Chapter 4: One Man's Trash...
Trays "clinged" against tables as pots "clanged" against stoves in the chaos of the Peach Creak High Café. Amidst the echoing of voices ringing throughout the lunch room, the three "Eds" sat with their lunches ready to eat. In front of Double D was a paper towel laid out to keep his food from touching the "filthy, disgusting, bacteria ridden table." Meticulously put, a salad, granola bar, and water bottle rested on the neat paper towel for Edd's satisfaction. In stark contrast, Ed's brown paper bag leaked a mysterious liquid. He pulled out two slices of buttered toast with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, as well as a homemade pudding skin. Not to mention gravy, in case it was needed. Eddy had a submarine sandwich filled to it's fullest with ham, cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, mayonnaise, and olives. It was a busy Wednesday afternoon in the cafeteria.
As he munched on his sub, Eddy reviewed the plan he concocted the previous day in his head. His plan was so brilliant; he got a kick out of reviewing it, just to bask in the glory of its cleverness.
"Okay boys," he began, "I was thinking for our scam that we would take the woodshop projects that students have been dumping outside of school, and head over to the senior center to sell them for cheap! We'll head to the back of the school today and drive over to the senior center in our truck. How's it sound?"
Ed grunted in approval, but Edd disagreed. "Eddy! Those are senior citizens we are talking about, not some regular folks on the streets! Senior citizens are to be upheld the most sincere respect, and undercutting them with one of your classic scams is crossing the line, mister!" Double D crossed his arms, closed with eyes, and said, "I will take no part in your deceptive scam, Eddy."
"Fine, Ed and I can handle it. But we'll need the truck, so you might have to take a hike home, Double D."
Double D sighed. "Very well then. Following your own moral code comes with a price I suppose."
Ed and Eddy dashed down to the rear of the school grounds to where the dumpsters were as soon as they had their bags from their lockers. Both boys jogged, taking the lesser-walked corridors to avoid any unnecessary traffic or suspicion. They bolted out of the school to the outside so quickly the doors they opened slammed against the school building, but they did not care what so ever. Panting and sweating, they arrived at the dumpsters, and were dismayed at what they didn't see there.
"Where are the woodshop projects, Eddy?"
Anyone could have seen the steam coming out of Eddy's ears. "Ugh! I knew something would go wrong! I knew it!" spouted Eddy.
"Are you boys looking for something?" said a voice that came from behind the two "Eds." Mr. Ferugio stood with his hands at his sides, glasses perched on his nose, and red tie hung neatly over his blue collared shirt.
Eddy quickly replied. "Oh, hey, Mr. Ferugio. We were looking for Ed's woodshop project; some kids threw it out here. Do you think you know where it could be?"
Mr. Ferugio stroked his wrinkly fingers across his combed-back, wispy white hair. "I reckon the garbage truck must have taken it away…By God, is it Wednesday already? Boy, the weeks fly by when you get to be my age!" Mr. Ferugio chuckled. Ed and Eddy politely laughed, but got straight back into the direness of the situation.
Eddy asked, "Do you think we could find it at the junkyard?"
"I suppose," said Mr. Ferugio. "It must be a real piece of work, Ed!"
"My mother says I can hang whatever I make on the refrigerator!"
Mr. Ferugio and Ed laughed, but Eddy cringed, because he knew that Ed wasn't joking…
The flaming van slowly crept through its native land, crushing any bottles, cans, and wooden planks in its wake. Eddy rested on top of the van in prone position, holding a rusty, worn telescope he salvaged from a pile of junk they recently encountered. The masses of trash mounded together, forming rolling hills of garbage, trash, and junk. It was as though Ed and Eddy were roaming through another planet.
"Slow down a bit, lumpy! My ass is sliding off this thing!" yelled a slipping Eddy.
"Gotcha, Eddy!" Ed replied. He apparently had misheard Eddy, because the van sped up, and Eddy soared like an eagle into a soiled mattress.
"Yuck! Ed! Come back here!" shouted a livid Eddy. After having a fit of rage, Eddy turned around to survey what he landed in. To his surprise, a few hand-crafted wooden benches and birdhouses were wedged into the mound of crap he landed in. "Ed, I take it back. You're a genius!"
"Genius is as genius does, Eddy!" said Ed, hands on his hips, with his head held high.
"Get off your high horse, monobrow. We still gotta load all this crap into the van."
The "Eds" heaved and hoed, carrying several wooden benches into the van's rear. With every step, dirt mushed under their heels, and with every breath, the pungent odor of the dump wafted under their nostrils. It was almost enough to make Eddy gag, but Ed seemed immune to its effects, for his natural habitat was a smelly one. After loading every single work of wood into the van, Eddy rested in the passenger seat, exhausted. Ed stood beside the van, and looked out into the sky. The sun was setting, staining the sky with pink, orange and yellow liquid rays of light. It soothed Ed as he gazed upon it, for he overlooked the disgusting landscape surrounding him. But a darkened figure blocked his view of the sun, and two more followed it. A drumming came with the arrival of the silhouetted figures, as well as a blazing trumpet. Eddy perched right up from his rest, recognizing the sound.
"Look Urban Rangers, we have company aiding us in our mission!" shouted Rolf. Johnny, Jimmy and Plank followed Rolf down a mound of trash towards the flaming van, where two "Eds" stood to greet them. "What brings you here, Ed-boys?"
Eddy lied yet again, "We're here to collect some woodshop projects, for, uh, community service!"
