Severus Snape was eating his daily flavorless, watery porridge (you are what you eat :P). He was about to pick up The Prophet, but as soon as he closed his fingers around it, his feet were lifted from the ground and he was surrounded by a blur of colors.

Crap, it's a portkey! He thought. As abruptly as it had started, his feet hit the ground with a thud, and he fell on his knees. He stood up on black asphalt, and as he did, he noticed he was staring straight at a red car. The car honked and screeched around him.

Snape ran off the road, and now, people were staring. They were all muggles that were unaccustomed to seeing a middle-aged man in nightgown under robes. So many muggles! He could practically smell them…

Severus reached inside his robes and pulled out his wand. I've always wanted to try this, he thought. He pointed his wand at a male muggle's belt. It promptly unbuckled itself, and the man's pants fell down. Excellent, thought Snape.

Snape reached back for the portkey thinking it would take him back home, but this time he landed in a small clearing with a few small houses scattered here and there. But there were about 10-15 people walking around butt naked. A friendly looking man came up to Snape.

"Welcome," he said, "Thinking about joining a nudist colony such as ours?" Snape uttered a weird sound of shock: "NNIIAAA!" He grabbed for the portkey as quick as he could.

This time he landed in a small house. There was a man sweating, looking nervous. Snape could tell he was a wizard by the wand sticking out of his pocket, an owl in a cage, and chocolate frog wrappers all over the place. The wizard was sitting in front of a television.

"You gotta help me man! If I don't figure out how to turn this thing on I'm gonna-" Snape did not let him finish. He grabbed the newspaper but this time landed in Dumbledore's office at Hogwarts.

"April Fools!" said Dumbledore. Damn, he gets me every year. Every FREAKIN' year! thought Snape. "Oh, and Voldy called," Dumbledore continued, "He wants a sandwich.

THANKS TO MY BETA, L6UR6

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