Chapter 4- Christmas

A/N: alrighty, here is chapter 4...I would have had it up earlier, but I was out of town earlier this week, consequently in one of the most beautiful places I've ever been! :) it was a good trip! anyway, this chapter is kind of a filler, just to get some things moving, and there's a bit of setting up for later on in the story...it might be a little boring, but I promise things are going to pick up in a couple of chapters!! anyway, enjoy!!

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing Harry Potter, only what you don't recognize!

It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Feeling Good- Michael Bublé

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It was a funny feeling. I had people who actually wanted to spend time with me. And not just that—they fought each other for my company. Well, it was more of a banter, but still, I had never had anyone fight for me period. I had never before been something to be desired, something of consequence. Apparently, now I was. Fabian and Gideon didn't take to kindly to the fact that they now had to share me with Lily and Alice. Lily and Alice, for their part, told them that I needed girl time. It was a constant back and forth and I usually just watched in amazement that they could care that much.

"Look, here, you red haired harpy, you get to see her in the dorm and in classes," Fabian said to Lily one night. "We have to wait until meals and after classes, so therefore we should get to spend time with her now."

"I am not a harpy!" Lily exclaimed, indignantly. "And you had the whole first part of the term with her! Besides, don't you two have some trouble to cause?"

"No, it's the Marauders' turn for mischief and mayhem," Gideon quipped and she threw him a dirty look.

I listened to the banter, knowing that it was all in good fun. The Prewett twins and Lily and Alice didn't mind sharing the time, at least I didn't think so. I wasn't sure why they insisted on this silly fighting though. I suspected it might have something to do with Fabian and Gideon's ridiculous need for attention. But I wasn't complaining—it was rather entertaining.

"If you don't mind an objective party cutting in," came a new voice. We all turned to see Sirius standing there. "Maybe you should ask Rian who she wants to spend time with."

And then they all turned expectantly to me. I glared at Sirius, who just grinned back. I didn't want to make a choice because that would be like picking favorites. And I liked all of them. I didn't say anything for a minute, hoping they'd just go back to arguing. But I had no such luck.

"We could just all hang out together," I suggested, looking at Alice. "I mean, that is the obvious solution, isn't it?"

"Why yes, it is," Alice said, feigning shock. "I wonder why nobody suggested that before? Oh wait, I've only been suggesting it for the past ten minutes!"

I laughed because it was true. While the Prewett twins and Lily had been going at each other, Alice had been trying to give this solution. But between the three of them, she couldn't get a word in edgewise.

"Fine, we'll all play nice," Fabian conceded, dropping onto the couch next to me.

"You really are quite overdramatic," I told him.

"Well, nobody would listen to us if we weren't," he replied. "Honestly, look at poor Alice over here—she couldn't get us to listen to her because she wasn't screaming at us."

"Yes, perhaps she should have told Lily what she wanted to say," Gideon added, winking at the three of us girls. "She's got no problem getting people to listen to her."

"And just what is that suppose to mean?"

"It means that you are very upfront about what you want," Fabian said. "It's a compliment."

"Didn't sound like one," she muttered darkly.

And that's how it went. As I said, the banter was all in good fun. Lily was just so easy to rile up that it was hard to resist sometimes. I had been getting better at not taking things so literally all the time and I even made jokes on purpose now. Of course, whether I was joking or not, they all still laughed.

The only thing that bothered me was Sirius. While he didn't track me down anymore, he still studied me closely when he thought I wasn't looking. I had no idea what I had done to warrant so much attention from him, but I wish he'd stop. The way he looked at me was unsettling—as though he knew exactly where my injuries had come from. It sent shivers down my spine sometimes to look up and see his intense eyes trained on me. Other girls would have died to have Sirius look at them so intently—I would have killed to get him to stop.

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"So what are you doing for the holidays, Rian?" Lily asked me one morning in December.

"I'm staying here," I said as I got ready for classes. Alice was already gone. "I always stay here—my brother and I get along much better with distance between us. Are you going home?"

"Yes, my parents would never let me get away with not coming home for Christmas. It's the best time of year in my house," she said, smiling. "And Alice is going to spend the holiday with Frank and his family."

"Sounds serious," I said, raising my eyebrows.

"Oh, it is," Lily agreed. "I suspect he'll propose to her by next summer."

I had no response for that, so I finished tying my tie and checked my bag for my books. I was a little sad that my friends would be leaving for Christmas. I never thought I'd be sad to be alone, but there you are. Fabian and Gideon were going home, as well, to see their family. Their older sister had had her third child in August and so they were required as the uncles to go and see the baby. I didn't know of anyone staying behind with me, actually.

