Chapter 4
Pam started to develop a headache that had been biting at her all day so Jim ordered her to go lay down on the couch while he finished putting Savannah to sleep. Sometimes Pam felt really guilty. Jim seemed to be connecting a lot more with Savannah then she was. It was beginning to show in the way Savannah acted. She cried every time he left the room and, anytime she had the chance, would follow him anywhere he went, crawling as fast as her tiny chubby baby legs would carry her.
It wasn't that Savannah acted out towards Pam negatively but Pam felt like she was being a neglectful aunt. Savannah reminded Pam of her sister in so many ways. And it was hard knowing that before this tragic event, Pam hadn't even spent any real time with Savannah. She saw her when she was born and didn't see her again for another 6 months when her sister threw her a little 'half way to one' party. Now she spent almost every minute of the day with her. Pam never realized taking care of something so small would be such an ordeal. She locked up a lot and panicked, always unsure of how to take the next step forward. It all seemed to come…so easily to Jim. Frustration was slowly creeping its way in. Weren't women supposed to be naturally gentle and nurturing? Wasn't that whole 'motherly instinct' thing supposed to be kicking in?
"Hey sleepy head."
Pam jumped as Jim placed his hand gently on her forehead.
"Did Savannah go down okay?"
Jim nodded and moved her legs, sitting down before putting them in place over his lap.
"No troubles at bedtime. I think it's that fish thing."
Pam smiled. They had gone to Target and found what looked like a fish tank that clipped on to the bars of the crib. Pam thought it was weird but Jim figured it was the coolest thing he had seen in a long time. Of course, Savannah ended up loving it.
"You and that fish thing," Pam rolled her eyes playfully, moving her legs off of Jim and propping her head up on her fist. Jim leant over and gave Pam a gentle kiss on the lips. It took her slightly off guard but it felt so good to have him so close to her she could smell his familiar scent. Something close to a spring-y sort of laundry detergent with a hint of the axe knock-off he used. He backed away a little, blushing slightly with embarrassment.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry," Pam said softly. She slowly crept into his arms and laid her head down on his chest. Her body felt hot and feverish and her mind was spinning with thoughts she wished would just go away. A lot of them concerning Savannah and their future together.
"What are we going to do Jim?" A lot was behind that question. Not just Savannah. Them. Work. Pam busied herself gently stroking Jim's side, not really wanting to be thinking about these things. She closed her eyes against him, the pitter patter of his heart lulling her to sleep. She lifted her head a little. "Jim?" His eyes were closed but groggily he lifted a hand and gently placed it on the back of Pam's head, pushing her back down to rest under his chin.
"Just lay Pam."
"But…,"
"There's always tomorrow."
"We need to go back to work." Pam heard the low rattle of a grumble in Jim's ribcage.
"Do we have to?"
"Yes! Jim…,"
"I'm kidding!" he groaned. "We'll talk about it tomorrow. Can't we just lay right now?" Pam had to choke down a giggle. He was such a whiner. And at the end of the day he was still the same Jim.
"Fiiiine."
She closed her eyes and fell asleep with Jim's hands resting on the small of her back.
The bright glaring numbers on the top of the TV read 2:57 when the two were jolted awake by a series of short cries coming from Pam's bedroom. Pam was off of Jim in an instant and off to her room.
"I'm coming!" she cried groggily. Jim squinted, the light they had left on in the kitchen glaring into his eyes. Slowly he got up and followed the continuing cries into Pam's room. He almost wanted to start crying himself from what he saw. Pam was holding Savannah close to her and the both of them were crying in the middle of the room. Jim flicked on the light and little Savannah whimpered, hiding her face into Pam's neck. Jim took Savannah from Pam and watched as she sat at the edge of her bed, sobs wracking her weakened body. It was hard for Jim to decide who exactly to comfort first.
"What Pam?" he questioned in an unintentional pleading tone.
"How come she's crying?" Pam moaned.
"It's okay Pam. She's alright."
"How come…she's…crying?" Pam repeated, having to stop and catch her breath. Her face was wet and flushed with exhaustion.
"Because she's a baby…I don't know Pam…but she's okay now. I promise. See?" Jim was gentle as he sat next to her, allowing Savannah to fist up some of the fabric from Pam's shirt and hold it tightly in her little hand. All she had really wanted was some company. Ever since coming to Pam's house Savannah had a lot of trouble sleeping through the night. It was waking up in a new place that scared her. It only made Pam cry harder when she saw those big innocent eyes gazing up at her. Jim gently tucked a strand of hair that escaped from her ponytail behind her ear. He noticed she was pretty warm. He set Savannah gently on the floor and pulled back the sheets of Pam's bed. "Lay down Pam."
"What about Savannah?"
Jim shook his head gently.
"Please don't worry about Savannah. I'll take care of it. You need to get some rest okay?"
