Chapter 4
After their initial exchange of letters, Hermione's relationship with Sirius seemed to shift somehow.
He had been true to his word, writing her no less than weekly, often more, which honestly shocked her. She thought he may write her once or twice between monthly dinners, but his consistency and the open honesty he employed in his writing warmed her heart.
He seemed to be able to say things in writing he wasn't comfortable saying in person, when his bravado and easy charm still seemed to win out. He told her of his anxiety and nightmares (still a remnant from his Azkaban days), and his fears that he was disappointing the people closest to him, specifically Harry and Remus, with his seeming inability to move forward with his life.
Hermione was thrilled that he trusted her to such an extent. When they met face to face at the end of February for the first time since the exchange of letters began, Hermione had been worried that he would be uncomfortable with her after sharing so much, but it was actually the opposite. He seemed more relaxed with her, even flirty at times, when they met in the back stoop. The change in him was remarkable, and she hoped that it meant he was finally settling in.
In March, Hermione had to miss the dinner, something that rarely happened. She had come down with the flu the day before, and though it was easily fixed by Madame Pomfrey, she still had to spend the weekend in the hospital wing recovering.
She got a shock the following Saturday evening, when she opened the door to her quarters on the way to the Great Hall for dinner, and Sirius was standing there, hand poised to knock.
She jumped back, startled, "Sirius! What are you doing here?!"
He looked down, seemingly embarrassed, rubbing the back of his neck, "Well, I, ummm... You mentioned once that you feel kind of isolated here. When you had to miss dinner last week, I thought it may be nice if we came to you."
Hermione looked over his shoulder and saw Remus and Tonks standing behind him, "That's... really amazing actually. Let me just get my cloak."
Hermione couldn't help but feel giddy as she walked with her friends down the path to Hogsmeade. She was thrilled that he had sought her out, and while it would have been nice if he had come himself, maybe he thought she would see it like too much of a date? Which she probably would have, or at least been confused by it. This way it was much more casual and less pressure.
They settled into the booth at Three Broomstick, Tonks and Remus across from her and Sirius. Every time they brushed up against each other, she felt her nerve endings fire, and much to her chagrin, her cheeks heated. She was sure it was just her imagination, but she felt like Sirius was brushing up against her far more than what usually happened when sitting in a booth next to someone.
Conversation flowed freely, her friends catching her up on what she'd missed at last week's dinner.
"You lucked out this time Hermione," Tonks said, "Ginny went full blown bridezilla when Harry and Ron started in on their ideas for the reception. Thankfully, her ire was directed at them, but it was a sight to behold!"
Hermione laughed, "I can imagine. I got a fifteen-minute lecture from her just because I wanted to wear shorter heels. Needless to say, I'm wearing the taller heels."
They all laughed, then Sirius told her, "Harry asked me to be his best man."
"Did he? That's great!" Hermione was genuinely pleased to hear the news. She knew having Sirius stand up with him would mean the world to Harry.
"Yeah. I was kind of surprised. I figure it would be Ron for sure, but Harry assured me he didn't want anyone else."
"I guess that means you two are going to hook up since you're maid of honor and best man!" Tonks joked.
Hermione cursed herself when her cheeks flared up again, and the heat went all the way to her hairline. Thankfully Sirius and Remus began talking about something else, but Tonks was looking at her strangely. A couple minutes later Tonks exclaimed, "Budge up boys! It's time for me and Hermione to visit the ladies!"
Sirius and Remus moved out of the booth and Hermione followed Tonks to the loo. As soon as the door swung shut behind her, Tonks spun around and accused, "You have a thing for Sirius!"
"What?! Why would you say that?!" Hermione practically screeched.
"Because it's true! I saw you out there! You practically turned the shade of a tomato when I made that crack about hooking up! Plus, I've noticed you watching him at dinner for months! But I didn't realize how far you'd fallen until tonight."
"Tonks, I haven't fallen anywhere! I just-just..."
"Just what? Can you tell me I'm wrong? That you don't have feelings for him?"
Hermione was momentarily spared from answering when a tiny old witch tried to enter and the door bumped into her. She moved forward, apologizing to the woman, who shot her a dirty look.
"I won't deny it Tonks," Hermione whispered, so the unfriendly stranger wouldn't hear. "I do feel something for Sirius. But I promise you, I'm not pining for him or anything! I know he's not exactly celibate, and he's not exactly the model of commitment. And he doesn't feel anything for me beyond friendship."
"Hmm, I wouldn't be so sure about that," Tonks replied, voice low. "You don't see Harry or Ron show up at your door when you miss dinner, do you? And he came 'round to me and Remus this morning, wanting us to join him tonight. I think he might have been nervous about showing up here alone. And, it sounds like his days of sleeping around may be over soon, if they aren't already. According to Harry, he's spending more nights in than out these days. I told you that wouldn't last."
