A/N: I apologize for all of this. And yes, I sang all of these songs at least once while coming up with the rewritten lyrics. #writersuffering
How Cheese is Made
Milk! Culture! Rennet!
The magic potion, oh, let it sit!
Cut it into curds- not too early! Little blocks of baby cheese!
Spin those curds and whey! Drain it off, hey hey hey!
Press those curds down tight, no more whey!
And then the cheese curds are salted- so squeaky!
Oh, fresh cheese curds- yum yum yum! I could eat them all day!
All kinds of curds! Plain, seasoned, deep-fried, poutine!
Garlic! Dill! Spice 'em up! Bread 'em, serve 'em, squeak between my teeth!
All the other curds- oh, where do they go?
They get cheddared and pressed and then the cheese is aged!
Oh, age that cheese, age it fine, let it develop a beautiful rind-
A natural rind! Oh, they dry out and the cheese forms a skin.
Rub it with oil and brine and let it age! And then, come time-
Cut off the rind and I'll get Cheddar and Stilton and Tommes
And oh, it'll feed my tum!
White and soft and fuzzy, you've got a bloomer!
Spray your cheese with mold, get it started,
Let it sit, and let the magic happen! It grows and grows and oh-
Brie! Camembert! Saint Andre! Heaven on my tongue!
If you wash and get moldy, that's a washed rind, ooh!
Stinky cheeses, so much fun! No hard rind here, no siree!
No mold, just bacteria! The smell of stinky feet fills the air, yum!
Let me sink my fangs into that Limberger, that Livarot, that Pont l'Eveque!
The Taleggio, the Epoisses, the Reblochon!
And then for Mozzarella, oh, no rind here!
Work it, knead it, make it stringy!
Twist and pull and push those curds
Form a ball
Then open your mouth and eat it all!
Adrien's notes: Why. Why.
Also, there's no set tune. Plagg sang this as a rock song once and a country song the next time. There's no rhyme or reason to it.
The History of Cheese
It was 8000 BC
Stomachs were used to carry milk
Heat and rennet mixed together
And now you add a little salt
Salt was used for preservation
Keep those curds nice in summer sun
Make those cheese curds daily
The squeak is so much fun!
From Arabia! To Asia! Then Rome!
That glorious process did roam.
To England, and then beyond
The curd, the whey, the strong
Flavor beyond compare!
Oh, the smell that fills the air!
Milk in an animal's stomach
Turns to cheese all thanks to rennet!
Monks improved the taste
Through their tried and true ways
Gorgonzola in Italy, Roquefort in France
Many things made from curd and whey!
Hard cheese for the Romans
Now it becomes an art
Middle Ages was gold for testing
More varieties there art!
Less salt begets more cream
More cream is better for taste!
When it's colder cheeses can ripen
A glorious advance!
In those Middle Ages
First did appear
Camembert, cheddar, Gouda
The staples of anyone's year!
Cheeses continued to improve
Many, many rounds were made!
Many rounds were eaten
I had several per day-
Adrien's notes: Song has been cut off due to length and also the sanity of the scribe.
It was over an hour long and entirely set to the tune of the Mexican Hat Dance. Save me.
Don't Stop Cheesin'
Adrien's notes: Sung to the tune of Don't Stop Believing
(Verse 1)
Just a cheesy treat!
Sitting there for me to eat!
Fresh mozzarella can be eaten anywhere!
Just a cheese bowl!
Get it for a small toll!
I would eat it anywhere!
(Verse 2)
Some cheddar in an aging room!
The smell of brine mmm-mm.
I could eat it all night
Because it's yum and yum and yum and yum!
(Chorus)
Camembert! Brie!
Up and down the cheese store shelves!
Parmesan! Gruyere! Eat it all night!
Come on, people! Live just to enjoy cheese!
Come on, it's just so good!
(Verse 3)
Working hard to get my Swiss
A dairy treat I'll never miss!
Paying anything to get a bite
Just one more time
Some will scoff, some say no
Some were born to pay their dues
To the best thing on the earth
Yes, it's cheese and cheese and cheese and cheese!
(Chorus)
Camembert! Brie!
Up and down the cheese store shelves!
Parmesan! Gruyere! Eat it all night!
Come on, people! Live just to enjoy cheese!
Come on, it's just so good!
(Outro) (x3)
Don't stop cheesing
Feed me some Camembert!
Cheese curds, feta!
Gouda after midnight
Adrien's notes: sung to the tune of "Living after Midnight" by Judas Priest
(Chorus)
Gouda after midnight
Cheddar to the dawn
Colby to the mornin'
Then I'm gone, I'm gone.
(Verse 1)
I ate some cheese 'round one P.M.
Feta, Brie!
But now I'm all hungry again
Cheddar, Gouda!
I power up with my favorite type
And bathe in its radiant light
(Repeat chorus)
(Verse 2)
Got glorious edam, moldy blue
Camembert, Provolone!
Ready to buy them up on sale
Havarti, Monterey!
My stomach's growling, I'm ready to feast
My teeth are bared now, ready to eat
(Repeat Chorus)
(Verse 3)
Gorgonzola
I wanna eat ya!
My stomach's ready
A whole round!
The cheese board's ready, smellin' lovely
Ricotta, Swiss!
I'm getting hungrier by the minute
Roquefort, Vacherin!
I see the cheese and then home in
The crumbs are flying as I dig in
(Repeat chorus 3x)
The Sound of Cheese
Adrien's notes: Do-Re-Mi from the Sound of Music.
Let's get some cheese from the kitchen
A very good place in the house
You had better have the basics in very good cheese
Let me have some cheese like Cheddar and Brie
I love cheese, I love cheese
My favorite food in the world just happens to be
Tasty cheese, tasty cheese
Tasty cheese in my tummy
Cheese! Some cheese! Some tasty cheese!
Someone, get me some Provolone!
Brie, a cheese to fill myself
Farmer's- a creamy, creamy one!
Swiss, a hard cheese on my tongue
Le Roule, all rolled in yummy stuff!
Taleggio, I'll have it on some bread
I want it all at home (oh-oh-oh)
(repeat. Over and over and over.)
Somewhere over the Cheese Hill
Adrien's notes: Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Surprise.
Somewhere over the cheese hill
Cheddar on apple pie
Parmesan that I dream of
My cheesy lullaby
Somewhere over the cheese hill
Brie on rye
I dream of swimming in fondue
Someday it will come true
The smell of cheese will fill the car
White Stilton presented on a platter before me
When cheese is dribbled over mushroom tops
Lush and creamy, cheesy drops
That's where you'll find me
Somewhere over the cheese hill
Brie on rye
And I dream of swimming in fondue
Oh why, oh why can't I?
Well, I see cheese in my dreams and mushrooms too
Cheese rinds bloom in green and blue
And I think to myself
What a wonderful Stilton
Well, I see Roquefort and I see Fontina
And Tomme de Savoie
I love Camembert
And I think to myself
What a wonderful taste
The colors of Shropshire Blue so pretty in my paws
And even more pretty in my mouth
I'd share with the people passing by
But they wouldn't appreciate it
Not like I do
No one loves cheese like I, like I do
I like gooey cheeses and I love their smell
How they taste so good I'll never know
And I think to myself
What a wonderful taste
The smell of cheese will fill the car
White Stilton presented on a platter before me
When cheese is dribbled over mushroom tops
Lush and creamy, cheesy drops
That's where you'll find me
Somewhere over the cheese hill
Brie on rye
And I dream of swimming in fondue
Oh why, oh why can't I?
Ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh
