Chapter 4
The airport in Jeddah was nothing like Kansas City – it was hot, crowded and dirty, with people bustling back and forth through the terminals. It was filled with men either in traditional Muslim clothing or obvious business men from around the globe there for the oil and gas industry. Castiel had been in every part of the world before – none of this was new to him. It had of course been years since he'd been to Mecca, but he remembered it well enough. Dean and Sam, however, looked around with absolute wonder – it occurred to him that neither of them had been out of the United States before.
"Guys, did you have a plan once we got here?"
Sam shrugged. "Honestly, we never plan trips, we just – go. And figure it out along the way. Though now that we're here, I'm really feeling like fish out of water."
"Well, I speak Arabic, so I'd be happy to translate for us."
Both brothers looked at Cas like he had just grown a third head.
"Really? I am an angel of the Lord – did you not think I knew all the languages of men?"
Dean gave him an incredulous look. "Uh, I guess I never really thought about it."
"I have more to offer than just 'angel mojo' guys."
They reached the outside of the airport, and the hot, humid air hit them with a blast as they passed through the doors. The outside seemed no less chaotic – taxis racing and people yelling. It was about 10:30 in the morning - plenty of day left to explore but to the Winchesters it felt closer to midnight. Sam reached an arm out towards a car, in what can only be described as the universal "hail a taxi cab" gesture. The black vehicle stopped, and a young Arab man jumped out to reach for their bags.
"Where to?" he asked quickly, opening the door for Dean. The hunter gave him a blank stare, and then turned his head to Cas.
"He wants to know where we're going?" Cas asked, getting into the front seat.
"I guess, well, Mecca? I figure we'll start there, as the map isn't exactly to scale or accurate to today's geography." Sam explained to Cas, but the man seemed to understand. Oddly enough it didn't seem to faze him at all that three white men were headed to the Islamic capital of the world. They all hopped in the car and he sped off towards the temple.
The trip into Mecca was short – the sights outside of the taxi were not unfamiliar to Cas but he had to admit, it may have been several decades since he had been here. They passed completely poverty stricken "towns" (if you could even call them that) before coming into a metropolitan of movement. The boys were silent behind him – a rare (lack of) sound. They both had their faces pasted to the windows, trying to take in all the sights. He was suddenly sad for them – for all the work they've done to save humanity, they've seen very little of it. Though he could blame that on Dean's fear of planes, he actually thought it had more to do with the fact that they never took proper vacations like most humans. Maybe when this whole darkness thing was handled, he could show them the best parts of the planet, his favorite parts. The beaches in northern California, the volcanos in Costa Rica, the bustle of traffic in downtown Edinburgh, Scotland – the thought of teaching them for once a little about life made him smile.
As they reached Kaaba in Mecca, it got increasingly harder to drive – people were walking in the streets, cutting off the cab driver. To his credit he kept reasonably calm – but he could feel his companions getting anxious – well, at least one in particular.
"It's ok, just let us off here." Cas told the driver, and opened his door to exit as the car slowed to a stop. He stopped sharply in a panic – he didn't have any currency. He was so used to traveling without it, he hadn't even thought before they got in the cab…
"Cas, can you ask him how much we owe him?" Sam reached into his pocket and produced a large fold of bills. The cab drivers eyes lit up.
"400 riyal!" He held out his hand. Cas translated - Sam frowned and ducked his head back in the car. The meter, though elementary, read 275.
"Nice try though." Sam said with a smirk, handing the man 300 and grabbing his duffle bag. Dean had been staring off into the distance, watching the people as they rushed by. Mostly men, all dressed head to toe in full white robes, though it was easily 85 degrees. Cas was already sweltering in his overcoat, and he could see the perspiration starting to form at Dean's temples. He caught his eye as he turned back towards the car and to the angel's surprise, he half smiled. He threw the duffle bag over his shoulder.
"Good thinking Sammy – should have counted on you to make sure we had money here. I didn't even think about it."
"Well, per usual, I'm the brains of the operation." He laughed, turning to face the other two men. Dean scoffed.
