Chapter Four

A/N Jace is not being possessed like in City of Fallen Angles. He is depressed and confused. Just thought that may need to be clarified. I'm trying to make it as realistic as possible. If you have any suggestions to make it more realistic please PM me or leave it in a review. :)

On another note I have been reading City of Lost Souls and I resized Izzy is spelled Izzy not Issy. Sorry about that... I feel stupid now... Lol

Oh and one more thing, does any one like the idea the characters having songs that match what their going though? Clary's song is still Hurt by Thousand Foot Krutch, and Jace now has two songs, My Own Enemy by Thousand Foot Krutch and now Shadows by Red. Yes I listen to music no one has ever heard of, but if you look it up you might like it. XD

Disclaimer: I own nothing. But you knew that right? I mean this is . XD

AND NOW THE STORY! =D

Jace woke up , looked down at the sleeping girl next to him and smiled. Then he tensed as he remembered all the thoughts that ran through his mind every day. He really shouldn't be here.

Clary who was finally sound asleep felt him tense and started to wake up.

"No my love sleep." Jace breathed into her ear, he couldn't give up these few moments of relative peace, "It's still sleeping time."

"Mmm'kay", Clary mumbled. She snuggled closer to Jace and he once again relaxed. After awhile he fell back asleep.

They slept till 9:30, (which was extremely late for Jace who been trained to rise early in the morning no matter what. But lately he had gotten so little sleep that for once basic teenage instincts over rode his training-the warmth and comfort of having Clary there was like magic for him, only better because magic never seemed to work out the way you wanted it too) at wich point the smell of pancakes floated in from the kitchen and woke them up.

After breakfast they packed a picnic lunch and went to the park to train. Clary always wondered what other people thought when they saw them training but no one ever really seemed to give it a second thought.

Jace felt numb, he know he should be happy, or at least feeling something. But he felt nothing. He was vaguely worried about it, but not really, the numbness took even that from him. He went though the motions of training Clary, the only thing getting him through it the knowledge that it could well save her life someday. The only thing he could feel though the numbness was that he loved Clary. It might not have been as strong or clear as it should have been, it might have been clouded and blurry but it was there and he clug to it.

What was happening to him?

He been fine early, doing better then he had in days maybe weeks.

He needed to tell someone.

But he couldn't.

But Clary needed to know, right?

Did she know?

Maybe.

Maybe she could help.

He didn't deserve her help.

Did it even matter?

No one could help him.

It was too late.

He didn't even care.

That might have been the worst part, he didn't care if he lived or died. Dying sounded like the better chose. But it shouldn't, right?

Most people have a hard time believing it but the numbness that sets it as depression tries to creep in and take over is one of the scariest feelings there is , oddly made all the more terrifying by the fact that though the fear is there, strong enough to tear apart your soul, you can hardly feel it.

This is what Jace was going through and it made concentrating nearly impossible.

After they ate Jace got a call from Alec, there were some demons nearby that needed killing. The whole time he was on the phone he heard Isabelle in the background repeating, "Tell him to bring Clary", and "Alec! Give me the phone!", at one point she actually grabbed the phone from Alec to tell Jace, "it's three small, not THAT dangerous demons. Bring Clary everyone knows girls are better fighters than guys."

"

" Iss, no one knows that, its not true. But yes I'll bring her.", Jace said trying to sound like he cared, like he didn't just want to curl up on the ground right then and there and never get up. "We'll be right there".

Why was this suddenly getting so much worse? He just wanted to be alone, but at the same time he was scarred to be (as scared as could be though the numbness).

Jace had been hoping that demon hunting would snap him out of it, no such luck.

It turned had turned out there was more than three demons, 5x3

in fact, and much more deadly then they had though.