"So what are you going to do with all this free time?" Lily asked me as we walked down to breakfast. "I mean, ever since the Prewett twins got a hold of you they haven't given you a moment's peace."

"It's not that bad," I replied laughing. "You know, I always thought I'd hate to have to interact with people. I've never been good at being social and I'm always awkward. But with those two, it's just…I dunno, it's just effortless."

"That's how friendships should be," she said with a slight frown. "I mean, when you have friends who are really your friends, well, you shouldn't have to work at it. They should just like you for who you are."

"Maybe that's what the problem was," I mused, more to myself than Lily.

"What's that?"

"I never thought that anyone would like me for just being me," I said. I had never voiced that aloud, but it wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be.

"Rian, you're a wonderful person. Of course people will like you!" she said, giving me a look. "You just have to give them a chance."

She had a point. I had never given anyone a chance before, always assuming that people wouldn't like me. I had never considered that I might actually be able to have friendships. Of course, I only had Mack to compare to and I was deathly afraid of having to deal with someone like him. I didn't want that. So instead of risking the rejection, I didn't set myself up to fail. But now I was finding that maybe I had been wrong.

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Soon the holiday was upon Hogwarts and everyone was gone. The castle looked beautiful, as always, but this year I found I didn't appreciate it as much. I was sitting in the common room, wondering what to do with myself now that I didn't have anyone to consort with. The grounds were snowy and it was a perfect day for a snowball fight, but what fun was that with just one person? No fun, none at all. As I sat there, depressed at all the things I couldn't do, I marveled at how I had once not only chosen loneliness, I'd preferred it. Now I couldn't remember why.

I was just in the middle of flicking little rolled up balls of parchment into the fire when the portrait hole opened. I looked over my shoulder and saw Sirius coming through it. Of course he was staying. It was just my luck that the one person I would like to have a break from wasn't leaving. It wasn't so much that I disliked Sirius, I just didn't like his unhealthy obsession with me. It could have been my imagination, I suppose, but I swear he was watching me every chance he could. And I couldn't for the life of me figure out why.

"Hey, I didn't know you were staying," he said to me now, as he sat next to me on the couch. "Doesn't your brother want to see you?"

I looked at him for minute, wondering how much James had told him, and then said, "He had other plans. It's no big deal."

We lapsed into silence. I wondered why he was staying, but I didn't care enough to ask. Besides that would just be inviting more attention and conversation, which was the last thing I needed from Sirius. After a couple of minutes I could feel him looking at me. I hated be the sole focus of attention, it made me incredibly self-aware and self-conscious. I suspected that Sirius had something to say to me, but because he wasn't sure how I would react he just didn't say anything all. He stared at me instead. And it was driving me crazy.

"Can I help with you something?" I asked turning to face him.

"No, I don't believe so," he replied unflinchingly.

"Then would you kindly please stop studying me like I'm some sort of Picasso," I said testily and he frowned.

"A what?"

I sighed, realizing I'd made a muggle reference, and told him, "Never mind, it's just something from the muggle world."

Silence fell between us once more and while Sirius had stopped staring, there was still this weird tension. He made me nervous because I didn't know how act around him. I couldn't figure out what he was thinking or what he anted from me. But it wasn't like it had been with the Prewett twins or Lily and Alice. No, this was something completely different because Sirius knew part of my big bad secret. He'd seen the bruises and welts. He hadn't said anything to anybody, but I still didn't trust him.

And it was then that I realized the reason that I didn't trust him. He hadn't reacted as I had suspected a normal person to react. He hadn't looked away in revulsion or tried to get away from me in disgust. He'd tried to help—at least, he had offered to help—but he hadn't reacted to the injuries. He'd reacted to me not wanting to talk about it. He was angry because he knew that there was something more to the bruises and welts. But he hadn't been repulsed by me.

In fact, the opposite reaction had occurred—he'd become fascinated by me. Perhaps that's the wrong word to use, but how else do you describe someone who just sits and stares at you all the time? And that was what bothered me about Sirius. The fact that he was interested in why I had so many injuries wasn't something I had anticipated.

"Rian, can I ask you something?" Sirius asked a while later.

"Um, okay."

"Are you staying here because you don't want to see your brother?" He looked up at me. "Because you don't want him to hurt you anymore?"

When I finally found voice, I tried to sound indifferent as I told him, "Why would you think such a thing? My brother doesn't hurt me." But I could hear the slight waver of fear in my voice and wondered if he could too.

"Well, I've been thinking a lot about this and I think he does hurt you," he replied, eyes boring into mine. I wanted to look away, leave, something, but I couldn't make myself move. "James told me about your parents."

"He shouldn't have," I said quietly. "That wasn't his place."