"And I'm the pretty face. Let's get a move on – we're burnin' daylight."
Their search of the main temple in Mecca proved fruitless – it was a shame that they were on a mission, otherwise it would have been much more enjoyable. Kaaba was so beautiful, and it always humbled Cas to see humanity bow in prayer with such reverence. In prayer repetition and pilgrimage they found peace and solace – he only wished it could be that simple for him.
The sun began to set as they finished their day – they had mostly forgotten to eat, but found a small stand outside of the temple and gorged themselves on the cuisine. Well, at least Sam and Dean did – Cas looked off into the distance.
"Hey, Earth to Cas – you here with us?" Sam said, between mouthfuls.
Cas bit his bottom lip in thought – he was worried about the mission. "I honestly didn't think it would be so hard to find this symbol here, but we've got nothing – not even a lead."
"There are more temples on the outskirts of town – we will check a few of them tomorrow." Dean wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, belching quietly.
"Yea…" He drifted off, staring back at the main temple as people poured from it, going back to their homes and families.
"Here." Dean interrupted his thoughts and handed him his shawarma, warmly wrapped in paper. "Food helps."
Food helps him, Cas thought, but took a bite anyway, keeping his eyes locked with the hunters. They stared comfortably while he chewed. Ok. It was pretty damn good – the flavors swirled in his mouth and the feeling of food in his stomach was somewhat comforting. He smiled, and took another bite before handing it back to Dean.
"That's better." Dean smiled back.
"That looks fine." Sam pointed to a motel of sorts, "Tell him to pull over."
Cas spoke with the driver and their car pulled up alongside a motel. They gathered their belongings and made their way inside. It was decorated very plainly – obviously they were trying to emulate a more American style motel, but without any of the bells and whistles – in fact none of them. He walked up to the counter to speak with the receptionist – an overweight man in his late fifties with the biggest eyebrows he had ever seen.
"Hello, do you have any vacancies?" Cas asked, looking behind him at a sea of keys on the wall.
"Obviously." The man grumbled, then raised an eyebrow at the boys, holding up three fingers. "Three?"
Cas paused briefly. Generally speaking, the Winchesters always shared a room with two beds. If the three of them traveled together, they would get an extra room for Cas, or he just wouldn't sleep as he doesn't really need to. However, this time Cas really wanted to get a chance to talk with Dean alone about - well - things. On the other hand, they were in a very religious country that would frown upon males sharing a room for anything more than to save some money. He didn't want to draw attention to themselves, but...
"Yea, three." Dean piped up behind him, guessing his question and nodding to the man. He grunted and turned, pulling three keys off the wall. "Cas, just give him this credit card."
Cas handled the rest of the transaction with the man before grabbing his bag and key and heading up to his room. He had to admit he was pretty disappointed that Dean wouldn't be sharing a room with him tonight, but maybe it was best if they kept they kept professional while they were on the job.
"Let's just get some sleep, we'll try again tomorrow." Sam said as he reached his door. Dean nodded, sticking the key in the lock to the door across the hall. The angel walked past the both of them as he unlocked the door next to Dean's to an incredibly basic room. Bed - tv - toilet - shower. Actually nice by the standards of the rest of Saudi Arabia, but they were in one of the bigger cities.
He wasn't all that tired - more irritated from the day. They had no luck exploring Mecca; it was a beautiful city, but no where did they find the cat- like symbol they were searching for, nor had anyone heard of it. Another0 part of him wasn't thinking about the mission at all - he hoped he would feel something there - just a piece of heaven or his father in a book, a building, the eyes of someone praying - but there was nothing. The world was so void of His presence. Some desperate part of him wondered how he could go on, just living day to day with that feeling of emptiness from the lack of heaven and his brethren. He sat on the corner of the bed and faced the small window that overlooked the ally way behind the hotel. In the distance he could see the moon, slightly fuller than he had seen it just a few days before in the woods of Kansas.
Castiel must have been there for a while, unmoving, contemplating the world around him and the day because when he heard a knock he nearly jumped out of his skin. He moved quickly to the door, grasping the angel blade and quickly threw it open, ready to attack.