"I'm sorry Jim…I…I don't know what's the matter with me," Pam stuttered softly, getting into bed as she was instructed. Jim pulled the sheets up to her chin and re-checked her forehead. He kissed her nose. "Sleep." Jim felt little hands on his leg and when he looked down he spotted Savannah who was clinging on to the leg of his jeans. "Come on Littles. Let's let Auntie Pam rest." He lifted her into his arms and brought her into the kitchen where he set her into her high chair. She stared up at him as he started pacing the kitchen.
"You know…I really love your aunt Savannah," he started softly, getting a clean bottle from the drying rack near the sink. He filled it with baby cereal and formula before sticking it into the microwave. Savannah watched him, sucking on a teething ring that had been left on the little tray. Jim crossed his arms, leaning back against the stove. "I don't know Littles," he shook his head gently, staring up at the ceiling. "I don't know what's going to happen to us."
"A bah ba ba bah abba," was Savannah's answer, banging her hands against her tray, the small amount of force she used barely able to make a sound against the plastic.
"Yeah yeah I know. Bah-bah, bah-bah." Jim took the bottle out of the microwave and shook it up, testing it before deeming it okay to use. He had to laugh as Savannah made a scrunched up little face, all of a sudden seeming to be concentrating very hard on her teething ring.
"C'mon you crazy kid." He lifted her out of the high chair and carried her back into the living room, lying on the couch. He laid Savannah on top of him so their chests were together and stuck the bottle into her mouth. She sucked on it for barely a minute before her little eyelids became too heavy to keep open and they gradually slipped shut. Pam and Jim had gotten a world of scolding from Pam's grandfather when he had come to visit a few weeks earlier. Ranting for almost a half an hour about how horrible it was to get babies into the habit of sleeping on their bellies.
"It's the only way she'll sleep Grandpa," Pam had squeaked softly, near tears. She felt like she was constantly screwing up. Always being compared to her sister in the way she was handling Savannah.
"Get her to sleep on her back," he had said and that had been the end of the conversation. Though Pam and Jim had never listened to what he said. They didn't worry too much. She lifted up her head and rolled over fine. They decided to wait and talk to her pediatrician. Jim lifted his head a little to make sure Savannah was asleep before taking the still pretty full bottle out of her mouth. He went over to her playpen that was between the entrance of the kitchen and the living room. He set her in gently and clicked off the light. His hope was that if she woke up again it wouldn't wake up Pam. He leaned over and peered down at her, her little chest rising and falling as she slept soundly, her mouth open slightly.
"Goodnight kid," he whispered. He gave her belly a little rub and lightly tapped her nose before lying back down on the couch. He let out a sigh. Tomorrow was definitely going to be eventful. Savannah's first trip to her new pediatrician since arriving in Scranton. With jumbled thoughts in his head and a warm patch near his shoulder from baby drool he fell back to sleep.
The next morning Pam had a fever of 102 and was shivering slightly.
"I want to go with you," Pam persisted, sitting up and hiding her face into her arm so she could cough.
"You can't go Pam. Not like this," Jim said. Savannah, after ending up with more breakfast in her hair and on the cat then in her belly, was clad this morning in a diaper and pink hello kitty socks. She leaned towards Pam and wailed from Jim's arms.
"I'm such an awful aunt," Pam whispered softly and for a minute Jim thought she'd start to cry again. But instead she stuck her finger out for Savannah who grasped it gratefully.
"I'll reschedule the appointment," Jim said after a minute. "Today you need to rest. I'll get you some ibuprofen and juice okay?"
"Savannah…," Pam moaned.
"Hey! Didn't I tell you not to worry about her?" Jim scolded playfully. "I've got it."
"I don't want her to get sick."
"I'll take her to the park while you sleep."
"That's not really what I meant," Pam stated tiredly. "She'll get sick out in the cold too."
"I'll make sure she doesn't."
"And explain to me exactly how you plan on doing that," Pam crossed her arms and sneezed, feeling a little light headed. She laid down back against her pillows and moaned a little.
"Do you trust me?"
"What?" Pam had closed her eyes but squinted them back open at Jim's question. Savannah griped the neck of Jim's shirt and seemed to be looking between the two as the conversation went on.
"Do you trust me Pam?" For some reason, Pam couldn't remember ever feeling so grateful for Jim then she did at that very moment.
"I trust you."
Jim could almost feel the cold rising up through the rubber soles of his shoes as he stepped out of the car.
"Yeah…cause it's definitely cold out here," he murmured, pulling his hood up over his head before opening the backdoor to get Savannah. Pam had her bundled up so tight it was a wonder she was still breathing. Her cheeks were already pink from cold but her eyes were bright and she gave Jim a grin as he leaned in to unbuckle her.
