As a man who appreciates the finer things in life like a good bottle of wine, caviar sandwiches and pornography that has been shot in black and white, I - Dean Learner- know quality. The first time I read the words of Garth Marenghi, and this really happened, I thought to myself, "This man is going to be able to crank out a thousand more novels just like this with almost no effort". I always knew that Garth had a gift for writing. He writes very, very fast. He also types quite fast which is a boon in his industry.
Most people can't handle the demands of writing, directing and staring in a television show but, Garth was more than up to the task. He would have the script written in the morning and half the episode filmed by lunchtime. We had a six week shooting schedule for six episodes and we came in two weeks early and that was after we all took a long weekend on the studio's dime. Those six weeks also include the week Todd Rivers and I spent in mandatory drinks rehab. That reminds me of a story about just how well Garth adapts to a what others might see as a bad situation. While Todd and I were in the drink clink, Garth met one of our counselors, a young padre who wanted to be able to help his flock stay away from the evils of drink. Garth, whilst doing some additional dialogue recording with Todd and I in the rehab center, met the Padre and declared he was looking at a star. Needless to say, that night, Garth had written in the role of the Padre and the next day, the Padre had filmed all of his scenes for the series. Like me, the Padre had never acted outside the occasional manger scene but he was clearly a natural. I think we can all agree that Garth did the comedy world a favor in that the Padre is now a famous comedian who has had a lot of success with his androgynous partner (whose name and gender eludes me at the moment). I imagine the church feels the loss of a priest but, given his activities since becoming famous, I'm not sure he was really cut out for the church. In fact, not three months ago I was back in rehab after a minor misunderstanding - forgive the pun as she apparently was a minor! - I found myself roommates with non other than the Padre himself! How we enjoyed revisiting the memories we were able to cobble together betwixt our wine saturated brains.
Of course, it hasn't all been wine and roses. The missing and presumed dead, Madeline Wool, will always be in our hearts. She was a delicate flower and fame can be a steel toed boot, crushing all in it's path with soulless efficiency. We'll never know if Madeline would have ever had to suffer the rigors of fame as she disappeared years before this, her only television appearance, ever aired. I only wish my last conversation with her hadn't ended up on such a down note. I gently reminded her that getting involved in gambling was going to lead her down a bad path and eventually she would encounter a ruthlessly ambitious man and find herself 'disappeared'. Ironically, that appears to be exactly what happened. Sometimes I like to imagine that she is still alive somewhere, perhaps in a foreign country and she'll be able to return just as soon as she gets the money she owes the man holding her identification papers. Until that day, she's just going to have to try and blend in and speak Arabic.
I have said it before but Garth assures me I can never say it too much, working on Darkplace was a revelation for me. Having never acted before, I assumed I would be working very hard and for long hours. I was pleasantly surprised to learn this was not the case. I didn't even have to memorize the script. I just learned one or two lines at a time; sometimes my second line was still being written as I delivered my first. It was an exciting and visceral experience. The creativity was something I doubt I'll ever experience again in this lifetime or in the next, for that matter.
Welcome back to Darkplace. You've been missed.
With Warmest Regards,
Dean Learner
