When Dean and Seamus arrived at the Burrow early the next afternoon, they hesitated before passing through the protective wards. Neither of them would look at each other, but Dean could sense Shay's nervousness, and he cleared his throat, saying "All right, then?"
Shay paused for a moment before jerking his head in a quick nod, and they walked on, feeling a slight tingle as the wards recognized and allowed them through. The first sight they encountered, though, was of the crowd of people in the garden outside the Burrow, and Seamus swallowed hard. It was quiet… too quiet, he thought. He'd never been to visit Ron before, but he couldn't imagine that the Burrow was ever anything like this.
Slowly, they walked into the crowd, and the first person Seamus recognized was Luna. He led Dean over to her, hardly noticing the way Dean's spine seemed to stiffen.
"Hey, Luna," Seamus said, touching her shoulder. She turned to face him and blinked in surprise when she took in Dean standing there as well.
"Hello," she said quietly. Her gaze was measured and serious, and Seamus seemed to take heart in this.
"Have you seen any of the Weasleys? Or Harry?" he asked, but she hitched her shoulder and tilted her head.
"Ginny was out earlier," she said. "She came over to me and said hello. It was really very nice of her. It certainly seemed like she'd have more important things to do."
At the sound of Ginny's name, Dean shifted uncomfortably, and Luna turned to him.
"I haven't heard from you in a long time," she said quietly, and he felt shame pour over him. He tried to look directly into her eyes but found himself examining a spot somewhere over her left shoulder.
"We've been sort of busy," he hedged, and she looked at him thoughtfully before saying quietly, "Well maybe I should come out and see you sometime then."
Dean found himself nodding and deliberately avoiding Seamus's surprised eyes. There would be time to explain this later. The crowd was moving.
When they arrived at the cemetery, they found themselves toward the back of the group and slowly started inching their way up. It wasn't until they caught sight of Ron that they stopped, both of them feeling as though they'd run directly into a brick wall. He was whiter than either of them had ever seen him, and he was clutching Hermione's hand so tightly that it was clear she was the only reason he was still upright. Exchanging a glance, they moved closer, and that was when Hermione noticed them and smiled weakly.
"Hello," she said softly, and she tugged gently on Ron's hand, trying to call his attention to them. He looked up dully and gave a brief nod before returning his attention to the officiating wizard who had just begun to speak.
Dean knew he wasn't the only one who was having trouble concentrating on what this man was saying. He was trying with all his might to avoid looking at any of the Weasleys, but there were just so many of them, and every time his eyes moved away from one, they landed on another.
Ron was still staring straight ahead, but there was something in his numbness now that hurt Dean. It was simply that he wasn't – well, he wasn't nearly as numb as he was pretending to be, and Dean couldn't help but notice that he seemed to be trembling slightly.
There didn't seem to be a safe place to look – or to listen either, Dean realized, as the words started sinking in.
"He was a brother, a twin, a friend, but most importantly, Fred Weasley was a son. And now his father would like to say a few words about him. Arthur?"
Dean swallowed hard, and he could hear the audible click as Seamus did the same. This funeral – this reality – was unbearable enough, but to see Arthur Weasley's grief wasn't something either of them thought he could bear. And when Arthur began to speak, it wasn't even the words that registered with both Dean and Seamus. It was his voice. It was the trembling, the small cracks, the absolute utter anguish that forced Dean to take deep, measured breaths and stare determinedly ahead. He would not think about his … no. Beside him, Seamus was sighing, and he couldn't miss the shakiness in his breathing either.
Turning away quickly, Dean caught sight of Ginny for the first time. She was standing with George, and Dean could see from the set of her jaw that she was struggling and that George, and the shape he was in, weren't helping. Tears were running unchecked down his cheeks, and he wasn't even bothering to wipe them away. When Ginny stepped forward to help him drop the crumbling dirt on his twin's grave, he almost collapsed, and Dean could see that it was only her firm grip on one side and Percy's on the other that were keeping him upright. As Dean watched the three of them, Ginny bit her lip and closed her eyes, and his own stomach started to hurt. He let out a deep breath and turned away, only to stiffen in shock when his eyes caught sight of a figure in the distance.
