A/N: I know. Months, MONTHS have gone by. I have a simple explanation though: I wasn't feeling the funny. You can't write a comedy story without the funny man, it just doesn't turn out right! Strange enough that now, at 12:20 in the morning, after working a 12-hour day, I felt the urge to finish up what I have of this chapter and post it. Hopefully, more to come. Also hopefully, you enjoy what's here.
Shoutout to Naruto the Hedgehog 99 for his review! I always feel inspired when I get one, and yes, I'll try for more Genie. Other people's reactions are just so funny though!
Disclaimer: This is a fan-written work of fiction, purely for non-commercial entertainment purposes. All characters and ideas within are righted to their respective owners. Also, is it stealing if you steal your own disclaimer?
Arabian Ninja
After the team parted ways, with Kakashi heading off to report the team's success to the Hokage and Sasuke and Sakura heading off to the Uchiha Quarters (though of course, Sasuke was totally unaware of his stalker), Genie poofed out of the lamp to have another talk with Naruto, who sat on a nearby tree stump. "So, that was your team huh? Man, you have got to be the most dysfunctional squad I've ever seen. Good thing you have me, eh? I'll sort them out, yes sir!" He laughed a little, slinging his arm around Naruto's shoulder in a comforting manner. "To be honest kid, it could be worse. I've seen how some of the other people in the village look at you. At least this group is willing to give you a chance, no matter how they may act towards you. I think that with a little time, and some good old fashioned adventuring, you'll get along just fine. Though, your teacher concerns me slightly… seems he doesn't like fez's. I wonder why?"
XxX
*Flashback*
"Kakashi, my hip rival! Let us commence our 32nd competition, the Fez Wearing Contest!" Might Gai's ridiculous voice grated directly in Kakashi's ear at 3 in the morning on a Saturday, startling him from a restful slumber as effectively as a foghorn. He instinctively stabbed out with the kunai he kept hidden under his pillow, but an experienced shinobi such as Gai could easily dodge the sleepy attack. By the time Kakashi opened his eyes, he was rewarded with a face full of Gai's shining teeth, made worse today by the fact that there was a horribly gaudy, tacky, and above all ORANGE fez plastered to the top of his head. Kakashi's eyes grew wide, and he dropped to his knees, to scream out in a Kirk-like fashion.
"GAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIII!"
*End Flashback*
xXx
"Yah" Genie said "Your teacher's certainly a weirdo. Regardless, let's not let that get you down, ok? Besides, now that your team is gone… You can TRAIN!" With a wave of his arm, the forest clearing filled with wooden training dummies, each one plastered with a unique face. That some of the faces happened to look like the villagers who treated him the worst was a total coincidence, of course. Genie looked on with pride, before poofing into a ninja outfit and getting Naruto's attention.
"Now that we're all alone, let's really see what you can do. The hair and teeth are cool and all, but what did you get for fighting? I mean, as far as I can tell all you got was increased strength, speed, and healing. While those are cool, you need something more substantial. What do foxes do to attack? Hmm…" Genie became lost in thought already, poofing up a comfy chair for him to think on. Meanwhile, after seeing that Genie wasn't going to move for a while, Naruto shrugged and moved towards one of the dummies. He started his warmup routine, a set of punches and kicks he had been taught in the academy, but soon found that they barely scratched the surface of his improved stamina and strength. Frustrated, he gave a nearby training dummy a sharp kick, and watched as it went flying. He stared for a moment, and then a wide grin stretched across his face. By the time Genie had snapped out of his thoughts, Naruto had destroyed almost every dummy in the clearing.
Genie looked at his pal, who was standing in the center of the clearing without even a drop of sweat, and chuckled nervously. "Well… you've certainly got the strength of a giant fox now, I guess. Good thing I can make as many dummies as you need!" With another wave of his hand, dozens more of the dummies sprouted from the ground, letting Naruto punch and kick to his heart's content. Genie decided to spend some time reading a couple of the books he'd snagged from Naruto's dusty, unused bookshelf back at his apartment, and settled down in a comfy chair at the edge of the clearing, occasionally waving his hand to make more dummies. Naruto grinned, smashing dummy after dummy and occasionally giving a shout of "THIS IS AWESOME! I'M NOT EVEN TIRED YET!"
