A/N: Let's see what happens next. I'm posting two chapters again, so first read this one and then the next. Thank you all so much for your reviews, keep them coming! I love them. Enjoy! xx
Chapter 4: Courage.
When we arrived at the place where we are staying for two weeks, I was pleasantly surprised. I was a little afraid that mom and dad would let me stay in a tent, considering mom told me we were going camping. But thankfully they rented a mobile home with two bedrooms, a kitchen, shower, and a toilet, which is standing on a campsite.
On the campsite there is a swimming pool, a restaurant, an animation team, and right next to the campsite lies a big resort. As guests of the campsite, we are allowed to use the swimming pools and other facilities of that resort as well.
After we all unpacked the suitcases, mom and dad decided to go to the supermarket and get food and drinks. Dad wants to light the barbeque tonight so they are buying everything we need for that. I didn't feel like tagging along, so I told them I was going to look around a bit. While I walked around the campsite, I saw the beach right across the road.
It is 34 degrees Celsius and I didn't have to think twice. I changed into my bikini, grabbed a big towel and my book and I'm now sunbathing on my belly while reading Pride and Prejudice. Even though I have read the book three times already, it's still sucking me in. I love it. And because I know what will happen, I can sometimes let my mind wander.
I can think about everything that has happened at school this year. It has been so difficult and I really need time to process it. The hurt, the pain, and the humiliation, I need to try and give it a place. It is emotionally exhausting and because I can't talk to anyone about it, I feel lonely. I have to do it all alone. Telling mom and dad is no option what so ever. They will be heartbroken. Not only because of what I went through, but also because they will be disappointed that I didn't tell them sooner. And dad will probably pay Leila, Lisa, and Susanne a visit, which will only make their hate bigger. I can't risk that.
And then to think that I need to reload for next year. I need to toughen up, find the strength and make sure I will not let their words or actions hurt me. After two years, it is enough. I need to stand up for myself and make an end to the pain they cost me. I have no idea how I'm going to do it, but I do know I have time to think about it now. Time alone, with my books while relaxing on the beach. You would think that something good would come out of it if I try hard enough.
I have just finished my chapter, when I decide to cool down a bit in the water. I walk to the shoreline, book in my hands because I'm not taking the risk, and let my feet pedal in the sea. I look out over the blue sea, the light breeze touching my skin and making my hair blow around. For the first time, I feel a strange sort of peace wash over me. It has been so long since I felt like this. My body is so used to stand on guard, I have to force myself to let it all out. It is harder than I thought it would be, but I feel like I'm making process.
When I have cooled down enough, I walk back to my towel again. I just took three steps when I walk into someone pretty hard. Instantly I bow my head and mumble a sorry before walking further, not bothering to look up. It is like everything I've been through made me socially awkward. I'm just so scared, I can't even normally apologize. I almost sprint back to my towel and lay on my belly, nose in my book and hoping the person will not come after me to ask me what the hell that was.
To my relieve, nobody bothers me. I guess the person didn't even notice me, which I wished would happen at school. I wished they didn't notice me, at all. That they'd just let me be and all minded their own business. I guess I wish I was invisible.
A few minutes later I turn to my back, my bag behind me so I can sit up a little bit. I have read about one page when I feel like I'm being watched. First I hope it are mom and dad that are watching me, but I feel they're not it. I have an uneasy feeling, and it makes me very aware of myself. When I drop my book and look around to see what costs the uneasy feeling, I see it is coming from the sea. From a guy with copper hair and piercing grey eyes, that are looking at me. Well, more like staring at me. Without blinking.
I instantly look at my book again, feeling my cheeks go red. I feel so uncomfortable. I bet he is the one I bumped into, and he is now mad because of my reaction. That I didn't apologize properly. That's why he is looking at me like that. Even in a completely different country, I manage to get people to have a problem with me. That must be a talent somewhere. I am such an idiot, I really can't do anything right.
For a moment I think about walking to him and apologize again, properly and understandably this time. The idea scares me to death, but it also might be a good challenge. To get more confidence. And maybe it makes things right and he will stop looking at me like he did. And still does, I'm sure of it even though I don't see it because my eyes are on the pages again. He is still looking. I feel it.