It was Harry. He was standing far away from everyone else, his back to a tree, and even from this distance, Dean knew he didn't want to see the look on his old friend's face. He glanced at Shay, and his vaguely horrified expression told him that he felt the same way. Harry was one of their best friends, but … they had no idea what to say to him. Although it didn't seem like that should be a concern since it didn't seem like Harry would have anything to say to them either.
They weren't wrong. Once everyone had returned to the Burrow, Harry was nowhere to be found, and Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Luna, Neville, Dean and Seamus settled themselves on the hard ground of the orchard with plates of sandwiches balanced precariously on their laps.
For a long time, none of them spoke. Out of the corner of his eye, Dean watched Ginny violently stab at a strawberry with a plastic fork that Arthur had insisted Molly put out for once, (she had enough other things to worry about, for Merlin's sake, and dishes didn't need to be one of them), and it was rapidly becoming pulp when Hermione said, "Gin, if you're not going to eat it, can I have that strawberry?"
They all looked up, and it was as though Ginny were waking from a trance. Dean didn't want to know what she'd been seeing.
"What…?" she started, and then she glanced down at her plate and grimaced. "Sorry," she mumbled and popped the strawberry in her mouth.
None of them missed Hermione's small sigh of relief, and even Ginny smiled.
"Is that better?" she asked around her mouthful, and Hermione nodded sheepishly.
"I don't know why." She shrugged. "You know how I feel about attacking defenseless…"
"Strawberries?" Neville was laughing, and the rest of them smiled… except for Ron. And suddenly, none of them could help but notice that he hadn't moved at all since they'd all sat down. He was still hunched over his plate, still not eating, still not looking at anyone else. The laughter ended as quickly as it had begun.
Hermione shifted uncomfortably.
"So where are you two staying right now?" she asked, turning the conversation to Seamus and Dean. To Dean's immense relief, Shay answered. He couldn't have explained why he didn't feel like talking, either. It might have had something to do with the way Ginny had glanced at him sharply when they'd all sat down together in the orchard. It might have had something to do with the fact that he couldn't maintain eye contact with Luna for more than three seconds at a time. All he knew was that if he said a word, they'd both be able to tell exactly how inexplicably hard this day was for him, and he wasn't prepared for anyone to know that.
"So… yeah," Seamus concluded lamely. "We're just staying with my folks, driving my mum nuts when we play football in the house…" He trailed off and blinked in surprise when Luna smiled at him.
"It sounds perfectly wonderful," she said dreamily. Turning her gaze on Dean, she said softly, "And how are your parents?"
He stared at her and realized, with sudden clarity, that she had to be angry with him. There could be no other reason for her to ask him such a question, especially in front of all of their friends – especially when she already knew the answer. He shook his head slightly, and she stared at him for a moment before turning away. Out of the corner of his eye, he knew Ginny was looking at him in confusion, but he purposefully turned his eyes back to his food. He wouldn't – and couldn't – do this now. Not now. There would be time for it later.
Ron's hoarse voice cut the tension abruptly.
"The next one – it's for Lupin, right? Lupin and Tonks?"
Dean felt as though someone had poured cold water down the back of his jumper, and a chill coursed through him even as Hermione muttered assent. Suddenly, none of them could look at each other, and then, Dean was jumping to his feet and hauling Seamus up along with him.
"We'd – we'd better get going," he said, bending down to grab their plates and forcing a very unnatural smile onto his face. Seamus was staring at him, and so was everyone else, but he didn't care. He had to go. It was that simple.
For a moment, Seamus stared at him before shaking his head, manufacturing his own unnatural smile and waving a quick goodbye.
And Dean knew he would always be grateful to Seamus for not asking one single question. He doubted he could have answered him anyway. The next funerals were tomorrow…
A/N: I am beyond sorry for the long delay. I never expected this chapter to bog me down like it did. The next one, though, should be much easier for me, which means quicker updates for everyone else. And special thanks to Lisa for her input (and Fi for her nagging me to finally just do this. Told you I would!)