The Third Hokage leaned back from his viewing crystal, worry set in deep lines across his face. An unknown stranger who was able to create plentiful amounts of wooden dummies with just a wave of his hand was with Naruto, who had changed almost overnight. He'd never had that much strength or stamina, even with a demon fox sealed in his stomach, and his new appearance gave rise to concerns that the beast was starting to influence him more. His clothes were of a strange and unknown style, and his new "friend" seemed more interested in the history behind Konohagakure and the Land of Fire than actually assisting Naruto. The fact that the only blue ninja he knew of was Kisame that damn fish-man also gave him cause to be alarmed. He was elated that Naruto had passed his exam, from what Kakashi had managed to blather out before going home to "recuperate," but the mistake of trusting someone from outside the village so intently weighed against his better judgment. With a heavy sigh, he signaled for his best agents to appear before him, and set his face into a stony glare. When the masked ninja arrived, he set his heart and raised his voice so his instructions would be as clear as he could possibly make them. "Find Naruto and his new… friend. Bring them to me at once! Let no one stand in your way, but do not harm Naruto. Now go!" His eyes and heart steeled, he watched as his finest men vanished, moving to complete their mission. The power of the stranger, mixed with his proximity to the container of the demon fox and intense curiosity towards their village, was too grave a threat to ignore.
XxX
Back at the training ground, Genie sat up from the chair he was sitting in, and called Naruto over from where he was practicing on more of the dummies. "Naruto, pal, I've been reading this here book and watching you, but I don't quite think you're doing it right…" Genie waved the book, titled "Konoha Taijutsu Primer vol. I" and saw Naruto's face fall.
"Really Genie? I've just been doing it as my instructors told me to. They always said reading that book was a waste of time, since they'd show me how to do it anyways. If you're sure… can you show me?" Naruto looked at Genie with wide puppy eyes, hoping he'd be willing to show him how. "Sorry lad, I'm no fighter, not really. I could poof over someone who CAN teach you though…" Genie looked thoughtful, and raised his arms. Before he could summon his magic, a kunai shot straight into his foot.
"YE-EE-EE-OW!" Genie cried, hopping in pain. Suddenly, his eyes got all shifty, and he pulled Naruto close to him. "Stay close pal… I don't mean to alarm you, but we're surrounded. I'll take care of this!" With bang, they were suddenly surrounded by 30 Genie clones in various fighting outfits, from martial art gi's to WWII infantrymen, to a chef's outfit. Every Genie drew his weapon of choice (Gun, knife, nunchuck etc.) and stood ready as 2 squads of black-outfitted ninja appeared in a circle around them.
The leader of the band of ninja stepped forward one step, and announced in a loud voice "Naruto Uzumaki and you, foreign visitor, must come with us at once!" At his motion, his men surged forward to take Naruto into custody. Before Naruto could call out a warning, the Genie troops charged as well, and the fight was on. Soldier Genie was trying in vain to stab one of the attacking ninja with his bayonet, while Tailor Genie and Hairdresser Genie tag-teamed another, wrapping him tightly in cloth and shaving the poor soul bald. Baker Genie slammed a pair of pies into an attacking duo, while Street-Punk Genie used a lighter and a can of hairspray to set the leader's clothes on fire. All around Naruto, the scene was turmoil, with small clouds of smoke accompanying defeated Genie clones, while injured ninja tried in vain to crawl out of the firing zone.
Suddenly, one of the attacking ninja's mask clicked in Naruto's head, and he realized in horror that the ninja they were fighting were a part of Konoha's shinobi. Turning to the real Genie, he tried in vain to get his attention. Real Genie was pre-occupied with directing the troops before him, however, and didn't hear Naruto's pleas. Eventually, Naruto sucked in a deep breath, and used all of his vocal ability to scream out "STOOOOP!" The word echoed throughout the clearing, freezing both parties where they stood, as Naruto wriggled free from Genie. Turning to his blue buddy, he sighed and said "Genie, these are Konoha Ninja… The Hokage must have sent them."
