Die Affäre

The Affair

~.~.~


Gilbert could scarcely believe the time, the large neon numbers blinking up at him as he sat and stared at his screaming alarm clock on his crooked nightstand. Gilbert Beilschmidt, for the first time in seven years, did not want to go to work. It seemed suddenly unreal. He loved his work, enjoyed every moment in the old shop where he wasn't forced to think about his brother's ever growing family and how his life seemed to pass him by and that Roderich had won and that Gilbert would never get the girl-

From besides him, Elizabeta made a small sound, something that hardly constituted as a snore. Her brown eyebrows furrowed as Kansas continued playing over the alarm. Gilbert pulled the extension out of the wall cutting off the music, delighting in the fact that the evil bright green 6:00 AM had vanished. Elizabeta settled at his side with a throaty sigh and Gilbert, compelled by her warmth, searched his discarded jeans for his phone, fumbling only slightly as he found it. He dialed Antonio and told him to open without him.

"Are you sure, amigo?" Antonio's lightly accented voice broke off in a long yawn and Gilbert could only imagine that his poor friend was trying and failing to wake up much as he always did. Antonio had once been the sort of individual to wake up with the sun. These days however, left the poor man craving extra sleep as the duress of his home life crumbled around him-widowed and left a single parent. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah." Gilbert answered with a whisper. "I'm...gonna leave the shop up to you for a few days. That alright with you?"

"Gilbert, amigo, I am more than capable of handling the shop myself. Besides, I see this as an incentive to you giving me a very well deserved raise."

"I was gonna give you a raise anyway..." Gilbert trailed off, his rosy colored eyes trained on the window, a dotting of drops hitting the glass indicating a light spring of rain leaving with, what he hoped, the promise of a cool day. He wanted to open the windows maybe the french doors that led out into the backyard where he and Elizabeta might have their lunch. "But sure, more incentive to give you a raise. Tonio?"

"Yes?"

"If I told you someone was here with me, someone that I really really should not be with but couldn't help but be with...what would you say?"

There was a moment where Gilbert turned his head, staring at Elizabeta's still form. He stood up, and only shivering slightly as he was still only in his cotton bottoms, he left the room. He could hear Antonio getting up now, probably sitting up on his bed trying to be quiet because the girls were probably sleeping beside him, still not used Bella being gone. Gilbert walked down the wood paneled hall and down the stairs, nearly tripping at the landing in his haste to get as far away from Elizabeta as possibly trying not to wake her.

He walked into the front room where the piano sat. He stared at the pictures of his Ludwig and Felicia and their daughters, all angels who looked like Ludwig so much that it hurt. Gilbert's angels the children of his most beloved brother.

"Elizabeta is there with you, isn't she?"

He could hear Antonio's answer in his tone alone. The voice of reason, the one who held morality in its highest regard of the three of them-the Bad Touch Trio as they had been known in school. Antonio would be the one to set it all out there, straight to the point with his voice alone with the judgement that Gilbert would no allow himself to feel. Not because he knew and thought Gilbert wrong but because he was also or had been also a friend of sorts to Roderich.

"I'm going to hell, aren't I?" Gilbert asked drained of hope that he could ignore his own morals for a moment of happiness. "I"m so horribly wrong wanting this and having it. C'mon Tonio, you can say it. I know you want to."

"Well if you know you're wrong and that I think your wrong then I have nothing to tell you except, maybe, hell is a bit much. Don't throw yourself in the pit before you can see the outcome, is what I want to say. Now, amigo, I want you to promise me one thing."

"Anything." Gilbert said, and meant it for once.

"I want you to be honest with her about everything. Don't lie to her don't try to persuade her to stay and above everything else, do not persuade her to leave. Let it be her decision this way, no one is to blame. Not even you."