Hermione was surprised by the news. She hadn't asked him about that aspect of his life after that first awkward conversation months ago. She had just assumed he was continuing on the way he had started. Tonks' words had given her hope. Hope that she didn't really want to have.
By the time April's dinner rolled around, Hermione had convinced herself Tonks had been wrong. Sirius saw her as a good friend, nothing more.
As was their custom, she met him on the back stoop. The weather was beginning to warm from the frigid winter temperatures, but the air still had quite a bite to it.
Hermione shivered against the chill. Sirius put his arm around her shoulder, rubbing up and down her arm. Hermione started, surprised by the unexpected move. He'd never done so before, even when the air had been freezing over the winter months.
"Pretty soon it'll be warm enough to take you out on a spin on my bike," Sirius commented.
Hermione stared at him incredulously, "And what makes you think I would ever get on that thing? Don't you know me at all?!"
Sirius laughed, "Of course I do! Which is why I know there's an adventurous streak in you, even if you don't show it often."
"Hmmm, I'm not so sure about that."
"Oh come on! I'm not asking you to join me in death defying stunts. Just to take a quick ride around the block with me."
Hermione shook her head "I'm not making any promises about that, but don't count on it."
Sirius laughed, "We'll see."
After a few minutes of silence, he continued, "I, ummm, I got a job."
Hermione looked up at him as he stared out over the garden. He sounded embarrassed for some reason. "That's great Sirius! What will you be doing?"
"Working for Fred and George. They asked me to join them for research and development. Said they would really appreciate my expertise."
Hermione smiled, "That's brilliant! Sounds like a perfect job for you."
"You think so? I was worried you may think it too..."
"Too... what?"
"Childish?" Sirius said questioningly.
"Not at all! They may own a joke shop, but the twins are really quite amazing businessmen. They've created a hugely successful brand, and I think it actually says quite a lot about you that they think you a good fit to join," she hesitated, then added, "You shouldn't worry about what I think about it anyway."
Sirius looked down at her intently, then tugged on one of her curls, "But I do worry about what you think. All the time"
Hermione's heart was pounding, cheeks burning. His eyes held hers for a long moment before looking away. She was grateful when a few minutes later, Ginny interrupted them to have a maid of honor chat with Hermione.
Hermione found that the more time went by, the more she thought about Sirius. They were continuing their correspondence, but she hadn't seen him since April's dinner, and she was almost giddy with excitement leading up to May's dinner.
The day was unseasonably warm. She had received a note that morning from Sirius asking her to come an hour earlier than usual. She was suspicious about what he was up to, but happy he wanted to spend extra time with her.
As soon as she entered the foyer at Grimmauld Place, he was there to greet her. He took her hand and tugged her into the sitting room where a big box sat on the coffee table.
"I bought you something," he said, bouncing on the balls of his feet, huge grin on his face. Hermione noticed he was wearing his leather riding jacket, which she hadn't seen him in since New Year. She felt a knot of fear settle in her stomach.
She approached the box cautiously, as if afraid whatever was inside was going to attack her. When she slid the top flaps open, her fears were confirmed. It was a helmet.
"No! Sirius, I told you I didn't want to ride on that thing!"
Sirius came forward, reaching in and pulling the helmet out of the box. It was quite a heavy duty one, designed to protect the entire head. "I know what you said. That's why I bought you the helmet, so you would feel safe. Or safer at least. Please Hermione? Just a quick trip around the block and I'll go slow, I swear! And I won't take to the air. I know you hate flying. "
His face looked so hopeful, and even though her stomach was curling with anxiety, she knew she wouldn't be able to say no to him. She nodded slightly. He grinned again, and practically ran back out into the hall.
Hermione realized suddenly that she was in a knee length skirt, completely inappropriate for a motorcycle ride. She quickly transfigured her skirt into tight fitting pants and her flats into boots, and followed Sirius out into the hall.
When she met him in the foyer, he was holding something in his arms, which he held up for her. It was a black leather jacket.
"Sirius, I certainly hope you didn't buy me that jacket too. It looks expensive!"
"It was expensive! And no, I didn't buy it for you. It's mine. I had bought it to replace my old one when I got my inheritance, but never really wore it."
He shook it in the air slightly, indicating for her to put it on. She slid her arms through as he helped her, and she couldn't help but marvel at the luxury of it. The leather was soft and supple and smelled wonderful. She thought he must keep it under some sort of stasis charm for the decades old jacket to be in such perfect condition.