I take a deep breath and give myself a pep talk. I just have to put my book down, walk back to the shore and tell him I am sorry for bumping into him. He will tell me it is okay and then I can go back to my towel and read my book. And I will feel much better about myself after it.
The moment I have enough courage to do it, I lower my book to make my way to the sea, I get yet another shock. The guy is not swimming in the sea anymore. He is standing at my feet, looking at me with an unreadable expression on his face. Shit, I am too late, he is already here to ask for an explanation. I don't understand how people can be so forward. I would never just stand at the foot of someone's towel without making yourself known.
Just as I'm about to apologize, and if necessary beg for forgiveness, he speaks.
"Ciao, English?" He asks me, still a very neutral, almost emotionless look in his face.
"Um, yes. Sorry for bumping into you and not properly apologizing. It wasn't my intention to be so rude. I just wanted to get back to my towel and I was a bit lost in my thoughts." I tell him, talking way too fast. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't understand a word I just said.
I look at him and see a small smile on his lips. I'm not sure what it means. It really could mean anything. Either he laughs because he thinks it is funny how fast I talk or he is about to make fun of me, probably for the same reason.
"It's okay. You didn't hurt me, don't worry. Are you from the States?" He asks, bending through his knees so he is at eye level. It confuses me. Does he want to make conversation? Why would he want that?
He looks a little older than me. And he looks good. At least, better than the guys at my school. I guess he is handsome. Which confuses me even more. Why is he talking to me while there are about twenty thin girls on this beach that are way prettier than me? And probably also have more interesting things to tell him.
I decide to be polite and answer his question since he is looking at me expectantly. "Yes, from Savannah."
"Ah, Georgia. Nice there?" He asks, sounding interested.
"Yeah. It's okay." I say while forcing a smile. If only he knew.
He nods his head and smiles. His eyes never leaving me, like he is searching for something. After a few moments, he speaks again.
"Are you staying at the resort?"
I think he really wants to make conversation, else he wouldn't be so interested. The reason for his interest is something I have to guess about, but it does feel nice to talk to someone besides my parents who is trying to get to know me.
"No. I'm staying at the campsite next to the resort." I tell him, sitting up a bit so I can look at him a little better.
"Ah, okay. What's your name?" He asks, still not making the impression he is planning on leaving.
"Anastasia. But my friends call me Ana." I tell him. It makes me chuckle a bit. I wish I had friends that called me Ana.
He nods his head and then looks at me again. After seconds he smirks. "Aren't you going to ask me something as well?"
Jesus, I'm so socially awkward I can't even talk to someone like a normal person. He must think I am the most uninterested person in the whole world. Classic nerd move, Ana. Great job. This is the reason why you are alone all the time.
"Right, sorry. What is your name?"
"Christian." He says while holding out his hand for me to shake. "Nice to meet you."
I grab his hand to shake it, and the moment I touch it I feel a shock. I feel it tingle while it makes its way through my whole body. My eyes widen and when I look at him I can see he feels it too. He looks at our hands, puzzled for a moment before pulling his hand away from mine and then looking at his hand if he sees evidence of what just happened.
"So, how long did you say you're staying here?" He asks me, still looking a bit confused. He also sounds a little distracted.
"I didn't say. But I'm staying here for two weeks. I arrived this morning."
He nods his head and then stands like he has enough information and is now ready to leave.
"Cool. Well, I'll see you around then. Enjoy the sun." He winks before walking away to one of the beds to my right, in the private area of the resort. He doesn't even wait for me to give a reply.
I just nod my head and give him a small wave. I have no idea what to think about this whole conversation. The only thing I do know is that I acted like some lunatic. I haven't asked him anything in return, which is probably why he walked away. He didn't get any response, not one indication that I enjoyed talking to him.
Which I surprisingly did. Even though it was super awkward from my part, it still felt good to talk to someone of my own age, without being judged or bullied. And it was a fairly positive conversation as well. It even gives me a little hope that I can be normal, even if it's just for these two weeks.
