Chapter 4 A crack in the facade

They were going to the Forbidden Forest. They'd been told that they're old and experienced enough to go and find the plants in groups of two or three, they were given lists of the plants and descriptions of what kind of places they would most likely be found. They were expected back in the newly build greenhouse in two hours. Harry was walking side by side with Malfoy, who was already complaining about the weather, he thought it was too warm. "Take your cloak off." Harry tried to give him advice.

"That's a bit naughty coming from an innocent Gryffindor." Malfoy smiled and Harry found himself blushing.
"You know what I meant. Fine, don't complain about the warmth then."

Neither of them was irritated with each other and Harry was mildly surprised by that. It almost seemed like Malfoy was doing his best in not making Harry get pissed off.
"What do we have left?" Malfoy asked yawning and Harry got up from the ground and threw hi rucksack on his shoulder.

"Aconite and.. let's see.. uhm.. aconite and dittany."

Malfoy started walking and yawned again, making Harry ask, "Didn't you sleep?"

Draco rolled his eyes, "None of your – What's that?"

Malfoy's voice had changed in the middle of the sentence and when Harry looked up to his face, there was panic written all over his face. Harry turned his head quickly to the direction Malfoy was pointing and there was something moving.

"What's that? Potter, what is that?" Malfoy's voice was shaky.

Harry already pulled his wand out, after spotting a big form of something, and said, "I don't know but it probably saw us since it's coming this way. Get your wand out."
The creature was big and black, reminding Harry of a werewolf or a massive gorilla and it was taking huge, fast steps towards them.

Malfoy seemed frozen but did eventually pull the wand from his pocket. "Where's everyone else?" Malfoy was asking. Harry's voice was determined,

"I've no idea. But.. it's.. it's massive, I don't know if we can stun it, I think we should just - RUN!"

Harry already started to run when he noticed Malfoy didn't move. The creature was getting near, way too fast, Harry could see the big black eyes and Harry quickly pulled Malfoy's arm, "Run!"

Automatically Harry was shouting and pointing his wand, "Stupefy! Petrificus totalus!"

He missed both times, and was pushing Malfoy who still didn't move, Harry heard himself shout once again, "Run! Now, Malfoy, move!"

He was desperately pulling the boy's arm harder and harder, the blond seemed paralysed, his face white and Harry thought he was going to faint. "Stupefy!" Harry shouted again and finally the creature flew on his back, it was only about ten meters from them.

"Come on, let's go!" Harry pulled Malfoy's arm and finally the boy was walking, but his steps were slow, too slow but Harry didn't have enough time to ask, he turned around to the creature and pointed his wand at it and said, "Obliviate!" He knew he hit the target and sighed.

Then he concentrated on dragging Malfoy with him, pulling him along like dead weight. They were walking too slowly, they had only been walking about twenty meters when the creature started grunting.

Harry pulled Draco behind a tree, pushed him gently against the trunk and whispered, "Look at me."

The boy did, but his grey eyes were filled with pure panic, the colour of the eyes was too bright, pupils too narrow. Harry whispered, "Don't make a sound, don't say anything, not a word. Nod if you understand me."

Draco nodded and Harry whispered, "Now you have to do everything I say, okay?"

Draco nodded again. Harry's brain was under an adrenaline attack and his thoughts were running fast, telling him there was definitely something wrong with Malfoy, and they couldn't run away right now, he acted on instinct and took a grip of Malfoy's arm. The boy's fingers were white, death grip around his wand.
"Sit down." Harry whispered and pulled Malfoy down against the trunk.
Malfoy sank down slowly, like his body was petrified somehow, and automatically pulled his legs up against his chest. Harry sat right next to him, back against the tree trunk and pulled his legs up too and then pulled a fabric out of his bag and showed it to Malfoy and whispered, "You know what this is?"

Malfoy nodded. Harry threw the invisibility cloak over them and whispered, "Come closer."

Harry had to make sure their legs didn't show under the cloak, but now he was merely surprised about the fact, that Malfoy actually got himself look unbelievably small. All of a sudden Malfoy had turned around and now his bent knees were against the tree and his face was pressed tightly against Harry's chest and his arms were around Harry.

Harry blinked, too bewildered to react or say anything, and the blond boy's fingers were clawing the skin on his back painfully hard. How the boy had managed to get the fingers between the trunk and his back was a mystery, and apparently even under Harry's shirt, at least it felt like the fingers were pressing the skin and not the fabric, because it hurt. It was getting hard to breathe because the boy was squeezing his torso so tightly.
Finally he put his arms around the boy, still holding his wand ready in case the creature was after them. Harry had no idea what it was, he'd never seen a creature like that. Harry tried to listen, he could hear steps in the dry, fallen autumn leaves but he wasn't sure which way the steps were going.
What if the creature could smell them?

