Interlude 1
Sirius Black
This Castle Could Be Gayer
Sirius groaned as Eric pressed closer. He deepened their kiss, not wanting it to end.
Things were simpler when they were like this. While they were kissing, the politics of the wider world didn't matter. The fact that Eric had every intention of following his family's wishes by marrying a nice girl didn't matter. Not even the fact that Sirius had yet to work up the courage to tell his friends the truth mattered.
His insecurities were creeping up again. He pulled Eric even closer, relishing the way his body felt against his.
Their relationship—if it could even be called a relationship—certainly wasn't romantic. Hell, Sirius didn't even talk to the guy outside of their regular snogging sessions, but it was almost impossible to to find boys to kiss when both you and they were in the closet. Eric would have to do until Sirius could find someone he connected with on a deeper level.
Eric was a good kisser at least. Better than Lance from the summer, but Lance had been more interesting to talk to. Sirius had been scared they wouldn't have anything in common, since Lance was a Muggle, but he'd learned a lot more than just his sexuality over the month they'd spent together. He liked to think that it had broadened his horizons in more ways than just making him accept that he was gay.
Eric kissed down his neck and nipped at his skin. Sirius hissed. It felt good, but he couldn't stop himself from mentally noting that he'd need to make sure any marks were concealed before he rejoined his friends.
If they saw something, they'd believe it was from a girl, but Sirius preferred to avoid it altogether. It already made him uncomfortable how quick they were to jump to the conclusion that he was off making out with girls. Every time they mentioned it, his stomach would twist itself into so many knots that Sirius wasn't sure they'd ever come entirely undone.
Part of him wanted them to figure it out for themselves because of the trouble it would save him. He wanted to know what they'd think, wanted to know what Remus would think, but it was so hard to have the courage to say something when they were so convinced that he wanted to snog every girl he saw.
One day he would live up to the Gryffindor name. Maybe.
"Are you okay?"
Sirius blinked a few times, his gaze refocusing on Eric. He'd pulled away just far enough to look Sirius in the eye, but they were still pressed together with Eric's hands gripping his waist. Eric's lips were redder than normal, and Sirius couldn't help but feel a little satisfied with himself even as he struggled to process what Eric had asked him.
"What?" he asked.
"Are you okay? You seem a little," Eric waved this hand through the air, "spaced out, and I thought I was doing a good job."
"You were. Sorry. I guess I'm a little distracted today."
Eric smiled wryly.
"Is this about the straight boy you like?"
Sirius blinked and took an unconscious step backwards. The space between them didn't help clear his head, though, as Eric's hands remained at his waist.
"Straight boy that I like? I don't remember saying that I like any straight boy."
"Well, no," Eric said with a shrug. "But you do, don't you?"
He was suddenly far less interested in snogging Eric than he had been before, though he wasn't sure if his sudden distaste was fair or not.
"What makes you say that?"
Eric's response wasn't a real answer to the question.
"It's that Remus bloke, right? The one who's one of your best friends? No offense, mate, but you talk about him like he hung the moon."
Sirius was quite proud of himself for holding back a snort of laughter.
"You think he's straight?" Sirius asked, regretting the question as soon as it was out of his mouth but plowing on regardless, "because I have my suspicions."
Eric grimaced, and Sirius felt his stomach tightened. For months, he'd been trying to tell himself that Remus might not be straight either, but there had still been niggling doubt in his mind, and he'd been hoping that Eric could encourage him that it might not have all been in his head.
"You think it's wishful thinking," Sirius said slowly.
He took another step back and was thankful when Eric dropped his hands from his waist. There was a good chance they wouldn't be kissing again. Sirius felt a pang of sadness at the thought despite himself.
"Seems awfully unlikely that anyone else is gay in this place."
Sirius frowned at him.
"You don't think there can be more than two gay guys in the entire school?"
Eric shrugged, but Sirius knew that was as good as a 'no.' From the time Eric had first approached Sirius and cautiously asked about his feelings towards girls, Sirius had known that Eric held a far darker outlook on what their lives could be like in the future than Sirius did. That was what had doomed them from the start, honestly. If Eric could have maintained just a bit more optimism, Sirius thought he might have been able to overlook some of the dull conversation.
"Maybe you're right," Sirius said, taking a step towards the tapestry that was blocking them from view of the corridor.
"You're leaving?" Eric asked.
"My friends are probably wondering where I got off to," Sirius said, taking pains to sound uncaring.
He didn't look behind him as he slipped out from behind the tapestry, but he hoped that Eric was scowling at him.
Word count: 948