Gilbert hmmed in affirmation that he had heard and agreed, surprised only slightly that Antonio was able to be this wise when usually he was so dense-and widely known for that fact alone. It seemed sound this idea of blatant honesty with her. If he allowed Elizabeta to take the reigns in whatever this was between them, an affair and tryst or a mistake, then the blame would be none his nor hers. It would have been a thing that happened that neither were able to control. If she stayed then it would be because she wanted him and if she left, it would be an affirmation that she had and would be with Roderich and that, now, curiosity sated, would never again seek reassurance for the fact that she belonged with her husband.

The only to be hurt, if she went back to Roderich, would be Gilbert and he would take the hurt if it meant that the moments with her were real at all. Hell, he might finally move on to better pastures and meet a woman who was sure in her want for him rather then waiting ten years into a marriage until she finally realized she might want him.

"Did you tell Francis yet?" Antonio asked fully awake and by the sound of it, making breakfast. There was a muffled moment where he must have been setting the phone against his cheek and shoulder because Gilbert could hear the rustling of fabric and a grunt. "He would be happy to hear about all of the details. You know him."

"Yeah, yeah, I know him. I would have called him and you yesterday when I met up with her but you had the unlucky draw of carpool for your girls softball team and Francis had that meeting to deal with, you know? I didn't want to bother either of you." It was a half truth. Antonio could have dealt with talking to Gilbert about Elizabeta being there and sleeping with her while juggling picking up the girls team mates and dropping them off-he was just good that way, multitasking like a pro like Bella was a pro at it before she got sick. He wondered, had Antonio married Felicia's sister, would she have been that patient with children, house works, and juggling the multitude of responsibility that wedded bliss would bestow. Gilbert wasn't sure of that, though he suspected that Antonio would have happily made time for Gilbert and his problems involving Elizabeta and Roderich.

Francis though, Francis was always busy after he'd graduated college he'd started working for his maternal Grandfather's company in California, so he'd had to move. Then there was the marriage-some starlet whose five minutes to shine was partly due to her marriage to the former teen model and heir to the largest pharmaceutical conglomerate in the world. Of course that had ended in divorce two years and one child later. Recently, Francis had inherited the company after his grandfather had died and was now the CEO of Morland Pharmaceutics. This left him with no time for friends and hardly any time for his own son. Gilbert, having been there for Francis as much as he could manage since the divorce knew more than anyone that Francis' time was precious and felt that, even if Gilbert's own problems had to do with the very real affair he was having with Elizabeta would not be enough of a reason to bother him.

Of course, once Francis heard about it from Antonio (who checked in on Francis at least twice a week) he would show up on Gilbert's doorstep with a scowl and a bottle of wine and demand to know everything that had gone on... especially the intimate parts.

"You know what. I'm gonna call him." Gilbert said. "Leave him a message, give him the rundown and see what he thinks when he can manage to think about it."

"Si. That's a good idea."

The lines disconnected with a 'see ya soon.' Gilbert placed the phone on the polished wood right beside a picture of himself and Ludwig taken just before the wedding. His brother had never seemed quite so sure of himself, Gilbert remembers clearly the way Ludwig stood tall and stern as ever yet, there had been an air of calm about him a serenity. Gilbert himself had been worried sick the entire time as he stood beside his brother at the alter waiting for the moment for the guests to fill in and for the music to start and he recalls how much his hand had run through his hair causing more of a mess to it than usual.

The moment Felicia walked through the heavy gilded doors, smiling nervously behind her veil as her grandfather walked beside her...Gilbert didn't think he could forget that moment and knew that, for the first time in his life, that he could admit to being lonely. It had been a day that Ludwig had truly proven that one could move passed the particular pains he had dealt with in the past to go forward and be happy. Gilbert had never wished for his brother's life quite so hard until that moment. Of course, the bride would not have been Felicia.

He closed his eyes and imagined how life could have been had Gilbert himself been honest with his feelings from the beginning. He had always loved Elizabeta and in a way he was certain that she would have loved him too if only he allowed the affirmation, had given her the chance to know.

