Ha! I found my notes/chapters! It was under my brother's bed (still no clue how it got there). Soo... Turns out I wrote Merlin a lot less BAMF than I had him last chapter, and I could rewrite this to incorporate that, but I wanted a really angsty, H/C fic here, so with that in mind, Merlin has to be a bit less BAMF. Dang. Well, for plot reasons, shall we say he was only so self confident and powerful in himself because his mother's life was in danger, and now that she is safe, all his old fears came rushing back in? Yes? No? Too bad, that's what I'm going with. Enjoy!


The young Pendragon was trudging back to Camelot, looking every inch as defeated as he felt. Looking for Merlin throughout all of Albion would be pointless, and the king was greatly disheartened, wondering what he even could say, should he find the missing servant-sorcerer. He was lost in his musings when a shadow, far too large to be that of any bird, passed over him, and the king gaped in shock as the dragon who was supposed to be dead flew overhead, seeming to be coming in for a landing. It took a moment, as Arthur was struck with yet another stab of betrayal from Merlin, before he took off after the beast. It would seem it had been even harder to kill than it had seemed last time, but Arthur knew he couldn't leave it to its own devices. Who knew how many innocents it would incinerate and devour?

Fortunately, it landed a mere quarter mile away from where it had flown over the king, touching ground in a small clearing uncomfortably close to Camelot. As Arthur caught his breath, hidden in the trees just on the outskirts of the clearing, he only just stopped himself from letting out a yelp of surprise. There, right in the center of the clearing, pacing anxiously, stood his missing servant. The king clapped a gloved hand over his own mouth to keep from crying out when the beast spoke.

"I trust you will now explain why you summoned me in such a hurry that evening? What is it you have done now, Merlin?" He knows his name. Why does the dragon know Merlin's name? Arthur wondered if there were any way his life could be turned upside down any further than it already had been in the past 72 hours.

Meanwhile, Merlin was struggling against a wave, no, not a wave, a tidal wave of panic, and at Kilgarrah's query, he snapped. Trembling head to toe in fear and uncontrolled panic, he gasped, "Arthur... knows... He knows, Kilgarrah! He saw me with his own eyes, performing magic!" The dragon managed to raise a brow in a manner disturbingly similar to Gaius' own Death Glare of Doom, and replied, "Why are you fleeing him? Has he decided to have you executed?"

"How could he do anything else? I saw the look on his face... he will never forgive me. Not for this..."

"What is there to forgive, young warlock? You have saved and protected Arthur, his queen, and his entire kingdom times beyond count."

Merlin was shaking his head in sorrow. "He won't see it like that. In his eyes, I am now only an evil, a curse upon his land, seeking to kill him or steal his kingdom. Even if his attitude toward magic was more friendly, I have been lying to him for years! How could he ever forgive me? How could he ever trust me again, or even stand being in the same room as me?"

The dragon looked skeptical, and disappointed at something that escaped both men within eyesight, but surprisingly changed the subject slightly. "What then do you want of me, young warlock? Will you abandon Camelot now, leaving it helpless and vulnerable to any attack of a magical nature?"

Merlin shook his head once more, looking pale but resigned. "That is part of the reason I have summoned you, my friend. I wish to place a protective enchantment over all of Camelot, so they will be safe even if I should perish. I have the knowledge of such a spell, and the raw power needed, but I need an anchor. The likelihood of me surviving much longer is slim, and if I tie the enchantment to you, the protection will remain, and not die with me."

Kilgarrah spent several long moments gazing at the incredible young man standing before him, so willing to die for his imagined crimes against his best friend, now that his mother was safely out of Camelot's reach. Finally, the creature nodded. "Very well. Do what you must, Merlin, but know that I do not agree with your assessment of the young Pendragon."

He cocked his head slightly then, and asked, "Where will you go, young warlock?" Merlin smiled sadly. "There are many empty caves beyond the outskirts of the city. I will dwell in them for as long as I remain alive. At least if I am nearby, perhaps I could still see Gaius when he comes out to gather herbs..." he paused, regaining what little composure he could dredge up, and then continued. "I will also be nearby should Morgana launch an attack before my time."

Solemnly, the dragon replied, "It could mean your life, Merlin."

His eyes shining suddenly with a surety, passion, and drive that had been absent since he had caught sight of his king gazing at him in shock and betrayal several days ago, the warlock replied fervently. "If by my life, or death, I can aid Arthur in any way, I shall. His life is worth a hundred of mine, and I would gladly give my life that his may remain."

Arthur, still hiding in the trees, discovered that, yes, his life could indeed be upturned even more. He physically stumbled upon hearing such a sincere pledge of loyalty from one who had every reason to only hate and fear him, and the young king suddenly realized that no matter what Merlin was, he was no traitor. He watched numbly as Merlin bade the dragon farewell, swearing to activate the protection spell the moment he believed himself in danger.

Merlin then turned and traveled a short distance until he was nearly within sight of the main gates of the city, but remained within the cover of the forest until he found what he was looking for, a small cave that was well hidden and yet within a fifteen minute sprint to the castle. He gathered a few small, dry sticks that would give off very little smoke, that could be concealed by the rapidly arriving darkness of night, and built a small fire just outside the mouth of the cave. Scarcely had the man seated himself near to the fire, than the stress and fear of the last several days came washing over him with a vengeance, and he collapsed from exhaustion, entirely unaware of the golden-haired king watching him from a short distance away.