Green is life. Abundant in nature, green signifies growth, renewal, health, and environment. On the flip side, green is jealousy or envy (green-eyed monster) and inexperience. It certainly was all that. As I hold the tiny bundle in my arms, I am suddenly hit with a wave of life; I am holding a life in my hands. I do it every day but it is never our life, never the life we have made together. I want to protect this with every fiber of my being.

Green reminds me of her, green eyes which flash with life when she looks at me. She looks good in green. A rich green that reminds me of the condition she in, reminds me that she is growing life. Our life, red and blue mixed and against the rules of nature made green. But we have never played by the rules.

With both a warming and cooling effect, the color green denotes balance, harmony, and stability. That's what she bought to my life now, stability and harmony. Stability, like the root of a great tree, under foot, where you can't see them, ever growing, making it harder to rip out the tree from the ground. I haven't felt stability like that for a long time and harmony, reds, blues, yellows and greens all melting into one another.

Sometimes the green eyed monster reared its ugly head. It surrounded me, suffocated me, and made me blind with fury, all because someone else touched her. That's the green that I hated. I hated that feeling of helplessness, not being about to control the dark green that came creeping in from the corner, like a serpent, making my hands clench by my side, my blood pound faster through my veins. All she had to do though was turn her green eyes towards me and everything was forgotten, except the spring green which covers the dark green twisting snake, and I remembered that she only has eyes for me.

She gripped my arm, making me wince and I realized that the green was coming; I was once again being graced with life. That's why we chose the name Grace, because she graced us with her presence. Jens green with my blue produced an echo of nature - water and forest can denote new beginnings. It was new beginning for us, it wasn't the happy ending we were looking for, it was a happy beginning that we both thought was beyond our grasp.

Time moves faster in green, I guess that's why I never felt that I had enough time with her, I feel that time is slipping through my fingers. I hold Grace and offer up my silent promise that she is never going to slip through my fingers, history is not going to repeat its self, this is a renewal.

Green is a restful color. As Jen rests, Grace and I explore the outside world. The green grass under foot is springy. She blinks her eyes at the bright yellow sunshine and waves her arms at the green trees as if recognizing her color. I can't quite believe that I have been blessed again. I feel warm arms circle me from behind and know that we aren't heading for greener pastures, we're already there.


So if you have all got over your hatred of my for killing Gibbs yesterday you will appreciate the fact that I resurrected him, it's a miracle!

V!

xox