Thursday morning
Ok, so it was a chicken move to text Sam that morning and say he couldn't give him a ride to school, but Blaine couldn't help it. And he wasn't really lying... He really did have to go in early to study for his math test, but over the night Blaine had sent himself into a frenzy. No matter how hard he tried to convince himself that everything was fine and he was overreacting, the anxiety in the pit of his stomach grew bigger. He wasn't ready to see Sam and face whatever was coming, because something was changing between them- Blaine knew that much. So yes, bailing on Sam that morning was a cowardly move, but Blaine felt a little less bad about it when Sam replied that it was ok and that Finn would pick him up.
Anyone looking at Blaine wouldn't notice anything different about him; his hair was perfectly gelled, his shirt tucked in and bow tie in place, but on the inside he felt completely different than he had a week ago. He was now a nervous wreck because he was scared of something happening to the relationship between him and the best friend he ever had, whom he was hopelessly and pathetically in love with. It was causing all kinds of turmoil inside his head. He kept himself in check, though, appearing to everyone else as his usual self. His act was spoiled at the end of Spanish class, however, when Sam grabbed Blaine's sleeve in his effort to make a hasty escape.
"Dude, can we talk?" he asked quietly.
"Um, I actually wanted to get to class early, you know, to go over my notes before the test."
"Ok well… Can we talk at lunch, please?" The pleading look in Sam's eyes was almost enough to make Blaine give in, but then the fear gripped him again and he just couldn't.
"I'm working on a group project for Government during lunch today…" he lied. Sam looked disappointed, but he was nice enough to let it go. Always so nice!
"Ok. Yeah, I guess I'll see you in glee club," he gave Blaine a pat on the back in goodbye and left, leaving Blaine feeling guilty, scared, and did he mention extremely guilty?
Lunch
Sam was sure Blaine was avoiding him, and he was worried that he had scared him somehow, crossed some kind of line. There Blaine was, telling him how he was specifically scared of the prospect of being with someone, and Sam couldn't keep his hands off him. Not only that, but Sam was still sure that Blaine was probably blaming himself for Sam's odd behavior, and all Sam wanted to do was tell him that that wasn't true and have him believe it. Since he didn't want to push Blaine or scare him more, however, he decided to be patient. They had to talk sometime, didn't they?
He may not be sure what his feelings for Blaine meant or why they started, but Sam did know that he had to let it out and talk about them before it ruined everything. And he did know that not seeing Blaine all day- not seeing his face brighten when Sam got in the car, not hearing his cheerful greeting, not being able to hug him- made him feel like a piece of him was missing, hollow. What did that mean? Did he love him, in that way? He had never felt this way about any of the girls he dated, and yet he thought he loved some of them… How was he supposed to figure out if he loved Blaine when he hadn't the slightest idea of what being in love actually was?
With a heavy heart Sam hung out with Tina, Mike, and Artie during lunch that day. He kept feeling Tina's steady gaze that made him think she knew that 'Blaine was working on a project' wasn't anywhere near the whole story. Tina was one of Blaine's good friends… What does Blaine talk to her about? Curiosity burned Sam's insides, but no, he had to be patient. It wouldn't be right to bug Tina for information, to make her tell him things that Blaine probably trusted her to keep private.
So lost he was in his head today that Sam was completely caught off guard when the bell rang and Tina suddenly gave him a hug and said quietly in his ear: "Open those big green eyes of yours. What you have happens once in a lifetime." Before Sam could form a response she took Mike's hand and walked away, quickly turning her head back to give him a wink and a smile.
Glee Club
"Alright who still has to perform? Puck, Lauren, Blaine, and Sam. Who's ready?" Mr. Shue asked.
Puck raised his hand. "My girl and I are doing a duet. I was thinking about how I had to woo her because she didn't return my feelings, at first. It really taught me how to treat a girl and get them to like you back, you know, treat them nice. Who knew? Being mean worked about 75% of the time for me."
