Part IV
Hannibal didn't know the right way to go about answering that. In the back of his mind, he knew that saying the wrong thing - or even the right thing the wrong way - might make Murdock close off even more. But he had to say something because Murdock would read the silence as affirmation of needing to keep things to himself.
He took a glance at the shivering man next to him. Murdock tended to seem so young to him, but speaking strictly by physical age, Hannibal knew that he was the only one on the team older than Murdock. Taking a deep breath, he knew he had to start talking, right or wrong.
"Murdock? If B.A. was shot in the leg, would you leave him to get by on it as best he could or give him a hand with walking?'
He didn't have to turn his head to know that Murdock's eyes were wide with disbelief and staring at him. The pilot's tone was hurt.
"What kind of a question is that? I'd never leave him - hell, I'd never leave any of you guys to fend for yourselves. I thought you knew me better than that."
"Easy, Captain. Yes - I know you better than that. Do you know us better than that?"
"I - yes. I do - but - I get the feeling you're trying to make a point, Hannibal, but I don't know what it is."
Hannibal's voice was firm, but the compassionate undertone kept it from being harsh.
"Physical pain - mental pain. Pain is pain, Captain. Like helping out one of us when we're hurt - you can't take away the pain, but being there for us eases it. Makes bearing it more tolerable. I've seen how you look when we get injured. It hurts you. Well, seeing you in pain does the same thing to us, son. We can't make it go away, but let us help you bear it the way that you help us. Otherwise, you're just making us stand there and watch it happen without being able to do anything. And you know how bad that feels."
As Murdock closed his eyes in thought, Hannibal adjusted the heat in the car. It was uncomfortable to him, but the chills shaking Murdock's body were starting to cause him real concern. Finally Murdock spoke.
"I'll try, Colonel. It's - I'm like Face that way. We both grew up sort of having to mostly take care of ourselves. Any time I've found myself under someone else's power, well - it's never been a good experience. But I do trust you and the guys. I'm - I just don't know how to talk about stuff like this. No practice at it."
The way Murdock phrased that held Hannibal attention. Not under someone else's care - under someone else's power. That told him a lot about the sort of people that were supposed to have been taking care of his man during the times he couldn't take care of himself for whatever reason. No wonder he and Face were so tight. The wonder was that either man could trust anyone else at all. It was both humbling and daunting to know that both of them looked up to him as more than a commanding officer.
"I know it will take time, but it will never happen if you don't start. I won't encourage you to have a heart-to-heart with B.A. - not because he wouldn't understand, but because he sucks at expressing his feelings himself and that makes him get blustry. But Face and I? We may not be so hot at it ourselves, but we want to help. At least let us try."
"I will. Mind if I dry off first though, sir?"
A glance to the side showed him what the tone had told him - Murdock was grinning. Still shivering, but grinning. Thankfully, the hotel was in sight now.
"First order of business is getting you inside and warm, Captain. I think I even see Face waiting at the door. I'll drop you off there and then go park."
The relief Face felt at seeing Murdock was plainly evident as he moved to help Murdock out of the passenger seat. True, he did give one small despairing glance to the condition of the car seats, but that was there and gone in a second before full attention was trained on getting Murdock inside. Feeling the tremors running through his friend, he guided the pilot straight to the bathroom.
"Shower time, buddy."
Murdock stared at Face for a second, then started laughing.
"You mean I'm not wet enough for you already, Faceman?"
"Oh, you're plenty wet, pal. But you're also cold and I figure the quickest way from wet and cold to wet and warm is a hot shower."
"Oh. Well I guess that makes sense. We'll leave the tiger out of it though. He's not too keen on showers."
Pausing to strip out of his faithful jacket, Murdock tried not to shake too much as he hung it from the hook on the back of the bathroom door. Face was getting the temperature in the shower adjusted when there was a light rap on the door followed by Hannibal joining them. He and Face both gave Murdock a hand climbing into the shower tub.
Company in the bathroom didn't phase Murdock one bit. Military life tended to stomp any notions of privacy out of a person in short order and what little remained had been obliterated in the VA hospital. It took longer than either Hannibal or Face cared for before the shudders began to calm under the very warm water, but neither of them commented on it. They just helped Murdock strip out of the wet clothing, dumping it all into the sink to deal with later. Some time during the procedure, Murdock began singing.
"We're merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily on our way to noooooowhere in particular."
Chuckling, Hannibal reached for the towels.
"Alright, Captain - just one more chorus and then let's get you dried off and back into bed."
Once Murdock was resettled into the bed in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, Hannibal gathered the wet clothes and pajamas and headed for the hotel's laundry room. He was too keyed up to go straight back to sleep any way, so he figured he might as well take care of making sure Murdock had something dry to put on in the morning.
Face was feeling fairly wide awake as well, but settled down next to Murdock to help him get back to sleep. Between the nightmare, the long walk and the cold, it was pretty plain that he was flat out exhausted.
"Face?"
"Yeh, Murdock?"
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"Your car. Worrying you. You know. Everything."
"My car will be fine, buddy. So will I. We're supposed to worry about each other. You're my best friend."
He could feel a little of the tension leave Murdock's body as he rubbed his back.
"We can talk tomorrow, buddy. Get some sleep. You're not alone."
Murdock gave a little yawn and snuggled down more under the blankets.
"You know what, Face? I think those are just about the nicest three words I ever heard."