Harry could imagine how amazed the creature must've been, suddenly waking up in the forest and not remembering what had happened the moment before.
Then he heard the steps fade away and was pretty certain that whatever it was, was gone now. Still, he wasn't going to take any risk by running anywhere right now.

No, it would be better if they stayed right here for a moment, and then he would have to find out what was wrong with Malfoy and then they could walk back to school with the invisibility cloak on. Yes, that was the best plan Harry's could think of. He looked at his watch, they had been almost two hours in the forest and they would have to go back soon or otherwise people would come and look for them. Well, maybe that wasn't a bad thing. What's that smell? Smells nice. Must be Malfoy's hair.

He took a deep breath and whispered, "Malfoy, you're okay."

The boy didn't move. Harry stroke his back a bit and said again, "Malfoy?"

Still no change. Harry straightened his legs and relaxed. He ended up hugging Malfoy and stroking his back. They stayed like that what felt like more than ten minutes. Finally the fingers that had clawed his back loosened their grip and he felt the boy taking a deep breath. Harry said, "We're okay. We can go now, we'll be okay."

Harry could clearly feel when Malfoy finally relaxed and then the boy asked with a thick voice, "Are you sure it's gone?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Do you think you can walk?"

Malfoy got up in a quick movement and when the cloak and the boy left Harry's embrace, he shivered with the sudden coldness of the air. He could only see Malfoy's legs, 'cause the cloak had gone with him.
"Yes." Malfoy's thick invisible voice said and Harry got up and stretched his legs.

"Are you going to wear that?" Harry asked smiling. The answer was the same, "Yes."

"Okay. Now let's see. Point me!" Harry's wand rolled around on his hand and pointed to right.

"Alright, let's go."

Harry started walking but said, "It's weird when I don't see you, can you either talk to me or touch me?"

A hand gripped the hem of his shirt in the back and Harry started walking. He scratched his chest with his right hand and realised the shirt was damp. It wasn't even damp, it was wet, but only on one part. He almost stopped walking when he realised Malfoy had been crying. And that must be why he wanted to wear the cloak! He was embarrassed to show his face.

The walk took about ten minutes and Harry was relieved when he saw the end of the forest ahead of them. He said, "I want to talk to you when we get back."

He didn't receive an answer. Hermione and Ron were standing on the yard, near to the edge of the forest and they spotted Harry fairly quickly.
"Harry! Finally! We've been looking for you! Where's Malfoy?"
The hand let go off Harry's shirt.
"I'm right here, Granger." Malfoy sneered, clearly on Harry's left side and sounded surprisingly much like himself.

Ron muttered, "I can see a part of your shoe. Why are you wearing the cloak?"

Malfoy's voice was cold, "Because the savior of the Wizarding world, the Boy-Who-Lived here, saved my life again and I know he's going to rub it in my face so I thought the cloak would make the rubbing a bit more difficult."

Harry frowned but didn't have enough time to say anything because Hermione was so worried, "What? What happened?"

Harry muttered, "There was this creature, some sort of animal or something, but it wasn't a big deal, really. And I hardly call it saving someone's life if I pull out a cloak and hide underneath it, so don't worry, I don't think I saved you and I wouldn't rub it in your face even if I did."

Harry was glaring at the empty spot on his left side, where Malfoy's voice had just been.

Ron was looking horrified, "A creature? We have to go and tell McGonagall, I knew we shouldn't have gotten into the forest in the first place!"

"No!" Harry said. "Look, it's nothing and I really just want to go upstairs and get a nap, I have a headache. Can you go and tell Sprout that you saw us, so she doesn't worry. I can't stand her voice right now and I don't feel like explaining why we're late, so... just make up something, please."

Hermione nodded before Ron had time to say anything. "Okay, we'll do that. We'll see you guys later then." Hermione was already pulling Ron towards the greenhouse and Harry started walking up towards the castle.

"You know, everyone can see your legs." Harry said, although he didn't even see them at the moment.

"No they can't if I walk like this." Came the reply and Harry looked, of course seeing nothing and burst out laughing trying to imagine what was going on under the cloak.

"Hey Harry!" Came a voice suddenly. Oh god, Harry had forgotten she existed.
"Hi Ginny!" Harry's laughter disappeared like it hadn't even been there, he felt Malfoy's cloak covered arm brushing against his and automatically pressed his arm against the invisible one for mental support.

Ginny was smiling a broad smile, "So Harry, have you been thinking about what I said?"

Harry was hesitating, "I…I uhm... yeah, I've been thinking but… Ginny, I can't."