"Don't blame him, I kept pestering him about it," Sirius replied and I rolled my eyes.

"It's none of your business what happened," I said more confidently than I felt. One of the positive things that had come from hanging around the Prewett twins was that I was more outspoken. And that would help me in this situation, I hoped.

"Rian, can you really not see what he's doing to you?" he asked me quietly. "Or are you just trying to hide it from everyone? Because either way you're not handling the situation."

"Why are you so interested?" I asked, scooting away from him. "You have never given me a legitimate reason as to why I should tell you anything."

"I'm interested because you won't let anyone help you," he said. "I'm sure you've said nothing to your friends about the bruises."

"What bruises?" I asked, feigning confusion, as I rolled up my sleeves. All the bruises and welts had finally faded away, leaving nothing but mostly smooth skin behind. "I don't see any bruises. Do you?"

"Rian, this is serious," he said sternly and I stood up.

"No, Sirius, it's none of your business," I told him for what felt like the millionth time. "Stop bugging me about things that don't concern you. Stop staring at me, it's really starting to weird me out. Just leave me alone."

I didn't wait for him to respond. I went upstairs to my dorm and stayed there for the rest of the night. I didn't know how he'd figured out it was Mack, but I wasn't going to confirm his suspicions. I wasn't ready to open up that floodgate of trouble for anyone, least of all Sirius Black.

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I hid out in the library for most of the next day. I didn't want to talk to Sirius, didn't want him to ask me anymore on-the-dot questions. He was a little too close to the truth for comfort. And the truth, well, that was my burden to bear. And I'd been bearing it for so long that I didn't think I'd know how to ask for help anyway.

I was in the middle of working on a complicated charm when I heard footsteps approaching me. I was in my usual spot at the back of the library, so I knew there could be only one person coming back here. I sighed and continued to concentrate on the charm, hoping that if I didn't even acknowledge him, Sirius would go away.

"Hey," he said sitting down next to me. I didn't say anything, kept me eyes glued in front of me. "Rian? He-llooo?"

When I still didn't say anything Sirius started different tactics to get my attention. First he tried staring at me, but I'd gotten too used to that to really break. Then he just said my name, over and over again. It got rather annoying, but he gave up on that too. It was the poking that did me in. He started slowly at first. Just poking me in the arm—poke…poke…poke. I kept my eyes trained on the book I was charming, trying my best to ignore him.

But then the poking got more insistent. Poke, poke, poke, poke…finally, I got fed up, grabbed his poking finger, and bent it back as far as I could. Since Sirius wasn't expecting such a violent reaction, I had the upper hand.

"Ow, ow, okay, okay, I give up," he said, trying to pull his finger out of my grasp. I let it go and glared at him.

"What do you want?" I asked, and then another thought occurred to me. "How the bloody hell did you even find me?"

"Looked everywhere else," he said, massaging his finger. "You're not a very hard person to track down, you know. I just thought about where the best place to get away from everyone was and here you are."

"Go away," I said annoyed.

"Look, Rian, I'm not here to lecture you," he said. "I thought about what you said and you're right. I really have no business telling you what to do because I really don't know you that well."

"No, you don't," I said carefully, wondering what the catch was.

"So, I figured the only solution that will satisfy both of us is for us to be friends," he said and I looked at him.

"Friends?"

"Yeah, friends," he repeated. "What, you don't want to be my friend?"

I thought about that. Sirius—god-among men, every girl's dream, perfect in every way—wanted to be my friend. I had to wonder if there was an epidemic going around that was making everyone crazy. Nobody had noticed until just a few months ago and now it seemed like everyone was. But did I want to be friends with Sirius? It would warrant a lot angry girls if they thought I was trying to make a move on the object of their affection. And there was the fact that he knew things that I didn't want anyone to know. Plus, if I was Sirius' friend, then that would almost certainly mean James would be my friend by association. And with James and Sirius came Remus and Peter—it was like a package deal. That would be eight people who were friends with me—I could barely keep up with the four I had now.

But maybe if Sirius got to know me he would leave alone. Maybe once he saw that I wasn't so special, nothing to be concerned about, he would just forget about the mysterious injuries. And as wrong as it might be to let Mack's words get to me, I couldn't help but think that if he was right and I wasn't worth the time of day then Sirius would soon see that. And then he'd forget about me. Either way it was a win-win situation, in a sick twisted sort of way.

"Alright, we can be friends," I told him. "But you can't tell anyone—and I mean anyone—about the stupid bruises, or anything else you may think you know. That will be between just you and me."

"Okay," he said simply.

