Summary: Kakashi becomes curious about Iruka. And then they begin to play a few games. Along the way, Kakashi learns about what type of person Iruka really is.
Rating: PG
Author's Note: Hello again! Yeah, I know, finally another update. So I re-read the third chapter that I had written down but didn't quite type up. I'd forgotten how funny it was so I just had to add in the bits, but it'll have to be as a fourth chappie, but that's good for you, ne? The paintings, mentioned in the third chapter, were done on bamboo slats, so all Kakashi had to do was fold them out, hang 'em up and, of course, cover 'em with porn!
Thanks for the reviews ppl! I blush at all the compliments. Does wonders for my writing ego. It has me so happy I may start another fic. I'm so excited! squees
So! Keep a lookout for it.
I don't own Naruto…pout so without further ado,
Chapter four: "For Icha Icha Paradise and Porn!"
"I'm still gonna kill…well, maybe not kill…fine-You're still gonna pay for exposing my eyes to that material. What if one of my students had decided to visit me?"
"Um, they would have got an education?" Just not the one they would have been expecting.
Iruka glared at the grinning jounin, but couldn't keep it in face of the gift in front of him and so resorted to pouting. The jounin's grin just got wider so Iruka sighed. "Don't you…you know, have students you're supposed to look after?"
Kakashi started staring at the ceiling. "Oh, yeah…" Suddenly he grinned again at Iruka. "Do you want them to help take care of some of the things?"
Iruka paled and whacked Kakashi on the back of his head. "No way! I don't want them exposed to this material and if they were getting rid of it they wouldn't be able to help but see some of it. Not only that, they'll wonder what porn was doing in my house!"
Kakashi was busy nursing the back of his head. That was the point. They could even keep some of it. And doesn't he know his own strength? However, Kakashi sprang right up at Iruka's next words.
"I'll burn them myself-"
"What? That's perfectly good porn. I can't let you do that!" His slight pout was ruining the effect of his otherwise serious face.
"Is that so?" Iruka winced slightly as the tone of his words seemed to imply an insolent 'bite me'. It usually ended up with the other person actually doing something.
Kakashi had just been thinking about what to do and had come up with an idea, which I might add, caused an evil, evil gleam in his eye- when there was a knock on the door.
"IRUKA-SENSEI! KAKASHI-SENSEI! ARE YOU THERE???" Obviously Naruto.
Iruka started hastily shoving the porn paper littering the floor of the room under everything under the sun at hyper-panicked speed. He even tried shoving them under his empty trashcan, which just resulted in the said trashcan toppling over. Kakashi, of course, just looked on in amusement at the chuunin's antics. Unfortunately for Iruka, the noise he was causing gave away the fact that they were in fact present in the apartment.
"WE'RE COMING IN!!!"
Iruka yelped (the posters were peeking out of their secreted places) and the next thing Kakashi knew, he had been thrown at the door, which had been in the process of bursting open, causing it to slam shut again.
"ITAIIII! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!"
Iruka bolted out, grabbing Kakashi who was still sitting dazedly at the door, and then slammed the door shut behind him. Naruto was sitting on his butt rubbing his head, which had collided with the door when he had tried to skip in. Sasuke and Sakura had managed to avoid being bowled over by the flying projectile that had been Naruto.
"Ah, I'm so sorry Naruto! I tripped and fell on the door when I went to answer it. Are you hurt? Why don't I treat you to some ramen to make it up to you?" Iruka was faintly aware that he was babbling in an effort to distract the kids as to why he had rushed out and slammed the door, dragging Kakashi behind him. At least he remembered to mention ramen.
"Yay! Ramen, ramen, ramen! Can we go right now, Iruka-sensei?"
Kakashi decided to butt in. "Nope! We still have a mission to do that will take up most of the day." Kakashi then grinned and cast a sly look at Iruka before adding, "However, Iruka here has graciously volunteered to help, seeing as it is his fault that we're going to be late. Right, Iiruka-sensei?"
Iruka spluttered in indignation, but the sounds were drowned out by Naruto's ecstatic yells and Sakura's pleased squeals.
"Now, it will take us an hour to get to our clients place, SO, we better start moving. Let's go!" Kakashi proceeded to skip away, trusting that his students would drag Iruka along and ignore his protests. After a while Iruka even stopped complaining and just enjoyed catching up on news with his ex-students.
