Update: January 6th, 2013
Huge thanks to my wonderful Beta-Goddess, Irritable_Grizzzly, and my amazing pre-reader, Vican.
Teething Problems
Before I'd even exited the bathroom, I knew he was there. I ignored his enthusiastic expression and shuffled back to my bed. He followed like a large, overly muscled puppy.
"Edward -"
"No, Emmett."
"Aw, come on."
"No."
"Just tell me what it was like."
"I'm not talking about it."
"Why not?"
"Because it's not something I want to discuss."
"Goddammit, bro, I've been waiting for this for days, and you won't even tell me how it felt?"
"No."
"Was it satisfying? At least tell me that. Did it hurt? How much was there?"
"What part of 'I'm not talking about it' don't you understand?"
"Aw, stop being such a dick. Tell me."
"No. When you become human, you can experience it for yourself."
He scowled. "If you loved me, you'd talk about your first post-change crap."
"I do love you, but I'm not discussing it."
"Shit."
"Exactly."
He scowls. "You stink."
"That too."
He scowled at me once more before exiting the basement. Jasper laughed as he set up the chess set next to the bed, and Carlisle shook his head.
"You could have told him something," Jas said. "You know how much he's been looking forward to that."
"He'll experience it for himself soon enough. Isn't he going next?"
"I think Rose has usurped his place in the queue."
"Really? I thought he'd convinced her with his constant whining to let him go next."
"So did I, but she had a change of heart."
"And, what? He just rolled over?"
"Not exactly." The expression on his face made me uneasy.
"Jasper?"
He rubbed his eyes. "I'm not supposed to know the reason."
"But you do?"
"I overheard them talking about it the other day when we were hunting."
"Spill."
He sighed. "You didn't hear it from me."
"Jas …"
"Okay, fine. Rose said that if he let her go next, she'd let him have sex with her as a human. You know how much of a fetish that is for him."
"Are you serious?"
"Yep."
Carlisle stopped setting up his testing equipment and looked over at us.
"You know about this?" I asked him.
"Well, now I do."
"And you're going to let him do it? What the hell, Carlisle?"
"Edward, I can't dictate what Emmett and Rose do in their sex life. I've tried that before, remember? At least now they keep it in their bedroom. Mostly."
"But, there's no way he could do it. He'd kill her. You and I both know Emmett is at his most bestial when aroused."
"Well," said Jas, "I think he's counting on the fact that hybrid bodies are more resilient than humans and have that freaky regenerative ability."
I couldn't believe I was the only one who thought this was a terrible idea. Carlisle seemed totally calm about it.
"Regeneration or not," I said, "it's going to be difficult for him to control himself. Specifically, his instinct to bite."
Carlisle turned to me. "You're right. If only he had a big brother who'd experienced making love to a human and could advise him of various strategies on how best to circumvent his violent nature. Oh, wait ..."
"Very funny. I do not wish to discuss my sexual experiences with Bella. Especially with Emmett. He gets ... excited."
He gave me a fatherly look that told me I was being prudish and selfish. I hated that look.
I sighed. "Fine. I'll talk to him. But only because if he kills Rose, I'd have no one to service my cars."
"Your concern for your sister is touching." He beckoned me over then said, "Jasper, chess will have to wait. I need Edward now."
Jas sighed and headed upstairs, and Carlisle started his routine tests. Blood pressure. Temperature. Heart rate.
I was used to the rhythm of it by now.
"You know she's keen to try to get pregnant when she changes, right?" I asked as he put a stethoscope to my chest.
"Rose? Yes. She's made no secret of that."
"And? What do you think? Will we be able to reproduce?"
I felt a small thrill just thinking about the possibility.
Carlisle tapped data into his computer. "I don't know. Sometimes when hybridization occurs, it results in sterility. It happens in mules, for example. Until I'm able to test the viability of your reproductive processes, I wouldn't even like to hypothesize." He looked up at me. "Speaking of which, have you managed to ... uh ... ejaculate, yet?"
I rubbed my face. It seemed it didn't matter how old you were, discussing orgasms with your father was always uncomfortable. "No. I can't even think about it without nearly screaming in pain."
Carlisle nodded. "Hmmm. Did you have any discomfort this morning while vacating your bowels?"
Okay, orgasms and pooping. Always awkward.
"Discomfort? You could say that."
"Pain?"
"Yes."
"On a scale of one to ten ..."
"Eleven. Why?"
