A/N: I apologize for all of this. And yes, I sang all of these songs at least once while coming up with the rewritten lyrics. #writersuffering


How Cheese is Made

Milk! Culture! Rennet!

The magic potion, oh, let it sit!

Cut it into curds- not too early! Little blocks of baby cheese!

Spin those curds and whey! Drain it off, hey hey hey!

Press those curds down tight, no more whey!

And then the cheese curds are salted- so squeaky!

Oh, fresh cheese curds- yum yum yum! I could eat them all day!

All kinds of curds! Plain, seasoned, deep-fried, poutine!

Garlic! Dill! Spice 'em up! Bread 'em, serve 'em, squeak between my teeth!

All the other curds- oh, where do they go?

They get cheddared and pressed and then the cheese is aged!

Oh, age that cheese, age it fine, let it develop a beautiful rind-

A natural rind! Oh, they dry out and the cheese forms a skin.

Rub it with oil and brine and let it age! And then, come time-

Cut off the rind and I'll get Cheddar and Stilton and Tommes

And oh, it'll feed my tum!

White and soft and fuzzy, you've got a bloomer!

Spray your cheese with mold, get it started,

Let it sit, and let the magic happen! It grows and grows and oh-

Brie! Camembert! Saint Andre! Heaven on my tongue!

If you wash and get moldy, that's a washed rind, ooh!

Stinky cheeses, so much fun! No hard rind here, no siree!

No mold, just bacteria! The smell of stinky feet fills the air, yum!

Let me sink my fangs into that Limberger, that Livarot, that Pont l'Eveque!

The Taleggio, the Epoisses, the Reblochon!

And then for Mozzarella, oh, no rind here!

Work it, knead it, make it stringy!

Twist and pull and push those curds

Form a ball

Then open your mouth and eat it all!

Adrien's notes: Why. Why.

Also, there's no set tune. Plagg sang this as a rock song once and a country song the next time. There's no rhyme or reason to it.


The History of Cheese

It was 8000 BC

Stomachs were used to carry milk

Heat and rennet mixed together

And now you add a little salt

Salt was used for preservation

Keep those curds nice in summer sun

Make those cheese curds daily

The squeak is so much fun!

From Arabia! To Asia! Then Rome!

That glorious process did roam.

To England, and then beyond

The curd, the whey, the strong

Flavor beyond compare!

Oh, the smell that fills the air!

Milk in an animal's stomach

Turns to cheese all thanks to rennet!

Monks improved the taste

Through their tried and true ways

Gorgonzola in Italy, Roquefort in France

Many things made from curd and whey!

Hard cheese for the Romans

Now it becomes an art

Middle Ages was gold for testing

More varieties there art!

Less salt begets more cream

More cream is better for taste!

When it's colder cheeses can ripen

A glorious advance!

In those Middle Ages

First did appear

Camembert, cheddar, Gouda

The staples of anyone's year!

Cheeses continued to improve

Many, many rounds were made!

Many rounds were eaten

I had several per day-

Adrien's notes: Song has been cut off due to length and also the sanity of the scribe.

It was over an hour long and entirely set to the tune of the Mexican Hat Dance. Save me.


Don't Stop Cheesin'

Adrien's notes: Sung to the tune of Don't Stop Believing

(Verse 1)

Just a cheesy treat!

Sitting there for me to eat!

Fresh mozzarella can be eaten anywhere!

Just a cheese bowl!

Get it for a small toll!

I would eat it anywhere!

(Verse 2)

Some cheddar in an aging room!

The smell of brine mmm-mm.

I could eat it all night

Because it's yum and yum and yum and yum!

(Chorus)

Camembert! Brie!

Up and down the cheese store shelves!

Parmesan! Gruyere! Eat it all night!

Come on, people! Live just to enjoy cheese!

Come on, it's just so good!

(Verse 3)

Working hard to get my Swiss

A dairy treat I'll never miss!

Paying anything to get a bite

Just one more time

Some will scoff, some say no

Some were born to pay their dues

To the best thing on the earth

Yes, it's cheese and cheese and cheese and cheese!

(Chorus)

Camembert! Brie!

Up and down the cheese store shelves!

Parmesan! Gruyere! Eat it all night!

Come on, people! Live just to enjoy cheese!

Come on, it's just so good!

(Outro) (x3)

Don't stop cheesing

Feed me some Camembert!

Cheese curds, feta!


Gouda after midnight

Adrien's notes: sung to the tune of "Living after Midnight" by Judas Priest

(Chorus)

Gouda after midnight

Cheddar to the dawn

Colby to the mornin'

Then I'm gone, I'm gone.

(Verse 1)

I ate some cheese 'round one P.M.

Feta, Brie!

But now I'm all hungry again

Cheddar, Gouda!

I power up with my favorite type

And bathe in its radiant light

(Repeat chorus)

(Verse 2)

Got glorious edam, moldy blue

Camembert, Provolone!

Ready to buy them up on sale

Havarti, Monterey!

My stomach's growling, I'm ready to feast

My teeth are bared now, ready to eat

(Repeat Chorus)

(Verse 3)

Gorgonzola

I wanna eat ya!

My stomach's ready

A whole round!

The cheese board's ready, smellin' lovely

Ricotta, Swiss!

I'm getting hungrier by the minute

Roquefort, Vacherin!

I see the cheese and then home in

The crumbs are flying as I dig in

(Repeat chorus 3x)


The Sound of Cheese

Adrien's notes: Do-Re-Mi from the Sound of Music.

Let's get some cheese from the kitchen

A very good place in the house

You had better have the basics in very good cheese

Let me have some cheese like Cheddar and Brie

I love cheese, I love cheese

My favorite food in the world just happens to be

Tasty cheese, tasty cheese

Tasty cheese in my tummy

Cheese! Some cheese! Some tasty cheese!

Someone, get me some Provolone!

Brie, a cheese to fill myself

Farmer's- a creamy, creamy one!

Swiss, a hard cheese on my tongue

Le Roule, all rolled in yummy stuff!

Taleggio, I'll have it on some bread

I want it all at home (oh-oh-oh)

(repeat. Over and over and over.)


Somewhere over the Cheese Hill

Adrien's notes: Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Surprise.

Somewhere over the cheese hill

Cheddar on apple pie

Parmesan that I dream of

My cheesy lullaby

Somewhere over the cheese hill

Brie on rye

I dream of swimming in fondue

Someday it will come true

The smell of cheese will fill the car

White Stilton presented on a platter before me

When cheese is dribbled over mushroom tops

Lush and creamy, cheesy drops

That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the cheese hill

Brie on rye

And I dream of swimming in fondue

Oh why, oh why can't I?

Well, I see cheese in my dreams and mushrooms too

Cheese rinds bloom in green and blue

And I think to myself

What a wonderful Stilton

Well, I see Roquefort and I see Fontina

And Tomme de Savoie

I love Camembert

And I think to myself

What a wonderful taste

The colors of Shropshire Blue so pretty in my paws

And even more pretty in my mouth

I'd share with the people passing by

But they wouldn't appreciate it

Not like I do

No one loves cheese like I, like I do

I like gooey cheeses and I love their smell

How they taste so good I'll never know

And I think to myself

What a wonderful taste

The smell of cheese will fill the car

White Stilton presented on a platter before me

When cheese is dribbled over mushroom tops

Lush and creamy, cheesy drops

That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the cheese hill

Brie on rye

And I dream of swimming in fondue

Oh why, oh why can't I?

Ooh, ooh

Ooh, ooh