"Ne, ne, Kakashi-sensei! What ranking is this mission? Is it dangerous?" Naruto was jumping circles around Kakashi, who was reading his book.
"Saaa! Today we have a C-ranked mission and it could put you in dangerous situations. It is a search and destroy! Won't that be fun?"
"YEAH! YEAH! What are we searching for, Kakashi-sensei? I bet I'll find it before Sasuke-bastard does!!"
Kakashi put his book away and put on a serious expression. Iruka looked at him suspiciously. As he recalled, C-ranked missions weren't that dangerous…
"Now, listen up brats! This client has requested us to rid him of some stuff in his plot of forest. We have multiple targets. However, some of them are likely to be located in dangerous places, so you will have to practice stealth and caution."
"SO, WHAT'S OUR TARGET ALREADY???" Naruto was raring to go. Sakura nodded vigorously in agreement and the kids leaned forward in anticipation.
Kakashi, who had had a serious expression on up til then, suddenly bent forward at the waist towards his students, a hand on his hip and the other hand pointing a finger up with a grin on his face.
"Marijuana plants."
Everyone but Kakashi promptly face-planted. Iruka recovered first since he had been suspicious. When Naruto recovered, he did so loudly.
"WHAAAAAAT???"
Kakashi answered very seriously. "Marijuana plants. A plant that can be turned into an illegal drug with addictive effects and that's why our client has asked us to rid it from his forest for him."
Sakura, not to mention the rest of her team, wasn't satisfied. "And how the hell does that put us in any form of a dangerous situation." The look she served Kakashi was hard and sceptical.
Kakashi drawled his answer as if it should have been obvious. "Weell, maybe because it's an illegal drug and is addictive. Soooo, you'd think that there are some fairly greedy drug dealers out there that would do anything to get their hands on some of the plants, to cultivate their own crop and either sell it, or use it themselves. I'd say that puts us in a potentially dangerous situation, hmmmm?"
The children of Team 7 busily celebrated among themselves at getting a mission that was finally worth their skills and so no one but Iruka, who was levelling a hard stare at Kakashi, saw the slightly sadistic and gleeful smirk that seemed to emanate from the jounin's face. After all, he didn't really expect any dangerous drug dealers around…
Kakashi cleared his throat to get his students attention. "To do this mission, we are each going to spread out to search for the plants. When you find them, put them in a bundle so that we can get rid of them in one go at a rendezvous point. If you find a large crop of marijuana rather than a single plant, take note of its position and than report it when we meet up again so that we can get rid of it together with the rest. Now, we'll meet…"
"I did mention that we wouldn't be disposing of them by fire, didn't I?"
Giggle, giggle
Sob
"WHEEE!!"
"No, Kakashi, no you didn't." Iruka had his head planted in his right hand, with one eye peeking through his fingers at the kids. His left hand was busy holding Kakashi's spare mask over his face to avoid breathing in the hallucinogenic smoke hanging in the air. Kakashi buckled it up at the back, whilst watching the antics of his students bemusedly. Currently, Sakura was the giggly one (previously, that role had been Sasuke's, and that had been scary!) and was busy trying to hug a very large tree to death, giving the faintly (or very) amusing image of a koala. It didn't help that she was doing it upside down.
Sasuke…now Sasuke was the one that was currently sobbing whilst confronting a stone pillar.
"Itachi, you bastard! You left me all alone! Without even a goodbye hug!" Sasuke proceeded to punch the pillar. "Itaiii! You're so cold, onii-san…"sobhic
Naruto? Naruto had stripped down to his boxers and was currently swinging his orange jumpsuit enthusiastically in a circle around his head. His black t-shirt was tied like a cloak around his neck.
"WHEEEEEE!"
At that moment, his jumpsuit became tangled with his shirt, which had just flown out behind him from a freak wind, and he proceeded to choke himself.
Iruka buried his eyes in his hand again. "Oh, god…"
How did they end up like this? Well…
"Aaargh! We've been spotted by druggies!"
"Quick, dump your bundles in with their crop so that we can get rid of them all at once!"