"Just wondering if the first time your body exercises a new function it creates neural confusion, and therefore pain. It would make sense, considering you're using muscles in ways you haven't for nearly a century. Perhaps apart from the inflammation, which should be settling by now, you're also suffering from your nerves firing in unfamiliar patterns."
"Well, how do we fix that?"
"We don't. The more you repeat an action or process, the easier it should become."
"Tell that to my leg muscles."
"Oh, come on. Walking is getting easier."
"Not much. And certainly not enough. Maybe I just need to lie around more. You know, rest."
Carlisle shook his head and laughed. "Edward, you've done nothing but rest and read since the change. You've barely gotten out of your pajamas. Don't tell me you're now going to become a regular slothful seventeen-year-old."
I scoffed. "I don't think so." Although I had seen an ad for Pop-Tarts yesterday and was desperate to try them. They looked kind of delicious.
"I'll take your word for it, but please know if you start sleeping 'til midday and obsessively playing World of Warcraft, I'm going to have to ration your internet usage."
"Noted. Now, if you don't mind, I need to go buy some Playboys and decorate my room with posters of scantily clad, surgically enhanced women."
"Your mother will be so proud."
I laughed and shuffled over to my bed. Of course, Carlisle knew Bella was the all the sexual stimulation I needed. Wouldever need. Even when she was hundreds of miles away, the mere thought of her was enough to make me ache.
Considering she was still on a road trip with her father and wasn't going to be home for another forty-seven hours and twenty-three minutes, I needed to stop torturing myself and find an effective method of distraction.
I picked up my iPad and Googled World of Warcraft.
Hmmm. Interesting.
...
Emmett and Jasper stared at me.
I knew what they wanted, but I kept my focus on my book. "No."
"She's not going to be back until tomorrow," Jas said. "You're just going to sit around in your pajamas and pout 'til then?"
"I'm not pouting. I'm reading. And these aren't pajamas. They're yoga pants. Big difference."
"No, it's not. They're pajama pants that some genius labeled 'yoga pants' so they could slap an extra twenty bucks onto the price and convince people with too much damn money they're something special. You think that most of the people who buy those things actually do yoga?"
"Ido yoga," I said.
Emmett crossed his arms. "Whatever. You haven't been outside since the change, dude. Don't you want to try sitting in the sun without sparkling?"
It was an enticing thought, but it would mean climbing the stairs to get out of the basement, and I couldn't face the indignity of whimpering with every pain-filled step.
"Maybe tomorrow."
Jasper sighed. "Alice said you'd say that. She also said we should ignore you. Get up."
I closed my book. "You two seem to have no respect for the fact that until very recently, I was dead. Do you think reanimating is just a walk in the park? Because I can tell you, it isn't. Everything hurts."
"We'll carry you upstairs."
"Don't be ridiculous."
"It's either that or walk."
"I'll walk."
"Fine. Get up."
I scowled at him for calling my bluff.
I gritted my teeth and pushed off the bed. I'd be damned if I let the pain win in front of my brothers. They'd never let me live it down.
When I got to the stairs, I took a deep breath. Placing my right foot on the first step, I tried to lift myself up. Pain shot up my thigh, and I pushed air through my teeth.
"Do you want us to get behind you and push?" Jasper asked, hiding his smile.
"Shut up ," I said and hauled myself up by gripping the banister. "After you change, I'm going to laugh my ass off when you go through this."
My brothers snickered, and it made me more determined to get to the top of the stairs. But every step became more impossible. It was like my own private Everest.
It took me fifteen minutes to climb fifteen stairs, and by the time I'd reached the top, I was sweating and exhausted. My brothers were no longer laughing. Emmett appeared in front of me with a glass of water, and Jasper handed me a towel.
"You okay?" Jas asked.
"Yep."
"You're red. Like, really, really red. It's weird."
"That's because my head's about to explode." I downed my water in three mouthfuls.
Emmett took the empty glass. "Bro, don't even joke about that. There's a huge vein in your forehead. It looks like it could pop."
"If it does, I demand you sing a Celine Dion song at my funeral."
Jasper looked mortified. "Dude!"
I wiped my face and neck and threw the towel at Emmett who made an unmanly 'ew' noise. Then I shuffled down the hallway and out the back door.
My brothers followed and muttered something about going hunting. I tuned them out. Going down the three steps on the back porch was almost worse than the fifteen up, and when I inally made it onto the grass, I put my hands on my knees and panted.
This was ridiculous. I felt like an old man. I mean, technically, I was one, but this was the first time I'd felt every one of my hundred and ten years.
