Dream Painter, I cant explain how grateful I am to hear you say that…. I turn 18 next month and even though you may think I'm brave….do me a favor and don't follow in my footsteps…. And if you like…I dedicate this one to you… this is a teeny bit lighter than the others…

I woke in a blank room, bank colorless walls, a neatly made bed to my right, and to my left was a big wooden door with a tiny glass window. (A/N anything in Italics is one of Charlie's memories. However if its bold and Italicized it's either one of Bella's thoughts, or flashbacks. Kthnx) Heaven, this must be it. Pretty disappointing actually…I expected more. But wait, where's daddy? Are the stories true? Do suicides REALLY go to hell? But I committed suicide…is this hell instead? Was I wrong? Wait the door…Maybe on the other side? I reached for the small handle when I noticed the thick white bandages on my arms. I wasn't dead…this I was sure, somehow I was alive…and back in my own personal hell. Personally I would prefer the real hell than being here, alive.

But where is here? I reached for the door again only to have it opened for me. A man with thick black hair and a big pointy nose stood in front of me with a long white coat. He was so pale I almost laughed, he looked exactly like your stereotypical Dracula. I pondered if he had fangs jutted up in his jaw somewhere. "I see you're up, Bella. I'm Dr. Pain (A/N that really was his name) Let's sit on your bed for a moment. I need to check your arms." I didn't like him touching me but he was polite enough to talk while he worked. Apparently after I "Died" Christine found me as a Fallen Angel, and called for help.

I felt like this was where I should have cried but for some reason…I couldn't. Since Dr. Pain kept talking I assume the pain never reached my face when I realized it wasn't dads voice I heard…but Christine's. Was there really no hope for the likes of me? I couldn't save his life…and now I wasn't even capable of ending my own? What was wrong with me? He told me that I was hospitalized and was "asleep" for three days before I was brought here…to Mid-Missouri Psychiatric hospital for observation. He said the rules are very simple

All my belongings would be returned to me on the day of my dispatch or until I was removed from suicide observation. Meaning I was to wear hospital approved clothes meaning the t-shirt I wore, my undies, and pants. No bra.

If I wanted to use the restroom I had to ask for permission.

I wasn't allowed my cigarettes

And I was to follow my appointed schedule.

A simple rule of course except for its cold…and for a girl without a bra in a tight shirt is never good. I have trust issues and I DESPISE asking for anything…no cigarettes? I am in HELL.

For the first two days I refused to come out of my room except for using the bathrooms…I refused to even eat. Turns out I had a room mate named Bridgett who told me this place wasn't so bad. She said this was her third time here, that if I cooperated they would let me out in a few days. She told me she has attempted suicide nine times and that they kept sending her here.

So I began cooperating, I took the damn medicine that made me walk around half lethargic; I took part in the groups… I did everything. On the outside I appeared to be mending. However on the inside I was planning my next attempt…This time it wouldn't just be an attempt…I was going to succeed. I didn't partake in any of the conversations I was just there…They blamed it on the medicine. I didn't care. I smiled, I laughed, I was a happy teenage girl…whatever it took to get the hell out of here faster.

So the next challenge….How do I make daddies Fallen Angel die even more beautifully?

I stood by as I watched Renee push my Angel on the swings, her fire red hair swirled around her face…stirred by the wind. She slipped and flew landing on her face and as Renee and I rushed to her to make sure she was okay, she sat up laughing. She was bleeding from a cut on her cheek but she was laughing. Her smile curled from ear to ear as she laughed, the beautiful smile sounding like a running creek…better yet…a mockingbird. Oh, my little Angel…this is my promise. I will do ANYTHING to see you smile like that again.

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