"Katon: Hosenka no Jutsu (Fire Style - Art of the Phoenix Flower, the Touch-me-not)"
"Sasuke! Noooooo! Don't start a-"
VROOOM! crackle sounds of a large amount of plants going up in smoke
"-fire…"
Iruka escaped the effects of breathing in the smoke when they were engulfed by the smog, only because he had been the only one (barring Kakashi) with the sense to cover his face as well as he could with the neck of his shirt as they ran through the burning crop. Why'd they run? The 'druggies' appeared behind them brandishing various weapons. Now, you might wonder why they ran instead of just killing off their opponents and continuing about their business. Well…
"You damn shinobi! Just because you're stronger than us doesn't mean you can use our land to grow illegal drugs!"
"We'll show you! Even shinobi can't stand up to a mob!"
"You idiot Naruto! Those aren't druggies! They're civilians!"
"They're right too. We can't stand up to them, although not for the reasons that they think. No hurting our client's peons. Quick! Through the crop!"
"Sasuke! Naruto! Sakura! Where are you three going?!"
Giggle, giggle
"Catch me if you caan!"
"Shit! They're on a high! Grab them!"
Iruka moaned and covered his eyes as Sasuke started giggling again at the spectacle of Naruto going hysterical and fighting to get his clothes off, convinced they were after his life. Then, when what Naruto was doing registered in his mind, Iruka lunged at Naruto.
"Gak! Naruto, keep your boxers on!"
Whilst Iruka struggled with the genins, Kakashi stared at the fire raging behind them contemplatively. "You know, that fire's starting to look a little out of control…"
Iruka growled at the jounin as he grappled with Naruto to save his shirt. What? Does he expect me to do something??
Kakashi continued to peer into the fire, a hand shading his…eye. "Those civilians seem to be having trouble dealing with it too. Looks like we'll have to help. Would you like to stay and baby-sit the brats-on-a-high or help put out the fire and save the people screaming for help?" Kakashi grinned and his eye became arched expectantly. Iruka glared at him. As if there was any question as to which one he would prefer to do. I mean, really, he was a teacher, for god's sake. For him, children were a piece of cake to deal with. "I'll save the screaming people, thanks."
Iruka moved to go but paused when Kakashi started to go with him. "Wait, wait, wait. Aren't you staying here to look after the kids?"
Kakashi eyed him. "Are you kidding me?"
"We can't just leave them here alone!"
Kakashi whined, "Why not?"
Iruka looked at him disbelievingly with a scowl on his face and an eyebrow raised, his head cocked in the direction of the genins, as if asking 'excuse me? Did I just hear you ask me that ridiculously stupid question that doesn't even deserve an answer but I'll give you one anyway and as a bonus, it's in pictures?' Kakashi obediently turned his head to look at his students.
Sasuke was doing endless cartwheels, one after the other. Naruto and Sakura had somehow found this to be an invitation to play leapfrog with him. Naruto was jumping between Sasuke's arms whenever his head flashed by and Sakura was doing the same with Sasuke's legs. At the moment that the two adults looked over, Sakura happened to miscalculate the distance that she needed to travel in order to get over her obstacle. To save herself she naturally put her foot down and kicked off to give herself the needed distance. Both men winced in sympathy and imagined pain as Sasuke crumpled to the forest floor.
"I think I can see your point." Kakashi said, distractedly. Sakura's going to be absolutely, unbearably horrified when she's sane. Don't think Sasuke's going to be too happy either. That'll take a while to heal. "Anyway, easy enough to deal with! Kage Bunshin no Jutsu (Shadow Clone Skill)!" Another Kakashi appeared in a cloud of smoke. The original Kakashi slapped his clone on the back companionably, saying, "He can look after the brats. Problem solved." Iruka grumbled as he was dragged off.
Needless to say the saving went…relatively well…
"Ma'am, if you'd just stop running around, I can take you to the stream right there and put your hair out."
"Iruka, just pick her up and toss her in. Like this!"
SPLASH!
"Umm, Kakashi? You realise that the stream was only one foot deep, right?"
"Oh? …damn…"
Body floats up in the water…
"…I'll start CPR…"
They ended up putting the fire out (which was pretty much an inferno at this point) thanks to Iruka.
(Panicking
at this point) "Kakashi! You know the Suiton: Suiryuudan no
Jutsu
(Water Style: Water Dragon Blast Skill) do you not?"