"So, we're heading out," Emmett said. "You cool here?"
I didn't have enough breath to answer, so I nodded.
"Okay," said Jas. "See you when we get back."
I waved them off and took a few deep breaths. By the time I looked up, they were gone, and Alice had appeared at the back door.
"How are you feeling?" she asked and walked over to rub my back.
"Terrific," I said. "How are you?"
"I think getting outside will be good for you."
I straightened up and every vertebrae cracked. "You think?"
"Well, you know I've had trouble seeing you and Bella since you both became semi-wolves, but every now and then I get weird flashes. And today I got one of you in the backyard."
"Uh huh. Doing anything in particular? Mowing the lawn, perhaps?"
"Actually, you were lying on the grass."
"Excellent idea." I awkwardly eased down to sit in a patch of sunshine and felt better right away. I held up my hand and studied it in the light. No sparkling. Just skin. Completely refraction-free and getting warmer every second.
It felt good.
I pulled off my shirt and balled it under my head as I lay down.
Ahhhh.
The sun continued to warm me, and I closed my eyes. I may have moaned.
"That's feels nice, huh?" Alice said.
"Very."
"So, worth the pain of getting up here?"
"No."
She sat next to me and touched my arm. As she pressed into the skin, she watched it react. "It's still so strange seeing you as a human. Well, mostly human. If I were you, I'd be spending all day in front of the mirror, staring at myself."
"I've done that. It's kind of a necessity when I have to shave twice a day in order to kiss my girlfriend."
"Do you think you look much different?"
"Not really. Do you?"
"No. Not facially. I do think you're taller though. And broader. It's weird to see you with so many muscles."
I bristled. "I had muscles before."
She scoffed. "Yeah, not like these. I bet Bella loves it."
I looked down at myself and flexed. I thought about how Bella seemed to always have her hands on me, touching and stroking. Driving me insane.
To be honest, she also did that before the change, just with much more caution.
"I think she's enjoying being able to touch me whenever she likes without worrying about inciting a homicidal episode," I said. "It's a relief for me, too."
Alice leaned forward. "What's it like to be free from bloodlust?"
"Incredible."
"I can imagine. I mean, just regular bloodlust is bad enough, but what you must have felt toward Bella? I've never come across my singer, but I bet I wouldn't have had the control you did."
"Control?" I laughed. "Do you forget that I killed her? I wouldn't call that control."
"Yes, but that was months after you found her and only because you were provoked."
"Hmmm."
"What?"
I closed my eyes and marveled over the pattern the sunlight made through my eyelids. "I wonder how much longer I would have lasted if James hadn't come along. In a way ... "
I pushed the thought aside, as I'd done many times since that horrible night. "Never mind."
"Edward, tell me."
I looked up at my sister. I supposed I had to articulate this hideous confession to someone. Might as well be her.
"In a way," I said, "I'm grateful I had James to blame. What if it had happened spontaneously? It wasn't like her blood was getting any less appealing. Or my control was getting stronger. The more I was with her, the more I wanted her. Every time I fantasized about making love to her, it was accompanied by images of biting her. I wanted it so much, Alice. You have no idea."
"Yeah, but you didn't do it."
I stared up at the clouds. "I think I would have. Eventually. I can't even describe to you how tantalizing her blood was. Or how incredible it tasted. I'm still ashamed of how much pleasure I took in draining her. I hated that I was killing her, but at the same time, I was apoplectic with ecstasy. It was disgusting. And wonderful."
Guilt still flared hot in my gut whenever I thought about it.
"At least you no longer have to worry about hurting her, right?" Alice said, crossing her legs.
"I hope not. Carlisle still has to assess my new wolf-strength."
"But she's stronger too, right? Less breakable?"
"Yes, but it's different. She started out as a human. Carlisle said there are subtle differences in our cellular structure. He thinks I'll be stronger. Faster. Until we know more, I'll still have to be careful."
Alice raised her eyebrows and smiled.
"What?" I asked.
"Oh, nothing."
"Alice ..."
"Seriously, nothing. I just think that Bella's a bit sick of you being careful with her, that's all."
"As in ..."
"As in, when you're able to ... you know ... do stuff, I'm pretty sure she's going to want you to be a little rough. Let yourself go for once."
"You had a vision?"
"Of you two getting busy? Ew. No. She told me."
"Ah. Well, believe me, I'd love to fulfill Bella's every sexual whim, but whenever we even get close to being intimate, my new body tortures me."
