Early the next morning, I pack some essential items and decide to head out. I have no idea where I will go but I have to go somewhere. With Ozai as the new Fire Lord and no family, there is nothing left here for me in Capital City.
I walk down to the royal stables and pick out an eelhound for my journey.
"Where you going Uncle Iroh?" a soft and timid voice cries out from behind the bales of hay.
"Zuko? Is that you?" I ask, walking towards the voice to try and find the boy in the haystacks. "What is the Crown Prince of the Fire Nation doing hiding in the hay?"
No response.
I move the hay out of the way and find him curled up in a corner, his head in his arms.
"Zuko?" I say gently as I reach out to help him to his feet. I can tell now that he's been crying. He probably misses his mother.
"Uncle, can I come with you?" he asks, wiping the tears from his face. My heart breaks for the poor boy but there's no way I'm going to take my brother's child with me to who knows where.
"I would like that," I reply. "But it's not safe where I'm going so I think it would be best for you to stay here for now."
"Where are you going Uncle?" he asks again.
"I don't know."
"But if you don't know where you're going, how do you know that it's not safe?"
"Zuko, there are a lot of things that you may not understand right now but one day you will realize that everything that's happening to you right now is happening for a reason. And, someday, you will know what that reason is." I realize my reply doesn't answer his actual question but I hope that it will help him accept some of the things that are happening in his life right now.
Naturally, he looks confused.
I'm tempted to continue to explain but I'm sure he will understand in time, so I don't. Instead, I call over a servant and have Zuko taken back to his room. Then, I mount my eelhound and head out. Where I will go and what I will find, I don't know. All I know is that I must go. Go until I find whatever it is I am looking for; until my heart is at peace. Then, perhaps, I will return.
Or perhaps not.
I head east, following the chain of Fire Nation islands that lead to the Earth Kingdom. I've been this way so many times before, usually traveling with a fleet, but this time everything's different. This time I'm alone with no heavy armor, no weapons, no strategy, no direction, no purpose.
No purpose, I think to myself.
Beyond the fact that there is no real purpose to my trip, I feel like there is no real purpose to my existence as a whole. I am as empty and hallow as water jug with no water; as meaningless as salt that's lost its flavor or a spear that's lost its tip. I am a prince who has lost his crown; a son who has lost his father; a husband who has lost his wife; and a father who has lost his son. I am all these things and yet I am nothing.
Lost is the only word that I actually am. It is the only word that accurately describes my life.
Lost.
By nightfall, I've arrived in Shu Jing, the easternmost island of the Fire Nation. I'm not in a rush to get to any particular place so I decide to stay the night. I walk over to the inn to grab some dinner and a room.
"Good Evening," the innkeeper greets me as I enter.
"I've hitched my eelhound to the post outside, is there a stable where he can stay the night?"
"Of course. And food can be provided upon request. I assume you would like a room as well?"
"Right, of course."
"Travel papers and contact information, please, sir," he says as he takes out his booking log. "We have a few options available today, I would suggest the upper suite if you are looking for some relaxation and a good view."
"A good view would be nice," I say as I hand him my papers.
He looks down at them and then looks back up at me. "Oh, General Iroh! I apologize for not recognizing you earlier. Please, let me help you with your items," he says. He looks extremely nervous as he quickly lifts the bar and comes out from behind the counter. He reaches out to help with my bag and calls for the stable boy immediately.
"There's no need inn-keeper," I reply. "Just a room and some food, please."
"Certainly." He leads me up two flights of stairs to the upper suite and then quickly opens the door and hands me the key. "There is a menu on the desk, please ring me when you're ready and we can bring the food up to your room, sir."
"Actually, I'd like to eat at the restaurant downstairs instead."
"Whatever you'd like, sir," he replies. "We will have a table set for you as you get settled."
"Please, don't go out of your way," I insist although I'm sure he's not going to listen.
"Not a problem sir. Please do not hesitate if there is anything you need," he says and then bows to me before he leaves.
I put my bag on the bed and open the window to the view he's promised. The sun has set so it is difficult to see much but, from what little light there is from the waning moon, I can see a small town, mountains, and a river. This place seems very peaceful compared to home.
I go back downstairs and have dinner alone. People stare and whisper among themselves but no one talks to be besides the waitress who constantly asks if there's anything I need. Perhaps I should get some false travel papers made, especially if I plan to travel to the Earth Kingdom. For some reason, I'm pretty sure people will not be nearly as hospitable to me there. Not that I'm looking for hospitality or anything. But I'd like to be treated normally (whatever that means).
After dinner, I head up to my room and lay in bed. I can't sleep so I stare out the window instead. I admire the mountains and the river as the night passes and the sun begins to rise. In the sunlight, I can see that the mountains surrounding me are lush and green, the river consists of a series of waterfalls and the homes are beautifully built with matching red roofs. On the hill, just along the cliff-side, I see a beautiful mansion.