There was a moment of stunned silence. The things that came out of Puck's mouth sometimes! Looking like he really didn't know how to respond to that, Mr. Shue just said, "Uh, ok Puck, Lauren… Let's hear it."
"Here's a little song by The Temptations," Puck said as he swung his guitar strap over his shoulder. "It's called 'Treat Her Like a Lady.'" He nodded to the band and the music started:
Ooh-Ooh-oh-oooh. Yeah baby! Whoa whoa Mmm..!
Now I'm the kind who don't believe that chivalry is dead, no.
Cause I believe a woman should be treated with the utmost respect- Mmm hmm
Don't be afraid. Don't turn and walk away I want to get to know ya, well
Don't be ashamed. Don't say that love's to blame
Just come and look me over
(Lauren: you'll have a heart) you'll have the heart that you've always been looking for
how could anybody ask for much more. Woo-hoo
Now I like opening doors
Pickin' up (yeah!) Her hanky (Yeah!) off the floor
Treat her like a lady (Treat her like a lady)
Light her cigarette if she smokes, even help her with her coat, well
Treat her like a lady (Treat her like a lady)
In this world of liberation it's so easy to forget, Mmm.
That it's so nice to have a man around, to lend a helping hand. you can bet, bet you can baby!
When I was young my mama used to say 'Boy
A woman's like a flower, with love on her you shower'
Ever since that day her words never went away
I always will remember to treat my baby tender
(You'll find a heart) You'll find a heart that you've always been looking for.
How can anybody ask for much more, whoa ooh-ooh…
Now I like opening doors
Pickin' up (Yeah!) Her hanky (Yeah!) off the floor
Light her cigarette if she smokes, even help her with her coat, ooh whoooa
Treat her like a lady (Treat her like a lady)
Compliment her on her hair, even help her with her chair
Treat her like a lady (Treat her like a lady)
Oooh whoa hey! Hey!
Ooh oh baby. Every day, every way
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
(You'll find a heart) You'll find a heart you've always been looking for
How could anybody ask for much more? Whoa-Whoa oh-ooh
Now I like opening doors
Pickin' up ( yeah!) Her hanky (Yeah!) Off the floor
Treat her like a lady (Treat her like a lady)
Light her cigarette if she smokes, even (help her with her coat) help her out
Treat her like a lady (Treat her like a lady)
Compliment her on her hair, even help her with her chair
Treat her like a lady (Treat her like a lady)
Now boy you should remember to be a gentleman. Treat her like a lady
(You better) treat her (well) treat her like, treat her like a lady
Treat her like a lady (Treat her like a lady)
Treat her like a lady. Hey-ey!...
Treat her like a lady (ooh-hop-oh my, my, treat her like a lady)
Being in the mood he was, Blaine found their performance irritating (they did all of their usual outrageous, and sometimes inappropriate, antics), especially the enthusiastic kiss they shared at the end while everyone whooped and applauded. Here he was, a complete mess, and everyone around him was still happy, going on with their lives like everything was normal.
Blaine and Sam both said they would be ready the next day, so Quinn went next. Just the bounce of her stupid high ponytail as she pranced to the front of the room reminded Blaine how much he really, really disliked her.
"I've been thinking a lot, and I decided to dedicate this song to Sam, who I let go too easily," Quinn said.
You've got to be kidding me, Blaine thought incredulously.