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On Christmas Day I woke up to find a small stack of parcels at the foot of my bed. I was sufficiently surprised to have more than one gift—I usually only got one from Mr. and Mrs. Potter—and immediately felt a twinge of guilt because I hadn't thought to get anything for anyone. But I could make it up, I supposed. I sat down on the floor at the foot of my bed and pulled the closest parcel to me.

It was from the Prewett twins. I opened it to find a light green sweater, handmade, and soft to the touch. I pulled it on and it hugged me in all the right places. It was warm and comfortable and I knew it would be my new favorite thing. I picked up the note and read:

Rian—Our sister loves to knit sweaters and so we told her that you needed one badly. They are fantastically warm and the best things since magic! Hope you like it and we'll see you in a couple of weeks!

You two most favorite people ever—

Fabian and Gideon

I smiled to myself as I set the note aside and picked up the next parcel. I recognized Lily's slanted handwriting and tore the paper away. It was a book on adapting magic to fit the muggle world. I turned it over and read the back, thoroughly interested. She and I had talked about all the pros and cons to both the muggle world and the wizarding world. The next gift came from Alice and she had gotten me a picture frame. Inside was a picture of her, Lily, and me that we'd taken a few weeks ago. I looked at me in the photograph, hardly recognizing the girl I saw. She was smiling, happily, looking as if she belonged there with these other two girls. I sat there, staring at the picture for a long time, a warm feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Finally I grabbed the last of the parcels, from the Potters. They had sent some homemade sweets—Mr. Potter was a fabulous cook—and new quills and ink. I set them aside, smiling yet again because Mrs. Potter always seemed to know exactly what I needed. I looked at all my gifts once more, smiling broadly, and then got up and got dressed.

Sirius was in the common room when I came down a half an hour later. "Merry Christmas," he said cheerfully.

"Merry Christmas," I said.

"New sweater?" he asked as I sat down next to him.

"Yeah, it's from the Prewett twins," I said, noticing he had some ribbon in his hair. "You look very festive."

"Aw, thanks, Rian," he smiling goofily at me. "Here, let me make you festive, too!"

I smiled and shook my head as he took some more ribbon and proceeded to tie it in my hair. Sirius had turned out to be different than I had imagined. He was a nice guy, to be honest. He was funny—nearly as much as the Prewett twins—and he and I had some great conversations about the most random things. But the strangest thing of all was the feeling of security I had around him. It was inexplicable, to say the least, but I felt a sort of calm spread through me when I was with him.

"There!" he exclaimed. "Now we are officially festive enough to celebrate Christmas!"

"Well, jolly good then, shall we go to lunch?" I asked laughing.

"Why, yes, we shall."

Lunch was quite the affair. The few Slytherins that had stayed scowled through the whole meal, but other than that everyone enjoyed themselves. Dumbledore went ended up with a red and green feather boa that he draped over his shoulders. I had gotten a sombrero that was two sizes to big and Sirius was wearing a ridiculous beanie. It was a good time, everyone joking around and talking. It was the best Christmas I'd had in a long time.

As we went back upstairs, full from the good food, Sirius and I joked about whether or not Dumbledore might be a cross dresser.

"I'm telling you, Rian, that man wore that boa a little too comfortably," he said, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Oh stop! I did not need that image in my head!" I exclaimed covering my ears with my hands.

"I'm just saying is all," he shrugged, laughing.

We passed Dorcas, the Prewetts' cousin as we reached the second floor landing. She was leaning against a wall casually, as though she'd been waiting for us. Sirius nodded in her direction, acknowledging her. One corner of her mouth lifted in a smirk and I wondered what she was thinking.

"Why hello there," she said, falling into step with us.

"Hi," I said.

"You're my cousins' friend, right? The one whose name they didn't know?" she inquired and I frowned slightly.

"Yes. I'm Rian," I said, wondering what she wanted.

"Oh, I know who you are," she said.

"What do you want, Dorcas?" Sirius asked impatiently.

"Just wanted to say hi," she replied, all innocence. But there was something about the way she said it that didn't sit right with me.

"Well, hello," he said, shortly. "And good-bye."

Sirius sped up and I thought it odd of him to be so rude. I glanced at Dorcas who still had a smirk on her face, as though she knew something that I didn't. It was unsettling. I quickened my pace to catch up with Sirius, leaving the strange girl behind.

"What was that all about?" I asked once we'd turned a corner.

"Oh, that girl is just a right pain in the arse," he said, rolling his eyes. "I dated her for a bit and she's still sore about it."

"Oh." I thought there might be more to it, but I didn't press the issue. Dorcas had nothing to do with me, really.

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so, what do you think? Is Dorcas going to be a problem? Does she really know something? hmm....only time will tell :) let me know what you think!