Chapter 4 – Torn Away

Cullen was in a good mood. He had just spent the early afternoon with Ella under the dogwood tree. He always enjoyed her company, she made him laugh. Things were starting to be different between them. He started to notice a few things that never seemed important before. Like her hair, he had never really notice how pretty it was. The dark auburn color with the bronze highlights seemed to shine and glimmer in the sunlight. And her eyes, they were such an odd hazel color, sometimes they seemed more green some times they seemed gold, sometimes brown or a mix. All he knew was when he looked into them he didn't want to stop. They always seemed to shimmer when she looked at him. Just thinking about her looking at him made him blush. She had been his friend for almost 2 years now but something was changing. He never blushed before, never cared how he looked when he went to see her. He never noticed things like her hair or her eyes or how she smelled like apple blossoms. Why he had never noticed these things before escaped him. Now he could hardly wait for the next time he got to see her even though he had just seen her. The whole concept bewildered him, he felt like he was anxious all of the time. And the stuttering! That had started again, it went away for a while but now it was back. Sometimes she would just flash him a smile and he would try to say something and just couldn't get it out. She would laugh that musical magical laugh of hers and he would turn bright red. She seemed to enjoy his discomfort. He just did not understand it. He hurried to his next class, afterward he had promised Ella he would meet her in the garden after he got done. He rounded the corner on the way to the temple when he nearly bumped into the Knight-Commander.

"Uhhh excuse me S-s-sir," Cullen stuttered. He bowed his head and darted to the right of Greagoir.

"Cullen, just the person I was looking for." At hearing that Cullen froze in his tracks. What had he done to make the Knight-Commander look for him? All kinds of thoughts raced through his head. The one that he kept going back to was his time spent with Ella. He had heard some of the gossip regarding him and his friend. He had just ignore them, perhaps others had not.

"Looking for me Sir?" his voice cracked a bit. He started to feel slightly nauseous.

"Yes, come with me to my office." Greagoir started off down the hallway and motioned Cullen to follow him. Cullen took a deep breath and started to follow Greagoir down the hall. He wanted to turn around and run away. He had been to Greagoir's office before, many times but he was always sent there by his instructors. He never had the Knight-Commander come look for him. They arrived at Greagoir's office after a short walk. Cullen sat in one of the chairs across from the desk. The dread he felt was tying his stomach in knots. Greagoir sat down in his chair and looked at him. The look he gave him caused Cullen even more confusion. The look was not one of frustration or anger, it was one of sadness and regret.

"So, I hear from your instructors that you have been doing exceptionally well," Greagoir commented. "One of the more talented students they say."

"Thank you Sir," a nervous Cullen responded. Greagoir shifted in his chair as if he was uncomfortable. He cleared his throat and proceeded to talk.

"We feel that the tower might not be the right place for you. I don't think you are challenged enough here, too many distractions." At those words Cullen snapped to attention.

"I am not distracted Sir, I've manage to keep my grades up and I have performed the duties asked of me." Cullen did not like where this conversation was going, not one bit. He knew what the 'distraction' was the Knight-Commander was referring to, Ella.

"Oh I'm not saying you are performing poorly, I'm saying I believe you could be much better… perhaps one of the best Templars we have," countered Greagior. "I've spoken with my contacts about you…" he paused and looked at the boy. He could tell that Cullen was not stupid and he suspected that he knew where this conversation was leading. Greagoir thought it best to just tell him.

"You've been accepted into the Denerim Academy." Greagoir managed a smile. "You'll be finishing your training there!" He tried to sound excited like it was a reward not an exile. Cullen just stood there as if he was trying to understand what was told to him. His eyes got real wide and he looked a bit ill.

"I'm leaving the tower Sir? When?" Cullen felt as though he was going to throw up. Leaving his home… leaving Ella.

"Tonight, a group of senior templars are heading to Denerim for training, you will be accompanying them." Greagoir felt sorry for his son, he could tell by the look on his face this was probably the worse thing that has happened to him. Cullen's mind raced. How could he leave tonight? He had to find Ella, he had to tell her before he was gone. He knew there was no way to get out of this. He felt sick and hopeless. He had gone from the happiest he has ever been to the worst he has ever felt in his life.

