Author's Note: There was a tea cup in front of me while writing this. I've only drunk one cup of tea today – meaning, I'm nearly going into withdrawal. I can truly relate to Hitsugaya in this piece. Why Kyoraku? I'm just being sick. :)
Category: Humour (crack)
Pairings/Characters: Hitsugaya Toshiro, Matsumoto Rangiku, Kyoraku Shunsui, Hitsugaya/Shunsui
Words: 770
Summary: Hitsugaya suffers from tea withdrawal, Matsumoto has a shrimp ramble and Kyoraku is at the wrong place at the right time.


His tea cup was gone. Tea was essential for his working process. Tea was one of the ingredients for understanding the words spread across endless pages. He needed tea.

'Did you happen to see my tea cup?' he said, directing a glance at his dormant Vice Captain. Matsumoto glanced up from the sofa, her nose barely visible between her Mountains of Doom.

'No, Captain,' she said with a sweet smile. Hitsugaya was too distracted to take notice of the nature of her smile, and simply moved some of the stacks of paper around to see whether his cup was hiding there. After having searched every inch of his desk, he had to admit defeat with a heavy sigh.

'There's something fishy here,' he said.

'Perhaps it's a shrimp,' Matsumoto suggested, earning a nasty glare from her Captain. When she didn't seem affected, his scowl deepened. 'You know,' she continued, 'I once heard that they float through the air during the night and dance on the moon.' A wicked grin snuck onto her face.

'Perhaps one of them grabbed your cup, Captain?'

Hitsugaya was crestfallen.

'M-My t-tea cup?' he stammered. 'On the m-moon? Stop this nonsense, Matsumoto!'

His hands were shaking. 'I want my tea.' Hitsugaya was turning a rather peculiar shade of blue. 'Iwant my tea.'

The Tenth Division office was suddenly filled with the Captain's desperate chanting, and Matsumoto was beginning to panic.

'I was only joking about the shrimps, Captain!' she said, waving her arms and jumping up and down to get attention (it usually worked,) but Hitsugaya couldn't have given her less notice.

The sound of smashing glass was followed by a howl of pain and the nauseating sight of a pink cloak. The Captain and Matsumoto both stared at the intruder.

'You do realise, Kyoraku-taicho,' Hitsugaya said, 'that intruding on Division matters is not very polite.'

Kyoraku Shunsui grinned, twirling his cloak as he bowed with exaggerated vigour and drunken grace.

'Forgive me, young epitome of beauty, but could I ask for a private audience with your exalted being?'

Matsumoto and Hitsugaya blinked. Then, they blinked again.

'Please?' Kyoraku said, sporting a pout and watery eyes, and Matsumoto grinned.

'Yep, that's Captain Kyoraku,' she affirmed. 'May I leave, Captain?'

Hitsugaya nodded. His tongue curled in distaste as he noticed the sake bottle Kyoraku was holding, reminding him of his pressing need for tea. The door slid shut behind Matsumoto, and the other Captain lost his happy face, looking almost apologetic.

'I have something important to tell you, Hitsugaya,' he said. Hitsugaya didn't care. He smelled tea. He smelled tea, and it came from Kyoraku's hand. The smaller Captain rose, following his unwrought instinct. There it is, your precious tea, just a little closer... Your prey is right there... 'I broke... eh?'

-

Kyoraku glanced down. And down. And a bit further down. All the way down to where his hand was being ravished by Hitsugaya.

'I broke your cup,' Kyoraku said. No reaction. He scratched his head. 'I broke your cup and spilled your tea.'

He should not have said that. At that point, Hitsugaya's mouth turned from caressing to a carnivorous death-grip. Teeth sunk into his hand, and he could swear he heard a bone crack.

-

His need for tea being somewhat subdued from whatever leftovers from his cup resided on Kyoraku's hand, he realised just what he was doing. Standing up hurriedly, he could see the other Captain's frightened eyes and his bleeding arm.

'I'm terribly sorry, Captain Kyoraku,' he said, barely keeping his voice from shivering. 'I don't know what came over me.'

The other man stared at him for a bit. And a bit more.

'You need some sake,' he stated, offering him the bottle. For once, Hitsugaya didn't even hesitate before he up-ended it, resulting in a lot of coughing and a cheerful Kyoraku patting his back.

'You'll be all right, Shiro,' he said, grinning. 'There's no need for tea that can possibly outlive the effects of sake.'

Hitsugaya scowled at him.

'What did you do to my tea?' he said, his reiatsu looming threateningly over Kyoraku, who barely seemed to notice.

'I accidentally...' Kyoraku swallowed. 'I drank some of it, then the cup fell off the roof,' he said nervously, appearing to grow even more anxious as Hitsugaya moved closer.

'You're wrong,' Hitsugaya said, his hands sliding up the other man's chest. 'Sake can never replace tea.'

With that he jumped up, grabbed Kyoraku's shoulders, pulled him closer to the ground and stuck his tongue between his lips.

There was still a bitter trace of Darjeeling in his mouth.