"Seriously dude?!" Dean threw his hands up and stood back. "What kind of attacker knocks first?!"
Cas shook his head and put his blade down on the small table near the door. "Sorry Dean, I was distracted and you startled me. Why aren't you asleep?"
He looked irritated as he made his way past Cas and into the room. "I just - couldn't sleep. This place, man. I don't normally feel like a damn Christmas tree in July when we're in the states, you know? Maybe it's just the jetlag." Dean sat on the bed, hands in his pockets.
"I'm sorry that you feel that way." Cas sat next to him, and looked back up at the moon. The bed underneath him was warm - he had been sitting longer than he thought. "How can I help?"
There was a beat before he spoke; Dean's voice was low. "I didn't come in here to talk, Cas."
The mood of the room shifted drastically.
"What did you come in here for, Dean?"
Dean quietly fidgeted - strange, after such a forward declaration. Cas had never known him to be nervous, especially when it came to - well - anything physical. He kept his focus on the floor just in front of his feet. The room was terribly hot - he thought idly about opening that window for some fresh air. They sat in silence for a few moments, neither of them wanting to make the first move.
"What did you mean, when you said you wanted to be with me physically, on the plane?" Dean asked, his voice uncharacteristically small. Castiel couldn't tell if he was nervous to say it, or embarrassed. Maybe both. Either way, he wasn't exactly feeling like this was going in the right direction. If he knew Dean at all, he knew talking wasn't going to help this situation - action was.
Castiel stood and shed his overcoat, tossing it onto the table next to his blade. The sudden movement drew Dean's attention to him and he gave him a look that was part confusion, part lust and a little fear. Not fully thinking out his actions, he kept taking off clothing - first his tie, then unbuttoning his shirt, pulling it from where it was tucked into his pants. He tossed both articles onto the table and then pulled at his belt, loosening it and pulling it deftly through the loops. His grey slacks hung to his hips. The heat of the room was already making his body damp with perspiration. All the while, he kept his steel blue gaze locked with Dean. When he reached the top button to his pants, Dean suddenly stood.
"Stop - Cas." Dean stood and reached forward, putting his hands around Castiel's taught waist. His thumbs brushed against his hip bones. "You don't need to strip for me."
"Is this not what you want?" Cas bit his lower lip. Maybe he had misjudged...?
"Fuck, yes." Dean's fingers tightened as his nails dug into pale skin. "I just wanted to join in."
Without another thought, Cas reached his arms out and grabbed the bottom of Dean's ratty shirt, pulling it over his head. He looped his fingers into the front pockets of his jeans and pulled him sharply to his pelvis, bumping their hips together. Oh God, did he ever want him. He took a moment to take it all in - his chest, lightly dusted with blond hair, his neck showing a few days' stubble, at the corner of his jawline the pounding of his pulse. Dean reached his head in and their lips met in a hot, open mouthed kiss. They both smelled like the dust of the day and were slightly slick with sweat, hands moving across the others body. Cas could feel a growing heat in his groin and he was vaguely aware of something of Dean's poking him as well.
Deans mouth moved down Castiel's neck as he reached around and grabbed his ass, grinding against him. The sensation was electric, and Cas let out a cracked moan, reaching his hands into his short blond hair. His breath came in sharp hisses and suddenly he very much wanted to be horizontal. Using too much of his strength he pushed Dean too far onto the crappy bed, nearly missing cracking his head against the wall.
"Dean! Shit!" Cas moved towards him, but the damned man just burst into loud laughter, his face lit up with mirth. Not feeling very slick, Cas couldn't help but smile as he crawled onto the bed next to him. When Dean smiles like that - it's like the sunshine itself.
"Well, I suppose that's what I get for making out with an all-powerful angel!" He said between chuckles, rubbing the back of his head and settling himself against a pillow. Cas reached out to touch the back of his head gingerly - it didn't seem like there was any damage. He sighed a bit with relief - that could have gone a bad way really quick. It felt like he was doing some sort of odd dance with Dean - keep him happy and comfortable, but walk on eggshells because at any moment he could spin on a dime and push all of this away. Instead, Dean pulled him close and bit Castiel's full bottom lip.