"Yeah, I know. I can hear you groaning halfway up the mountain. But the yoga's helping?"
"A little. It's a slow process."
"Want me to go through some routines with you? We could salute the sun. Seems appropriate."
Considering I was comfortable, warm, and relatively pain-free, I really didn't want to move, but I knew I should.
"Okay."
Alice and I stood side-by-side and went through several yoga routines, while I kept my groaning to a minimum. I had to admit, it was nice doing it outside in the sun. Forks didn't get a lot of this type of weather, so it was a pleasant change. Not sparkling was also a bonus. Really wouldn't miss that.
"What about your mind reading?" Alice asked as she bent at the waist, and I followed.
"What about it?"
"Do you miss it?"
She grabbed her ankles and placed her head on her knees effortlessly. I had zero chance of grabbing my ankles, so I dangled my arms as I bent like Quasimodo. My hamstrings cursed me out in several languages.
"Sometimes I miss reading thoughts," I said, straining to touch my toes. "Jasper challenged me to a game of chess yesterday. It was strange not knowing his every move."
"So he finally beat you?"
I managed to brush the tops of my feet. "Hell, no. I caned him as usual. I just had to strategize for once instead of relying on my gift."
"Oh, that must have been a strain."
"Surprisingly, yes. Although ..."
Alice reached up to the sky. "What?"
I mimicked her position and panted through the pain. "For the past few days I've been getting these ... feelings."
"Feelings?" She moved into a lunge.
I grunted and followed her. "Yeah, like, intuition about what someone's thinking. I don't know their exact thoughts, but I get a gut feeling about their general intent. It seems to be getting stronger."
Oh, God. My legs. Someone, please chop off my legs.
"Hmm. Interesting. Let's test it."
She stood. When I joined her, I creaked like a geriatric. I exhaled and stretched my aching back.
Ow.
"Can we test it while I'm collapsed on the grass?"
"I suppose."
"Great." I sank like a stone and lay flat on my back with my arms at my sides and my legs together.
Ah, sweet relief.
"So, I guess we're done with yoga?" she asked.
"Not at all. This is corpse position. It's my favorite. I can hold it for hours. Especially when I'm asleep."
"My talented brother. By the way, have I told you how jealous I am that you get to sleep?"
"Only every day."
"I can't wait to be able to do that."
"Eh, it's not everything it's cracked up to be."
"Really?"
"No, I'm lying to make you feel better. It's fantastic. I love it. Next to Isabella, food, and my family, it's my favorite thing in the whole world."
"Better than sex?"
"No. Sex was implied with 'Isabella.'"
In fact, just saying 'Isabella' made my dick ache. I needed her not be elsewhere any more.
I guess Alice saw me wince, because she sat near my feet and lifted one onto her lap.
"What are you doing?" I asked as I squinted at her.
"Giving you a foot massage. I heard Carlisle say something about your pain being related to nerve endings. You have a ton of nerve endings in your feet. Ergo, a massage might help."
She dug her thumbs into my instep, and I yelped and pulled my foot back.
"Oh, sorry," she said, suppressing a smile. "Painful?"
"Yes, very."
She laughed. "Liar."
"Okay, fine, it tickled. Shut up. You haven't been ticklish in God knows how long. You've forgotten how hideous it is."
"Suck it up, puny human. This is therapeutic."
I grit my teeth as she massaged. After a few minutes, my feet became a little less sensitized, and I began enjoying it. Kind of.
"So, let's test your new 'intuition', she said and squeezed my foot like a sponge.
"Okay."
"Tell me what I'm thinking about."
"Jasper."
She nodded. "Wow. You're good."
"Not really. I've lived with you for decades. You always think about Jasper. It was an easy educated guess."
"Fine. Let me make it harder."
She closed her eyes and inhaled before a smile spread across her face. The hair on the back of my neck prickled, and a mix of jealousy, annoyance, violence, and gratitude washed over me. It was very unpleasant.
I closed my eyes and concentrated. Shadowy images moved behind my eyelids. None of them were clear, but I got a strong sense of what Alice was thinking about.
I opened my eyes. "Jacob's coming?"
She nodded. "Yes! I just got a whiff of him on the breeze. He'll be here in a few minutes. Very good!"
"Not really. Jacob's coming."
"Aw, come on," she said. "Jacob's all right. And let's be honest, you do owe him your life. And Bella's."
"And that's supposed to make up for all the times he put his hands on her?"
"You weren't even around when they started dating."
