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Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and it's characters do not belong to me.

I apologize for the short chapter, but it's a turning point and I didn't want to dillude it. I hope to have more soon, so don't worry, it'll be okay. It's the end of the semester though, so that means I'm not gonna have a whole lotta time to write. But I'll try. I'll get Magatama up sometime soon too.
Entry Six: Confused
Letter Five: Fallen Dreams
Date: 01.06.02
Time: 11:20 PM
POV: Relena

No man could ever frustrate me as much as Heero Yuy. His timing was always terrible--and wonderful..

That night he snuck into my room on C-24578--that night...I didn't sleep.

Being kissed by two men in the same night confuses a girl--not to mention that--that one of them was Heero.

Heero...at this point in my life I was trying to grow up and Heero was only a childhood infatuation. He was just...just the boy I claimed to love for the best part of five years.

Pathetic.

South...The prospect of a new relationship is always exciting. And South, well, he was the exact opposite of Heero-and I--I was growing up.

A respectable woman doesn't wait around for what never comes.

But that night, he had come--on that night--he had come to me and left again.

In the midst of my fitful 'sleep' I grew frustrated with thoughts in my head and sat at the hotel room desk to write to say to Heero just exactly what I though of him.

Dear Heero,
I must say, your visit last night certainly was a surprise. What a surprise--though I can't say that it was exactly pleasant. Confusing at best.

You have no idea how many time I've dreamt that you crawled through my window to steal a kiss--or maybe steal me away with you--but reality rarely compares with dreams.

I was told once that following one's emotions is the way to live life. What I ask now is, how does one live by one's emotions when the feeling of the mind and the heart are always in conflict?

I was doing so well.

I suppose I should explain myself. As of the past few weeks, I have been more or less courting Senator South Evans of C-24578. When I arrived back at my hotel room last night, I was retuning from an outing with him.

I suppose that explains my muddled emotions.

I don't know what to ask of you now Heero.

I'm tired.

Sincerely,
Relena Dorilan
200.10.19


I reread that letter at least fifteen time that night. It seemed, at best, inadequate. It was as though as soon as I picked up my pen and wrote that I was immediately transformed into a politician and I softened my tone involuntarily.

Ignoring the instincts that begged me to revise I placed the note in a plain envelope and gave in to the sleepy wave pleading for my attention.


Entry Seven: Turning Point
Letter Six: Sumimasen
Date: 01.08.02
POV:Heero
Snort.

That's what I do when I read Relena's letter now. Considering the present curcumstances, I almost find it humorous. It sparks a sort of indignant pride and I snort.

Typical...

Truthfully, when I originally received the letter, I felt frustrated--well maybe more sorry...alone.

Inadequate.

That's the word. Everything I was, my entire existence was belittled by that letter. True, I wasn't doing much--nothing compared to saving the world, but even Heero needed a break.

I was content. At work I was left to myself mostly. The owner of the small garage was cheery and charismatic. He reminded me of Duo, but I never got close.

What her letter did to me...well, nothing outwardly visible, but the tempest that raged inside me...that still does...opened up to me a world of emotions.

The first few years after the Eve Wars, was a time for me when I let myself feel. I was no longer a machine, whose actions were defined by instinct and political movements.

Relena, though her persistance was annoying, woke me to that human side. And though it's caused me so much pain, I am forever indebted to her for that.

Anyway, the return letter hardly reflected what I was "feeling."

Dear Relena,
I apologize for causing you to be confused. To tell the truth, I'm not sure how I can apologize when truly, I'm quite confused myself.

Motivation for visiting you was because I saw you out. I didn't mean for what occurred to happen.

Forgive me.

As for feeling confused between the heart and the mind. Emotions don't come from the mind, Relena. It's when you let your thoughts interfere with your heart that you get confused.

That was profound.

You don't need to ask anything of me. I owe you too much, please don't make my debt even larger.

I will not make your life anymore complicated than it already is.

Sumimasen.

Sincerely,
Heero Yuy
200.10.23


I delivered the letter back to her office in Berlin.

Germany has a habit of rebuilding any ancient or ever ancient looking building that is destroyed during wars. Berlin looked much the same as it did in the 20th century, and it was comforting, though personally, for comfort I preferred Constance, the city just outside Preventors headquaters.

Die Boden See--Lake Constance.

The embodiment of Beauty and the old life. It's amazing the naturalness of the scenery and true beauty of creation--and it all sits right next to the largest military center in the world. The Preventors base is filled with the most highly advanced technology and the deadliest weapons known to man.

Ironic.

Relena wasn't in Berlin that day. She was visiting her brother, who had come home only for a few weeks on holiday. How bittersweet.


I didn't receive another letter from Relena after that--well, not for a long time I suppose. I guess that's my own fault, I practically told her not to write to me.

I was alright with that though...

After time, I concentrated on school and work, and adjusting myself.

Adjusting myself.

That's what I had gone to do in the first place. Yet I was still in school, and I was working as a mechanic. Adjusted enough I suppose, but I never really did feel right there.

The World Nation was forming around me, without my help, and I helped get the world to the place where it could exist.

It got me to the place where I could exist--only not...right--correctly.

Six months after not hearing from Relena. One year after I had heard from her for the first time since Mariemaia's War--I finished school and left that colony. I have never been back.

I don't regret it.

When I left I finally adjusted.
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