"I like that you're rough, Cas." His voice was deep. He ran his finger nails down his back, lightly at first, then hard as he reached his ass. "Keeps this interesting."
"Dean I could- ugn." Dean took his earlobe into his mouth and sucked, hard. "I could really hurt you."
"Yeah, you could." He let go of the ear, but stayed close. "But you won't. You're a fighter Cas, and damn it all to hell, it's what turns me on about you. Don't treat me like a fucking doily - I want to feel how much you want me." The words were under lit with coals, simmering out of his mouth and into the angel's ears. Cas's eyes rolled into the back of his head with the pleasure of his declaration.
Cas leaped on top of Dean, pressing their pelvis's together and catching his lips in a wet kiss. They were both rock hard, pushing against each other. The hunter reached between them suddenly and ran his hand up Castiel's length, pressing against his pants. Cas hissed and dropped his head to Dean's shoulder - the pleasure rocking him to his core with one touch.
"That - ah" Dean moved his hand away, placing it on his back.
"Too sensitive?" Cas nodded against his chest. They lay for a moment and breathe, then Dean rolled them over so that they lie facing each other again. His eyes were filled with concern as Castiel's met them.
"We can stop..." Dean's words were strained. Clearly that wasn't an option he wanted to take but he was ever a gentleman in these types of situations - even to another gentleman.
"No!" Cas over-reacted, worried that any departure or change in pace would scare him off and stuck his hand out to grab Deans. Briefly their fingers interlocked, and then Cas turned his hand and pressed Dean's hand against his erection gingerly. He sucked in a breath at the heat of it, his body tightening with the overwhelming sensation. This was so different from anything he had felt before, though he had to admit his experience was pretty limited.
"We'll just," Dean's hand moved ever so slightly up and down, maintaining pressure, "take this really slow."
Their eyes met and everything else just faded into the background - the skyrocketing temperature of the room, the sounds from the alley way outside, the creak of the bed as they moved - nothing but each other and the unbearable pleasure of Dean touching him. He let out a small moan through dry lips aching for more of this feeling. Deans hand moved a little faster now, a little swifter.
"I want - please touch me." Castiel's words were low and raspy, even by his normal standards. Dean nodded - his face was flushed, his expression part wonder, part desperation - and he reached his hand to unbutton the top of his slacks, then drug his fingers down the zipper. The angel was engorged and was easily freed from his pants. Dean returned his grip and tugged gently at first, quickening his pace. The feeling was overwhelming - waves of ecstasy pulsed through Cas as he threw his head back with a moan. He fisted the sheets underneath his hands, struggling to ground himself.
Somewhere in the back of his brain, barely noticeable through a haze of pleasure, Cas worried that things were going too fast. That at the end of all this, he would come and suddenly everything would be different - worse. Not that any kind of rational thought was even scratching the surface of his brain as Dean continued his ministrations expertly, rubbing his thumb over the underside of his dick, drawing him closer to conclusion. As he approached a plateau he careened his neck forward, wanting his lips to be on Dean's when he came. The moment hit and he drew a sharp breath into his nose and moaned his soulmates name softly against his mouth.
"Dean..."
The sensation faded slowly - haze clouded his eyesight and he blinked to open his eyes, lips still locked with the hunters. The room was scorching but he was vaguely aware of something cool on his stomach. Dean had set him down and was rubbing circles along his bare hip idly, sucking lightly at his lower lip. He pulled away gently.
"You ok?"
Ok? Cas just came harder than he thought was physically possible. From very little contact or effort from Dean, if he was being frank. He was more than ok - he was elated. In a state of physical bliss he didn't know existed. There was the world before and now a totally different world after that moment. But mentally, he was terrified. Now what?
"That was - uh, I..." he started, then took a slow, deep breath. "Thank you."
Dean chuckled. "I should have figured that you would be polite, even after sex."
"Would that be called sex?" Cas asked. Truthfully, he didn't know. There wasn't any penetration involved but he was in a state of euphoria that he'd learned only comes about after making love.