Gilbert's heart hurt to think about what he was doing. Sleeping with Elizabeta, a married woman who belonged with his cousin...what kind of man did that make him? What kind of sick individual betrays their own blood? Could he be forgiven if he turns her away or would, perhaps, make it worse? He would lose her and at this point, Gilbert was certain that this time it would kill him. Knowing what he could have had and to just turn it away -to turn her away- was unimaginable.

So did that mean he should do as Antonio instructed, and let her take the reins in whatever this was between them?

"Fuck." He turned from the piano, casting his eyes on the wooden floor and staring at his feet. It was too early for misery. He walked towards the kitchen slowly, wondering what he should make instead of what he had done. Later, he thought, later he would think on it.

He settled for pancakes, making an impossibly tall tower of them. A smile touched his lips, a wicked smirk when he thought of Matthew and of the maple syrup he'd borrowed with no intention of ever returning. Gilbert's abused neighbor constantly found himself without his beloved syrup though, and Gilbert was totally certain of this, Matthew didn't really seem to mind.

Gilbert had begun fighting with his ancient coffee maker when he felt smooth small hands trace his back, lips, a feathery touch between his shoulder blades. Elizabeta hugged him from behind and seemed to scent him, leaning forward and just inhaling.

"I aint a dog." He gruffly said. He turned around, leaning against the counter, careful to not lean to close to the coffee pot which sputtered behind him. "Morning." He grinned down at her dipping his head to give her a long languid kiss which she returned in earnest. "Sleep well, Beta?"

"Like the dead." Elizabeta leaned into him with a smile. "Are those pancakes?"

"Yep."

"Wonderful!" She pushed back and with a clap, Elizabeta served herself a liberal amount (five to a stack, she was starving) and added quit a bit of the syrup that Gilbert set on the kitchen table. "Its been so long since I've had pancakes!"

"Eat up." Gilbert turned back to the coffee maker suddenly feeling light. Her brown hair was a tangled mess and her lipstick was smudged, clinging to the lines of her lips. Elizabeta was a mess and didn't seem to mind the fact that she was wearing on of his discarded shirts. Somehow, the sight of her that way set Gilbert at ease. She looked so comfortable like that around him she looked like...

Mine, he thought with a sudden ferocity that left him breathless. He stalked towards her, pushed back her chair and lifted her before she could make a sound, and kissed her hard. It amazed Gilbert at how pliant she became in his embrace how thirsty she was for intimate contact. He wonder if Roderich had been ignoring her leaving her without-

-No, don't think about that, not now!

His mouth found her neck and, hastily, he marked her and she mewled against him, tilting her neck as to offer him more of her.

"Gil!"

It was so perfect, the way her legs wrapped around him, the way her hands tugged at his hair making him moan, it was so perfect that of course everything had to go wrong.

"What the hell...!?"

They froze, the voice at the back door (located in the kitchen rather unfortunately) had caused the entire atmosphere to dissipate though, in retrospect, Gilbert was grateful that the interruption had happened before what would have been amazing kitchen sex. He had no intention of humiliating Elizabeta by having his brother, of all people, see her naked beneath him on the tiled floor.

"West...Guten Morgen."

"Ludwig!" Elizabeta scrambled to her feel and hid behind Gilbert, trying to hide her legs from Ludwig's view by pulling on the hem of the shirt she wore. Her face was impossibly red and her green eyes large. She was shamefaced, humiliated and Gilbert...had never thought of her as so cute before. "I-its good to see you." She said for lack of anything else to say.

"Ja. I supposed it is good to see you. Here. After ten years." Ludwig pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes closed tightly. "So, you have obviously been well, as I can see. How is Roderich? Not married with you anymore?"