Alec came up with a plan, and since to his surprise Jace didn't have a better one they used it. Stay in a circle, stay to together. That way they (hopefully) wouldn't have to fight them all at once and if any one (Clary knew he meant her but was too nice to say it) needed help they would all be right there. It worked quite nicely at first. Izzy was fighting three of them as was Alec. Clary was holding of one quite nicely while Jace who was of course right next to her fought three that were rightfully his and one that she ought to have been fighting. He didn't think she was ready for more than one demon at a time. Then he got a brilliant idea. He ran out of the circle drawing all the demons who weren't ready engaged in battle to him. Bad idea. Jace never took on more then he could take. He liked to think that that was because he take anything but in truth even he had his limits. The depression was clouding his mind, messing with his judgment. There was no way he could handle all those demons at once. But he couldn't see that and if could he might not even have cared.

Isabelle was still fighting two of the three demons she been dealing with when Jace decided to be an idiot. She looked over and saw Jace lying on the ground trying to fight off more of the things then she could count. He was already bleeding heavily and he had only managed to kill a few of them.

"Alec!" she screamed Jace needs help!"

Alec quickly glanced over his shoulder, his eyes widened with fear, as he saw just how stupid Jace had been. "Damn it". He swore as he quickly beheaded the demons. When he thought about it latter was surprised at how fast he had finished them off. But right now all that mattered was Jace. He ran to him as fast he could but by the time he got there one of the demons had attached himself to Jace's arm and was feeding off him. These things were obviously much more dangerous then they had first appeared to be. Alec quickly killed the thing and moved on to the next. By now though they had all shifted their attention to Alex.

"Issy! Hurry up please!".

"I'm trying!".

Clary finished of her demon and ran to help her boyfriend.

"Jace!" she yelled panicked.

"Help Alec." Jace said struggling to maintain consciousness.

"But I", she began.

"Shadow hunter code Clary." Jace managed to get out. "Go!"

She went.

Five minutes later all the demons were gone.

Clary ran to Jace, her heart beating so quickly she almost thought it would stop altogether.

"Jace! Jace talk to me! Please!".

He was silent.

She began to sob as Isabelle and Alec hurried over.

"Izzy get Clary back". Alec said taking charge. "Now." he added when his sister hesitated.

Isabelle who was close to tears herself as the sight her brothers bloodied and broken looking body, took Claru firmly by the shoulders and pulled the smaller girl back. Clary resisted at first then relented letting the other pull her back and then into an odd sort of hug as they both stared at Jace as Alec leaned over him to take his pulse.

"He's alive".

Both girls relaxed a bit at Alec's words. "But he's badly hurt. I'll call Magnus. Izzy you try a few runes, I don't think they'll work though, too much poison." He pulled his phone and dialed Magnus.

Clary followed Isabelle to Jace's side and as the other girl pulled out her stele she grabbed her cell phone.

"I'll call Luke", she said, her voice shaking slightly. "We'll need his truck to get Jace home." If Jace lived that long. She shook her head. No! She couldn't let herself think like that. Not now, now Jace needed her.

"Magnus will be right here." Alec looked over at his sister, "Any luck with the runes?"

"No the venom won't let him heal. I tore up his shirt to use to stop as much of the bleeding as I could." She sounded desperate.

Clary was kneeling next to Jace, stroking his hair and talking softly to him. Suddenly Jace began talking, but he was still unconscious.

"Clary I have to die." he said.

Clary gasped unable to say anything. "No Jace! No. You can't. Stay with me, oh Jace please stay with me!" she pleaded once she found her voice again.

"Evil" Jace mumbled. "No more hurting people."

Clary looked over at Jace's siblings unsure what to do. Isabelle was crying. She grabbed her bothers hand and held it tightly if by that small gesture she could tether him to this life. Alec was in shock. He looked like was trying not to burst into tears as the two girls with him already had. He knelt once more his brothers side and began talking to him in a soft soothing voice. Telling him that he couldn't leave, not now, not yet, telling him it would be ok.

Clary kissed Jace's forehead and whispered in his ear about how much she loved and needed him. About how without him she would die.

Magnus and Luke arrived at almost the same time (Luke had been nearby, and it took Magnus a few minutes to gather everything he might need. Both men could see that there was more going then just Jace being near death. But both knew they couldn't waste time asking questions.

