Pairing: Santino Marella/Michael McGillicutty
Prompt: N/A
Rating: E
Warning: None
Disclaimer: I don't own these Characters, I'm not making any money off of them, and this ISN'T true. It's made believe. Was watching Santino's Foreign Exchange and the by play between Michael and Santino was just too funny not to write anything about it. xD
"This is getting ridiculous. He's everywhere." Michael grumped as he looked around catering in a paranoid fashion.
"Why don't you just flatten him and be done with it?"
"Because it won't stop him. For some reason Santino wants to touch my beard. And no-one, I mean no one touches the beard."
Across from him Husky Harris rolled his eyes and put down the newest game magazine he'd been reading to reach across the table and tug lightly on the dark facial hair. With a smirk he sat back in his chair as if nothing happened and picked his magazine back up and opened to the page he'd been reading.
"Well that was easy."
Michael scowled and kicked his friend in the shin as he combed his fingers through the think, coarse hair. He had to come up with a way to get Santino to leave be; the man popped everywhere from catering to the men's bathroom and the whole thing was starting to creep Michael out. Even as lost in thought as Michael appeared to be he was to stop Santino with a slap to the hand; turning to face Santino with growl.
"No-one touches the beard."
"Ah, you sona-ma-gun. One day McGillicutties…hear my words, one day I will toucha your beard."
Pointing two fingers at his eyes and then back at Michael Santino backed his way out of Catering; leaving Michael and Husky alone again.
"That man has a man crush on you." Husky chortled as he stood; his magazine under his arm as he patted Michael on the shoulder.
"Knock it off."
He smacked Husky's hand away with a scowl; his mood turning darker as Husky laughed and left him alone. The salad that Michael had been nibbling on no longer appealed to him and with a sighed growl he threw it away and stalked towards the locker room to change. Even with his anger running high he kept looking over his shoulder ever few minutes just to make sure that Santino wasn't sneaking up on him. As he stripped out of his clothes and slipped into his ring gear Michaels eyes kept sweeping the area around in preparation of a sneak attack.
A hand landed on his shoulder as he was tying his boots and he jumped; tipping off the bench to land on the floor in an ungraceful heap. With a yelped growl he jumped to his feet and swung his hand wildly to block any hands that might have been coming towards his face.
"Whoa, whoa, slow down Perfect jr."
Michael flushed as he looked sheepishly at Heath; running his fingers through his short cropped hair and scuffing his feet against the sealed concrete flooring.
"Sorry man, I'm just a little jumpy."
"I can see that." Heath laughed as he started taping his wrists. "You look as nervous as a Turkey on Thanksgiving, naw'mean?"
Michael flushed darker as he rubbed his hands over his face in an exasperated manner. The blank look from Heath stated plainly that the redhead had wanted Michael to explain and he rolled his eyes as he rubbed at the back of his neck.
"It's….It's Santino..he keeps trying to touch my beard. He's stalking me."
"Well it some pretty rocking scruff, and if anyone would know about rocking scruff it's me, The One Man Southern Rock Band. But maybe take it to Vince? See what ol' Vinnie Mac will do about it?" It was Michael's turn to stare blankly and Heath colored as he laughed. "It was only a suggestion. How about you give 'Tino a taste of his own medicine?"
"What?"
"He wants to touch your beard, right?"
"Right."
"So try to touch his unibrow. After a few attempts he'll see how annoying it is and to have to keep telling someone 'No' and having them invade his personal space."
"But I don't want to touch Santino's unibrow." Michael stated with a scrunched face.
"You don't have to actually touch it, just pretend. Do you want him to stop bothering you?"
"Well…yes."
"Then touch the unibrow."
"But I don't want—"
"Touch it."
"But—"
"TOUCH IT."
"Fine." Michael breathed in defeat as he shook his head.
"I knew you'd see it my way. Good luck to you Perfect Jr." Heath laughed as he nodded his head to Michael and walked off.
Michael stayed in his spot as he tried to come up with a way to make Heath's plan work; his mind running over scenario aft scenario and rejecting them all. He wasn't going to stalk the man, that was for sure, he'd had enough of Santino popping out of nowhere to do it that he wasn't going to even try and come up with the imaginative ways to get into Santino's personal space. A shadow fell over Michael and he moved out of the way, striking out of habit and putting his finger right between Santino's eyes; touching the coarse, black, blushy hair of Santino's unibrow.
"Whatta you doing McGillicutties?"
"Touching your unibrow."
"Why?"
"Why do you want to touch my beard?"
"Because itsa so full and manly looking. Itsa just begging to touched."
Michael stood blinking in disbelief and Santino took advantage of the distraction and ran his finger over the beard quickly before dashing off hooting and hollering triumphantly. With a sigh Michael took his seat again; his mind still trying to come to terms with it all. A noise from his right brought his head up and he watched as Santino chased Heath down the hall.
"Hold up Slaters! I only want to feel your luscious fiery hairs."
"Get away from me you freak." Heath called out over his shoulder as he sprinted down the hall.
"I will get you Slaters. I got the McGillicutties and I'll get you too. This isn't over!" Santino bellowed as he followed, his hand outstretched and the fingers grasping as if he was near enough to tangle them in Heath's hair.
"TOUCH THE UNIBROW HEATH!" Michael yelled as he watched the two men disappear around the corner; mumbling to himself as he made his way to the gym, "I need a new job."
