FranxCeles

Celes: Huh? Are you an Esper?

Fran: Excuse me? Of course I'm not. Do I look useless in combat to you?

Celes: I apologize if I have offended you. What manner of creature are you?

Fran: A Viera

Celes: A very-what?

Fran: *sigh* Just call me a bunny-rabbit.

Celes: You are far too large to be a bunny rabbit. What are your combat abilities? We could use more party members to join our cause.

Fran: I am a specialist in the bow.

Celes: ...bow? What's a bow?

Fran: This thing.

*Fran shows Celes a bow*

Celes: Never seen that before. The only weapons in my game are sword, lances, knives, boomerangs, and flails. Occasionally rods and staves as well.

Fran: That... is an incredibly underwhelming array of arms.

Celes: Oh? And you're better?

Fran: Yes. In addition to the bow, I can fight with maces, greatswords, poles, guns, ninja swords, and bombs.

Celes: ...never heard of any of those. Are you sure you aren't just making that stuff up?

Fran: I'm also capable of using all forms of magic.

Celes: So? Anyone can do that if they equip an esper and go fight a bunch of goblins.

Fran: ...espers have no correlation to learned magic. You must be confused.

Celes: Confused? I was part of an experiment to infuse magical abilities into humans! I think I know magic better than some stupid bunny-rabbit who fights with fictional weapons like "bows" and "bombs".

Fran: You wanna' fight, human?

*Eiko comes out of nowhere*

Eiko: Hey, we can solve this peacefully!

*Celes looks at Fran's shapely, nimble body. Fran gazes over Cele's poorly covered chest.*

Celes: You're right, Eiko. Let's settle this somewhere... private.

Fran: And in a very... loving, soothing fashion...

Celes: Very loving...

Eiko: CAN I COME?

*Fran ponders over this*

Fran: Come along, little Summoner... I'm sure you'll enjoy my ancient Vieran arts.

Cieles: Once you go magitech, you never go back...

LightningxTerra

*Lightning is rocking it out at Etro's rave party, drunk*

Lightning: Aw yeah, I need someone to take home tonight after all these beers.

Jecht: You up for some lovin', Light?

Lightning: Out of the way, big boy.

*Lightning lifts up Jecht's body and throws it to the side*

Lightning: Yeah, over there, that girl is what I want.

Terra: Uh, hello? I'm new here. Never been to a rave party before.

Lightning: Think I can see that, honey. Looks like you could use some teaching.

Terra: If you don't mind...

Lightning: Lesson 1, you doormat. If you're still sober an hour after the party's started, something is seriously ****ed up.

Terra: ****? What's a ****? Sounds tasty.

Lightning: Lesson 2, cutie pie. Don't ****ing dye your hair green.

Terra: How did you...!

*Lightning pawnches Terra so hard that her green hair dye comes off*

Rydia: Ha! Look at that loser! You can't rock green hair like me!

Faris: You go, Light! Show that pretty girl who's boss!

Terra: What's happening to me...

*Lightning Legion of One's Terra until her blue esper blood starts squirting onto the walls*

Terra: Please! Stop! I'll do anything!

Lightning: ...anything?

Terra: Anything! Just stop! I'm too pathetic of a character to fight by myself!

Lightning: ...fine then. I know what to do with you. Hey Corneo, the back room still empty?

Don Corneo: Yeah, I just finished Garnet's sweet bod a few minutes ago. Back room's open.

Lightning: Perfect. Come here, sissy girl.

*Lightning drags Terra to Don Corneo's back room and closes it. The sound of Terra being whipped echoes even over the bad dance music*

SazhxLightningxHopexSerah

Serah: Hahaha! I have been possessed by Chaos's dark power! You're nothing to me now, Light!

Light: Serah! You don't know what's gotten into you! After Chaos violated your dead body and filled you with his evil seed, you were brought back to life as Dark Serah, the opposite of the true Serah!

Serah: You're right! I am no longer the Serah you once knew!

Hope: There has to be a way to save her!

Light: Etro did tell me something before she left... "a man sexy enough to invoke Toriyama's lust can seduce even the darkest of idiots"

Hope: The darkest of idiots... she meant Serah!

Serah: Huh?

Light: Wait a sec, sis.

*Lightning flips out her cell and calls Sazh*

Light: Like, right now... no, I don't care about your microwave... we've all been molested by Chocolina before... she did what to Dajh... just give him a naked life-size Vaniole plushie or something...okay, thanks.

Hope: What was that?

Light: He's coming any time now

*Brynhildr comes out of the sky and Sazh jumps off*

Sazh: Hellooooo ladies.

Hope: And me.

Sazh: Hellooooo ladies

Hope: *sigh*

Serah: Oh god, I've never seen a man so sexy. Not even Noel's nude body when we showered together.

Light: What.

Hope: ...I'm jealous...

Sazh: C'mon here and I'll sap all that darkness right outta' ya, baby!

*Sazh does a sexy dance as Light, Hope, and Serah begin to take off their clothes...*

NoelxYeul 2

Noel: Yeul? Is that you?

Yeul: No. I am a different Yeul from the one you once knew.

Serah: Who is this chick?

Yeul: Ah. This must be your girlfriend. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Paddra Nsu-Yeul.

Serah: Uh... I'm Serah Farron.

Noel: Hey Serah! It's a fetch quest!

Serah: OMFG WHERE

*Serah goes to search for the fetch quest*

Yeul: I do not like that woman.

Noel: Forget her. You're much more attractive.

Yeul: *blushes*

Noel: You know... I haven't seen you in thousands of years. In the future, I mean.

Yeul: To be honest... you're far more handsome than my visions revealed. You were beautiful even in my mind, but in person... you're gorgeous.

Noel: Aww, thanks!

Yeul: I'm serious. Is there anyplace nearby where we could be more... private?

Noel: What do you mean? We are in the middle of a busy Final Fantasy town. The only people watching us are brainless NPCs.

Yeul: Of course... perhaps we should get better acquainted.

Noel: Yes... we should, my long lost love...

*Noel thrusts his tongue between Yeul's lips and gives her a slow, steamy french kiss*

Yeul: Noel! This is...

Noel: Shhhh... relax, Yeul, relax...

*Noel starts to take off his shirt, then Yeul's, and massages her nude body against his own*

*Serah comes back*

Serah: Oooh, titillating!

*Serah strips, causing everyone to run away from her ugly anorexic body*

Serah: aww... I'm not THAT ugly am I?

Noel: Yes, you are. You'll never be as sexy as your hot sister Lightning was.

Serah: :(

*Noel and Yeul go back to their naughty passionate love