He looked at Greagoir and swallowed hard. "What time Sir? I would like to pack and say goodbye to my friends." Cullen had a look of complete defeat on his face. He felt if he objected the Knight-Commander would find some way to punish Ella… as much as he did not want to leave he did not want Ella in trouble.

"A couple hours, maybe three," replied Greagoir. "If you have things to do, I would suggest you take care of them now." Cullen nodded and mumbled thank you for the opportunity and sullenly headed to his room to pack. Greagoir watched him go and he felt terrible. It was for the best he told himself, but he didn't believe it. The Academy had a way of changing people and not for the better. The next time he saw his son he knew he would be different, not the carefree boy he was sending away today.

Cullen walked to his room and began to pack. He only had a few belongings that he would take. He had no need for many clothes, he knew there would be uniforms waiting for him. He reached under his bed and pulled out a small folded cloth. It was a handkerchief of Ella's. She had embroidered it with tiny flowers in the corners. She had used it to carry apple blossoms in to make a potion. Cullen raised the cloth to his nose and smiled, it still smelled like the apple blossoms… like her. He folded it into a smaller square and tucked it in his small bag. He would not leave that, it is probably the only thing he will be able to hide at the Academy that would remind him of her. Cullen knew Ella would be heading to the garden soon. He decided it best to go there and wait for her. He sighed and grabbed his pack. He left his room and started down the hallway to the kitchen area. At the end of the hallway was a door that led outside to the winding path to the garden. He walked like a dead man to the garden. He was numb, all he could think about was not seeing Ella anymore. He felt his throat tighten and his eyes start to burn. He wanted to cry but he couldn't. He didn't want to be a mess when Ella arrived. He reached the garden and found the thin area of the hedge by the hole and crept in. The garden was beautiful as always, Ella's garden. He had spent some of the best moments of his life in this garden. It was his favorite place to be.

He took a seat under the wisteria tree on the stone bench. He started to think about things more, about his sudden trip to Denerim, about lots of things. The more he thought about it, the more angry he got. They were sending him away because of his friendship with Ella. That had to be the only reason. Sure he was at or near the top of his class but he had never heard of anyone specifically being sent to the Academy like this. Especially not rushed like this and leaving in the evening. He didn't choose to be a ward of the Chantry and he sure didn't choose to be a templar. He didn't believe all the nonsense they were telling him about the evilness of mages. Ella was not evil. She would never hurt anyone and she wouldn't turn into an abomination, she was too smart. If they would stop thinking every mage was bad they might realize they were people too. The anger he felt so strongly moments ago was being replaced by the heavy weight of sadness. He vowed at that moment to finish the training as quickly as he could so he could come back here, to Ella. He had waited in the garden almost an hour before he saw the hedge shimmer and shake. She was here, finally she was here. His heart leapt and then the realization that he was here to say goodbye set in and he felt as if a part of him was dying.

Ella stepped through the hedge, she was carrying two muffins she must have acquired from Gwen the cook's helper. She was always trading apples for items, it was like Ella's own currency. The apple tree she had started for Cullen almost a year and a half ago was full size now and producing more apples than Ella knew what to do with. It always had apples whether it was in season for the fruit or not. Cullen smiled a sad smile at the thought of Ella and her apples. He watched her as she pull at the ends of her robes twisted in the hedge and she turned and smiled at him. He felt his heart break.

"Look at what I managed to get!" she said triumphantly. "It cost me nearly a dozen apples but they are worth it. Blueberry muffins, your favorite! She hurried across the bridge toward him with her bounty. It wasn't until she got closer to him she sensed something was wrong. Ella's smile quickly turned into a look of concern as she neared the shade of the tree.

"Cullen? What's wrong? Some thing happened didn't it?" Ella was starting to feel anxious. She had never seen that look on Cullen's face, she had never seen that kind of sadness in his eyes. He just stood there, looking at her, he tried to open his mouth to speak but no words would come out.

