The camp was tense and restless, everyone expecting an attack at any moment what with the storm limiting their ability to keep proper watch. And then there was Elden. He was still so pale and by the time they were able to move him inside one of the tents he was completely unconscious. They bundled him up in blankets after Vivienne worked her healing magic, and finally they left him to rest.
Dorian refused to leave his side however, Elden's words still ringing in his mind and he desperately didn't want him to wake up alone. Instead he held his hand tightly, watching over him. It wasn't like he would be getting any rest anyway. He hadn't slept since the night before, he realized, but the guilt and the worry were all he could focus on. And the murderous headache. It had been growing worse thanks to the red lyrium sprouting up everywhere here and there wasn't much he could do about it.
Dorian sighed and rubbed his temple, his eyes aching, but he knew it was nothing compared to what Elden had been through. He'd seemed so disoriented, as if he was sure Dorian wasn't real, that he was some sort of vision conjured up to torment him. What had they done to him? It was infuriating having nothing he could do to soothe him now and all they could do was wait. Dorian hated waiting.
He hadn't meant to fall asleep, but the next thing Dorian knew he was jolted awake by the sound of a whimper. He was half way up, reaching for his staff, before he realized it had come from Elden. His chest ached at the sight of him, face twisted in pain and fear as he curled tightly in on himself. Dorian brushed the sweat-soaked hair from his eyes and kept his voice low and, hopefully, soothing as he crouched beside him again.
"Amatus, it's just a dream, wake up."
Elden flinched at his touch but at least his eyes finally opened and it was a relief seeing him finally awake. He blinked around blearily and seemed to relax when his eyes fell on Dorian. He sighed, trying to slow his breathing and Dorian had to resist the urge to pull him close and wrap him in his arms. Elden desperately needed comfort now, but Dorian could only provide it as a friend now. As much as he hated himself for his timing, ending things right when Elden needed him most, it wouldn't do to complicate things further.
"There you are. Welcome back to the land of the living," Dorian said, hoping to lighten things, take Elden's mind off of the nightmares. "How are you feeling?"
"I-I think I'm fine now," Elden replied hesitantly and Dorian couldn't help but note that his voice was hoarse from strain. He winced, however, his hand going to his side.
"I imagine that'll take a bit to heal up. There was only so much Vivienne could do. Just don't pull the stitches or there'll be hell to pay."
"Remind me to thank her later," Elden said as he relaxed back into his pillow, still looking exhausted. "I thought for sure none of this was real. I hope I didn't say anything strange, I can't really remember much."
"Nevermind, it's already forgotten," Dorian lied. "Quite literally. We were in a bit of a hurry what with all the red templars about and I didn't exactly catch all of it. Do you want to talk about what happened? Or the nightmare you just had?"
He looked as though he was about to reach out for Dorian but diverted the gesture at the last moment to rub at his face, his movements clumsy. No doubt they were both acutely aware of the lack of contact and it made Dorian angry, mostly at himself, that they both wanted so badly to hold each other but they couldn't and it was his own fault.
"It's all kind of jumbled up, I'm not entirely sure what was real. There was a Venatori there, she wanted me to betray the Inquisition. I don't think I told her anything, but I can't be certain. I remember talking to people who couldn't possibly have been there but I just don't know what was a dream and what wasn't."
"Who did you see?" Dorian prompted, but Elden was beginning to look panicked again, staring into the middle distance as he relived the memories so Dorian interrupted before he could answer, taking his fingers and squeezing them reflexively without thinking. Regrettably he released him almost immediately. "Shh, that's fine, Inquisitor. Just rest. We'll work it out once we're back in Skyhold."
Elden swallowed and nodding, composing himself before speaking again. "Thank you, by the way. For saving my life. Again."
"Don't mention it. You are the Inquisitor, after all. What would we do without you?"
That hadn't been what Dorian intended to say and as soon as the words left his mouth he knew they had been a mistake, much too casual and flippant. Elden had never been any good at masking his feelings and Dorian knew him too well to miss the way his face fell. Was this all he could do? Chip away at Elden with these cruel comments, dismissing everything they'd been to each other as if their relationship had been nothing? But what else could he say? He couldn't tell him that he'd been so terrified of losing him, that he regretted it all and cared so deeply for him, that he didn't know what he would do without him.
"Of course," Elden said, mustering up a false smile that broke Dorian's heart. "I'm actually kind of tired, though. Would you mind if I—"
"Certainly, I'll let you rest."
Sensing Elden wanted some privacy, or perhaps wanting to escape before he said something else he didn't mean, Dorian stood and left the tent. He tried to ignore the confused looks he got as he made his way to the fire, everyone no doubt wondering why he'd spent every moment at the Inquisitor's side until now, but Dorian certainly wasn't going to offer an explanation.
Dorian wasn't sure what time it was, he certainly hadn't gotten a full night's sleep, but that was apparently all he would be getting for the moment so there was no point in trying. Pulling his cloak tightly around himself he gingerly stepped over a few sleeping scouts and left the tent. The world outside was still a wall of white, another scout whose name he didn't know was currently clearing snow from the other tent, ensuring it wouldn't collapse in on itself. Dorian nodded to her in greeting, but didn't stop to talk. Instead, he headed for the fire where he could hopefully get something warm to drink. Varric was already there and passed him a mug.
"We can't just wait here to be ambushed. We must act." Cassandra's voice caught his attention and Dorian glanced over to where she was standing against the wall of the cliff, arms crossed and looking restless, apparently arguing with Blackwall and Vivienne.
"The Inquisitor is in no shape to travel," Vivienne said. "He needs to rest."
"Then I guess we'd better keep scouting as much as we can," Blackwall said diplomatically, before Cassandra could argue again.
They split up, none of them looking particularly happy but at least the arguing had stopped. This was ridiculous. With Elden out of commission, there was no one to keep them in check and make the final decisions. Hopefully they could outlast this storm. And hopefully it would end before any proper fights could break out.
Speaking of Elden, he couldn't help but worry about how he was doing. He should be on the mend but Dorian wouldn't feel at ease until he was up and about again. Even if his presence wasn't wanted, Dorian need to check in on him. He stood confidently and marched over to the tent, only pausing for the briefest of moments before brushing the flap aside and entering. It's doubtful anyone noticed anyway. The Inquisitor was awake to his surprise. He was actually in the process of trying to get up, his movements slow and pained.
"And where do you think you're going?" Dorian said, dropping down beside him, urging him to lie back down. Elden didn't exactly have the strength to push back and instead collapsed, breathing hard. He felt warm to the touch, fever warm, and Dorian tried to hide his concern.
"I should be out there," Elden said desperately. "I should be doing something, I should-"
"You should be resting is what you should be doing," Dorian reprimanded. "What's wrong?"
Elden sagged back, looking defeated, avoiding Dorian's eyes. "I just- I'm useless. I should be doing something. I'm just making things worse, slowing everyone down. If anyone gets hurt because of me-"
"That's enough," Dorian interrupted, brushing his hand against his face again. "None of this is your fault, we'll be out of here and back home in no time- and you are awfully warm, are you feeling alright?"
"This is my fault, you wouldn't be here if not for me-"
"Inquisitor, listen to me. The argument you overheard? It's just a bit of cabin fever so to speak. You know Cassandra's never been good at biding her time. We're save, but we're stuck here until the storm lets up, so just rest."
Dorian wasn't completely sure if he actually convinced Elden of anything or if he simply calmed down due to lack of energy. He was still so pale as his eyes fell closed, his breathing harsh and strained. This wasn't right, he should be improving not growing worse. He stayed at Elden's side until he was sure he was asleep before going to find Vivienne.