She was startled from her thoughts when he reached down and began to zip the jacket up her front. Her eyes flew to his, and she saw his gray eyes were dark, returning her gaze with an intensity that left her breathless and blushing.
Once the coat was zipped, he stepped back to look at the overall effect. There was no mirror in the foyer, but the jacket was obviously much too big on her.
Becoming uncomfortable under his gaze, she broke the silence, "Should I shrink it to fit me better?" She offered.
"No! It's-it suits you like that. Don't change it."
Hermione was doubtful of that, but he looked so sincere. She nodded. He handed her the helmet from the hall table and headed outside.
The motorcycle was parked on the street out front, but Hermione was sure any passing muggle wouldn't see it. She watched as he ran his hand over the seat of the bike, and she was relieved to see there was a defined section for a passenger, though there was no seat back to count on to hold her in place.
She hesitated, unsure of what to do. He smiled at her as he reached up to tie his hair back, then hiked his leg up and over the bike, settling down on it.
She had never seen him on it before. She knew from his letters he rode it often, and took care of it lovingly. But to see him on it, leather jacket and heavy black boots on, with slim dark blue jeans, Hermione felt suddenly lightheaded, unable to breathe. When he turned to look at her, quirking his eyebrow and lifting the corners of his lips in a smile, she realized with sudden clarity she was in love with him. Had in fact been in love with him for months. And she had been lying to herself all along.
"Are you alright?" He asked, and she realized how she must look, gaping at him like a fool. She scuttled forward quickly, stopping at his knee, again unsure what to do.
"Put the helmet on." He said, and she quickly complied. "Swing your leg up and over the bike."
Once she was settled on, he reached back and ran both his hands down her legs, starting just below the knee. Hermione felt on the verge of an attack, her heart was pounding so hard. He grasped her ankles, lifting them off the ground and setting her feet on the foot rests meant for passengers.
She had never been so close to him, pressed against his back, tops of her thighs touching the backs of his. She suddenly felt like this was one of the most intimate moments she had ever experienced, even though there was no skin-on-skin contact. When he started the bike, and took off down the street, her fears asserted themselves again. She wrapped her arms around him tightly, sudden visions of flying off the back of the bike and landing in a heap in the middle of the road invading her mind.
He was true to his word. He drove slow and steady, easing into every stop and turn smoothly. She soon began to feel more comfortable, enjoying the sensations. When they stopped at a red light she leaned her head up over his shoulder, loudly saying "Faster!" to be heard over the sound of the bike and the traffic. She felt him laugh under her hands, and he looked over his shoulder at her with a big grin and nodded. He directed them out of the neighborhoods to the main road, opening the bike up and speeding down the lane. Hermione was exhilarated.
He suddenly slowed, pulling off into an old industrial section of the city where old warehouses were in the process of being converted into flats. He stopped in front of one building, cutting the engine.
"Where are we?" Hermione asked, completely bewildered by the detour. Sirius motioned for her to get off the bike, and she followed, walking toward the big building.
"This is the real reason I wanted to take you out for a ride tonight. I, ummm, I'm moving here."
"You bought a flat?" Hermione asked, surprise evident in her voice.
"Not exactly. I kind of bought the building." Hermione stared at him, shocked. He hurried to continue, "I just thought with the wedding in a few weeks, that Harry and Ginny needed their privacy back. Not that we ever really see each other in that big house, but still. They said I could stay, but..." He trailed off.
"I started looking around and found this place. It's still under construction, but the owner ran out of money and couldn't finish the job. So, I thought it might be a good investment. Finish it the way I want, then live in one if the flats and rent out the rest."
When Hermione didn't say anything immediately, he started to look nervous, "Do you think it was a bad idea? I know it was kind of impulsive, but it seemed like a smart move when I did it."
"Nervous rambling is usually my thing, you know," Hermione joked smiling at him, "I think it's great, Sirius. When can I see the inside?"
He beamed at her praise, "I close on the deal next month just after the wedding. I'll get the keys then and I can bring you straight away. I've already started doing research on construction companies. Muggle of course, because of the neighborhood."
Hermione took his hand, "I'm so happy for you. You've really made a life for yourself."
He smiled, wrapping her hand in both of his, "Your hand is freezing! I should have thought of gloves. It's time to be getting back anyway. Just to warn you, Ginny has already made it clear tonight is going to be all wedding talk, as the next time we'll all be together is the big day."
When they were settled back on the bike, Sirius took the hands she had wrapped around him and slid them under his jacket. Hermione was stunned when she realized that he had maneuvered them under his shirt as well, so her palms rested on the bare skin of this stomach. He held them there for a moment, as if afraid she'd pull away, then said, "To warm you up," before starting the bike. Hermione suddenly felt warm all over, not just where her hands touched his skin.