Quinn looked Sam straight in the eyes. "Sam, I realized I still love you, so I guess this song is just an apology, and I hope my love for you is not unrequited." She cleared her throat and the music started:
The One That got Away by Katy Perry
Summer after high school, when we first met
We'd make out in your mustang to Radiohead
And on my eighteenth birthday, we got matching tattoos
Used to steal your parents' liquor and climb to the roof
Talk about our future like we had a clue
Never planned that one day I'd be losing you
In another life, I would be your girl
We'd keep all our promises, be us against the world
In another life, I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away
The one that got away
I was June and you were my Johnny Cash
Never one without the other, we made a pact
Sometimes when I miss you I put those records on. Whoa
Someone said you had your tattoo removed
Saw you downtown singing the blues
It's time to face the music, I'm no longer your muse
But in another life, I would be your girl
We'd keep all our promises, be us against the world
In another life, I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away
The one that got away
The one, the one, the one
The one that got away
All this money can't buy me a time machine
Can't replace you with a million rings
I should have told you what you meant to me, cause now I pay the price
In another life, I would be your girl
We'd keep all our promises, be us against the world
In another life, I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away
The one that got away
The one, the one, the one
In another life, I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away
The one that got away
It was a very uncomfortable five minutes, and Blaine was on the edge of his seat the whole time, looking over to Sam every thirty seconds or so to see his reaction. His green eyes were on fire, his arms crossed tightly across his chest, and by the end his leg had started to shake. Blaine was worried about what would happen next- he had only seen Sam angry a couple of times, but it was enough to know that, when pushed enough, Sam had a real temper.
"Sam, I never stopped loving you. It just took me some time to realize it," Quinn started getting teary-eyed. Oh please! Blaine thought bitterly.
"Really?" Sam asked bitingly. "So this has nothing to do with the fact that, just last weekend, Finn dumped you to get back with Rachel?"
Blaine had only seen Sam this mad once before. This was not good, but Blaine just sat there like everyone else, frozen and wide-eyed, watching it play out.
"That's what made me realize I was wrong!" Quinn cried.
"But only until someone else catches your eye, right?" Sam shouted as he stood up, eyes bright and fists shaking.
"Whoa, whoa, guys, take it easy!" Mr. Shue interjected, but he may as well have been talking to a wall.
"What?" Quinn exclaimed. "No! Sam, what are you-"
"Oh, just shove it, Quinn!" Sam kicked his chair over so hard the leg broke off. "I'm. Not. Interested." He spat viciously as he stormed out. Forgetting completely that he was trying to avoid him and that everything was weird, Blaine got up and followed him as if they were attached by an invisible string. His only thought was that he had to go help him- it wasn't optional.
"I guess that's it for today," Mr. Shue said weakly as Blaine slammed the door shut behind him.
Xxxxx
All Sam could see was red as his body carried him to the locker room, of all places. He punched the locker with all the force he could, the rage in him craving some kind of outlet. Beneath the anger, though, he was more hurt than anything. He was tired of being used and humiliated in front of everyone, made to look stupid, as if he didn't do a bang up job of that all by himself. To this day he felt stupid for believing Quinn ever really liked him, not to mention falling for that damn gumball story. And then she had to go and do something like this?!
A gentle hand on his shoulder pulled him out of his racing thoughts and he turned around to see Blaine. Blaine! Sam hadn't realized just how much he missed him that day until that moment.
"Sam," he said, so tenderly and understanding that Sam couldn't help but collapse into him and hold on as if his life depended on it. He was so hurt and confused and tired and he needed his friend. Blaine held him tightly as his hands made soothing circles on Sam's back. Sam inhaled his scent, knotted his shirt in his hands. Blaine was here, right in his arms, telling him everything would be ok. And Sam believed that, as long as he had Blaine there, it was true.
"I'm sorry, Sam," he said into his neck and then stepped back, keeping his hands on Sam's arms. "I can't believe she had the nerve to do something like that," he said angrily.
Sam was as still as a statue as Blaine looked down and slowly started brushing up and down his arms with his fingertips. "She never loved you," he continued. "None of them did. That's not what love is supposed to feel like."
Sam focused on breathing regularly and eventually said, "I thought you didn't know what love feels like."
Blaine glanced up and looked back down as soon as Sam caught his eye. "Well, this week's assignment has made me think a lot about it," he said. The gentle pressure of Blaine's soft fingers was driving him crazy, sending shivers through him.