"Ah!" Rolf replied with arms open. "We are here too to collect discarded pieces of junk. We plan to refurnish them and bring them to the senior citizen center tomorrow!"
Eddy frowned, but thought for a second, and his frown reversed itself into a wide grin. " Really? That's where we are bringing this stuff, too! Why don't you haul all the pieces of junk you collect into our van here? There's plenty of space still left, and Ed and I can help you out!" Rolf turned to his fellow rangers, and they nodded in agreement.
"Very well, then. Rangers! Scout for discarded furniture!" shouted Rolf.
The men dispersed like ants, scavenging for the bits and pieces of valuable items from the world of junk. Eddy's eyes grew bigger and bigger with every item loaded into the van, especially when it was the Urban Rangers that contributed to the hoard of goods. He snickered with delight, and rested with the satisfaction of knowing that he might be able to pull together $100 for Darrell. The sun had set further into the earth, and nearly buried itself halfway when the men decided to call it quits.
"That's enough for today, rangers. You should head home too, Ed-boys!"
Ed and Eddy nodded. "Thank you, Rangers!" thanked Ed as he waved farewell the to uniformed boys. The Urban Rangers bowed.
"And don't worry about the junk, I mean stuff, Rolfie boy. We got everything covered on from here! We can even hand everything out at the senior center for you tomorrow! " added Eddy, eagerly.
"Oh no, Ed-boys! We shall work together at the senior center, perhaps at 4:30 PM after school, yes?" Rolf offered.
Ed and Eddy looked at each other, but they both knew they had no choice but to agree. "Yeah, sure!" Eddy agreed. And so the two parties made their separate ways, and Ed and Eddy rolled out of the junkyard towards home.
"Eddy, what are we going to do now?" asked a nervous Ed.
Eddy snorted and slammed his fist into his palm. "Those Urban Losers really put a wrench in my plans, Ed. What the hell are we going to do now…" Eddy thought about it as he sat in his seat, sinking into the leather fabric. Rolf had said he would be there at 4:30, so if they headed to the senior center early…"We can head there and sell some of the stuff ahead of time, Ed! Before Rolf and his losers show up! It's perfect!"
"Good idea, Eddy!" Ed agreed. "But Eddy," he rethought. "How are we gonna make enough money by only selling some of the parts?"
Eddy didn't need to think for a second. "Simple, stinky pits, we raise the prices! Senior citizens always have a bunch of pension money coming in that they love to spend on useless junk! No problem there!" Eddy felt a reassurance sweep through him, and so did Ed. They didn't want to imagine what could happen if Eddy showed up short of money to Darrell on Friday.
The two parked right outside Eddy's garage, and they went to work scrubbing and washing the salvaged furniture as sneakily as they could, making sure not to wake Eddy's parents. And so, the master plan was again put in motion.
The scent of burned rubber lifted up off of the road into the cloud-filled sky. A flame rushed throughout the town of Peach Creek, making its way from the high school to the senior center.
"Alright Ed, let's get the show on the road!"
Ed and Eddy laid out signs, a stand, several well-polished pieces of furniture, and neatly written price tags outside of the rusty brick building known as the Peach Creek Retirement Home. The two boys settled down the last of their items, and took their positions at their hand-crafted stand, grinning so hard that their smiles reached out from ear-to-ear. In keeping professional, they both adorned white collared dress shirts, red ties, black dress pants, belts, and their finest dress shoes. Eddy knew that senior citizens loved to see the youth dress appropriately. In fact, it was not long before one had approached them with a birdhouse in his hands.
"This is a really neat thing you have here boys! Now how much is this birdhouse here? I left my glasses in my room!" croaked an elderly man with the physique of a string bean.
Eddy smiled and said, "That will be $12.50, my good sir!"
The old man slowly lifted out his wallet, and opened it up at the same leisurely pace. He went through every card and bill he had, and even stopped to gaze at pictures of his grandchildren. Eddy tried to force himself to reserve himself and mind his temper. For what seemed an eon, he waited for the man's payment. "They ya' go, sonny! I wish there were more stalwart youths such as yourselves!"
The "Eds" said their good-byes to the man, and greeted the next customer. It was only after 30 minutes that they had collected a solid $50, enough to suffice for Darrell's payment due the next day. "Good work, Ed! Now I won't have to worry about Darrell's payment!"
"You had me worried there, Eddy! Think of what would have happened… Darrell would gut you like the Alienator did to Gorillazilla in 'Monkeys from the Deep'!" said Ed. Eddy looked at him, wondering how Ed functioned throughout his daily life.
The Urban Rangers arrived on the scene an hour and a half later, and they were pleased with what they saw. A stand, stocked furniture, and labels were at their ready. A note lay on the stand as well.
Dear Urban Rangers,
We had to start giving away the goods early because we had some schoolwork to catch up on for the rest of the day. Hope you don't mind.
-Eddy
P.S. Ed two!
Rolf read the note to Johnny and Jimmy. They thought nothing of it. In fact, they were pleased that the "Eds" had followed through with their promise, even if they could not attend the service with them in person. An old lady came up to the stand
"Hey, you fellas still sellin' that hand-made bench?"
Johnny took the stand and casted a weird look back at his partners. "We are giving all this away for free, ma'am. We were never selling these for money!"
The old lady squinted her eyes and adjusted her glasses. She then took the glasses from her nose, gave them a wipe with a rag she kept in her pocket, and put them back on. A frown formed on his wrinkled face. "That's strange," she mumbled. "I must need a new prescription for these glasses. I'm seeing things again!"
