Disclaimer: If one day i wake up and suddenly own Harry Potter, you will be the first to know

AN - This chapter is written from Sirius's point of view and is hopefully true to his character. I think it is, anyway - for his teenage self. The style is inspired by a book called 'Finding Cassie Crazy' by Jaqueline Moriarty (disclaimer - i don't obviously own this either) and i highly recommend it to anyone who loves a good laugh and a bit of intrigue (not to mention romance).

Hope you like this chapter :) enjoy!


Chapter 3 - A Serious Look At Sirius:

As Harry looked at the assortment of books, pieces of paper and random notes lined up in chronological order in front of him, he noticed that his parents had some how accumulated a lot of stuff from their friends. Namely Sirius and Lupin. The next bit of reading material seemed to be a page ripped from a muggle diary. Sirius's name was at the top of the page, which was dated late May. Harry, intrigued as he was by his godfather's playboy antics and nonchalant attitude, decided that this was definitely a piece of paper he had to read.

Journal of Self-Discovery:

Name: Sirius Black

Age: 16

Sex: Yes please

This journal is intended for personal uses only. It is guaranteed that by the time you finish this journal, you will know more about yourself than you ever thought possible! But don't take our word for it, (at which point Sirius had scrawled Don't worry, I don't take your word for it. Wouldn't take your word for anything - you're a friggen book!), by the time this journal is full, you will have completed your journey of self-discovery.

A few quick questions to begin the ride of your life!

What made you decide to purchase the Journal of Self-Discovery?

I didn't. What would make you think I would willingly spend my hard-earned galleons on some stupid, not to mention condescending, muggle hand book on 'self discovery'!? Seriously, why would you think that? Is it something I said? Who have you been talking to? Was it Peter - stupid little rat - he just wants to make himself look cool by comparison - don't listen to a word he says! Actually, I was given this 'journal of how to be a self-absorbed wanker' by my girlfriend on Valentine's Day.

What do you hope to achieve from writing this diary?

World peace… I don't hope to achieve anything - what can be gained from writing in a book, I ask you! No, I'm just waiting for Prongs to get back from Quidditch training. I'm in detention you see, and I'm waiting for him to get back from training and mirror me so I'm not bored out of my beautiful skull! So I'm writing in this to pass the time. Let me reiterate - it was the only spare parchment I had in my bag at the time - I had no choice!

So like I was saying, my stupid girlfriend gave this to me on Valentine's Day because she thought I was being 'distant' or 'aloof' or something. To be perfectly honest, I wasn't really listening to her reasons for giving me this absolute waste of space. I was too busy trying to remember why we were dating. As it turns out, I never remembered and I dumped her - I think it was the day after Valentine's. Anyone who buys you a journal or, dare I say it, a homework planner, as a gift does not deserve the time of day. Moony was awfully grumpy at me after that. Kept saying I had 'no tact' or something. Wasn't really listening to him either. I seem to remember that was the same weekend I hooked up with Elizabeth Prewett, so I was a bit distracted.

So, Mr/Miss I-Want-To-Know-More-About-Me, tell us about yourself:

That makes me sound conceited. I'm not conceited, just so you know. I am pretty selfless. Some of the time. Take full moons, for example. Me, Prongs and Wormtail all learned to become animagus to help ol' Moony - I think that pretty much clears me from conceit.

Actually, thinking about Valentine's Day - which was a fair while ago, might I add - we actually had a ball at school. It was a first and I think it's safe to say, a last, at Hogwarts. James was all moody and blue because Perfect Prefect Evans rejected him again. So us marauders decided we'd have a little fun. Mid-way through the ball, we transfigured the floor into jelly. Merlin it was funny! The whole sixth and seventh years sinking and covered in green jelly - classic! James's heart wasn't in it though, he couldn't even come up with a good enough excuse for McGonagall, which landed him (and, by extension, me) in detention.

What about your friends, what are their names?

Come to think of it, James has been acting strange for a while. At first I thought that it was the pressure of NEWTs but they aren't for a whole other year, and besides, Prongs doesn't stress about grades - he's naturally talented like me. So my next guess would be quidditch, but that doesn't fit either. We're on the top of the ladder, he's captain for Gryffindor and he has the best seeker in the school on his team (that's me, by the way. Feel free to bow down before me - I get it all the time). So I look at the only other thing he seems to think about these days, bar pulling pranks, and I arrive at Lily Evans. Prongs has been after her for years! I can't even remember when it started. But all I know is she's been rejecting him solidly for as long as I've known her. It's a bit harsh really. Why can't she just let him date her already? Because I seriously think that this is what's gotten him so down recently. I think it's more now to him than just her good looks (coz she is pretty hot) and the thrill of the chase. He says he's in love with her and I'm starting to believe him.

Is there a significant other in your life?

Now that you mention it… no. Well, would you look at that, I'm actually answering the questions that this stupid non-magical book is asking me. Has the world gone mad! Look, I've dated my fair share of girls. Perhaps a couple of other blokes fair shares as well, coz I've gone out with a lot of girls. But there's nothing wrong with that. Girls would accuse me of being a bit of a man-whore, as they day in the papers. But no, I disagree and would like to take this opportunity to defend my honour. Even if it is just to a book. I appreciate the opposite sex. I think they are lovely in pretty much every way (except for their gossiping, their lack of passion for quidditch, their need to travel in packs, etc). But for the most part I appreciate them. And let's look at things this way. They may think I'm being a 'player' or whatever, but really I'm just sharing the love. And they should be grateful. Who wouldn't want to go out with me? I'm a bloody heart-throb. Funny. Smart. A Prankster. Incredibly, nay, Unbelievably Good Looking. I'm doing them all a favour. There's plenty of Sirius to go around.

But there hasn't been a 'significant other' as they call it. I have the best friends in the world, though, so I think that makes up for it. Marauders forever!

Tell us about your likes and dislikes:

Well, I love love love quidditch - it's the world sport. I'm naturally gifted when it comes to transfiguration and charms. Not to mention DADA. I pretty much got all O's for my owls. I say pretty much coz History of Magic I got an E, but I even managed to fool the Divination examiner - just predict a soon-to-come gruesome death and you pass with flying colours. And, as previously mentioned, I like girls. Plus, I love full moons! I hate 'purists' of you can call them that. I hate my family and what they stand for. I hate the word mud-blood, and I want to hex those who say it to others into absolute oblivion. Above all, I hate Snivellus. He also goes by the names greasy, big-nose, loser, bat-face, stinky, loner, Severus Snape and a few others too rude to write down. He is the biggest prat in the entire universe. Thinking about him just makes my blood boil. Honestly, if he got hit by the killing curse tomorrow I wouldn't shed a tear. I have my reasons. Reason. That reason is my younger brother, who now falls under the category 'dislikes due to extreme stupidity in the face of danger in addition to disloyalty to own brother'. It's a pretty select category.

Where are you at the moment? Is this a special place for you?

If by 'special' you mean somewhere I spend more than half my time, then yes. I spend way too much time in detention, if you ask me. I think it's detrimental to my education. When I shared this theory with McGonagall, though, she just gave me one of her stares and that pretty much shut me up right away. Oh look, here comes James on my beautiful two-way mirror - joy of joys!

Sorry journal-of-complete-and-utter-wanky-rubbish, it's time I threw you in the bin!

This is the end of the first 'Getting to know yourself' chapter. Throughout the book you shall continue to analyse your flaws and weaknesses whilst learning to appreciate your attributes and skills. This journal will help you to unlock the secrets of your inner-self, so keep at it tiger - you're doing well!


Hope you liked it! Please review if you have time :)