Magnus rested a hand on Alec's shoulder. "Get back" told him. "Take the girls and get back. This won't be pretty."

Alec wanted to stay but he knew Magnus well enough to know that the warlock could work better if he wasn't being distracted by two sobbing teenage girls, he also knew his sister only cried when no one was around. The fact she was there sobbing in front of him scared him and know he needed to comfort her. He nodded and stood up.

"Issy, come on we have to get out of the way." he gently guided her to Luke's truck.

Luke saw this and jumped out to open the door for them.

He glanced over and saw Clary pleading to stay with Jace. He could tell there was no time to wast so he ran over to them and gently but firmly pulled her to her feet.

"Clary, Magnus need to concentrate. You can sit with Jace in the truck on the way to the institute."

Magnus felt bad for the girl, he didn't much like shadow hunters but this girl was barely a shadow hunter at all and she clearly didn't think she was better then down wolders the way so many shadowhunters did (after all Luke was a werewolf and she was currently hugging him as if he were the only thing keeping her from falling apart, and maybe he was). But most importantly he know how he would feel if that was Alec lying on the ground. He could tell she loved Jace every bit as much as he loved Alec. He knew he would be unable to leave Alec's side if he were in her place and Alec in Jace's. So he smiled sympathetically at the pleading girl in front of him and said, "You can stay, if you can pull yourself together. I might need you to keep him calm if he wakes up. This will hurt him. But it's the only way to help him. Just don't look at what I'm doing. I mean it Clary." He warned knowing that she would be tempted to disobey. "I need you to stay clam and looking won't help you do that. Jace needs you Clary."

Clary nodded, "What do you want me to do " she asked she had stopped crying as soon as she heard it was the only way she could stay.

"Hold his head in your lap and just talk to him. Tell him anything, I don't know if he can hear us right now or not but if he can hearing you will help him."

As she took her Jace's head in her lap Magnus began to work. Jace winced in pain several times (but not as often as Magnus had hoped he would. He boy much worse then Magnus had first thought, so much so that he was surprised he could feel anything that was being done to him). After about 10 minutes he told them there was nothing else he could do till they got him home. Luke carefully picked the boy up and carried him to the truck. They laid him across the back seat, Magnus sitting on the floor in front of him in case he was needed. Clary, Isabelle and Alec squeezed in next to Luke. As they drove to the institut they were silent, each lost in their own thoughts.

Isabelle wondering how she would deal with the death of another brother and the loss of the only person who ever seemed to even almost understand her, even if he didn't show it. Well the only person who wasn't Simon she still didn't know she really felt about Simon, she shook her head, 'not the time Izzy' she scolded herself, started to pray for Jace. Isabelle never prayed but now seemed like good time to start. It was comforting somehow.

Alec thinking about he should have been there more. He been gone so much lately. If he'd been around more would he have seen that Jace getting more and more sueusidal? Been able to stop it?

Clary hoping that this wasn't her fault, maybe she had done something that made him think she'd be better off without him? What if she had said something to him last night? Would things be different now? Better?

Each teen wondering how they would go on without Jace if didn't come back to them. Each wondering if they would be able to survive that loss. Each wondering if should the unthinkable happen would they just give up too? Follow Jace into the unknown that was death? Alec know he probably wouldn't, Magnus won't let him. Isabelle wasn't sure. But she would at least have Simon. She might not know it but she would be "ok" (ok meaning alive and somewhat funchunal, nothing more). Clary couldn't let herself think about it. She didn't think she could go on without Jace and even if she could she would never be happy, never in love again, never have a real life. She couldn't loss Jace and she wouldn't. She wouldn't let him leave her. No matter what it took to bring him back. But bringing back would only solve so much. He could still leave again. She had to help him. Heal him, on the inside as well as his broken body. But how?

Love it? Hate it? Let me know. Sorry it took me sooooo long to update :P I hope to have chapter 5 up by Monday at the latest. We'll see how that works out.