy sauntered forward and plucked the kunai from the ground and spun it around his finger. Casually he moved to Iruka's side and crouched down next to the young brunette smirk still affixed to his face.
"Pff, how pathetic have you got to be to be caught in such a situation."
Prone on the floor Iruka didn't even have the energy to groan in response, his body screaming with agony. Glazed brown eyes stared upwards at the kunai following the movements unconsciously but too exhausted to react. Mizuki just cocked his head to one side still spinning the weapon.
"Do you know how easy it would be to make you disappear right now...? It's pathetic, but I could help you, you know help you to be less helpless."
The elder brunette felt bile work its way up his throat at the cruel words and felt his stomach churn at the despairing thoughts working their way through his younger self.
'He's right... I'm just pathetic. Would he really help someone like me?'
Iruka couldn't really remember what happened next it had all happened far too quickly. He vaguely recollected seeing the glint of metal in the nearby bushes and the 'whoosh' sound of a shuriken being thrown and somehow even in his exhausted state he had managed to move his body toward Mizuki. There was a blinding pain across his face as he moved to tackle the other boy to the ground, blood flying through the air on a rotating shuriken. There was a rough grunt as the two bodies crashed to the floor, the grey-haired boys eyes narrowed in anger.
"What the hell you loser!"
His rant was cut short and his eyes widened as two poorly thrown shuriken whizzed over their heads and thunked into the ground beyond. Iruka weakly lifted his head from the other boys now blood-stained shirt, red liquid pouring from the large gash across his nose. He gave Mizuki a small watery smile, tears mingling with the blood before finally blacking out.
The elder Iruka opened his eyes was surrounded by darkness, groaning he blinked a few times trying to will away the memory of the burning pain across his face. His scar ached profusely but not as much as his heart, the reminder of the cruel beating had brought many old wounds to the surface.
"Are you going to sit there all day Umino-san or shall we continue with this session?"
The brunette glared at the nothingness his stomach twisting at just what else might be dragged up by continuing the session. He was quite resolute to just remain lying there until a pale hand came into view offering it's assistance.
"Is there really any point continuing? I think you've already figured out what is wrong with me and to carry on is to just prolong the torture."
There was a wry chuckle.
"On the contrary Umino-san I feel like I've barely scratched the surface you're quite an interesting person and one I'd like to get to know a little better."
Iruka frowned "Why does that sentence not fill me with the reassurance I assume you intended it to?"
Again Kageki chuckled; his soft laughter causing the other mans nerves to go on edge.
"Astute as any Shinobi should be, perhaps even a touch too astute. You tend to notice things around you much more than most people don't you Umino-san? It's what makes you such a great teacher; it's all the little details."
The frown on Iruka's face deepened "Can we leave this place now Kageki-san. The darkness is really starting to get on my nerves."
"As you wish Umino-san, all you have to do is take my hand."
Reluctantly the brunette reached up and grasped the hand in front of him, the darkness instantly fading into a swirling mass of lights, color and sounds. Blinking rapidly he found himself back in the Psyche-nin's office flat on his back on one of the comfortable couches. With a growl he shot up into a sitting position and instantly regretted it, his head swam and spots appeared before his eyes.
"Take it easy Umino-san; the jutsu can be a little disorientating."
Iruka didn't back down and he scowled at the psyche-nin, causing the mousey haired man to laugh slightly.
"Come on now it's over no need for hard feelings."
"You made me relive something I didn't want to. I think there is plenty of room for hard feelings, just what did you intend to gain from that?"
Kageki sighed at the stubborn attitude of the man; he was beginning to see exactly why the Hokage had sent Umino to him.
"I intended to gain some insight and assess how easy your mental defenses can be breached and manipulated. I have reason to believe that this has been done to you and I have my work cut out trying to fix the mess that this 'Mizu-kun' did to you. Only then can we work on the real problems at hand."
The brunette was shocked by the admission and by the fact that the man had obviously seen the memory he had been living through.
"You saw…"
"Yes, the aim of the jutsu was to find the root of the problem. It appeared that you meeting this Mizu-kun was the start of it. Now I have that information I am able to come up with some kind of strategy to help you. I'm telling you now it won't be easy but I will help you."
Iruka was shocked by the sincerity in his words and felt himself blush at his childish and stand-offish behavior. He was being defensive for no reason as much as he hated to admit it and supposed he should at least give the guy a chance, Tsunade wouldn't have sent him here if the man was unable to help.
"I… Thank you and I wish to apologize."
Kageki shook his hand in a 'whatever' gesture. "No apologies needed, it is understandable that you would be uncomfortable with someone prying into your past. Although I have to admit I don't think I've dealt with anyone quite so stubborn before."
Iruka laughed weakly "Strangely enough, you are not the first person to tell me that."
"Well that is something you certainly shouldn't lose, it keeps people on their toes Umino-san. Well I believe that is it for this session I feel we have made some progress but won't be able to give a full diagnosis until we have had some more sessions together. I'll arrange the next session and send you a message when it is if that is okay with you."
"I, yes that is fine. Thank you."
Iruka rose to his feet still feeling a little disorientated and made his way to the door not even bothering to look behind him as he practically fled the room. Once outside he took a deep shuddering breath and blinked back tears. That had affected him more than he'd let on and even though he understood he needed the help and on some level wanted the help, old habits were hard to break. He refused to let himself look weak in front of a stranger, especially one who could dissect him so accurately. His job… His life was on the line and he wouldn't lose that for anyone or anything.
Composing himself Iruka headed out into the waiting room to one of the few people who truly understood him.
~End Chapter Four~
A/N: I'm SOOOO sorry, I've had a really crazy few months and just kinda lost track of myself. Suffice to say I'm not in a great place right now but I shall persevere. Thank you again for all your support.