Genie's mouth dropped open in shock, before the other Genies poofed away. He shifted into the form of a blue mule, and muttered "Well, don't I just look the ass now, huh." Patting his friend in consolation, Naruto walked over to the still-twitching leader and said "We'll come now. Uh, I think that pie will wash out. And I'm sure the hospital can take care of those burns… and stabs… and needles… I'm not sure what can be done about the hair though. Oh well, silly misunderstanding, huh?" Cheerfully whistling, he walked off with Genie, heading directly for the Hokage's tower. The duo left behind a clearing filled with maimed, injured ANBU agents. To their shame two entire squads were bested by the most ridiculous of opponents. Acupuncturists, florists, librarians… they would all be laughingstocks if it ever got out. The Captain of the assault gritted his teeth, and silently swore revenge on the mysterious blue man. It would be his, or he would die trying!
xXx
Naruto and Genie were trotting along to the Hokage's tower, Genie using the time to quiz Naruto on that "Ho-ka-ge" guy he'd mentioned earlier. Apparently he was the big-shot head honcho dude in this town, though Naruto seemed to have an in with him. Hopefully, he'd managed to convince the guy to allow him to remain with Naruto without revealing too much. As they entered the tower, Naruto turned his head and whistled slightly, conspicuously NOT looking at the secretary that was behind the desk. Genie had a bad feeling, but decided to ignore it as Naruto knocked on the Hokage's door, and received a gruff "Enter"
Sarutobi was shocked to see the pair standing before him. He'd been just about to check on the team he had sent after them, and instead here they came waltzing right through his door… alone. "Naruto…" he began to say with a warning tone "Where are my men, Naruto?" Naruto gave him a sheepish look and intently studied the floor, eventually grinding out a "There was a… misunderstanding. My friend here sorta thought they had come to attack me, and well, took them down." Genie had a look of intense pride on his face at that, while the Hokage felt a sinking feeling in his heart. This man was way more dangerous than he'd first believed.
"Never mind that now, Naruto. I've called you here to introduce your new, 'friend'… and explain just exactly where he's come from. After all, such a unique individual must have an amazing background, no?" Hiruzen's tone set Genie on edge, mostly because he could tell that the old man didn't trust him one bit. Though, now that he looked closer at the ancient geezer…
"Why, you're Abu! I'm sure of it, look!" With a wave of his hand, Genie turned the Hokage into the spitting image of Abu, albeit bigger and with more of Sarutobi's face than Abu's. "Doesn't it just suit him perfectly, Naruto?" At that exact moment, Naruto was currently curled up on the floor having what could possibly be the LARGEST panic attack he'd ever experienced. Well, that or he was just laughing so hard he couldn't breath.
The Hokage just barely managed to keep from completely freaking out, though he was hyperventilating just a little. He was a monkey. He. Was. A. MONKEY. There had been no gathering of chakra, no complicated handsigns. This was no Genjutsu, or Ninjutsu. The man had merely waved his hand, and turned him into a monkey. Words could not express just how powerful the man before him truly was. He had to get Naruto away from him, and fast. Slapping his hands together, he gathered his chakra and summoned Enma to assist him.
Genie was intrigued. After a large plume of smoke, there were now TWO monkeys, both wearing the same expression. Well… for a few moments at least. Then one of the monkeys looked backwards, saw the other, seemed to freeze for a moment and then collapsed, streams of tears coming from its eyes as it had a fit of laughter. "Sa-sa-SARUTOBI! YOU'RE A MONKEY! AHAHAHAHAHA" Enma was starting to black out, the lack of oxygen finally affecting his brain. The other monkey, now known as the Hokage, looked as if he was steaming. Even Enma had failed him!
Finally, Naruto managed to work up enough air to talk. "G-Genie, turn him back! Please, this is… this is too much." Faced with Naruto's request, Genie shrugged and waved his hands. In a blink, the Hokage was once more sitting behind his desk, in the same position he had been. Enma quietly poofed away, still laughing, and Sarutobi glared at the spot. He'd deal with him later.
The Hokage cleared his throat, and said "Now, if we could return to the question at hand…?"
XxX
As I said above, I'll try to get more out while the funny lasts, but remember: I'm a workin man!
Read, Review, and Relapse into hysterical fits of laughter!