When she didn't answer Ludwig chanced opening his eyes and, instead of glaring, plopped down at the kitchen table and began eating Elizabeta's stack of pancakes. He seemed altogether resigned about the situation, perhaps having seen it coming. "Ivan said this would happen." Or maybe the Commie bastard Russian had spilled the beans. The gossip. "Though he said at most you would kiss. I did not think I would see this!" He gestured to them both. "Mein Gott..."

"We didn't plan for this to happen!" Elizabeta shouted at Ludwig, who flushed brightly as she stepped away from Gilbert's back. "I mean, it did happen but it isn't as though I came here looking to sleep with Gilbert."

"Ja. Ja, I know this." Ludwig said. "Coffee would be wonderful, if neither of you would mind serving me."

"O-of course!" Elizabeta went for the task, her back turned unable to see the look that younger brother gave to older brother, something a cross between relief and exasperation. Ashe placed the mug in front of Ludwig and then hurried out of the kitchen to change and to leave her embarrassment behind for the moment.

"Gilbert."

"West."

"...what were you thinking?" Ludwig asked taking a sip of sweetened hazelnut coffee, not his favorite but it would do. He leveled Gilbert with a critical eyes. "I'm waiting."

"I was thinking that," Gilbert squared his shoulders. "I love her. I love her and I want to be with her."

"But Roderich-"

"Fuck Roderich!" Gilbert nearly shouted. He lowered his voice and sat in front of his brother with a groan. How to explain? "Okay, yes, I realize this is bad. Really bad but damn it man, you know how much I care for her."

"Ja."

"I want her to choose on her own terms, whatever this is right now, how it goes on or ends is all her. I'm not actively going to fight for her to choose." He rubbed his tired eyes with his fingers trying to find the right words. "If she wants me she can have me but, if she wants back with him then who the hell am I to stop her? Damn it...this is so not awesome I should like a tool!"

"I see. "Ludwig nodded as though he seriously weighed the options though the lift to his lips made it seem like he was humoring his brother who amused him with his flustered words. Ludwig set his mug down as gave Gilbert a rare but warm smile that promised no argument on the matter at all. "If that is what you want then who am I to stop you." He stood up and made for the back door, opening it and leaning against the frame. "I came to ask you about Mutter."

"Mutter?"

"Ja. But later, when you have time to talk. I want to know something."

Ludwig was gone before Gilbert could ask what it was he'd wanted to know.

"Weird." Gilbert said to himself as he stood up, locked the back door and made his way back up to the bedroom where a very embarrassed and confused woman waited for him. He told himself again, as he found her sitting on his bed, that he would not fight for her. He knew it was wrong, that what they were doing was wrong, but there was something there between them that was not just one sided.

As Gilbert took Elizabeta in his arms he realized that while he might become the loser in the situation that at least he knew she felt something and of course, at least he knew that if she left him, that while heart broken at least he would have the satisfaction of knowing he had tried.

God forgive me, he thought as she kissed him.

Roderich, I'm sorry.

He held close to his cousin's wife, the woman he had always loved and, as he shut his eyes the image he'd seen the day of his brother's wedding flooded his thoughts. In Ludwig's place Gilbert stood, and walking towards him dressed in white wearing a delighted smile, was the woman he held in his arms.

A fantasy, yes, he knew, but no matter what he would hope and wish that one day it would really happen for them.

He prayed for it and nothing more as the guilt weighed heavily in his heart.

Roderich, forgive me.


~.~.~

Muse: So, uh, yeah not the best but hey! An update! Hope you liked it. I know it followed a really different pace than the others, which seemed more dreamy than anything, but I wanted it to seem a bit more solid this time now that its becoming more real for Gilbert.

Oh and Antonio's dead wife? Belgium. But don't worry Spamano's, Lovina isn't out of the running for Tonio's heart, in fact, other characters will be introduced pretty soon along with...the dreaded Mother of Gil and Luddy (flashbacks for sure).

And of course, we get to see how Roddy's doing. Anywho, hope you liked it! Review please!