"You ready for this kid?" he asked, Savannah taking a generous amount of his hair and holding it tightly in her hand. Once he had her unbuckled he lifted her out of her seat and into his arms. Next to them, a mother was struggling to get her son into his car seat; all the while he protested their departure from the park. "I don't have that to look forward to that do I?" he murmured near Savannah's ear, placing a kiss on her curly head of hair. Savannah looked up at him; her cheeks still the light pink color, her blue eyes watering a little from the wind chill.
Jim walked with Savannah over to the playground where a whole group of pink cheeked; runny nosed children were playing, yelping excitedly at each other. Their coats all seemed too small for their bodies and their hats all seemed too big for their heads. Savannah gave Jim a look almost as if to say 'have you gone completely insane?' He subconsciously held her tighter as he noticed a group of mom's sitting nearby giving him a pretty intimidating stare down.
"Jim?" an oddly familiar voice broke him out of his awkward trance. He turned around and stopped a gasp as it rose up in his throat.
"Karen?"
Jim had worked with Karen about a year and a half ago when he had left Scranton. Just a little while after he had told Pam he loved her. She had sat behind him and even though he still had intense feelings for Pam, Karen had provided a sort of home away from home for him. They had grown pretty close over the 5 months Jim had worked there. Communication since then had been strained.
"Oh my gosh! How are you?" Karen asked, motioning for him to sit. He readjusted Savannah in his arms before sliding next to her on the slightly damp bench.
"I'm great! How are you?" Jim asked, smiling. It had been almost a year since he had seen or spoken to her. Life with Pam had taken up a majority of his time. Adding Savannah into the mix of things hadn't done wonders in that category either.
"I'm doing well," Karen smiled gently, staring at Savannah. The small girl stared back before resting her head underneath Jim's chin, eyes still fixed on the new stranger. "So you and Pam…things are working out?" she nodded at Savannah, touching her lightly on the head.
"Yes. I mean…no…I mean…she isn't…," Jim stumbled over his words before pausing to form a sentence that made sense. "Things with Pam have been…great. This is Savannah. But she isn't our daughter. She's Pam's niece. We're…watching her for a while."
"You know…I never exactly pictured you as the baby sort of guy," she grinned.
"What? Why not?" Jim asked, pretending to be hurt. Karen shrugged.
"I don't know. I always pictured as more the dog type." Jim laughed.
"Definitely different ends of the spectrum."
Jim ended up talking with Karen for almost an hour before she had to get going.
"It was so great seeing you Jim," Karen gave him a hug.
"You too Karen."
"And nice meeting you pretty girl," she cooed down at Savannah who looked at her before rubbing her tired face into Jim's shirt. After watching Karen climb into her car Jim decided it was time to head home. Most of the mothers had rallied up their kids to go home for lunch and hot cocoa.
"Sorry…old friend," Jim explained. Savannah pressed her cold little hands on either sides of Jim's neck, cooing up at him, happy to be on the way to the warm car. "You know…we should really bring your aunt here when she feels better." Savannah giggled. "I'll take that as a yes." As he was buckling Savannah into her car seat another familiar voice was heard from behind. But this time he jumped and smacked his head on the top of the car.
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you…,"
"No…she did. Snowy days make her unnecessarily violent," another voice entered the conversation.
"Shut up!" the voice hissed. Jim would have been able to recognize the voices from anywhere.
"Wow…what are you two doing out? In public?" he teased, smiling, happy to see his co-workers. Angela rolled her eyes a little.
"HE wanted to find the proper place to make a snowman," she shot a finger accusingly in Dwight's direction. After months of having a secret office romance, Pam had caught Angela and Dwight kissing behind the warehouse. Jim hadn't believed her at the time but soon things started to click in his head and a majority of it began to make sense. The two were pretty much sworn to secrecy but they knew all too well the feeling of falling in love with a fellow co-worker.
"Aaaand let me guess…the front yard was inadequate?" Jim asked.
"Duh…the front yard is reserved for my snowball fort," Dwight crossed his arms across his chest.
"Ah…what was I thinking?"
"So…how are things going with Savannah?" Angela asked.
"There definitely going," Jim smiled and scooted over a little so Angela and Dwight could peer in at a now fast asleep baby.
"She's beautiful," Angela said gently.
"Do you want one?" Dwight asked as if it were a completely logical question that would follow her remark. It took all the self control she had not to inflict any pain on him in front of Jim.
"When do you think you'll be getting back to work?" Angela asked, quickly changing the subject.
"Soon," Jim answered. "I'll probably be back in next week. I'm not sure about Pam. She had a fever this morning."
"Okay…well we better let you get home."
"Bye you guys," Jim had to laugh as the two went on their way, bickering at each other. He climbed into the driver seat and readjusted the review mirror, smiling when he caught sight of Savannah. Her little head was slumped to the side, propped up only by one of her little hands. Her other hand had fallen at her side and lay motionless over the edge of the seat.
Slowly he backed out, anxious to get the little dreamer home.