"Cullen?!" Ella dropped the muffins on the ground and moved to him taking his hands in hers. 'Please Cullen tell me, tell me what is wrong." Cullen looked down, not able to look in her eyes anymore. He couldn't stand to see that look of desperation and fear in her eyes. He had to tell her, he didn't have much time before he had to go.

"They are sending me away Ella." Cullen managed to choke the words out. "They are sending me to the Academy in Denerim." Ella gasped and flung her arms around Cullen's neck. She held him as tight as she could, Cullen wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair.

"No! They can't… they can't send you away. They just can't," she sobbed holding on to him. Cullen felt his eyes start to burn as tears started to flow onto his cheeks. He held her close, her body shook with each sob she took. He felt like he had to comfort her some how, to try to ease the pain she was feeling right now.

"We're going to be alright Ella. I will be back here before you know it," he murmured into her ear. It didn't seem to offer much comfort. She held on to him tight, not letting go. "Please Ella, please don't cry." Cullen said, his own voice heavy with grief.

"How… how can I not," whispered Ella in a choked voice. "They are taking you away from me, I may never see you again." The thought of never seeing Cullen again caused Ella's heart to tear. The thought of being alone in the tower without Cullen was unbearable for her. He was the one person that cared for her, the one person she looked forward to seeing every day. Cullen shook his head and pulled away from her enough to look into her eyes.

"No one can take me away from you. They make me leave the tower for a time but they can never make me stop caring for you. They can't make me forget all of the good times we have had together here." Cullen reached his hand up and brushed the tear soaked hair out of Ella's eyes. He gently grabbed the sides of her face and made her look into his eyes.

"Listen to me Ella, I will never stop caring for you. There won't be a day that I'm away that I won't think of you . I will be back." Cullen said those words with such determination that Ella stopped crying and could only just look at him. Cullen reached up behind his neck and unfastened his templar recruit necklace and placed it around Ella's neck.

"I want you to take this to remember me by, I know it's not much but keep it close to your heart and think of me." Cullen reached up and stroked Ella's cheek, he bent down and gave her the faintest kiss on the forehead. Ella closed her eyes, she clenched the necklace in her fist and leaned into his chest. Where Cullen's lips had touched her forehead it tingled and she suddenly felt very calm. They just stood there for several more minutes just holding each other. Cullen was the first to speak.

"I have to go, they will be looking for me now." He stroked the back of her hair as she rested her head on his chest. Ella felt numb, tired and calm. Apart of her had felt as if she should be screaming and crying, pulling at her hair… all of that went away when Cullen's lips touched her forehead. From that moment she felt different, more calm and rational.

"I know… I don't want you to leave but I know you have to," Ella reached up to touch his face, he cupped her hand in his and kissed her hand. Again she felt a wave of calmness come over her, like a warm breeze. Cullen looked at her intently like he wanted to do something but was not sure he should. He slowly reached his hand up and cupped her chin. He bent down and kissed her on the lips. Time seemed to stop for Ella, frozen at this moment. Her first kiss with Cullen, it was everything she had imagined it would be and more. It was so soft and gentle yet there was determination behind it. Warmth raced through her body, she was aware of everything and nothing at the same time. When Cullen broke the kiss she could do nothing but stand there and stare at him in bewilderment. He looked into her eyes before reaching for his bag and turned to walk toward the bridge. Ella reached her hands up to touch her lips, they felt like they were burning and tingling at the same time. She was speechless, she didn't know what to say or if she should say anything at all. She saw him reach the hedge border of the garden. Her heart urged her on.

"Cullen!" she called after him. He stopped and turned to her. He eyes searching hers. Ella took a deep breath, "I love you." He stared at her for a moment then smiled wistfully.

"I love you too." He turned and ducked between the hedge and the wall. Even though he was being sent to Denerim he found himself happy. He knew she loved him and she would be here for him when he got back. That was all he needed.