A storm was raging, both outside and in Yuuya's mind, which meant he didn't sleep at all the rest of the night. By morning, he was even more exhausted than he had been the night before. But he didn't dare stay in bed. If he did, he might fall asleep again, and... He wouldn't let that happen. He forced himself up and stumbled out to the kitchen.
Leone was sitting in his customary spot, smoking his morning cigar. "Morning, kid. Looks like the Party has another real mission for you."
Yuuya's eyes widened in terror. Another one?
Leone took note of his panicked expression. "Relax, kid. It's just a search and rescue. Though I can understand if you want to sit this one out. I can tell them you're sick.
Just a search a rescue. Just like the last one was just information retrieval. Yuuya shook his head. "No, I'm... I can do it. It's fine."
Leone looked concerned. "Are you sure?"
Yuuya nodded absently and went to pour himself some coffee and grab some toast. He sat down across from Leone and forced himself to eat. It all tasted like dirt.
Leone studied Yuuya's face for a moment before saying, "I promise you, Sakazaki, it gets easier each time."
"...I don't want it to get easier," Yuuya mumbled.
"Yuuya..."
"I don't want it to get easier!" Yuuya shouted. "I don't want to ever get to the point where I don't care if I kill someone. These are people's lives! They have families, aspirations, people who will miss them when they're gone. I can't just forget that, I can't..." Yuuya started crying again. "Even if I have nightmares like that every night for the rest of my life. I can't ever forget..."
Leone handed him a napkin to wipe his eyes and blow his nose. "If you stay with the Dove Party, there will likely be more times where you'll have to kill someone to protect yourself or to protect someone else. Are you sure this is the life you want?"
"I never said... I never said I wouldn't do it. Just... you can't expect me to ever think nothing about taking someone's life. I'll do it if I have to, but..." Tears started to well in his eyes again.
Leone sighed. "I'll just tell them you can't come today."
"No!" Yuuya jumped up and ran to the door to put on his shoes. "I said I was going, so I'm going." I can't let the Party think I'm useless. If I'm useless, they'll send me back.
Leone shook his head and followed the boy out the door.
On the way over, Leone briefed Yuuya on the mission. "The son of a valuable Dove Party asset has gone missing. The father returned last night and found a note from the boy, so it's assumed that he ran away rather than was abducted. Still, the son hasn't returned, and the area around the home can be dangerous, especially for an eight-year-old in the middle of a storm. The local authorities were not informed, as we do not want even the slightest chance of a leak to a Hawk Party member, as obtaining the son may give them the leverage they need against the father. The boy's name is Christophe... Sakazaki, are you even listening?"
Yuuya was staring out the window at the rain, apparently lost to the world. "Kid lost in the woods. Find him before the Hawks. Christophe."
Leone wasn't completely satisfied with Yuuya's response, but didn't push it further. When they got to the house, he told Yuuya to start the search while he went and talked with the father. Yuuya took an umbrella and a backpack and headed out to the forest on the property's border.
"Christophe!" he shouted, but the only thing he heard in response was the rain.
"Christophe!" He climbed up a muddy embankment to get to higher ground. It was miserable out here, but at least he was doing something. If he had stayed at the apartment with nothing to distract his thoughts...
"Christophe!" He had to find this kid. He had to save him. He knew it was the only way to save Yuuya himself. If he couldn't find him, if he died because Yuuya had failed...
Yuuya's eyes started welling with tears. "Christophe!"
This time, Yuuya thought he heard something. "Christophe?" There! It was definitely a whimper, coming from an outcropping of rocks. Yuuya rushed over. "Christophe! Are you there?" There was a hole half hidden among the rocks. It was a little too narrow for Yuuya to fit through, but an eight-year-old... He took a flashlight out of the backpack and shined it in the hole. A pair of terrified eyes shined back. "Christophe! Your name is Christophe, right? My name is Yuuya. I'm going to get you out, okay?"
"I can't swim," Christophe whimpered. It was then that Yuuya realized that the cavern was flooded with water from the storm. And the water level was rising.
"That's okay! Just give me your hand, and I'll pull you out. You don't need to know how to swim to do that, right?"
Christophe started crying. "I can't! I can't go back! Papa will hate me!"
Yuuya started to panic. "That's not true! Your papa was the one that asked my friend and me to come and find you. He wants to see you again, Christophe."
"But I broke Maman!"
"...What?"
"The urn with Maman's ashes. I didn't mean to, I was just playing and..." his crying turned to sobs. "Papa will be so angry! He already gets mad at me because of my grades and because I bother him when he's working. I'm such a disappointment, and he'll never forgive me... If I just stay here, if I just disappear, it'll be better for everyone."
"Christophe, listen to me. You made a mistake. You made a terrible mistake that you can never take back, but if you don't take my hand, it'll be the last mistake you ever make. You'll never get a chance to make up for it. You need to live, Christophe. Live so that you can do good things that make up for all the bad things you've done, live so that you can be with the people that love you, live so you can be happy.' Yuuya realized he was crying himself now. "I know it's scary, Christophe. I know it's hard. But if you give up now, you'll miss all the times when life is truly beautiful. You have to keep fighting, keep moving forward past all the bad times so you can live through the good times. So please, Christophe, take my hand!" Yuuya thrust his arm as far as he could down the hole.