Sam caught Blaine's wrists in his hands and stepped closer. He wanted to kiss him, more than he ever wanted to kiss anyone, but Blaine had never been kissed before. His first kiss couldn't be like this, while Sam was all angry and confused and sad. Blaine must have seen the battle going on in Sam's eyes and misunderstood (again!) because he sighed sadly and stepped back, tugging his wrists away.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that," he whispered. Sam was sad to see shame and, more upsetting, fear in Blaine's nervous glances, as if Sam would hit him for comforting him. With a pang in his chest he realized that that was exactly what any other guy might do. He knew Blaine already thought he had somehow freaked Sam out in that way, and he wanted to explain how that wasn't the case, not even close!
"You didn't do anything. I'm just really confused and-"
"I know, and I shouldn't be confusing you more," Blaine said shamefully.
"No, that's not what I m-"
"Do you want a ride home?" Blaine asked suddenly, obviously trying to change the subject.
Sam sighed heavily. "Yeah, thanks."
He reminded himself to be patient, and he didn't like seeing Blaine so nervous and uncomfortable, anyway. It was like seeing the timid, lonely Blaine he had met a year and a half before.
They drove to Sam's house in silence, and only when Blaine parked did Sam decide to give it one last try.
"Do you want to hang out? I'm watching Stevie and Stacey because my parents are working the night shifts." Sam could see his hesitation and his heart sank.
"I should really so some homework and work on my song for tomorrow," he said.
"Oh, ok," Sam couldn't help but sound a little bummed. He needed to talk to him, dammit!
"Unless you need to me to stay," Blaine added quickly, eyes wide with concern. "Are you ok?"
"Yeah, I'll be ok. I just- I can't believe she did that out of the blue, like she suddenly remembered today that I existed!" Sam sighed.
"I'll stay if you need me. I'm always here if you need me," Blaine said quietly, blushing and looking away.
"I know that," Sam resisted the urge to grab his hand. "But no, it's ok. I'll see you tomorrow." He wanted nothing more than to say yes, but he had an idea- he would get through to Blaine eventually, one way or another.
Sam got out of the car and then leaned in through the window. "You're my best friend. You know that'll never change, right?" There, that was all he could say, for now.
Blaine looked bewildered, and Sam could swear he saw a little bit of relief on his face. Come on, how could he possibly think otherwise? Did he really not see how much Sam needed him, how much he meant to him?
"Thanks Sammy. Of course I know that," he said as he put the car in drive. Sam didn't think he believed it, though. "See you tomorrow. Call me if you need anything," Blaine emphasized and smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. It wasn't Sam's smile, the one he loved.
He drove away as Sam headed inside, his hands itching to grab his guitar and put his idea into motion- he already had a melody in his head. Unfortunately, his parents had to leave soon, so he would have to wait until his brother and sister fell asleep so he could concentrate.
Thursday night
After Stevie and Stacey passed out on the couch to Sam playing "Over the Rainbow," by Israel… something- Sam could never pronounce his last name- he laid in his bed and started strumming random chords on his guitar, thinking about Blaine. Yes, he thought about him a lot these days, but at the moment Sam was thinking about the first time he brought Blaine to his house for dinner. Always shy when meeting new people, Blaine was extremely nervous, but Sam's mom and dad treated him as nicely as they did Sam and his siblings, and Blaine seemed taken aback by this. Sam noticed the way his body tensed in surprise when his dad had given him a hug, and the bewildered look that he quickly covered up when Sam's mom grabbed his hand in comfort. It saddened Sam that he obviously wasn't used to these tiny gestures of affection, and Sam understood why when he met Blaine's parents shortly after that.
Mr. and Mrs. Anderson were stuck up, and the only affection they knew how to show was through money. They were never home, always working or on vacation or whatever, leaving Blaine to fend for himself alone in that house since he was twelve. In fact, the one time Sam remembered being as angry as he was today was the one time he met them for dinner. It had been awkward, to say the least, and Sam remembered feeling confused because that wasn't what family was supposed to feel like. Somehow the topic of Blaine switching schools had come up, and ever-so-casually Mr. Anderson said: "Well, now, we told Blaine over and over not to take that Ricky to the dance. Why draw attention to this phase he was going through? I told him I said, 'Son, I'm sorry you were hurt and everything, but you knew doing a homo thing like that would draw negative attention!'"