Harry looked down, he couldn't look Ginny in the eyes. He could feel how Ginny had frozen on that spot. She asked, voice calm but cold, "Harry? What do you mean?"

Harry had to use all of his mental strength to get the words out, "Look… I just can't. You have to find someone else. I can't. I'm sorry."

Ginny was clearly irritated but trying to hide it, "Right. Do you have a reason?"

Harry shook his head, "No. I just can't, I'm sorry. Can we be friends?"

Now Harry looked Ginny in the eyes and she stared right back, but her face was cold,

"Okay. I have to go."

Then she walked briskly away.
Harry blinked. He'd done it. He'd said it. Easy.

"Come on, stay right behind me so that no-one walks on you" Harry said to the invisible boy and walked up the stairs, into the hall, and then up the stairs, several staircases, right up 'till the armor in the sixth floor and said, "Ginger"
The armor jumped out of the way, revealing a door, Harry opened it and got in and walked straight to the next room and into their tent.

As soon as they were in the tent, the invisible voice said,
"I'll never give this back to you." The voice came from somewhere behind Harry and Harry turned around.

"I was just about to tell you to take it off." Harry said amused, but trying to sound determined.

"Oh I don't think I will. All the possibilities I could've had years back, had I had this then." The voice was taunting, walking a circle around Harry and Harry didn't bother to move.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm serious, take it off." Harry sounded serious this time.

"Make me." Said the voice, too close to Harry's right ear, and Harry quickly jumped after the voice and met the invisible barrier right away. There was a loud thud when they flew to the floor and the cloak revealed a torso without a head and Harry quickly moved the fabric away from the face and stared in the grey eyes. Malfoy was smiling and then he started laughing. Harry couldn't resist and gave into the laughter himself, wondering if he'd ever heard the Slytherin laugh before.

"You're impossible, you know that?" Harry said when he managed to stop laughing. He sat up but didn't get away from Malfoy's stomach.
"Yeah, I know. And you're heavy." Malfoy pushed Harry's thighs and wriggled underneath him trying to get a better position.

"I want to talk to you about what happened." Harry's voice was suddenly quiet.

The amused expressions vanished from Malfoy's face, eyes suddenly freezing cold he said, "No."

"Yes. I want to know. I need to know what that was about. So just… tell me." Harry insisted, although Malfoy's sudden mood change brought cold shivers down his back, and not in a good way.

Malfoy shook his head and closed his eyes.

"Oh come on, don't start now. Look at me." Harry said and took the boy's pointy chin between his thumb and index finger. Draco opened his eyes and Harry let go off the chin.

"I don't want to talk about it." Malfoy said, voice cold.

"Look. I just.. I want to know what happened when you couldn't move. Did you panic?"

Malfoy avoided Harry's gaze but Harry was determined and reached his fingers to the chin again but Malfoy threw the hand away and said, "Don't."
So Harry waited, trying to be patient and then Malfoy muttered,

"Yes."

"Has it happened before?" Harry noticed how worried his voice sounded like. Malfoy still wouldn't meet his eyes but then shook his head and said, "No."

"Are you sure this was the first time?" Harry tried to read the blond's face, but the usual façade was on its place, not giving anything out.

"Yes, as far as I remember."

Harry didn't answer, he didn't really know if he believed the boy or not but Harry thought this was a sign of something bigger, there must be something wrong.

"When was the last time you've aimed a curse at someone?" Harry asked, voice soft and calming.

Draco shifted underneath him and still didn't look at Harry, "The War."

Harry shifted too, just to ease the weight on the other, and then said after a brief silence, "I think that… I think that you've had too much of... everything. Am I right?"

Malfoy closed his eyes but nodded.

"Is that why you're not sleeping that well?" Harry asked, knowing that it might be any minute now that the ex-Death Eater would burst into angry shouts.

Malfoy didn't move but then came the answer, "I don't want to talk about it. Not with you"

Harry frowned, "What's wrong with me?"

Malfoy smiled a little, "There's plenty of things wrong with you, Potter, but the answer you're looking for is that… you're you."

Harry asked, "I'm me? And what does that mean? You don't trust me, is that it?"

The blond could clearly hear the small hint of irritation in Harry's voice, because the smile stayed clued on the lips, "Oh, I do trust the fact, that you won't tell anyone about my secrets. I know how bloody loyal you are to your friends and I believe what you said, that you want to be my friend."

"What is it then?" Harry tried to keep his voice calm.

The head turned, and the eyes opened, grey meeting the green ones, "Because you're the opposite of me. You're everything I'm not."

Harry felt like he was drowning again in those eyes. He couldn't think of anything to say. He tried to think of something, but all the words got stuck in his throat. He knew this was important. He swallowed. He didn't know where the words came from when he asked,

"Is that why you've always hated me?"

