Chapter Four

Olivia hated telling Casey the truth about her condition. She did not like the look she saw on Casey's face. It was a look she had never seen before. In her mind, Casey was always strong. She feared nothing. But this Casey was a child. An innocent little girl who was afraid of telling her parents that she hit a softball through the neighbor's window. An innocent young woman who just discovered she could die soon. Olivia hated the whole thing.

Although she hated it, she had to be the one to tell Casey. She could not bear the thought of Casey hearing it from complete strangers who would only give her the medical crap first. She had to be the one to tell Casey about the cancer, the attack, everything. The only comforting bit she could give was that Casey was not raped. She did not know if that made her feel better or worse.

That was a couple of hours ago. It was almost eight o'clock now. Casey was back asleep. Olivia clutched to her nth cup of coffee. She refused to let herself fall asleep. Casey could wake up at any moment. She wanted to be there for her.

She looked over at Casey. The whole situation did not seem real. Casey looked too healthy. With the exception of the bruises on her face and the oxygen tube going into her nose, she looked the same as she did the previous day. She looked like an average American woman. This was too surreal.

The door creaked open. Olivia frowned. If it was another nurse or doctor, she was not in the mood. She had only been with Casey for about three hours, but she had already seen about twenty different members of the hospital staff.

Relief overcame her when she realized she would not be seeing the twenty-first. Elliot peeked his head past the curtain. He held a bouquet of flowers in his right hand. He placed the flowers down on Casey's nightstand and turned to Olivia. "How you holding up?" he asked her.

Tears filled in Olivia's eyes. Admitting it to Elliot would make it real. Elliot saw her tensing up and quickly moved closer to her. He wrapped his arms around her back and hugged her tightly.

"It's bad, Elliot," Olivia choked. "Really, really bad."

"I know, sweetheart," Elliot whispered as he rubbed small circles on her back. He wished there was something else he could do, something else he could say. He hated situations like this. He never felt he was doing the right thing.

Elliot kept his hold on Olivia tight. That was the only logical thing to do. She was his best friend. He hated seeing her like this. He knew he could not fix it. He rarely could. He could not bring Alex back. He could not magically make Casey's tumor disappear. He could comfort Olivia. He had to comfort Olivia. He guided her over to the chair and sat her down. He pulled a tissue out from the box on the nightstand and handed it to her.

Olivia nodded a small thanks as she dabbed at her eyes. "I don't know what to do," she told him. Her voice was barely over a whisper. "I just keep having this hollow feeling that she's not going to make it out of this. I just want to get her out of here. She doesn't belong here."

"Hey," Elliot interrupted. "None of that." He continued rubbing Olivia's back. "Casey's strong. You know that. She's going to pull through."

"Don't tell me that," Olivia argued. "If you keep telling me that, I'm going to believe it. And while I can tell Casey that I believe it, I don't. I know it makes me a bad person, but I'm scared for her, El. I'm really scared."

"I know," Elliot whispered back. "I am, too."

"This isn't fair," Olivia exclaimed. "Why did it have to be her? Why Casey?"

Elliot shook his head. "I don't know what to tell you, Liv." He wanted to make her feel better, but he respected her too much to tell her things he could not know would happen. He just sat there with her.

He stayed there for a half an hour. Neither one of them said anything. Elliot just held onto Olivia and did his best to calm her. One of the nurses, Olivia honestly could not remember which one, entered the room again to check Casey's vitals. As she did, Elliot glanced down at his watch. It was almost quarter to nine.

Olivia noticed his action. "Go," she whispered. "I don't need you to try and shelter me from this all day. You have work to do. Unfortunately, there are still rapists in the city."

Elliot rose. He rubbed her shoulders once more. "I'll be back," he promised.


It took Elliot only an hour and a half to return to the hospital. He knocked and entered in the same manner as he did the first time. He was still a little afraid of entering. He hated seeing this side of both Olivia and Casey. He glanced over at Olivia. She had large bags under her eyes, but she remained awake.

"You ok?" he asked her gently. "Up for some company?" As Olivia nodded, Elliot gave a motion towards the door and out of Olivia's sight.

Cragen, Fin, and Munch entered the small room. Munch and Fin had a large piece of posterboard with the words 'Get Well Soon' on it. Munch placed it on the nightstand next to Elliot's bouquet of flowers, which one of the nurses transferred to a vase. "The entire SVU signed it," he told Olivia.

"Thanks," Olivia said. "It'll be nice. She'll, um, appreciate it." She did not want to make the gesture seem less significant. However, she was simply too tired to come up with something better to say.

Cragen opened a small grocery bag that he was carrying. He pulled out two soft, brown teddy bears. One was dressed in a Yankees uniform, the other in a Mets uniform. "I couldn't remember which one she liked, so I got both."

Olivia gave him a weak smile as Cragen placed the bears at the end of Casey's bed. "Not that it's not great to see you, but what are you doing? Shouldn't you be out catching bad guys?"

"Our next vic was downstairs," Fin answered. "Since we were here, we had to see her." He looked down at Casey. "Damn, this sucks," he muttered. He turned to Olivia. "Does she even know yet?"

Olivia shook her head slightly. "I honestly don't know," she whispered. "I know I told her, but with her concussion, I don't know how much she'll remember. With all the pain meds they're giving her, she's only awake for periods of thirty to forty minutes at a time anyway." She refused to let herself cry in front of everyone. They were her co-workers. She knew they were more than that. They were her family, and they would understand, but still. With the exception of Elliot, no one else had ever seen her cry. "I hate this," she forced herself to say clearly.

"Take all the time you need," Cragen assured Olivia. "Casey's more important."