"Well that sounded nicer than just a sad hand job." Deans message was light but his tone had shifted. Castiel's eyes focused sharply – was the happy moment over?
"Now it's your turn." Castiel took his hands and began to work the top button on Dean's jeans. He was clearly still turned on – but he put a hand down on Cas's, stopping him.
"Whoa, what's the rush?" He whispered.
"I just want to make sure that you enjoy yourself." Cas furrowed his brows. He was so worried something was going to go wrong to ruin this moment he almost didn't know which direction to go with it.
"I did enjoy myself – I am." Dean corrected, his thumb running along the edge of Castiel's hand as it rested between them. He didn't meet his eyes, instead looking down towards his chest. "I liked doing that to you." The words were said like a surprising confession.
"I don't understand – you didn't receive any sexual gratification from that at all."
"It wasn't about – Jesus Cas, I forget how little you know about this." His tone was gruff but his face wasn't as he looked up to meet his eyes. "When you're with someone you care about, you care if they, you know," he smiled, "enjoy themselves. I'm not going to say it wasn't weird." He continued, "I've never done that to anyone other than myself before. Wasn't exactly sure how it would work."
"Oh, it worked." Cas spilled before he could catch himself. He looked away.
Dean chuckled. "Yeah, it looks like it did. You can't exactly fake it when you're a guy. I never thought about that – guess it's kind of a perk of hooking up with men…"
Castiel still didn't meet his eye – he wasn't sure what to say to not break the spell…
"Dude, what is your problem?" Dean asked softly. "You're acting like you're waiting for me to hit you or something."
"I just… "He paused, growing tired of his dance they were doing. The hell with it! "I'm waiting for you to reject me Dean. For you to decide this is too weird or wrong and then tell me to go away. Every time we stop kissing I think that is the moment when things will change."
Dean's expression changed. "Why would you think that?"
"Because that's what you have always done. Every time we get close, you push me away. No chick flick moments, no touchy feely crap. And you do it without warning - I can't even predict it – I'm just in the warpath." Castiel's eyes were wide as the words poured from him. He didn't mean to say all of that but the moment the words left his mouth he felt better. Almost like a prayer.
The hunter frowned. "Well I knew I was an asshole, but I didn't realize I was that bad…"
"It's not that you're an asshole." Cas started, changing his tone to one that was a bit more rational. "It's that you're afraid of strong feelings. I get it Dean. You've spent your whole life taking care of others and all they've done is let you down. Even Sam. Even me. You're protecting yourself." He reached out his hand cautiously and cupped his jawline. "But please don't do that with me. I care for you – even if this doesn't continue or we want to stop – I need to know that you'll still be my friend."
"You've never let me down Cas." Dean's voice was steady. "Never. This new bit…I'll admit, it's taken me by surprise. But don't just roll over trying to avoid a fight. If I'm an ass, then call me out on it. I need you to do that."
They were both breathing heavily with their outpouring of feelings – it felt so foreign to the both of them. Cas swallowed and Dean's eyes were instantly at his throat, then back to his eyes.
"I can't guarantee that I'm going to be good at this – the feelings bit, not the physical stuff." Dean winked and reached up, putting his hand over Cas's. "I know that what we're doing feels right to me right now. Just – don't stop being Cas."
Castiel had to smile at that.
"Man, we have been through some shit. We have hurt each other physically and mentally worse than two friends should be able to claim. I think we are due for a win."
"If by a win you mean sad hand jobs, then yes." The angel smirked then leaned forward catching Dean's raw lips in a kiss. It was sweet, but full of meaning.
"Dude, I was joking. That was not a sad hand job. It was an amazing hand job - you should have seen your face."
"Mhm…"
They continued joking and kissing for a few hours. It was the most comfortable they had ever felt with another being – no judgement, no past, just this time and each other. While Castiel was in the middle of explaining the difference between a platypus and a duck and why it was such a huge joke in heaven, he saw Dean's eyes start to shut on their own. He gathered him into his arms and held him while he fell asleep.