Something heavy was ripping his insides, making it difficult to breathe. Almost like an iron fist grabbing and pulling some part of him underneath his skin. The grey eyes were burning a hole inside him,

"Possibly."

Harry couldn't look away although it was getting more difficult to breathe by the minute.

He should say something, but there was something in his throat, preventing all talking, so he shifted his leg over the blond Slytherin, getting down on the floor, away from the boy and he lay down beside Malfoy, staring at the ceiling.

Neither of them moved nor said anything for a while.

So… what did that sentence actually mean? Did it mean Malfoy wanted to be like him, was he envious, jealous of who he was? That could make sense in very twisted way, maybe, although,

"Did you mean you'd rather be like me? Or that you envy my life? I can't understand why because my life has been pretty horrible most of the time."

The answer came soon, it was cold but not as cold as it could've been, "I don't know that. I only know that you… you're this unbreakable superwizard who beats an unforgivable from the cradle, and who kills the Dark Lord in the age of - You've had everything! Everyone loves you! The whole wizarding world is always on its knees in front of you. It makes me sick!"

Harry swallowed, usually he was angry hearing this stuff but now it felt different, "I didn't want my life. I've been the target of a certain master killer wizard all my life until now. I was a horcrux, that bastard lived inside me and I had to walk to my own death to kill him. I don't have parents. My childhood sucked. My life isn't perfect, but what can I do, when everyone expects me to be someone, something I'm not. I'm just a boy, an ordinary boy, who just happened to have a very twisted life. And all the admiring and stuff, I hate it, I don't deserve it and I don't want it. It makes me sick too. "

Malfoy didn't argue and Harry knew something had changed between them. Something big, that couldn't be clearly described with words. Harry took a look at the boy next to him. The face wasn't cold.

Then Harry asked him, "Do you still hate me?"

Malfoy turned to look at him, "Yes. And no. Things aren't that black and white anymore."

Harry got up and offered his hand, "Come, the floor is too hard."

Malfoy accepted the hand and got up and Harry pulled him by his bed. Harry lay down on the right side of the bed, next to the wall and patted the empty space on his side. Malfoy blinked and stared at him in disbelief for a long time but Harry simply stared back with determination.

Malfoy muttered, "This day is just too strange."
Then he stared some more, shook his head and said, "This is the most absurd day of my whole life."
But then he lay down and they were both quiet and staring at the ceiling.

After a moment Malfoy said, "I never talk this much."

Harry glanced at him, "I'm glad you did."

There was some irritation in Malfoy's voice, "I'm not. I didn't want to talk. I don't know how you do it, you make me feel like you're reading me like an open book, I don't like that. You must think I'm weak and pathetic. I bet you're laughing inside your head."

Harry turned to his side facing Malfoy, watching at the boy's eyelashes, and said,

"No, I honestly don't. You're always acting so cool, like nothing can touch you. Now I'm just relieved that there's actually a real, feeling boy underneath that tough surface. I think that today proved me right. I really do want to be friends with you."

The Slytherin turned to look at Harry in the eyes, "If you ever remind me of telling you all that, then I'll kick your ass, Potter."

Harry gave him a little smile. Malfoy continued, "Besides I hate crying and I can't believe you made me do it, and it's your fault, so you owe me one."

"Me? I did that?" Harry's eyebrows shot up, but Malfoy didn't answer so Harry sighed and asked,
"I owe you? Well… what do you want then?"

Draco stared at him right in the eyes, narrowing them a bit, trying to look threatening but Harry couldn't think he'd ever be scared of Draco Malfoy. He just stared so long that Harry felt nervous. "What?" Harry finally asked. But he still couldn't tear his eyes away.

Suddenly Malfoy grabbed a tight grip on Harry's shirt, near the neck and said in a calm voice, "Stay still."

And Harry stayed, he didn't even try to get the hand away. The green eyes held the grey ones and there was something moving behind the grey eyes, almost like storm clouds, an emotion Harry couldn't fathom.

"You asked me about my sleeping habits. You're right. I don't sleep too much. But you don't need to know more than that. I'm telling you this because I discovered something today. Something that I assume might make me fall asleep. And you're going to give it to me. From now on, if you ever make me cry again, then you'll going to give me what I need in order to get some sleep. Understood?"

Harry nodded, then asked, "Yeah. What is it you want?"

Malfoy let go of the shirt and asked, "What time is it?"

Harry showed his watch to the boy, "Seven. We're missing dinner if we don't go right now."

Malfoy got up and said, "I'll show you. At eleven tonight. And you must be on this exact spot by then."

Harry nodded and they left together for dinner.