Chapter Four: Scratching the surface.
Addison handed her card over to the young girl behind the desk, she may be rubbish at relationships but she certainly knew how to buy shoes. She had been shopping for over three hours and walked out of the shop laden with bags. There was nothing like a bit of retail therapy. She crossed the road, entered a department store and headed straight for the children's section. She was leafing through the racks of jumpers looking for something to go with the trousers she had picked out for Lucas.
"Auntie Addison" came an enthusiastic voice from behind the rail.
"Maya," smiled Addison as she enveloped her in a huge hug "how are you?" she asked looking down at Maya's slightly swollen stomach.
"I'm ok," smiled Maya rubbing her stomach "getting used to……"
Maya was interpreted by a heavily laden and confused looking Sam "I'm sure there wasn't this much choice when you were….." he stopped as he noticed Addison.
"Addison" he stated caught off guard by her presence.
"Sam," she smiled looking at him under the pile of baby clothes and nappies, when had he become so perfect? She silently chastised herself and returned her mind to the present. "you look busy Grandad" she smiled.
Sam looked coy and embarrassed, he shook his head "Granddad…yeah…..huh" he smiled, nobody had called him that and hearing it aloud seemed to make it real, he was going to be a granddad. "Where's Pete?" he asked changing the subject.
"He's away with Cooper and Fife and Violet is looking after Lucas so I was just taking the chance to get in a little shopping" she smiled.
"Auntie Addison you should come for dinner tonight" enthused Maya. Sam and Addison had forgotten she was there for a second and were caught off guard by her proposal.
"I….I…..can't…I" Addison searched for a reason to avoid the dinner.
"Please, I am staying with Dad tonight and you're on your own" she pleaded "Dad, tell her"
Addison looked to Sam to come up with a reason to excuse her from the dinner. Sam was lost, he could think of a million reasons why Addison shouldn't come round for dinner and they were the same reasons that made he smile and say "you're coming to dinner."
Addison was about to protest as her phone started ringing. She looked at the caller I.D; Violet. Addison looked at the phone and then at Sam "I'll be there" she smiled before leaving them and answering her phone.
"Violet, hi" she answered tentatively "Is everything ok?"
Violet was pacing her living room with a screaming Lucas in her arms; she bounced him up and down in an attempt to settle him.
"I'm sorry," came Violet's exasperated voice "I didn't know who else to call"
"Is it Lucas is he ok?" Addison was starting to get worried now she could hear Lucas screaming and Violet sounded flustered and desperate.
"He's ok, he's just…….he…..he won't stop crying, I can't get him to stop crying" Violet was almost on the verge of tears herself now.
"Ok, I'll be right over" said Addison simply and she put down the clothes she had in her arms and headed for the exit.
Ten minutes later Addison was outside Violet's house, as she approached the front door she could hear Lucas crying. She knocked on the door and was greeted by a dishevelled Violet and a screaming Lucas. Violet's eyes appealed to Addison as she let her into the house.
"I'm sorry he just won't stop, he's been crying for over half an hour and I…" sighed Violet handing Lucas to Addison.
Addison took Lucas and held him close to her, she shushed him and kissed him on the head. She rubbed his back and he leant his head into her shoulder and stopped crying.
Violet looked at them and slumped defeated onto the sofa. Addison saw Violet and was filled with sympathy, she had been there and she knew what Violet was going through.
She walked over to the sofa and sat down beside Violet, she placed Lucas on Violet's lap and handed him his favourite cuddly toy, she stroked his hand and Lucas was happy and content.
Violet sighed " I was a fool to think this would work, he doesn't know who I am"
"He will," assured Addison "he was the same with me at first but he'll get used to you, give him time."
"I've imagined this moment a hundred times, I never considered the possibility he'd already have a mom" Violet regretted what she'd said as soon as it left her mouth. "Addison I….I didn't mean that to sound…."
"It's ok Violet," Addison interrupted "I'm sorry you have come back to this, Pete and I, we're not out to hurt you. As for Lucas, you'll always be his mom, nothing will change that and no one will ever replace you."
"I just had this picture in my head of coming back and finding Pete and Lucas how I left them, that they'd be waiting for me, it never occurred to me that
they'd have moved on."
"They haven't moved on Violet, Pete has moved on but Lucas is still the same as when you left him, he's still your son and he still needs you." said Addison.
"I feel a fool for imagining he'd still want me after what I'd done to him, I had this crazy idea he'd be waiting for me with open arms. I've been in therapy and I've come to terms with what happened to me, what happened to us, to all three of us but it's still so real to him, so raw, to him I'm the woman who abandoned him and our child. The woman who was too selfish to put her family first."
"Violet that's not how he sees you, that's not how any of us see you. What you went through was horrific and none of us can imagine how that made you feel but you're a good mother, you did what was best for your child even if wasn't what was best for you – you put him first and that is what good mothers do." Addison could see the hurt in her eyes, she couldn't begin to understand what Violet had been through but she knew what it was like to love someone you'd hurt.
"I don't blame him for moving on Addison and we all know there has always been something between the two of you, you're good for him." Violet felt she needed to clear the air with Addison, to let her know that she didn't hold a grudge, that she knew she had to accept that Pete had chosen her.
Addison started to feel uncomfortable, it was obvious that Violet was still in love with Pete and she wasn't the right person to offer Violet a shoulder to cry on.
"You and Pete need to talk," said Addison honestly "You need to tell him how you feel not me"
Violet nodded. She knew she had to talk to Pete she just didn't want to hear what he had to say, she didn't want to rake up the past because she knew there was nothing she could say to excuse her behaviour. She knew her chance had gone and she knew she had to live with that.
Addison kissed Lucas on the head and stood up to leave.
"You're his mom Violet, you'll be fine."
Violet smiled and looked at the little boy on her lap, he was her son and she was always going to be there for him no matter what, she wasn't going to leave him again.
She looked up to thank Addison but she was already gone.