I look at Christian one more time, who is staring at the sea, looking very content. He is good looking. He looks like he works out a lot and he is confident. He is at ease with himself, I can tell by his whole appearance. On my school, he would definitely be one of the popular guys. Which at the same time means he would never have talked to me if he went there.
But here, on a beach in Tuscany, he did talk to me for a few minutes, and I find myself smiling because of it.
Later that day, mom, dad, and I are sitting on the porch in front of the mobile home. My dad is baking burgers on the barbeque, while mom and I are already are sitting at the table, waiting for the food to be ready. There are salad and bread on the table as well and I am allowed to drink one white wine along with my mom. Normally that would be out of the question, but to celebrate the vacation, mom and dad made an exception. I feel like a grown up.
"Did you had fun on the beach, sweetie? I see you have got a tiny tan already." Mom smiles while pulling my tank top to the side to look at the pale skin my bandeau bikini left.
"A bit. I used a lot of sunscreen though, so I don't burn." I say. Dad was already on the brick of lecturing me about protecting my skin against the sun, but I see him nod his head so I think I saved myself a speech.
After a few moments, dad also takes place at the table, burgers on a plate. He gives both mom and me one before taking one himself. I start eating immediately, even though it is still hot. I am hungry.
"Do we have plans for tomorrow?" Mom asks, looking at me and dad in question.
I shake my head no before looking at dad, who is also shaking his head. I wouldn't mind laying on the beach and relax for another day. I can tell I have to acclimatize and we did have a long flight. One more day of rest before going out would be nice.
I can tell mom can read my face, because she smiles before talking again. "How about we stay here tomorrow, so we can catch up on some energy, and the day after tomorrow we go to Florence?"
"Sounds great." Dad says excitedly. Dad is planning on doing absolutely nothing this vacation. And I'm glad he takes some rest. On missions, he is very busy and it asks a lot from him. Mentally and physically. He deserves a break.
"I can use a day rest as well." I smile. Who knows, maybe Christian will be at the beach tomorrow as well, and I get a chance to ask him a little more if I find the courage to do so.
"Than that's settled." Mom smiles before taking a bite. "Did you had a chance to look around the campsite a bit Annie? Do you think you can keep entertained for the next two weeks while being here?"
I smile and nod my head. "I think so. The beach is very nice and just beautiful. There is an animation team that organizes some activities, like a bonfire and a dance night. Oh, and they organize this kind of treasure hunts on some evenings, where you can get to know the surroundings a little bit. It sounds fun."
I have no idea if I will ever attend one of those activities, but it is nice to know there are other teenagers here, else they wouldn't organize things like that. Maybe it is good for me to go one night, to try and make some contacts. I know mom and dad would like me to go. Not to get rid of me, but because they would like it if I have some people to hang out with.
I would be okay with my books and with them, but I do know that I should also enjoy my time here in Italy. This is an opportunity you don't get every year. I guess we will see if I can find the bravery to go.
"That sounds like fun. When I was young we always did treasure hunts on vacation. It wasn't on a location like this, but we had the most fun. I think that's the reason I'm in the military now. I always enjoyed the adventure." Dad says.
I smile and listen to dad while he tells a story about his youth. I always liked listening to dad. He can tell stories in a way that makes you feel you are there. And he tells it in a funny way as well. He never fails to make me laugh, even on my darkest days.
The rest of the night continues like that. Mom and dad telling stories, and me listening with open mouth. They really had a great time when they were my age. They enjoyed their lives as teenagers. I envy the life they had. I wish I had it too. That I can look back in ten years and think about the great times I had. That I can tell my kids stories just like this, if I'll ever have kids that is.
I can start by making memories here, in Italy. Nobody knows the Ana from Savannah. I can be a completely different person here. Someone that isn't bullied and hated. The only thing I have to have is faith. Faith in myself, in that I am an interesting and nice person to spend time with.
It will be difficult, but I have to try. If I fail, then that doesn't matter. I can get on the flight back in two weeks and leave everything behind me. I can pretend it never happened and go back to Ana Banana. But right now, while I'm here in Italy, I just have to go out there and see what Tuscany has to offer. I have to trust myself and mostly, I need to have the courage.
I'm here now, so let's just go with it.