Sam doesn't remember exactly what he said. All he knew was that this man's casual attitude while saying something so wrong and heartless lit a spark in Sam, and then suddenly he couldn't control his yelling. He said his peace, looked at Blaine and said, "I'll see you Monday," and left with his adrenaline pumping.
Ever since then Sam gave Blaine as many hugs, pats, and squeezes as possible, as if he could make up for the years of it Blaine lost while he was alone. While cautious and shy at first, Blaine eventually got used to it, and giving him a big hug would draw out a smile, Sam's smile.
Sam tried to put words to what he was feeling as he got more lost in his memories, fingers still strumming. He remembered watching how Blaine's whole demeanor slowly changed as he spent more time with Sam's family. He wasn't tense like he was at school. His eyes would light up when he came over to Sam's small, untidy house to find his whole family there. When Sam's parents asked how he was doing, Blaine couldn't stop talking, and it took weeks of gentle chiding to get him to stop apologizing for rambling when this happened. Sam noticed how close Blaine became to Stevie and Stacey- he interacted with them like they were his best friends, turning into a big kid and cuddling them as much as possible. It pissed Sam off that his best friend's parents treated him as if he didn't exist most of the time, when it was obvious that Blaine had so much love bottled in his heart that he was willing to give in an instant when you let him. For God's sake, he offered to have Sam's whole family stay in his house when theirs was taken! (Of course Sam's dad politely declined, having too much pride to accept such a gesture.)
Sam played a melancholy tune as he thought about that, focusing on finding the right words to say what he was thinking, but then the music gradually became happier, more up tempo. After a few more minutes of freestyling, Sam was hit with a realization with such force that it took his breath away. He felt silly because it seemed so blatantly obvious: he finally understood what love was supposed to feel like, and it had been right in front of his face this whole time: love was how Sam felt just now, thinking about the past year and a half and his song turning into a happy ending. Love felt like holding Blaine close to comfort him when he finally talked about that terrible night. It felt like making Blaine's night by doing a simple favor like slow-dancing with him. It felt like the butterflies Sam got when Blaine did the tiniest things that showed how much he watched Sam and worried about him.
Love felt like spending time with Blaine, the one person who was always there for him; the one person Sam could be himself around because, as Blaine had said just the day before, he liked Sam for his everything.
Sam hastily grabbed a pen and paper and wrote his song until three in the morning with a manic determination. It needed to be perfect and it needed to be clear. Sam needed Blaine to understand this, even if he did deserve a lot better than him, Sam Evans, the guy who could barely read a chapter in his textbook and resorted to being an underage stripper a few months ago just to buy clothes! Regardless, Sam had to tell him how he felt or he thought he might burst with all of the nervous energy and new emotions filling his body.
Exhausted but satisfied, Sam finally fell asleep around four, with nothing but images and memories of Blaine dancing through his mind.
Xxxxx
Blaine went to bed around 11:30, feeling nervous about his performance the next day. He just hoped no one figured out who his song was about. As far as everyone in glee club knew, Blaine wasn't interested in finding anyone right now, and it's not like there were many options for him at McKinley anyway. His biggest fear was that if someone did figure it out, he would wreck him and Sam's friendship.
He got into bed to try and warm up- his house always felt cold. He wished Sam was there to hold him because he was always warm. Blaine felt a powerful longing and loneliness in his chest that made him want to cry. This house was too big and he didn't like being here alone. He wanted to hear Sam's laugh fill up the room and feel his energy light up the entire place and make it feel like somewhat of a home.
Blaine curled into a ball under his blanket, like he did when he was twelve, home alone, and still scared of thunderstorms. All he wanted then was his parents or big brother there to tell him everything was ok. Now here he was, alone and feeling hollow as he curled up the same way, only this time he wanted someone else there to comfort him: The someone that saved him and became his only true friend; the someone with happy green eyes and willing hugs and that does hundreds of ridiculous impressions; the someone Blaine loved so much it was almost unbearable.