Christophe hesitated, but then reached his hand out and took Yuuya's. Yuuya pulled him up as fast as he could and immediately wrapped his arms around him. The boy was ice cold. Yuuya took a thermal blanket out of his backpack and wrapped it around Christophe, then pulled him into his lap and hugged him close. Yuuya stayed like that for a while, trying to warm the boy up and trying to decompress his emotions. When he felt calm enough, he pulled out his phone and called Leone.
After just one ring, "Did you find something?" boomed on the other end of the line.
Yuuya smiled. "I found him. I found Christophe. He might have hypothermia, but I think he's okay."
"Do you think you can bring him back on your own?"
"Yeah, I think so. I'm headed back now. I'll call if I run into complications. See you soon." Yuuya put the phone away and ruffled Christophe's hair. "We're going home now, okay Christophe?"
"Okay..."
Yuuya had Christophe put his arms around his neck so that Yuuya could give him a piggyback ride through the woods. When they made it out of the tree line and on to Christophe's property, Yuuya saw a man run up to greet them. Yuuya's eyes widened when he realized who he was.
"Christophe!" The man shouted.
"Papa!" Yuuya felt Christophe squirming against his back. Yuuya let him down, and the boy stumbled over to his father. The man scooped him up and held him close.
The man turned to Yuuya. "Thank you so much, young man. You can't possibly know how grateful I am to you."
Yuuya blushed. "Y-yeah, no problem. What kind of person would I be if I ignored a scared little kid in the woods?"
The man smiled. "Thank you again." He turned his attention to the boy in his arms. "Let's go home, Christophe." He then turned and walked toward the house. Leone came up beside Yuuya and they watched as father and son disappeared behind their front door.
"That man..." Yuuya started.
"His name is Pierre Moreau. He's the diplomat you saved last night."
Yuuya turned pale. "But then, if I hadn't killed Dubois..."
Leone closed his eyes "If you hadn't shot him, Moreau would have never made it home, no one would have noticed Christophe's absence, and you'd have two deaths on your hands instead of just one."
Yuuya felt like he couldn't breath. "But... I killed someone. How can that even have any effect on saving a little kid?"
"That's the beauty of the Dove Party, kid. We're a bright and massive beacon for good, even when you have to do terrible things. That's why you have to step back and look at the big picture. Even if you have to do something horrible today, it'll lay the groundwork for something wondrous, something that will make the world a much better place.."
"But if you do something terrible and nothing good comes of it?"
"It's just something you have to believe in. You have to keep pushing forward with the hope that tomorrow will be better. And if tomorrow is worse, you just keeping moving on to the next tomorrow. It's only when you stand still that you'll find yourself trapped. If you stop trying, the weight of all your unredeemed sins will drag you down, and you'll never see the fruits of your efforts again. And that's why we chase after the light until the day we die."
Yuuya shuddered. If I hadn't smashed the egg, Sakuya would be... But he told himself that all the time, and yet the guilt still haunted him. It wasn't a fair enough trade. But with Christophe... Yuuya's eyes filled with tears. He wasn't going to have another nightmare about Dubois, he could feel it. He turned to Leone and wrapped his arms around him, burying his face in Leone's shirt. "Thank you," Yuuya choked out. "Thank you for letting me save Christophe... For everything."
Leone was shocked. This was the first time in the year he had known him that Yuuya had ever hugged Leone, and he certainly never thanked him for anything. Leone sighed and rubbed the boy's back. "Let's go home, kid. I think we could both go for some hot cocoa right now."
That night, Yuuya was visited once more. He wandered out into the living room and saw him. The bloody child. He hesitated, wanting nothing more than to run away, but he stood his ground. "I'm… sorry. I know that saying that doesn't mean much, and that nothing I do now will ever make up for what I did to you. But I'll never give up on trying. I'll never give up on saving people, on making the world a better place, so that no one has to suffer like you did. I'll never give up on making it up to you, until the day I die. And when that day comes, I hope… I hope that you can finally forgive me. So please, watch over me until then."
The child said nothing. Instead, it withdrew a bundle of flowers from behind its back and offered them to Yuuya. There were three: gooseberry, forget-me-not, and chestnut. Yuuya's mother had taught him all about the language of flowers, so he knew their meaning. I look forward to it. Do me justice, and never forget me.
Yuuya accepted the flowers. "I understand. I promise, I won't let you down."
Yuuya's alarm clock went off, shattering the dream instantly. He smacked the off button and almost knocked off a vase that wasn't on his bedside table the night before. Pink and yellow flowers were in the vase, and a note in Leone's handwriting was next to it. "Found this outside the door. Had your name on it."
Christophe or his father must have sent them as a thank you for the day before, Yuuya thought. But as his drowsiness began to fade away, he realized that there was no reason why the Moreaus would know where he lived. But who else would send him flowers?
He took a closer look, and then froze when he recognized the type of flowers that were in the vase. Pink plum blossoms and yellow rue, flowers associated with promises and regret. Remember your promise, or you'll regret it.
Yuuya pulled his teddy bear out and hugged it close, trying not to hyperventilate. "I promise…" he whispered, "I promise, I promise, I promise…"
