Russell's P.O.V:

Ya know, I read somewhere that parenting doesn't come with a guide-book. To the dumbass who wrote that one, I must ask 'WHY THE HELL NOT!?'. If I had a guide-book, this gig would be so much easier. Wait, I got it, I'll write one!

I picked 'D's laptop up off the floor and took a seat on the couch. I opened up a document, and began typing.

Russell's Rules to being a parent:

I put that in bold, and continued typing.

Rule #1: If your son had a bad day, don't add to it, unless you want some crazy, hormonal kid screaming at you, telling you 'YOU DON"T UNDERSTAND' even though you probably do.

I actually had to stop typing to laugh at this one. Had I know this before, maybe today's events wouldn't have happened.

Earlier that day:

"'D!" I called up to the singer's room.

"WHAT!?" He screamed back. This kind of pissed me off, so I screamed back.

"QUIT BEING A BITCH AND PICK UP YOUR BACKPACK!"

Well, let's just say that certainly set him off.

"FUCK YOU! YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL TODAY! YOU TRY HAVING A BAD DAY AND NOT BITCH ABOUT IT!" He screamed, storming out of his room.

"Calm down, 'D, just pick up your back pack." I said calmly.

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" He yelled, picking up his backpack and marching back to his room, making sure to slam the door behind him.

End Flashback:

I shook my head, and continued writing.

Rule #2: If your daughter is talking, it doesn't matter if it is about unicorns and rainbows, you better shut up and listen!

Flashback:

"It was so fun, so anyways, I got a new notebook from the school store, and I filled it with stickers, then I ran out of glue." Noodle was rambling on about her day. i just kind of tuned her out (father of the year award goes to..).

"Russell-san?" Noodle poked me a few times.

"Huh? Wuh?" I asked.

"I bore you?"

"What, no, it's just."

"No, no, it's okay, I go tell 2D about my day, he could use cheering up." She kissed my forehead and walked away. I felt like the biggest jackass ever.

End Flashback:

I still felt like an ass, and that happened nearly three hours ago! Anyway, just then, I heard a crash from the kitchen.

"FUCK! 2D, GRAB THE FIRE EXSTINGUISHER!" I heard Murdoc scream

"AH! OW! DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO TREAT BURNS!?"

"I TOLD YOU GUYS THIS WAS BAD IDEA!" Noodle shouted.

Quickly, I typed my third rule,

Rule #3: NEVER LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN ALONE, THEY'LL DO DUMB STUFF!

And with that being said, I ran to the kitchen, finding my three kids covered in pancake batter, and half the kitchen engulfed in flames.