"Er, yeah. Picked it up on a trip to wave country. Why?"
"Mirror me so that the dragons collide, and it might cause a large enough rain shower to put most of the fire out when they smash."
The plan ended up working and in exchange for his brilliant plan working, Iruka graciously allowed Kakashi to take the blame for everything going awry.
…Of course their troubles didn't just end after that. After all, they still had to go back to collect the kids, escaping irate lords and sulking villagers. And so they ventured back to the clearing where they left them.
…Where they found everyone smoking the grass. Even the Kakashi clone.
Iruka glared at Kakashi as he sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck and quickly released his clone.
"Should have just trapped them and left them tied up with nin wire." Iruka muttered as he picked up Sakura for the trip back.
Kakashi had the audacity to grin impishly at him. "And where would the fun be in that.
He dodged the kunai that Iruka threw at him easily and laughed at the brunette's spitting and hissing, as they ran off.
"Come on, admit it, you had fun." Kakashi was trying to coax the academy teacher out of his aggravated expression, even as he dumped Naruto carelessly in his bed.
Iruka scowled and booted him out of the way (or tried and missed, Kakashi didn't really care, as long as it didn't hurt) and proceeded to carefully arrange Naruto's body more carefully. They'd already dropped off Sakura with her parents and Sasuke at the Uchiha compound. And filed the mission report, God, how could he forget that.
When they'd arrived at the mission room with three hyperactive genins (this not even causing a twitch on Naruto's part but absolute shock in Sasuke's, especially when the dark haired ice prince glomped Ibiki and called the Torture and Interrogation expert his new big brother) and charred uniforms, along with the smell of burnt marijuana, everyone wanted to know what had happened.
And took the opportunity to pet the kids when they started acting like cats (very scarily affectionate cats) without the chance of getting bitten the usually independent and touch abhorrent kids.
They only managed to leave when Ibiki asked them to please to kindly pry their kids off him, he was not a tree, and of course they had to immediately obey Ibiki, right?
In the end, Iruka couldn't help the wry smile on his face. He did have fun after all. He didn't get the chance to go out on missions that often, and never before with Naruto, so this had been quite an experience. He fondly brushed the blonds' hair as he stood up and gave the silver haired jounin a grudging upward quirk of his lips in answer.
Kakashi grinned happily. "That's great, sensei! That means you won't complain too much when I drag you on another mission, right? You didn't get to see Naruto try to show off his skills, and he would be terribly disappointed otherwise. Besides I need someone to do the thinking for me!" He twinkled his eye innocently before laughing and escaping out the window at Iruka's enraged bellow.
Now you might wonder what happened with the kids after that day. Sasuke woke up with a very big ache in his groin that he couldn't explain, and all three genins became addicted to smoking marijuana.
After three weeks they decided to quit, Sasuke because he noticed that it lowered his reflexes and inhibited his ninja skills (and that just wouldn't do, if he was going to take revenge on Itachi), Naruto because even under the influence he didn't want to be outdone by the icy bastard, and Sakura because, obviously if Sasuke disapproved of it she definitely couldn't use it.
Naruto replaced his addiction with ramen, which he didn't find too hard to do, but it wreaked hell on Iruka's wallet until the chuunin took to filching Kakashi's money without his notice. The jounin only wondered where it was going on those times when he wanted to buy Icha Icha books.
Sakura took much the same root but replaced her addiction with obsession of Sasuke. Her stalking skills greatly improved.
Sasuke, being the self controlled teen that he was, quit cold turkey. (Naruto adamantly refutes this and claims that the jerk just replaced it with training.)
Erk! It's been ages since I updated and I did have most of this typed up, so I'm sorry if the style changes near the end. I've only got a vague idea of where this fic is going, so I'm sorry that I take so long. And thank you to all those people who still left me reviews even though this fic might have seemed 'dead'. It almost scared me sometimes that people still liked this enough to leave a review after years.
I hope you're not too disappointed with this chapter. I thought it was funny. It's been ages since I've watched Naruto though now and I haven't watched the fillers or beyond, so I'm not sure how well any ensuing chapters will keep in character (although I'm rather dubious to how well I've kept character already so…headdesk).
I'll do my best for another chapter. Although you are warned that I am a very, very good/bad (depending on your perspective) procrastinator.