What a peaceful place to retire.
I have breakfast at the inn, by myself again, and then walk through the town and browse the various stores filled with meaningless items for people to collect - beautifully framed artwork, calligraphy, ornate vases, everything. Everything that I would have once admired and perhaps bought. But now, they all just seem so meaningless. I walk to the local sword store where they boast the finest swords in the Fire Nation. I browse the collection, which again I would have once found very appealing, and then turn to leave.
"Could I interest you in one of our finest swords," the shopkeeper says as I reach for the door.
"No, thank you. I have no need for a sword."
"But it is made by the master himself," he says, holding up a sword.
I take the sword and I examine it. I unsheathe the sword and read the markings of its maker. "Piandao," I say to myself out-loud.
"Yes, that is correct sir," he replies, impressed that I could recognize his signature on the sword. "You must certainly be an expert in good swords."
"Does he live nearby?" I ask, ignoring his comment about my knowledge or swords or whatever. I haven't seen Piandao in years.
"Yes, he lives in the mansion up the road from here. He isn't particularly social though."
"Thank you," I say as I hand the sword back to him.
"Oh, are you not interested in purchasing this fine sword?"
"No," I reply. "As I said, I have no need for a sword."
I bid the shopkeeper goodbye and then head up the road towards Piandao's home. I wonder how he will receive me; if he would receive me. I knock on his door and his butler answers.
"Good day, sir."
"What do you want?" he asks somewhat, but not really, politely.
"Is Piandao here?"
"Who is asking?"
"It is an old friend - Iroh."
He goes inside for a while and then reappears. He looks around, perhaps to see if I'm alone, and then lets me in. He takes me into the mansion and to a large room, a study perhaps, and then leaves. Standing by the window, overlooking a beautiful inner-courtyard with the perfect mountain scenery behind it, is my old friend and comrade.
"Have you come to arrest me?" he asks, still facing the courtyard.
"No," I reply as I walk over and stand beside him.
He's silent for a while. "I heard the news."
"Yes."
We stand side-by-side and stare out at the scenery. "It's beautiful isn't it?" he states.
"Yes," I reply, pretending to look at it. But I am looking inside myself instead, trying to find the words to explain to my friend why I'm here.
"And you've come in search of something?"
"Yes."
"What are you looking for, old friend?"
"I'm not sure."
He does not reply. Instead, I follow him as he walks out of the study and down into the courtyard and then out to the edge of the cliff overlooking the waterfall.
"I do not know why you came here but perhaps it is for the same reasons that I've come so many years ago," he says when we reach the edge of the cliff. We sit down at the edge and hang our feet over the side. "To find peace."
"Peace," I repeat.
"You must be upset about what happened."
"Upset," I say, repeating his words again. "At which part?"
"Are you?" he asks, ignoring my question.
"Well, yes, of course I am. I'm upset that I didn't listen to my son when I should have."
"And..."
"And I'm going to kill my brother."
"Are you now?" I'm not sure where it came from but I'm suddenly angry at Ozai. How could he, after what happened to Lu Ten, kill our father and steal the throne? How is what he's done even remotely okay? Why am I, the rightful Fire Lord, not doing anything about this injustice?!
"No," I admit. For whatever reason, even though I think I should probably want to kill him, I don't.
"But you would like to I guess?"
"No."
"Then why did you say you were going to do so?" He looks confused and understandably so. I'm confused myself.
"I'm not sure," I reply.
"So what are you actually going to do then?"
"No idea."
He puts one hand on my shoulder and then looks out at the view again. "Why don't you stay a while, Iroh. It's been a long time," he insists.
"That sounds like a good idea."
I stay with Piandao for a few months, hiking the nearby mountains, painting calligraphy, playing Pai Sho, and talking with my old friend. We talk about everything - philosophy, the Fire Nation, the war, my son, his life here in Shu Jing. Everything except what I'm going to do next.
After some time, I decide that I should move on. He helps to get me some false travel papers and I thank him before I pack my things.
"Whatever you do, wherever you go, I'd try and watch what I say to people," he says as he bids me goodbye.
"Right, of course," I reply. "I probably shouldn't go around telling people I want to kill the Fire Lord."
We laugh.
"Not unless you actually plan on going ahead with it. In that case, you know where to find me," he jokes (although I'm sure there's some truth in it). "Also, think about what I said about the White Lotus," he adds.
"I will. Thank you, my friend."
"No, thank you. It is always nice to see an old friend."
"Always," I reply.
I walk back down to the inn where my eelhound is being kept in the stable, pay the inn-keeper, and then head off toward the Earth Kingdom. I feel better than when I arrived but still I know there is more to do, more to find, out there. Wherever 'there' is.