"So?"
"So, he should have known she belonged to you two years before you even knew she existed?"
"Correct."
"You're a jealous freak. You know that, right?"
"Sadly, yes. Aren't you jealous when you think about all the things Jasper did with Maria?"
Her smile dropped and was replaced with a scowl. "Don't you dare mention that psychotic, manipulative, slutwhore's name in my presence."
"Who's the jealous freak now?"
"Shut up."
I laughed, and she dropped my foot and stood just as Jacob emerged from the line of trees to the north of the house.
"You're leaving?" I asked, a little pathetically. I didn't relish spending time alone with Jacob. Being grateful to him for providing the means for my change didn't make me want to beat him any less.
Alice rolled her eyes. "As much as I'd like to see you two duke it out over who's the most ridiculous Alpha, I need to go to the store with Esme. Between you and the wolves, she's having trouble keeping our pantry stocked. We've wiped out all the food in town, so we're heading to Port Angeles."
"Oh, could you pick up some Pop-tarts while you're there? I really want to try them. And Doritos. And since Bella's away, I need to know if Snickers really do satisfy."
"Stop being a slave to television advertisers. You know Esme won't let you eat that crap."
"I'm not going to make a habit out of it. I just want to see what they're like."
"Maybe in a few months when your system can cope with it."
"I can cope with it now."
"No."
"Dammit."
"You're adorable when you pout." She waved to the large man walking toward us. "Hey, Jake. Nice to see you."
I sat up and crossed my legs as Jacob stopped in front of me.
"Hey, Alice. You're leaving?" He seemed just as reluctant to be alone with me as I was with him. At least we had something in common.
"Yeah, stuff to do."
"Is Bella back yet?"
Just the sound of him saying her name made me itch to smack him.
"Not 'til tomorrow night," I said, clenching my hands. Every second without her made my anxiety increase.
"Well," Alice said brightly, "I have to go. But you two should talk a while. I mean, you're practically family now, right? Bonded by blood and all that."
She waved again and headed back to the house. Jake and I settled into an awkward silence. He cracked his knuckles. I rolled my neck.
"So," he said, gesturing to me. "You look much less cadaverous. The change worked, huh?"
"Yes." I was impressed he even knew the word 'cadaverous'. Maybe he wasn't as dumb as he looked.
I laughed to myself. I'd been inside his mind. He was exactly as dumb as he looked.
"How's it feel to be alive again?" he asked.
"So far so good."
"Did Carlisle use all of our blood?"
"Yes. There was a vomiting incident during the change that wasted a lot of it."
"Sounds gross."
"It was."
"But you're okay, now?" He sounded concerned. "I mean, you're not going to change back or anything?"
"No, I don't think so."
He nodded and dropped down onto the grass in front of me. "Good." He looked genuinely pleased.
"Jacob, I have to say, I'm touched that you seem so invested in my wellbeing."
He laughed. "Don't be. I'm just glad there's one less bloodsucker in the world. If I couldn't kill you, then I'm glad I could help turn you."
He seemed flippant, but he couldn't hide the tone of his thoughts. He was relieved, not for my sake, or even for the safety of humankind, but for Bella.
I was relieved for her, too. She was finally safe from me.
"So," he said as he picked at some grass, "Bella's off with her dad, huh?"
"Yes."
"Missing her?"
"You have no idea how much."
"Yeah, I guess not. What with your weird mating bond." The way he said it was both envious and melancholic.
"Sam tells me imprinting is very similar to our mating bond," I said. "Powerful and undeniable."
"Yeah, well, I wouldn't know."
"I'm sure you'll find out one day."
"Maybe. Whatever. It's not like I'm looking for anything right now."
I got the distinct impression he was definitely looking for something right now. Losing Bella had been a blow to his ego, and considering it was my fault, I felt sorry for him. The kid was lonely. He saw how much Bella and I meant to each other, and he wanted that. More than he was willing to admit.
I was about to placate him when there was a loud growl and a flash before I was slammed onto my back. The air rushed out of me as stone hands wrenched my head to the side to expose my neck.
"Stop!" Jake yelled when a cold tongue ran the length of my carotid artery. I barely had time to register shock or fear before sharp teeth sank into my neck.
...
...
...
Uh oh. This can't be good. Who on earth could be munching on our favourite ex-vamp?
Tune in next weekend to find out.
In the meantime, if you have a moment to let me know your thoughts, that would be all kinds of awesome. :)
Thanks so much for reading.
Kiya x
